: Chapter 22

“I should have worn a skirt today,” Sloane says as she stands in front of Westminster Abbey. “The breeze could have blown it up, and I could have had a Marilyn Monroe moment.” She does the classic pose, and I lower her phone from where I’m taking a picture.

“I would not have enjoyed that.”

She playfully pouts. “Why not?”

“Because I don’t want any more strangers seeing my wife’s perfect ass.”

She clutches her chest. “Aww, you called my ass perfect.”

“Because it is,” I grumble as I lift the camera again and take a picture of her posing in front of the majestically beautiful building.

We decided to ride on the big red buses for an on-and-off tour. Basically, you hop on and off at any stop for the whole day. Sloane was all about it, wanting to sit on the top level. I’ve never done it to be honest, too touristy for me, but experiencing it with Sloane, it’s probably one of the most amusing things I’ve done in a long time. Because when she’s not oohing and ahhing and pointing at things she wants me to look at, she’s snuggled into my side, stroking my leg, whispering in my ear…

Fuck, this…this is very addicting.

My wife is addicting.

Her contagious smile.

Her flirty attitude.

Her need to touch me as her love language.

I like it. I like it too much.

Then again, at this point, who gives a fuck, right? The business is going down. Jude is going to be pissed at me anyway, might as well relish what I’ve been wanting to have for God knows how long. Let me have this fucking day.

Let me enjoy.

“Now we need one together. Oooh, I have an idea, you can pretend you’re proposing to me in front of the Abbey, and I can act all shocked. We can get a round of applause and maybe a free tea and crumpet.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“You never know. A local tea merchant might walk by and see us and offer us a free tea to celebrate. Oooh, that’s what we should do. We should spend the day, you down on one knee, proposing in various places to see if we can get anything free.”

“You realize I could purchase anything you might want, right?”

She rolls her eyes. “I know that, but it’s more fun when you get it for free. An absolute thrill. Come on, it’ll be fun. Plus, you never proposed to me, so this would be you making it up to me.”

I eye her.

“Please.” She tugs on my arm. “I promise to suck your dick for a solid twenty minutes when we get back to the hotel. You can set a timer.”

I mean…having her mouth on my cock for twenty minutes, doubt I would last two minutes, but I’m not going to turn that down.

“Fine,” I say, exasperated.

She chuckles and then whispers, “Sucker, I planned on sucking your dick for that long tonight anyway.” She takes off her wedding ring, which I don’t care for, and hands it to me. “You have to take yours off too or people are going to think you’re an adulterer.”

“I don’t like you taking your ring off.”

She rolls her eyes dramatically. “Okay, Mr. Possessive. Don’t worry, I’m going to say yes when you propose. You can slip it right back on.” She nudges me. “Now come on, let’s get free things.”

She takes my phone from my hand and glances around, then she stops a person walking by and asks, “Could you take a video of us in front of the Abbey?”

“Of course,” the woman says as she hands her water bottle to her friend.

As Sloane pulls me into position, I take my ring off and slip it into my pocket. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve taken part in. Normally, this would not be something I would engage in, but right about now, pretty sure I give zero fucks about life, so I cozy up next to Sloane as she gives the camera peace signs.

She nudges me with her hand, so I turn toward her, get down on one knee, and she shrieks in fake surprise, covering her hand with her mouth. Her reaction is comical, over animated, and absolutely ridiculous, but I go along with it.

Holding the ring up to her, I catch a crowd forming around us and I say, “Sloane, love of my life, I can’t imagine a day going by without you by my side. Will you make me the happiest man and be my wife?”

She shrieks again, nods, and holds out her hand. I slip the ring onto her finger, and she leaps into my arms, knocking me to the ground while the small crowd that has formed around us cheers.

She grips both of my cheeks and kisses me on the lips while I bring us both to our feet. I hug her. She hugs me. And then she waves to the crowd like Miss America being carted around on a float.

