{61}✔️

A/N: Trigger warning. Mentions of suicidal thoughts and sexual abuse in this one. Also someone has a panic attack in this and idk if I need to put a trigger warning for that but maybe 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ just to be safe. 🖤 This is a pretty dark chapter, honestly, so you've been warned!

Dahlia's POV

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We spent a few hours around the fire, eating our snacks and telling stories, laughing loudly as we cracked jokes and damn near crying when Billie and Finneas offered to sing us a song they'd written. It was fucking beautiful and I couldn't get over how talented they were. Both of their voices are absolutely gorgeous and they just sound better together. The lyrics were beautiful too, and it's crazy to me that these two could put words together so perfectly. It's also weird to think about how much time they have to spend together in order to write these songs because they're always bickering with one another, but I know when they're writing it's pretty peaceful for the most part.

We all agreed to go inside once it got to be around 11 pm. We're all already tired and we knew whatever movie we chose to watch would probably be two hours long, so we decided it'd be best to get a move on.

Luckily, we're not gonna have to wake up early tomorrow. Everyone's sleeping in until at least noon. Thank you Jesus fucking Christ.

There was a very large couch going halfway around the den, but still, not everyone could fit on it. I volunteered to sit on the floor because I've got on Billie's big clothes and I've got my favorite fluffy blanket, so I'll be comfortable no matter where I sit. Billie, of course, sat next to me.

Finneas, Claudia, Denver, Julia, Hudson, Josephine, dad, the twins and their S/O's sat on the couch while the rest of us took a seat on the floor in front of it. Cora and Liza sat on the other side of Billie while Luna and Bea sat on the other side of me and Kai and Jaylen sat next to them.

It took us like twenty minutes to decide on a movie, but of course, once we did it was a scary one. Why the hell we couldn't watch a Christmas movie I don't know.

Once the movie had started, I laid my head on Billie's shoulder and tried not to look at any of the scary scenes. I'm a real punk ass when it comes to horror movies. I fucking hate the jump scares. Blood and gore are fine, but jump scares? I can't.

I got curious toward the middle of the movie, though, and began actually watching it. I jumped a hundred times within ten minutes and Billie snickered at me while squeezing my hand.

Billie ended up falling asleep just a few minutes later, though, and I noticed almost everyone else had as well. Cora was slumped over weirdly and I chuckled seeing her resting her forehead on Billie's knees. Liza's head was resting on Cora's back, and they both seemed to be slobbering though it was hard to tell in the dark.

"Fuck sake!" Luna whisper yelled, her hand darting over to grab mine. I laughed, trying to keep my cool as I looked back at the screen, but I jumped and let out a few curses, squeezing her hand tighter as I saw yet another jump scare.

"Why did it have to be this movie?!" I complained.

"Right?! Those assholes aren't even up watching it." We both laughed at that.

We watched the movie for a few more minutes, clinging onto each other and hiding our faces when something really scary popped up before I decided I needed to take a piss.

"Don't die of scaredness while I'm gone." I smirked before walking away.

I pushed the already cracked bathroom door open slowly, somewhat afraid to go in as I thought about the movie. There'd just been a scary bathroom scene before I decided I had to pee, and now I really regret getting up.

I gasped and jumped back once I began to hear mumbling. It sounded like someone was talking in tongues, just like in the movie, but before I could flip out I heard Denny's voice clearly.

"—I've been trying really hard not to touch her in front of you, but you know how fucking touchy she is, bro. I can't help it." He whisper yelled.

"I'm not your fucking bro, I'm your boyfriend. I don't get it, Denver. You fucking tell me you like me and that you wanna be with me, but then you bring her? You don't fucking want me so why don't you just let me leave you?"

