{26}✔️

Billie's POV

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"What are you going to be for Halloween?" Dahlia's voice made me jump a little because I'd almost forgotten she was right there. I was drawing in my journal and I always ended up in a trance-like state when I did that. Everything around me just simmered into nothingness as I focused fully on the paper in front of me. "Sorry for bothering you." She blushed as she looked back down at her iPad. She was drawing too, but I don't know what. I felt a small smile tugging at my lips as I watched her concentrating as she drew. The sunlight coming in through the kitchen window made her look gorgeous and soft. Her hair was in a messy bun, her black curls wild and lots of strands surrounding her face. Her freckles were darker today and there seemed to be more of them. Her button nose wiggled every once in a while as she focused, her tongue coming out to run over her bottom lip every now and then before she poked it out of the corner of her mouth. Her blue eyes would scan the room every now and then before going back down to her iPad.

Damn, this bitch is beautiful.

"You're fine," I said after a while, putting my marker down and resting my face on my fist. I meant it both ways. She is god damn fine. Beautiful, gorgeous, stunning...damn. "You're not bothering me, I mean."

"So?" She looked at me with those gorgeous orbs and my breath caught in my throat as I tried to remember what she'd asked. It took me a few moments, but I remembered.

"Oh, Halloween? Dude, that's a month and a week away." I laughed. "Is it your favorite holiday?"

"Other than Christmas and New Year's."

"New Years?" I quizzed. I don't think I've met anyone who's favorite holiday was New Year.

"I'm one of those people who make lots of New Years resolutions and shit." She snorted, rolling her eyes. "And lots of goals and plans for the new year. I know it's frowned upon or some shit nowadays, but it really makes me happy. And I usually do achieve a lot of my goals and stick to my resolutions!"

"What were some of your goals for this year?"

"Make more friends. I did that, kinda. I found you." That made me feel all warm and tingly on the inside. "Be less boring...I guess you could say I'm doing that. Go out more. I've definitely done a good job of doing that. Go to a party. Did that."

"Yeah." I frowned, looking back down at my journal. She sighed before reaching over the counter to grab my hand.

"Quit that shit. You've gotta stop blaming yourself and thinking about what should and shouldn't have happened at that party. It's over and done with now. We're moving on." She told me sternly. "Besides, it was only one bad party. I'm sure the next one will be better."

"The next one? You wanna go to another one?" I practically shrieked. I thought she'd want to avoid parties for the rest of her life after what had happened at the last one. I do.

"I'm sure the odds of this whole 'taking a picture of me topless without me knowing about it thing' happening again are pretty low, Bil." She grinned. She never fails to surprise me. "Besides, Julian is throwing another party for Halloween. A fucking Halloween party! Like with costumes and everything! On Halloween night! I've always wanted to go to one."

I've been to a lot of those Halloween parties. They're always fucking crazy and I don't want Dahlia going to one. Everyone's gonna be smoking and drinking even more than they usually do, those parties always end up getting busted, and everyone's trying to find someone to fuck the whole night. What if someone tries to get with her? What if she wants to get with somebody?

We're not exclusive. We're not in an actual relationship. We've never sat and talked about what we are and aren't allowed to do with other people. I guess we're just friends with benefits. I hate that. It's like I'm just Kai's replacement and I don't wanna be that.

I know I'm a little more than that because I'm actually Dahlia's friend, but still. I want to be more than that to her. But do I want to just...date her? I don't know. I've never been in an actual, full-on relationship before. I'm really scared to do that and I think she is too. Plus, she seems pretty content with what we have right now. I don't wanna ruin that. I don't wanna push her into something she doesn't want, especially when I'm not even sure if it's what I want. I just want shit to stay the same with us. I want us to keep getting along like we do.

"You'll probably have a lot of fun then," I said lamely, knowing I had to respond in some way. I don't want her to go to that Halloween party, but I'm not the boss of her and I don't wanna seem like I'm trying to keep her from having fun. If it's something she's always wanted to do she should do it. I'll be there to protect her, and I'm not letting her out of my sight for even a second this time. I'm not gonna let anything happen to her. It'll be okay. "I don't have any idea what my costume will be."