The woman taking our video walks up to us with a huge smile on her face. “That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. So beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I say.

“If you don’t mind, could you take a few pictures of us posing?” Sloane asks.

“It would be my pleasure.”

The lady steps back and starts working the angles while Sloane kisses me. Holds out her hand, showing off her ring. She even has me dip her while the crowd around us cheers. It’s so fucking ridiculous, but also…I kind of like it.

When we’re done, we thank the lady, thank the people around us who offer us a congratulations, and hand in hand, we head toward the bus stop.

“Sheesh,” Sloane complains. “Not a single free item. Can you believe that?”

“I can,” I say. “We were in the middle of a touristy area. If you want free, you can’t be near a bunch of people who have nothing to offer that’s free.”

She pauses and looks up at me. “Oh my God, you’re right. We need something more local, more intimate. Not so flashy.” I can see that look in her eye.

“What the hell are you thinking?”

“Let’s find one of those corridors, you know, a hidden alley where it opens up and there are businesses everywhere. That will guarantee us something free.”

“If you say so…”

“Oh my God,” Sloane whispers. “This is perfect. The bunting in the background, the cobbled stone. This place was made for proposals.”

I glance around the small courtyard that is behind the Embassy of Japan. There is a cobbler’s storefront, a pharmacy, and a Polish-Mexican fusion restaurant.

“Umm, this does not scream proposal.”

“Of course it does. Look how cute that pharmacy is.”

I take in the black storefront with gold lettering stating it’s a pharmacy. “Yes, maybe they’ll see us and offer some free allergy medication.”

“Why, do you need some?”

“No,” I say with annoyance. “This is ridiculous, Sloane. We don’t need free things.”

“I know we don’t need them, but what an opportunity.” She slips her ring off again and hands it to me.

“I don’t like how easily you take that off.”

“Dear God, man. We’re married. It’s not like every time I take it off, we get divorced.”

“No, every time you take it off, I have to propose.”

“Facts, but you like it.”

“Maybe a little.” I wink.

Smiling, she continues, “Okay, this time, maybe say something a little more personal in your speech.”

“I don’t need to be directed,” I mutter. This is not how I intended the day to go.

“Now, ask that lady over there eating her pierogis to take a video. Maybe she’ll give us some of her nachos as a congratulatory reward.”

“Congratulatory reward?” I ask, eyebrow raised.

“You know what I mean. Now go, go.”

Sloane pretends to take in the small courtyard while I go up to the lady who is enjoying her Polish-Mexican feast.

“Pardon me,” I say, gathering her attention. “Um, I’m about to surprise my girlfriend over there with a proposal. Do you think you could film it for me? She thinks you’re just taking pictures.” She looks around at the location, looking a little surprised.

“Oh my gosh, of course,” she coos, thankfully.

“Thank you.”

I hand her the phone and walk up to Sloane. “She’s going to take pictures for us,” I say loudly. “Smile, babe.”

Sloane cuddles in close, kicks her heel up, and throws up the peace sign. Then like last time, I step away and get down on one knee. Sloane goes through the routine of looking surprised. This time she even drums up some watery eyes while I take her hand in mine.

“Baby,” I say, trying not to laugh at how stupid this is. “I love you more than anything. I knew it the day you almost clobbered me with a croquet mallet.”

She clutches her chest.

“I need you in my life forever. Will you marry me?”

Hand clasped over her mouth, she nods and then leaps into my arms, knocking me flat on the ground again. The lady with the phone cheers while taking pictures from all different sort of angles. Tangled up in each other, I’m able to slip the ring on her finger and find her lips to kiss her.

There isn’t much commotion in the courtyard, since it’s pretty clear of people, but there are a few random claps here and there.

When we stand, the lady tells us to pose, so Sloane wraps my arms around her, like a classic prom picture and we take a few photos before the woman hands us the phone back.

“My goodness, this was such a joy to be a part of,” she says.