"I do want you! I've been trying for the last six months to show you that—"

"By admitting to having a massive crush on an older guy and fucking the shit out of your slut every chance you get? Are you kidding me? I put up with so much fucking shit from you—"

"I know, I know you do and I'm sorry. Everything's fucking screwed up right now and trust me, I'm trying to fix it. Finneas doesn't like me back and I've accepted that now. I'm trying to move on from him—"

"By distracting yourself with your two side bitches? I'm over this, Denver."

I know I shouldn't be listening, especially since this is such a heated argument and all, but I can't move away from the door. Denver's been in a relationship with someone other than Julia for six months or so? How's he managed to hide that from us? How's he managed to hide that from Julia? And who is this?

I keep trying to think about who'd gotten up during the movie, but I honestly don't remember. I don't even remember Denver getting up. I'd fallen asleep for a few minutes at one point, but it wasn't long.

I'd know Denny's voice anywhere, even his whisper, but I can't tell who the other voice belongs to to save my damn soul.

"Baby, I just need a while longer, okay? I know I've put you through some absolute shit, and I'm fucking sorry about it but I promise you I'm gonna get my shit together and figure everything out and then it's just gonna be me and you."

"I'm supposed to believe that? You're still trying to make amends with your homophobic mother and I'm expected to believe that you're gonna be with me? Openly? You must think I'm stupid."

Who's fucking voice is this for Christ sake? I can't tell and it's driving me insane.

Think, Dahlia. Fucking think about it. Who'd gotten up earlier?

I remember my dad getting up at one point to use the bathroom himself, but this is obviously not my dad. I remember Luna got up for like two seconds to grab a blanket and then she was right back beside me.

Caden got up to get a snack or something and he...

Hadn't come back.

What the fuck?

He hadn't come back.

He was sitting right behind me and I would've noticed if he'd come back even if it was while I was sleeping. He would've had to ask me to move, or I would've at the very least felt his presence as he climbed over me to get back on the couch.

Oh my god, what the absolute fucking hell? Is my brother with fucking Caden? Has he been with Caden for six damn months and I had no idea about it? How is that even possible?

Sure, they're friends and all, but they're...They can't be more than that, right? I mean, Thanksgiving when I was trying to set my brother and Finneas up Caden didn't seem bothered in the least bit. And Caden has Ken—

What if they're not really together? What if Ken is Caden's Julia?

Oh my fucking god. Oh my fucking god.

My best friend and my got damn brother. The twins aren't gonna be my fucking step-cousins. They're gonna be my brother and sister in laws. Oh my fucking god. Oh my fucking god, bitch.

Oh my fuc—

"Oh, my fucking—What the fuck are you doing out here?!"

I jumped and pushed myself back against the wall as I heard Denver's voice. I'd completely zoned out and apparently, he'd opened the door and had been standing in front of me for a few seconds.

I shook my head quickly at him, letting out a sob. "Denver...Denny, I support you no matter what, you know—" My voice cracked as my breathing got heavier. I gulped before shaking my head again. "You know that, but C-C-Caden? My best friend? He's great, I swear to god he is, but he cannot be my b-brother in law, Denver, he can't! He fucking farts in his sleep and he eats icicles and he—oh fuck—he eats! He eats so much! Have you seen him eat spaghetti before? It's t-terrifying, oh my god, I'm so scared—"

I had lowered myself down to the floor as I spoke frantically, hugging my knees to my chest as I sobbed out my words. Denny tried speaking over me, tried to calm me down, rubbed my shoulders in hopes of comforting me in some way, but none of it worked.

"Come on, come on. You're having a panic attack over nothing. Come on." He picked me up and carried me into the bathroom before closing the door behind us. I gasped for breaths, looking around quickly. I expected to see Caden standing right there, but it wasn't him.

"Oh, fucking shit hell fuck." I breathed out, relieved. I'm still in the middle of a whole ass panic attack that I brought onto my damn self for apparently no reason, but boy am I relieved. "Oh my god. You don't eat nearly as much as Caden. Oh, fuck."

He looked alarmed but he chuckled. "No, Dahlia. Nobody eats as much as Caden."

