Chapter 21

Paisley

London is still eyeing me, expecting me to spill my so-called beans. I’ve already downed a couple of shots of tequila, hoping for some good old Dutch courage.

With a deep breath, I start at the beginning—my first wedding day—and not the sugar-coated version I gave to her a few months ago.

“I was waiting for my dad to meet me, ready to walk down the aisle. My dad had been called off to do something, and when Mama calls you, don’t keep that woman waiting.

That mean’t I had to wait to walk down the aisle to meet my groom. Can you believe I married someone called Mush?” I laugh to ease the tension.

Then I take a deep breath and continue my story.

“All at once, I caught a cold shiver. You know, like when you just kind of know something bad is gonna happen? It was like that, head to toe…like someone walked over my grave.”

London nods and I keep going on. “It was one of the hottest days in the UK at the time when I felt that coldness… I thought it was strange, but not ~so~ strange, if you get what I mean.

“Anyway, something caught my eye, but since it was my wedding day, I was still totally smiling away in my bubble of pure happiness.

“After all, I expected my dad to be standing there. I expected Mama to have surely finished chewing his ear off about something not entirely important by then.”

I flick a single tear away, pouring myself another shot of tequila, ready to carry on with my history.

“So, still believing it was my dad who had entered the room, I just called out, asking if it was time to make me a wife. What I didn’t expect was to come face-to-face with Dusty.

“He’s so menacing, just thinking about him sends shivers down my body. He…he said my wedding was off because he had plans for me.

“Until that day, that fucking moment, I had no idea who he was. But boy, was he about to make sure I never forgot. He slammed his body into mine, London. He wrapped those fucking arms around my chest so tight they left bruises.”

Tears pour down my cheeks, and I wrap my arms around my body. London comes to sit beside me, wrapping her arms around me.

I lay my head on her shoulder, zapping her strength to get me through the rest of this story.

“He kept going on about some debt that needed paying, how so much time had passed, and that it had to be paid then. I screamed for him to let me go, I screamed for help.

“He pushed me over this table that was in the room, ran his hands all over my body, pushed his hips into the curve of my ass, and pulled my dress up.

“He saw the panties I picked out for Mush to see me in as his wife. They weren’t meant for him, you know?” I take in a deep breath, needing more courage to get over this next part.

“He raped me on my wedding day. My daddy came running in. But Dusty covered my face with a white cloth, and I lost consciousness. The last thing I heard was my daddy begging Dusty to let me go.”

Just telling the story exhausts me, and my head falls into my hands.

“Is that all of it?” London asks, and I shake my head. “Okay, at your own pace, babe.”

“So, when I came around, they told me I had just passed out and Mush and I were married. I should have known, but I was so stupid.

“My dress was covered in blood, but my mom said it was wine or something. Anyway, I went off on my honeymoon, and everything was great when we came home.

“Mama said Daddy had a heart attack months ago, and even though I always thought he was around, I thought maybe she was right. I was so gullible back then, I believed every single thing they said.

“Mama said Daddy died from a heart condition. I believed her. Mush said he loved me. I believed him. I didn’t remember anything so why would I question it?” I huff, still annoyed at my stupidity.

“Then it all fell apart after a week, London, after a fucking week we were home from our two-week vacation. I had to run to the grocery store to pick up some items so I could finish cooking dinner.

“I was supposed to have a hair appointment that day or maybe it was nails. I don’t remember, but sometime while I was gone, Mush came home.

“I was excited to see his car in the driveway because, again, I was stupid and thought he’d come home to spend time with me. So I let myself in, as I had done a thousand times since we moved there.

“But it was only to find Mush balls deep with some woman, and it was not just any woman…” I shake as the memory of that time hits me as clear as day.

I could swear it was happening all over again, right in front of me.

“Who was it?” London asks.

Defeated, I sigh. “My mama. They were going at it like a pair of teenagers. So, I set his fucking car on fire. I watched his eighty-thousand-dollar Mercedes burn, and it felt good.

“They came rushing out and didn’t even notice me sitting there. They were comforting each other outside my house, in front of my neighbors. They didn’t care who saw them, didn’t care that I was his wife.

“I just sat there and watched the smoke rise. That was the day I decided no other fucker will ever have control over me again. I wouldn’t put my heart out there ever again.

“I built a wall so high and so tight, mountain men couldn’t have scaled it. I packed my shit and moved here. My daddy had left me this ranch…it was a wedding gift. I never told anyone about it.

“This is my sanctuary. I rented an apartment in Austin because I was lonely and I wanted to get laid. Not like you bump into many people up here. And you know the rest.” I take another shot, my head fuzzy now.

“Wow…I don’t know what to say. You’ve been dealt a shitty hand.”

“Yeah, maybe, but I’ve been surviving just fine. I put my past in the past…or at least, I thought I did until Dusty showed up at King’s. Now it feels like everything is closing in on me. And now? I’m just numb.

“When I looked into Zeke’s eyes, it was like he saw me. I saw myself in them…I saw how much I mean to him. Everything clicked into place, from our first date up until Dusty.

“Days, London. I fell head over heels in love in only a matter of days. He has so much power over me, and I don’t like it. I don’t want to fall apart again and lose everything I have worked so hard on. He scares me just as much as I love him.”

Her eyes widen, and I cower a bit under her scrutiny. Finally, saying it all out loud forced me to acknowledge everything and re-evaluate everything.

“You know what bother’s me the most?” I ask London.

“No, what?”

“How Tania and Troy got to be with Dusty. I can imagine Tania trying to fuck either of them, but how did they get together? And why?”

“Yeah, I don’t get that. You know that skanky bitch better have some answers, otherwise I’m kicking her ass.”

I can’t help but smile at my best friend. This girl completely has my back, and I’ll always have hers when she needs it.

“You have to tell him. I’ve seen the way you look at each other. Take that leap of faith and let Zeke catch you. What have you really got to lose?”

She has a point…but I’m just not sure.