“Thank you,” I say as I glance around, not a soul in sight now. Sloane will not be happy.

“Why here?” The lady folds her arms in front of her, waiting for a grand story.

Sloane looks up at me and says, “Go ahead, sweetie, tell her.”

Christ. Of course she’s going to make me come up with something. I’m not good at this shit like she is. Not quite a talker like her.

I pull on the back of my neck and say, “Uh, this is where I ran into her for the first time, over there.” I thumb behind me. “At the pharmacy. She was, uh, sick and I was looking for…”

“Condoms,” Sloane interrupts. “But this silly American didn’t realize the pharmacy didn’t have any.”

“Oh,” the lady says, her face dropping in disapproval.

“Protection matters a lot to him,” Sloane says, patting me on the chest, even though we have yet to use one condom. A conversation I need to have with her. “Anyway, I was dripping with snot, he was horny, and well, the rest is history.”

How is the rest history with that?

“That’s…uh, that’s romantic.”

“It is. What a dream of a story.” Sloane lifts up on her toes and kisses my jaw. “Aren’t I lucky?”

“Very.” The lady nods. “Well, congratulations again and good luck with everything.”

“Thank you,” I say with a lift of my hand.

Then I loop my arm around Sloane and guide her toward the alleyway.

“Horny and dripping with snot?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I was irritated that no one was around to give us something free and it just came out. What a bust.”

“Aw, well, you’re welcome for the proposal. Can’t wait to spend an eternity with my blushing bride.”

“We need to try again.”

How did I know she was going to say that?

“We need somewhere more public, but something that might get us a free deal…” She pauses and then holds her finger up. “I know just the place.”

Oh, I’m sure she does.

“Sloane.”

“Hmm?” she asks with a smile.

“What the hell do you expect to receive by me proposing to you here?”

“Well, if we don’t get free tea, then we for sure are going to get a free ride on the London Eye.”

I stare up at the large Ferris wheel, which has a very long line.

“They are not going to give us a free ride.”

“You don’t know that. This is the perfect place to get something free. Just watch.” She takes off her ring again and slips it into my hand. “We need to find someone who is going to take pictures who will make a big to-do about the proposal. Someone loud, preferably obnoxious.”

She taps her chin and looks around as I pocket her ring.

“This is not going to work.”

“With that attitude, it’s not. Come on now. We have one goal today, to get something free.”

“Pretty sure the goal today was to get lost in the city.”

“Which we are, with a secondary goal of free things. Oooh, what about that lady over there in the pink leopard print? She would be perfect.”

“If you think so,” I say as I glance at the lady who is looking at a map of London.

“Ask her to record and remember, make the proposal personal.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I move over to the lady holding the map and I clear my throat before saying, “Excuse me. I’m about to propose to my girlfriend over there and I was wondering if you could pretend to take a picture of us in front of the London Eye but really video the whole thing.”

She snaps the map together, tosses it over her shoulder, thankfully someone grabs it before it blows away, and she takes my phone from my hand. “On it.”

“Uh, thanks.”

Unsure if this is the lady we want, I head over to where Sloane is standing and wait for leopard print to follow, but when she doesn’t, I grow concerned.

“Why is she looking around?” Sloane asks.

“Uh, I don’t…oh fuck, she’s taking off.”

And in the blink of an eye, the lady in leopard bolts to the right, my phone clutched in her hand. The fucking audacity.

“Oh no,” Sloane calls out just as I take off in a sprint after her.

Not on my fucking watch.

I dodge people left and right, calling out that she stole my phone. Tourists and onlookers watch as I chase her down the Queen’s Walk, hoping and praying she doesn’t decide to chuck my phone into the River Thames.

In a panic, she looks over her shoulder, seeing that I’m gaining on her. She tries to put it into high gear, but I’ve ran enough in my life that anything she does is not going to help, so she gives up, tosses my phone in the air out of desperation to escape and I attempt to dive and catch it, but miss by a fingertip, taking most of the blow from the impact and watching my phone skitter across the pavement.