"How much of that did you hear?" Denver asked a few minutes later after I'd calmed down. He handed me a tissue and I blew my nose before tossing it into the trashcan.

"Ugh—A Lot." I shrugged.

Denver sighed and looked down. "Hudson and I have been together for a while, we just didn't tell anyone because I'm a fucking pussy who doesn't like fucking pussy and can't admit it." He chuckled bitterly.

"We're clearly having a few issues..." Hudson drifted off.

"Yeah, clearly." I grumbled.

"Dahlia, please don't tell anyone about this. Okay? I'm begging you. I know we've been fighting and shit and I know you want me to come out but I can't handle everyone know—"

"I'm not gonna tell anybody shit, Denver. And I didn't want you to come out to everybody, I just wanted you to come out to me." I spat. I let out a small sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose before continuing.

"I knew you were gay. It was obvious. I just wanted you to tell me. I needed you to tell me. I felt like...I thought you didn't care about me anymore. I felt like a horrible sister, I felt like I did something wrong and I thought you didn't trust me. I just wanted, more than anything, for you to trust me. I just wanted you to know that I had your back no matter what because that's what you did for me. When I came out to the family you were the first person I told and you held me while I cried all night, helped me through god knows how many panic attacks, and told me every fucking minute that you were proud of me and that you didn't give a shit what I was as long as I just kept being me. You were there holding my hand while I told Cora and dad. You told me that you were sure that they'd accept me, but if they didn't we'd just fucking leave. Just go out on our own and find a way to make it. You were willing to do that for me." I cried.

"You made me feel like it was okay to be who I was and I wanted to do that for you too. I know how shitty it is hiding who you are, I know how much anxiety there is surrounding your sexuality. I went through so fucking much because of it, I hit an all-time low. I wanted to fucking kill myself just cause I was gay and I felt like that for such a long time. The only reason I'm still here today is because of you and you don't even know it."

"That night when I came out to you was the most important night of my life. Everything's just been uphill from there. I thought...I was thinking that if you didn't accept me I was legitimately gonna kill myself. I was gonna do it. I looked up to you so much and you know how close we were. We were attached at the hip, basically. You were my best friend in this entire world. We'd been through so much together. I thought if you didn't love me anymore after I came out then no one else would either and I was just gonna end it, but obviously, you accepted me and I still get to be here because of that. I know it was wrong to push you, to try to force you to come out, to try to make you and Finneas happen. It's just...I didn't want you to feel what I felt for so long. I wanted to speed up the process. I wanted to get to the point in time where you could just accept yourself and realize that we all accept you too. I wanted you to realize that you're okay. I wanted you to know that I'd love and support you just like you loved and supported me. You're literally my everything, Denver. You mean the world to me and I just wanted you to know that."

I was crying once again by the time I finished, and so was he. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, sobbing as he hugged me. Hudson had excused himself halfway through that, realizing how personal this was.

It feels good to get that off my chest. It feels good to be wrapped up in my brother's arms again after so long. It feels good to be talking to him again.

"I'm sorry about everything though. Pushing you wasn't right. Trying to dictate when you came out to anyone, even just me, wasn't right. Trying to get you and Finneas together when I knew he had a girlfriend wasn't right. I'm sorry about everything." I mumbled.

"I don't give a shit about any of that anymore and I'm sorry too. I didn't know you thought about taking your own life. I don't know what I would've done if you had. I can't imagine a world where my baby sister isn't by my side anymore. I know we don't talk as much as we used to, but you mean everything to me too. You and Cora...You guys are seriously everything. You're the reason I keep going. I wanna make both of you proud." He whispered. "The reason I've been so scared to come out is because of mom. I don't know why the fuck I'm still dealing with her, I don't know why I want her in my life after everything she put us through, I don't know why I keep allowing her to play with my head. I just...I guess I just want answers. I keep talking to her about the things she did when we were younger. I keep trying to figure out why and how she could do that to us. I know we all agreed to just not talk about it, and I hate to admit this, but...It hurts. I think about it all the time. Every single day. I break down every single day because of it. I just keep having t-these flashbacks—"

I rubbed his back as he began to sob once again. I wish I'd known he was going through this. I think about the shit she did to us too, but it's obvious I don't think about it as much as him. I wonder how Cora's doing? How she's dealing with all this? I wonder if what mom did to us is affecting her like this too.