"Me either to be honest. I mean I have lots of ideas, but I just can't settle on just one."

We went back to doodling in silence for a while. I glanced up at Dahlia every now and then, staring at her for much longer than I intended every time. For the first time in a while, she looked peaceful. A small, permanent smile on her face as she remained oblivious to my staring. She was even humming softly to herself.

I looked down at my journal before looking back at her again. "Do you still want to see what I think I look like?" I asked quietly. She nodded quickly and got off of her stool, making her way around the counter to stand next to me. I tapped the eraser on the paper softly as I waited for her to say something after she looked at it. I turned to look at her and saw her staring at me.

"I see it." She smirked. "You're like twins."

"I hate you." I rolled my eyes, pushing her away from me. She laughed before sitting on the stool next to mine. "That's a good drawing, seriously though." She complimented.

"Do you want to see some more of my stuff? I-I mean I don't really show any of this to anybody, and you don't have to look, but if you just wanted to..."

"No," she shook her head, a small smile on her face. "If you show me yours I'd feel like I have to show you mine."

"You keep a journal?"

"No, I keep my iPad." She nodded over at her iPad before reaching across the counter to pick it up. "I keep all my thoughts, feelings and sketches in it. And I back them all up to usbs and my laptop and everything so I don't lose them, obviously." She shrugged.

"That's cool." I grinned. "Can I ask what you were working on just then?"

"Oh, I was just doing designs." She opened the iPad quickly and put it in front of me so I could see. "I don't mind people looking at those and my random doodles, it's the deep shit I don't want people to see. Poetry and shit."

"You do poetry?" I gasped.

"Yeah. It's not good though, cause I never learned how to actually...do poetry...but some of it's deep and some of it rhymes so that's what we're calling it." She laughed.

I looked down at the iPad and gasped again as I realized just how good her design was. It was a dress and it looked really fucking fancy, like something an actual designer would draw.

"Dude, What the hell? This is amazing!" I had no idea she could draw like this. "Is this what you wanna do when you're older? Be a designer?"

"Well, I wanna be a stylist more than I wanna be a designer, but yeah." She grinned. "Wanna see my designs from when I was in middle school? They were shit."

***

"How'd you know you were into girls? You know, since you asked me that day." She questioned, her fingers tracing patterns on my bare stomach. It'd gotten darker as the night came in, so we moved from the kitchen to my bedroom because I knew she'd wanna be under the red light.

I'm glad I got to spend my Saturday with her.

I know it must've been a rough week for her and I know a lot more went on at school than what she's been telling me, but I'm happy she's getting to relax today. I'm glad she wanted to come over and spend her Saturday with me.

"I never really thought much about it," I shrugged. "I was mostly crushing on dudes growing up, but once I got to be 15, there was this girl. She would constantly flirt with me and a bitch doesn't discriminate, so I gave it a shot. And I'm glad I did."

"How'd you tell your parents?"

"It wasn't good. I got mad at my mom because she was giving me 'the talk' and she kept talking about how I could end up pregnant and shit and then I told her 'well I guess I'll just have to go on an all pussy diet!' And she was shocked for like two minutes before she started giving me another talk, this time about how to be safe with girls."

She laughed loudly, covering her face with her hand before burying it in the covers. I giggled as I watched her being all cute, as always.

"Your poor mom." She mumbled after a moment. "Hey, does Finneas like me?" She asked suddenly.

"Well, I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend but I could ask." I scoffed. She laughed and hit my shoulder. "I mean, we've spoken a few times and he seems really cool, so—"

"He really likes you. He's been busy lately, but he told me he wished he could be around more when you come because you 'seem sweet and funny.'"

"Yay!" She clapped. "Don't tell his sister, but I only hang around here to try and talk to him. He is the better O'Connell " She joked.

"His sister could kick both your asses."