Chapter 19

AVERY

Avery woke up Tuesday morning, still feeling sad about ending it with Justin. She had really liked him and was intrigued by him and his life.

And not that she was going to admit it, but she’d felt different around him, almost like she was being bad. And she really, really liked that. God, her father must be rolling in his grave!

She dressed in dark colors to match her mood and the rainy weather and drove to work.

It was a long, slow day with no outside recess because of the rain, and that made everyone on edge and restless.

She walked around the room, watching as the small groups were coloring their part of the giant rainforest posters they would hang up.

She saw Ryan working hard to color his picture of a sloth with his left hand and holding the paper with the stub of his other arm, and thought about what Justin had told her.

It really was a sad story, and her heart couldn’t help but go out to the little boy.

His mother and Nick were MC brats. They grew up in Devil’s Reign along with Justin, Kiki, and others, even though they were younger. They were all friends and hung out together.

Brittany and Nick were high school sweethearts, and the week after graduation, they married. They waited to have kids and really enjoyed going on runs for the MC.

Right before Justin found out that Dominique was pregnant, Nick and Brittany announced that they were expecting.

Everything was going smoothly during the pregnancy, and they had no indication that anything was wrong.

When Ryan was born, they discovered that sometime during the nine months, something had happened and the lower part of his right arm just never developed.

They had no idea why and said it was just one of those things. And while Nick and Brittany were thrilled about their son, they knew he would have a more difficult life.

Brittany couldn’t shake the thought that she had done something wrong and she was the cause of Ryan’s pain and suffering, and it was too much for her.

The thoughts consumed her, and just after Ryan’s first birthday, she took her own life.

Avery blinked back a few tears that had formed when she thought about the story again and went to another group that needed some help gluing.

It was still drizzling when school let out. Avery had the kids wait inside until their parents arrived, and she walked them to meet under her umbrella.

Ryan had already been picked up by Nick’s mom, who helped out while Nick was at work at the custom bike shop, and soon it was just Alexis left.

Avery was half listening to the little girl ramble on about the project she was working on in art class while they waited, thinking again about the talk she’d had with Kiki over the weekend.

She jumped when she heard Alexis squeal, “DADDY! You’re back!!”

Avery whispered, “Damn it!” and cursed her luck.

Avery walked the little girl to her father, who was standing by the gate looking way more sexy and handsome than he had any right to.

She watched the child throw herself into her father’s arms as he picked her up, hugging her tightly.

Justin looked at Avery with sadness and longing in his eyes. “Thanks, Miss Harper…”

Avery nodded and watched as Justin rushed them to his waiting truck so they wouldn’t get any wetter.

She walked back to her classroom and flopped into her desk chair and closed her eyes, thinking that the next four months would be very long if she had to see him all the time.

She silently prayed that the babysitter would be picking up again and that this was a one-time thing since he had been gone for a week.

She packed up and went to an extra yoga class, desperately needing relaxation.

JUSTIN

Justin kissed his daughter good night, turned the night light on, and closed the door partway before walking downstairs where the prospect was waiting.

“Thanks, Cole, for staying,” he said, smiling weakly.

“Not a problem, sir. Can I do anything else?” Cole asked.

Justin thought for a minute. “Yeah. Is there any way you can stay a few more hours? I need to clear my head…”

“Sure, go ahead,” Cole replied.

Justin got on his bike, very thankful that the rain had stopped so he could ride and think.

The rest of their run had been strained between the men. Justin wasn’t ready to let it blow over at that point and was just letting them stew in their own guilt.

Kiki had called him several times, leaving sobbing voicemails about how sorry she was. He hadn’t talked to her yet either.

He just wanted to lick his own wounds and make peace with the fact that he’d lost something that could have been significant in his life.

He drove around aimlessly for a few hours and found himself outside of Avery’s apartment door.

He stood there, trying to decide whether he was going to knock, when the door opened and they both jumped back in shock.

AVERY

“Shit!” Avery hissed, clutching her chest.

“Fuck, sorry, ba—Avery,” Justin replied softly.

“Why are you here, Justin?” she asked sadly.

“I don’t know... I was driving around trying to clear my head, and all of a sudden, I realized that I was at your door,” Justin explained, rubbing the back of his neck.

Avery watched. She could tell that he was unsure of himself and decided she didn’t like seeing him like that. She liked the strong, confident, cocky Justin.

“Why are you leaving?” he asked.

