{34}✔️

Dahlia's POV

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For a while, I felt like I was in heaven. That nap had really made me feel refreshed, despite the fact that I'd only gotten two hours of sleep. When I woke up, Billie was standing in front of me holding a tray full of delicious looking food, and apple juice. She'd insisted on feeding me, and I didn't argue that much because I thought it was cute. I insisted on feeding her too, and she made it a point to make funny faces and bite down too hard on the fork. My ribs hurt from laughing just as much as they hurt from the beating I'd received some hours ago.

"Fill out this form and then we can release you." The nice nurse told me, handing me a clipboard as she smiled sympathetically at me.

After the amazing breakfast, Billie made me put some sweat pants on and stuck to her word. She drove me to the hospital and they checked me out, making sure I didn't have a concussion or any cracked ribs. Thankfully, I didn't.

I'm just gonna be in pain for a while, but I should feel better in a week or two, especially with the medicine they prescribed me. They also gave me an excuse so I can stay out the rest of this week.

My teachers are gonna be pissed that I'm missing yet another full week, and I'll most certainly be taking all my exams this year rather than getting to be exempt, but I don't care. I'm just glad I don't have to go back to school and face anyone for a while.

They didn't make me tell them who'd done this to me, even though they really wanted me to, and so did Billie. I'm grateful for that. I really do want to handle this on my own. I don't know how I will just yet, but I know that I will.

"Do you want me to take you home after this or do you want to come back to the house?" Billie asked softly as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"Your house. I'll text my family cause I know they're worried, but I can't tell them about this right now."

"I'll let you spend the night." She smiled. "I don't want you to go home. I don't want you to leave my house, like, ever, but you have to after today. You need to talk to them and tell them what happened."

I sighed and nodded before leaning my head on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"You got jumped, not me."

"You know what the fuck I mean." I grumbled.

She laughed. "Wow, the Cadence in you really jumped out then." She's right. Cadence really does say that a lot. I need to text the twins too. "I'm okay..." she bit her lip before letting out a small sigh, her eyes not looking away from the oh so interesting ground. I pushed her hair out of her face and stared at her, waiting for her to speak. She didn't for a while, so I began to fill out the form the nurse had given me.

Once it was completed and I'd given it back to her, they told me I was free to go. Billie and I rode the elevator down to the first floor, found her car, got in it and started driving. She didn't say a word the whole time, and I didn't either.

I leaned my head against the window and was almost drifting to sleep when she finally did say something.

"I shouldn't have let them do that to you." Her voice was strained and I knew without even looking at her that she was crying. "I just want to protect you from everything, but I fucking suck at that, clearly."

"It's not your job to protect me from everything. We've only known each other for—"

"I don't give a shit." She cut me off. "I feel like I've known you my whole life. You're one of my best friends already and you're...you're my girl. I should've been there to protect you."

My heart fluttered as I listened to her and I let out a small giggle before reaching over to pat her thigh. "You're one of my best friends too. If you'd been there, those girls would've gotten their asses beat and they'd be limping around with their tails tucked between their legs right about now, I'm sure. But you weren't there, and now I'm pretty beat up and there's no changing that. All we can do now is move on. I'll heal soon enough."

Billie sighed and didn't say anything. I stared at the side of her face, watching as her nose scrunched up every now and then as she sniffled.

"You weren't there last night, but you're here now. Focus on that." I whispered before closing my eyes and laying my head on the window again.

***

Billie's POV

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When we got back to the house I carried her inside and laid her on my bed again, tucking her in and turning the lights off before leaving the room and closing the door behind me and then making my way to the living room and curling up on the couch. I wanted to be with her, but I couldn't right now. I just feel so damn guilty, I can't even be near her. I don't feel like I deserve to.

When I found her last night, she was curled up into a ball, shivering as she slept, dried tear stains on her swollen cheeks. Her entire body was swollen, actually, and there were bruises everywhere. I stared at her for a long time before picking her up and putting her into my car. She looked so small and frail and broken, and I just kept thinking about how she'd told me she needed me to come pick her up and I did the exact opposite.

She could barely stand up and she was still wheezing a lot today because that's how bad they'd injured her. The doctor said it was a miracle that she didn't have a concussion or any broken limbs.