"I try not to think about it—I really do, it's just...I just can't. I try to talk myself into thinking it wasn't such a big deal but I just can't. I can't." He shook his head. "Every time I see her, every time I talk to her, it's just like we've gone back in time. It's like I'm eight years old again and she's fucking forcing me to eat until I get sick. It's like I'm ten again and she's threatening to burn me with an iron if I disobey her. It's like I'm thirteen and she's making me...She—" he choked up once again and my eyes widened.

"She didn't like...She didn't—"

"When she made you and Cora go outside and sit for hours I'd be in her room. She'd make me sit on the bed and watch her and whoever she was with." He cried. "She'd tell me I had to learn what to do because one day I'd be doing that too."

"Did she rape you?" I whispered. He shook his head.  "No, she never touched me or anything. She just made me watch. I was so fucking disgusted, Dahlia. I could never look her in the eyes, I still can't. I just can't..."

I continued to rub his back as he continued to hug me. I knew my mom was evil but I didn't realize she was this evil. I always felt so fucking sorry for myself and so sorry for my siblings because we had to deal with her, but I never thought she'd go this far. I never thought she could do something this fucking sick.

I can't imagine how difficult it must've been for Denver, having to deal with that shit and act like it wasn't happening. Having to keep all that shit to himself for all these years.

How could she fucking do that to him?

"Dahlia, look—" He pulled away from me and cleared his throat, wiping his tears quickly. "Look, you can't tell anyone okay? Not dad, not Cora—"

"You need to tell the police so her ass can get arrested!" I hissed.

"No!" He shouted. "I'm not doing that and you're not either. I...I'm gonna stop talking to her. I'm not getting anywhere with her and I'm just making things worse for myself. I'm gonna get therapy. Starting in January. This is all gonna be okay. I'm moving on. Like, actually this time. I need you to let me do that, okay? My way. Dealing with police and shit—That's not gonna help me at all. I wanna move past this, Dahlia. Please."

I stared at him for a few moments, tears still rolling down my cheeks. This is so much to take in and I don't know how I can just continue on with our trip acting like everything's okay when nothing is. How can I not do anything for my brother after he's told me all of this? How can I just move on? How could he?

"Please." He mumbled again.

Going to the police would be a huge thing. A waste of time too. This all happened years ago and I don't see him getting any fucking justice, not with the shitty ass police in our town. I'm not gonna let that bitch get away with this, though. She's done too much to all of us and we've done nothing to her. That's about to change.

I'm gonna fuck that bitch up. I swear on my entire life and everyone else's I will. She won't get away with this shit.

"I won't tell anybody, Denver." I reassured him.

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A/N: I know this was a pretty dark and heavy chapter and I'm honestly nervous for how you guys will react to it. I contemplated whether or not I should go into further detail about their mom and the things she did to them and I definitely didn't know whether or not I should include sexual abuse, but I've been thinking about it since I started this book. I think this book has its funny moments and lighthearted characters, but I don't think it's been all that light and I just felt like why half ass it? Why not just include everything I wanna include? So I'm hoping you guys still enjoyed this chapter and will continue to enjoy this book and I hope this wasn't too much, and I promise I have some future chapters planned that will make this chapter make sense. Like I didn't just add this in here just to add it and add to the drama. I mean yeah that's kinda why I guess, but I've got bigger plans. I'm shit at words so I hope this authors note makes sense and again, I hope you guys are still enjoying the story. Thank you for reading! 🖤