“Oh, I was just taking this trash out. I dropped a brand-new bottle of salad dressing on the floor, and of course, the bottle broke open and made a massive mess.

“So I’ve spent the last forty minutes cleaning it up and don’t want the smell to linger,” Avery explained.

Justin nodded and watched her for a moment before he said, “Well, I guess I better go. I know it’s late…”

“I’m glad you are home safe, Justin. I hope everything went well.”

“Business-wise, everything went perfectly,” he replied.

Avery gave him a confused look, and he said softly, “Personally, it was a disaster…”

Avery felt her heart ache, and the tears started forming again.

“I’m sorry, Justin. I just can’t handle the thought of you saying you are with me and then when you go out on a run you sleep with anything you want. I’m not built that way...

“I’m a private person and am not going to have sex in front of everyone at a clubhouse party. I’m not the right woman for you.”

Justin flinched at the pain in her voice. “Avery, I know you aren’t someone like that and that’s why I am so drawn to you. You are so different, and I love that about you.

“And for the record, I would NEVER have asked you to have sex in public! Again, I don’t want anyone to see what’s mine.”

Avery shrugged. “Well, thanks for that. But I guess it’s a moot point.”

Justin nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.” He turned to leave, but stopped and looked at her again. “And I want you to know that I didn’t sleep with anyone on this run or any others since I met you.

“The last time I had sex was with you before I left. I wasn’t going to cheat on you, Avery. I know what the run rule is, but I was going to stay faithful to you.”

Avery gasped when she heard him, but before she could reply, he said goodnight and quickly went back to his bike.

Avery threw the trash away after she heard the sound of his bike fade, then quickly ran back to her home, shut the door, crawled under the covers, and cried.

***

She was a wreck the entire next day. She kept putting off Lily when she asked what was wrong by saying she had a headache and just didn’t feel good.

She didn’t know if she felt better or worse when the babysitter picked up Alexis from school. She didn’t go home. She drove around Middleton without purpose trying to decide what she was going to do.

A few hours later, she decided that she should eat something and went to a fast food drive-thru, eating in the parking lot, not wanting to be around any people.

She felt lost, almost like she did when her dad died, and she had no idea why. She had only met this man a few weeks before and they didn’t even know each other that well.

She was a school teacher, the daughter of a fallen police officer.

He was a self-admitted criminal, and while he hadn’t been in jail for more than a few weeks total, his father was currently in federal prison and many of the men in the club had been to prison.

Why would she want to be around people like that voluntarily? Isn’t that what her father taught her to stay away from?

Isn’t that why he kept her protected, so she wouldn’t get sucked into something like that? So she was safe?

But the little voice in her head was yelling at her, reminding her that Justin had done nothing to make her feel unsafe, and everything she felt when she was with him was nothing like she had ever felt before.

He made her feel safe when he was holding her, and that was something that she hadn’t felt since her dad was alive. And she really, really liked it and missed it.

She needed to talk to someone, but who? She couldn’t call her aunt about this. She would be so disappointed in her for getting herself involved with someone like Justin.

Her Aunt Tina was a quiet woman who worked in an office and never remarried after her first husband died when Avery was little.

Avery never really saw her date and couldn’t help but wonder if her aunt was lonely. Tina always had a smile on her face and didn’t seem lonely, but Avery always wondered.

Avery was driving around and soon realized she was at Justin’s quiet place, the little grove of trees where they had their first date.

She got out and walked to a large trunk that was laying on its side and sat on it to look around. It didn’t look much different at sunset than it did when they were there in the dark.

She remembered how beautiful it looked with the twinkle lights set up and how much they enjoyed her time with Justin. It was one of the most romantic things anyone had ever done for her.

She looked around again and felt the ache in her heart deepen, put her face in her hands, and started crying, hard.

And that was how Justin found her a little bit later.

JUSTIN

He was glad he had Cole still watching her, just to make sure she was okay for a little bit longer. He knew it was totally selfish, but he couldn’t let her go yet.

So when Cole called and told him that she was driving around and ended up at their first date location, Justin immediately left and drove over.

He thanked Cole and patted him on the back.

Justin quietly walked up to the little outcropping and heard her crying. He felt horrible and desperately wanted to comfort her, but he had no idea what he should do.

He wanted her with every fiber of his being, but she had to want this. He couldn’t push her into this, it had to be her choice.

He moved closer and called her name softly so he didn’t scare her.

Avery heard his voice and turned to see him standing there with his hands in his pockets and the same sad look on his face. She stood up.