{52}✔️

Billie's POV

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" We never called it what it was, but she was my girlfriend. We didn't do labels, but she was definitely my girlfriend. The relationship was terrible if I'm being honest. I thought I loved her, I still do think I loved her, but we weren't good for each other. We both had our faults. She was manipulative and controlling as shit and I didn't know how to deal with anything ever." I rolled my eyes. "If I got mad at her I'd just give her the silent treatment or she'd get mad at me and then scream at me for who knows how long and then she'd start ignoring me and we'd go weeks without talking and then we'd fuck and that was us 'making up'. We never talked about anything that we should've talked about. She loved to party and we'd go to a different party every weekend and it was always the same thing. She'd get drunk until she couldn't stand straight anymore and I'd be stuck taking care of her and begging her to go home so she wouldn't do anything stupid, but she wouldn't listen to me. She'd go off and cheat on me and I'd pretend I didn't know so that we didn't have to talk about it, but it was fucking killing me. I really liked her and I wanted us to be together. I wanted it to work, but she never wanted to be with just me. She needed to be with other people too. I tried to be okay with that, but I wasn't."

"I don't even know what it is that I loved about her. We were pretty much polar opposites and I despised everything that she was. She was honestly one of the biggest bullies I'd ever met in my life and you know how much I hate that. She was a total mean girl and it's like her entire goal in life was to make people feel bad about themselves. She was just insecure and she was trying to make herself feel better, just like all the other bullies. I hated her at first...I hated her while we were together, but I don't know, getting attention from her...Having this girl that didn't seem to like anything or anybody pretty much obsess over me felt good. She always treated me nicely, compared to the way she treated other people at least. She'd go out of her way to compliment me and take me on all these amazing dates and she'd brag about me to all her friends. If anyone said anything bad about me she made it her whole life goal to destroy them." I laughed sadly.

"She was the first girl I ever liked and she introduced me to a whole new life. I had so many experiences with her. I figured out so much shit about myself and about the world with her. I had so many firsts with her. She's special to me. I don't wanna be with her again, I don't even know how I could stand being with her for as long as I did. But she will always be a part of me I guess...She wasn't perfect, obviously, but I wasn't either. I really liked her but I fucking hated her and I didn't know how to deal with my feelings, so I was always being passive aggressive with her. Always throwing shade at her, always talking badly about her. If she was having a bad day, if she was feeling bad about herself, I always rubbed it in and made her feel worse. I hated the person I became when I was with her."

"We were always breaking up and getting back together again. I don't think we stayed together for two weeks straight throughout our entire two-year relationship. Nobody ever knew if we were together or not. They didn't know whether we loved or hated each other and we didn't know which one it was either...We finally broke up for good a few weeks before I moved here. She started doing shit to 'get back at me' when we broke up. Shit that'd make me get back with her. It went from petty shit like her cutting off some of her hair to dying it a color she hated that I loved to her burning all her clothes because I didn't like her style and starting to wear shit that she knew I liked...It just kept getting worse and worse. I didn't think she'd ever do anything really, really serious until she called me one day after we'd broken up again and told me she was gonna kill herself. I didn't believe her, and I knew then that I needed to stop fucking with her. Then she sent me pictures of herself all cut up, and she sent me videos of her burning herself with curling irons and shit. It scared the fuck out of me and, of course, I got back with her after that. But I obviously couldn't stay with her because of that. I didn't wanna be with her anymore, and honestly, I was terrified of her. I was scared of what she'd do to herself because of me. I was scared of ever making her mad or upset because I thought she'd do something crazy. And I kept thinking if she was willing to do something bad to herself, what would she be willing to do to me? So, I eventually got the courage to break up with her again, mostly because I was moving schools anyway."

"I told her it wasn't gonna work anymore and I kept it short and simple. I broke up with her over the phone, and I know that was shitty, but I could never say what I wanted to say to her face. Then she Skyped me a few hours later and I answered because I was an idiot and I always answered her no matter what. She was drunk and she kept telling me that she was gonna drive until she crashed. One of my cousins, who I happened to be pretty close to, died because he was drunk driving and she knew that. I hung up on her and I prayed that she'd be okay and that she wouldn't actually do it, even though I knew she would, and then I tried to forget about it. One of her friends texted me and told me that she tried to drive but nobody would let her. Then I moved here and that was the end of that."

"But now she's coming to our school sometime after Christmas and she wants to get back together with me. I want nothing to do with her, I promise you. That relationship was trash and it took so long for me to finally pull myself out of it. I don't wanna go through that again, and I don't wanna lose you. I want you. You're so much better than her. I kept telling her on the phone that you're not her and you never could be because you're too sweet and amazing and...I love her, but that bitch is damn near evil. You could never replace her because I don't want you to. I'm not with you because I needed you to replace her, I'm with you because you're so much better than she is."

I waited for Dahlia to respond after I finished, watching closely as she played with her fingertips and stared down at the floor. Her lip quivered slightly as she tried to hold in the next batch of tears threatening to fall.

I feel so fucking bad about all this. If I'd just told her everything on Friday we wouldn't be going through this right now. I feel terrible that she's been keeping all this in for the last few days. I feel terrible about the fact that she actually thought I was cheating on her, and not only did she think I was cheating on her, but she'd actually accepted it. She was telling me to be with Luna if that's what was gonna make me happy. She's so fucking selfless and I wish I could be just half the person she is.

"So...You're not cheating on her with me?" She whispered after a little bit. I shook my head quickly. "She still doesn't feel like we ever really broke up, apparently. She thinks I'm cheating on her with you, but I'm obviously not."

"What about the whole 'I don't care about her anymore' part? You said you were stupid to think you could be with me." She mumbled.

"I was talking about her side bitch." I rolled my eyes again. "She cheated on me with a lot of people, but there was this one girl...She was basically Luna's other girlfriend. I tried everything to get Luna to leave her. I was always in constant competition with her. Luna thought that that girl was the reason I didn't wanna get back together with her, but that's not the case. I don't wanna get back with her because I don't like her like that anymore. I have you." I smiled. "And I was saying I was stupid to think I could be with her. Just me and her, nobody else."

"Oh..." Dahlia sighed, shaking her head. "I feel so stupid. I should've just talked to you about all this instead of ignoring you. I'm so sorry, Billie."

"Don't apologize to me! I should be apologizing to you. We should've talked about this sooner. I should've told you about her the moment she showed up at the dance, or better yet, the moment I asked you to be my girlfriend. I shouldn't have been talking to her when I was supposed to be with you either. I shouldn't be entertaining her at all, honestly. I keep trying to make her understand that I've moved on and she should too, but it's disrespectful to you for me to keep talking to her when she clearly wants me back. I'm gonna delete her number and start ignoring her ass."

"I..." She frowned, stopping herself quickly. I grabbed her hand and rubbed my thumb along her palm, waiting for her to continue.

"I'm really sorry about everything, Billie. It really sounds like she put you through hell and I don't wanna do that to you. A lot of what you said she did is stuff I've done to you to. Getting mad and ignoring you instead of talking about shit, going to parties and hooking up with my ex-fling, turning into a total bitch and almost posting a whole sex tape online." She cringed. "I don't wanna be anything like Luna. I want to be so much better than that. I want to be better for you. I want to treat you right, Billie."

I smiled and let out a small giggle as I felt my cheeks reddening. I could practically feel my heart growing six sizes larger as I listened to her.

"Baby, you are. You've been treating me amazingly, and I'm so thankful for you. All that shit is in the past. I really like you, Doe."

"I really like you, Bilboa." She smiled.