I'd been so persistent in helping her with her bath earlier, not only because I legitimately wanted to help her, but also because I wanted to see all the damage they'd done to her. I needed to know how bad it was, and boy was it bad.

Taser marks, bruises, cuts and scratches covered every inch of her body. Every time she moved she winced. She looked drained and scared. Even the way she looks at me...

This is all my fault in every single way. If I hadn't gotten mad at her she probably wouldn't have tried to talk to Kai after school. She told me that's when they jumped her the first time. If we hadn't fought, she would've just gone home with her brother and sister, or maybe she would've come home with me. Either way, there wouldn't have been a reason for her to try to talk Kai into letting us stay friends. If I hadn't threatened Kai again she wouldn't have been that mad either.

If I hadn't come to this fucking school in the first place, none of this would be happening. Kai and Dahlia would probably still be fucking and none of this would've happened. I hate the thought of that. I hate the thought of them together. I hate the thought of me not knowing Dahlia.

She's so damn perfect. Even though she's hurting right now, she's still taking the time to make sure I'm okay. She's still joking with me, she's still bickering with me, she's still trying to do shit on her own. She's still being her usual amazing self. She's so strong.

Even though this is all my fault she's still here with me. She's still trying to make me feel better. She's still trying to make me move on.

I'm still so scared of putting a label on us. I like the way things are right now. We're friends, and we're more than that at the same time, and it's fine. I like that we're just doing what we're doing and not putting a label on it, and I think she likes that too...but I don't know. Sometimes...

Sometimes I just want to make sure everyone knows she's all mine, and no one else's. I don't want anyone else to talk to her the way I do, touch her the way I do, feel her the way I do. I don't want anyone else to hug or kiss her the way I do, look at her the way I do, think about her the way I do. I don't want anyone else to know how fucking amazing and beautiful she is. I don't want anyone else to realize how perfect she is. I wanna be the only one that gets to know that, and I don't at the same time. I want everyone to know all of that, I just want them to also know that I'm the only one that gets to be with Dahlia. I want people to know she's all mine.

But that's kinda hard because...she's not all mine. She's not mine at all.

She's not mine and I'm not hers and I don't like how much that bugs me. It shouldn't disappoint me but it kinda really does.

I sighed before sliding down so that I could lay flat on the couch. My thoughts are so damn jumbled up. I can't think right. I bet I could if I was in there holding her.

"You look like you're going through it."

I chucked a pillow at Finneas before taking another one and putting it over my face. I felt him lift my legs up and then plop down on the couch before putting them back down so they were over his lap. "Talk to your big brother, Finneas." He said in a goofy voice. "What's going on in Billie's brain?"

Is this where I get my talking in third person from? Ew. Are me and my brother alike? Ew!

"So much. I don't know."

"What's the main thing?"

I didn't answer and apparently, that was enough of an answer for Finneas.

"I think you should try different things more often. You always do the same things, you know? Have you ever...had a girlfriend? That you called a girlfriend? No. Maybe you should try that now."

"Dahlia's happy with the way things are."

"Did she tell you that?"

"She doesn't have to."

"Assumptions ruin relationships, Billie. All the time. Communication doesn't ruin relationships nearly as much."

"There is no relationship, that's the fucking problem," I whined as I ripped the pillow off from over my face and sat up, bringing my knees to my chest. "I want to cry. I hate this. I'm having feelings that I don't want and I don't like it. I don't want to feel this way."

"What way?"

"Like it fucking matters whether or not she wants to be my girlfriend! Why should that matter to me? It never used to. I used to be good with just...doing shit. Doing whatever. I never used to need—"

"You pride yourself on growing and changing, don't you? 'Used to' isn't important, you know that. It's now that matters."

I hate my fucking brother. He's so good at this shit. Talking about feelings and making shit make sense and comforting me when I don't want to be comforted and making me feel like I'm not a fucking idiot even when I am and making me want to tell him I love him and hug him even though that's pussy shit that I try to act too tough for.

I don't have the energy today.

"I love you." I sighed as I crawled over to him and lazily wrapped my arms around his shoulders, resting my head in the crook of his neck. Sometimes having a big brother is nice.

"I love you too, Bil."

We sat like that for a while and then he sucked on his pinkie finger and put it in my ear. I didn't even move, my nostrils flaring as my eyes squeezed shut.

Sometimes having a big brother is not nice.