Mother fucker.

Scraped-up clothes, a hole in my jeans now, I pick my phone up off the ground and welcome the new crack in the corner that splinters out from the center of my phone.

Yup, seems about right.

After a few seconds, I feel an arm on my shoulder and heavy breathing. I look behind me to see Sloane, bent over, gasping for air.

“Did…did you get it?” she asks.

“Yup.” I flash her the screen. “In pristine condition.”

She stands tall, hands on her hips, clearly in pain as she squints to look at the screen. “Oh boy, is that unfortunate.”

I clench my jaws together. “Very.”

She grips her side and winces. “You know, she seemed like an upstanding citizen. What a terrible misjudgment of character on my part.” She motions back to the London Eye. “Shall we find someone else?”

“No,” I say.

“No to the proposal or no to someone else? Because imagine how cute we would be with engagement photos in front of such a landmark.”

“Sloane, I’m losing my patience.”

“I can see that.” She lets out a deep breath. “Okay, so maybe this wasn’t the right location. I can see how this is a tourist trap for theft. Maybe we go more intimate.”

“We did intimate. No one was there.”

“No, I have a good idea. I promise. We are getting something free this time, and no phones will be stolen. Follow me.”

“Sloane, we’re done,” I say in a stern voice, causing her to snap out of her proposal extravaganza.

She nods and lets out a heavy sigh as she leans against the bridge wall behind her. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Ugh, why did that lady have to ruin everything?” She helps me to my feet and dusts off my pants. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Smiling up at me, she says, “What do you want to do?”

I stare into those eyes of hers, the ones that captured me from day one, and I feel this overwhelming sense of needing to please her. Needing to make her happy. I honestly don’t care what I want. I want what she wants.

“We can go to a museum. Is that something you might like to do?”

“I like museums,” I say as I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into a hug. Her arms wrap around my waist and immediately I feel comfort.

I don’t know how she does it, how she is able to make me feel like nothing can happen to me when I’m in her arms, but fuck, that’s exactly what it feels like.

I’ve never had that feeling of protection before, like someone is my shield, but Sloane gives me a piece of that well-being.

“Then let’s do a museum.”

“Okay,” I answer, “but first…tea.”

“How does this look to you?” I ask, staring up at the green awning of a café and tea shop just outside the Royal Mews.

“Looks darling.”

“Perfect.” I open the door for her and then walk in behind. The shop is quaint with uneven hardwood floors, white cottage shelving, and mismatched tables and chairs. Gold-framed art is on every inch of the wall, while fake flowers fill in the holes as decorations. It’s charming, something you would find in a town in the English countryside, not a bustling city like London.

“Dear God, this is adorable,” she says while turning toward me. “This was such a good find.”

“Grab a seat wherever you want,” the shop owner says.

“I’m going to run to the bathroom.” Sloane kisses my chin. “I don’t care where you pick.”

“Sounds good,” I say, and she takes off toward the back of the shop.

Out of sight, I turn toward the owner and say, “Could I have a word for a moment?”

“Of course. How may I help you?”

“Did you see that woman I was with who just took off to the bathroom?” The shop owner nods her head. “That’s my wife. She has had me on a wild-goose chase all day, asking me to propose to her to see if we can—and I say this in a begrudging way—get something for free. Now, I’m not looking for anything free from you. She thinks that I’m irritated and over the whole thing, but now that we’re here, I think it would be great to surprise her again. I know this is a really weird request, but if you will pretend to not only take pictures when I propose, but also pretend to give us something for free, I will pay you very well at the end of this.”

She chuckles and nods. “Never had a request like that, but yes, I can accommodate. How much are you talking?”

“Name your price.”

The shop owner smiles, and I know I’m about to be taken advantage of, but at this point, anything to earn me that smile from Sloane.