I Hope You Understand

12: I Hope You Understand

Fiona and Jane rode to the day spa in a comfortable silence. Jane deliberately created distance between them in the back seat. She felt she needed to be more disciplined in maintaining boundaries. Jane was flipping through her phone in deep concentration. She was moving through some of the data sent over from William. William was very good at his job and he sent over headshots and bios of dinner guests and catering staff. Jane was in the process of memorizing faces and relevant details.

Fiona took advantage of the time to study her intently. She took in Jane's body language, the intensity of her eyes, her steady breathing and pursed lips as she concentrated. Jane's intense concentration was fascinating. Fee could see that she was confident even in this type of cognitive work.

Jane looked up and caught Fiona in her stare. She grinned softly,"Yes, Ms. Donovan? Would you like to ask me a question?"

Fee laughed and said jovially, "Jane I'd like to ask you a thousand questions, but I'm happy just to watch you work." She winked,"Maybe I'll interrogate you later." Jane smiled with gratitude as she was beginning to realize that Fiona's emotional IQ was exceptional.

Jane stood in the entry of the spa with Fiona,"Ms. Donovan, I will be preparing for tomorrow night. Reggie and I will return in 3 hours, please do not leave. Do you have your jewelry or have you removed them for today's services?"

"I've got the bracelet, I figured the anklet wouldn't survive the pedicure."

"Yes," Jane grinned, "You're probably correct. Have a restful time Ms. Donovan. I will be back for you." Fiona smiled and sighed audibly, eliciting a thoughtful glance from Jane before she retreated back to the car.

Jane had Reggie drop her back at the apartment so she could get in a quick run and continue with her data mining. She changed quickly thinking about their morning exchange. Jane did not understand what had happened. She felt that there was a distinctive shift in their relationship and Fiona was becoming dangerously attached. For the first time Jane felt as if she was not entirely in control of the situation. She wanted to reestablish that control quickly.

She changed into running clothes and stepped out the front door and put distance between them running, quite literally, away from the memory of Fiona's deeply thoughtful eyes. She let her muscles burn and ache, helping to settle and refocus her mind. After returning to her flat she stood under the uncomfortably hot water willing it to wash away her uncertainty from the morning. She tried to push Fiona's words from her mind.

----

Fiona moved from service to service at her "spa day." Her thoughts were of Jane. She wondered what was happening. She had never felt this way about another woman and she was anxious and unsure of herself. "Is this a 'girl crush?'" She wondered, "Am I just trying to 'save' another person? Am I scared? Bored? What is happening?" Fiona made a mental note to try to get in touch with Sophie. She had always been a great friend and sounding board for Fee but she was 12 hours ahead in the Philippines and getting a hold of her was sometimes difficult.

----

Reggie and Jane picked up Fiona and she looked well rested. Jane watched Fiona carefully as she moved to the car. "I trust all went well Ms. Donovan?"

Fee smiled, glancing at Jane in her peripheral vision, "Yes, Jane. I do enjoy a day like this, but sometimes I feel a little guilty."

"Why is that?"

Fiona half grimaced and half smiled, "Well, in my life I'm constantly seeing what good just a little money can do for people in desperate need. So, knowing that I just spent 100s of dollars to have someone rub grapeseed oil over my body causes a little cognitive dissonance."

"I see," Jane considered, "But you could easily argue that the limited indulgences you participate in help you to continue your work which is physically and emotionally demanding." Jane smiled, "It's a small price to pay Ms. Donovan, but we all must make sacrifices in our life. Perhaps it's not the 'guilt' you should focus on. Maybe the thing to concentrate on is the 'next best thing' you will do now because you now have the energy and focus necessary to do that."

Fiona smiled sincerely, "Thank you, I'll try to do that."

As Reggie navigated his way through the city Fiona turned to Jane. "I'm starving, would you mind having a late lunch with me before you drop me off for the day?"

"My pleasure Ms. Donovan," Jane smiled "I'm hungry too. How about you Reggie did you eat?"

"Yes Ms. Baker, while you were both busy I ate. I am happy to wait for you."

"Alright then Ms. Donovan, just you and I. Where to?"

"Luke's Lobster please Reggie, thanks!"

----

Jane and Fiona sat at a small table each devouring a lobster roll and a beer. Jane looked up and caught Fiona staring again, but this time Jane had a mouthful of food and she laughed lightly through the food. "Ms. Donovan?" She asked after she washed down the food with a bit of beer. "Would you like to ask me a question now?"

Fiona grinned, "Very much, but fair warning, it's personal in nature."

Jane raised her eyebrow and she returned a thoughtful gaze. Her voice was cautious and measured as she sensed that Fiona wanted to push the envelope of their relationship. "Go ahead Ms. Donovan, you know the rules."

Fiona nodded and thought for a moment. "Have you ever loved another person? Not your immediate family. Romantically?"

Jane was again disarmed by the directness and nature of Fiona's questions. She smiled, "That is personal." Fiona smiled and shrugged with an "I warned you!" look on her face. Jane smiled softly but her tone was crisp. "Ms. Donovan, it's very important that we maintain a professional, working relationship. I tend not to share personal information with my clients, it can lead to complications. I hope you understand."

Disappointment washed across Fee's face but she nodded in understanding. "Okay, I get it. You can't or don't want to let your clients 'in.' But how do you protect a person when you're isolated from them at a personal level? Is it clinical for you? Surgical?"

"To a good degree, yes. It is. There certainly have been clients that I have 'liked' less than others but my commitment to their safety is, of course, the same." Jane saw doubt in Fiona's eyes and she seemed like her feelings were hurt. Jane smiled warmly attempting to comfort her. "Ms. Donovan I am very comfortable telling you that I think you are a tremendous young woman. You are beautiful, but more importantly you are an attractive person and it has nothing to do with your looks. I am happy to work for you in a professional manner. I am truly impressed by you and your work, and I do feel personally connected to you."

"Thank you Jane." Fee smiled sincerely, "I guess I wish I could feel more connected to you." Jane nodded in understanding but didn't offer a response.

Jane returned to her food and Fiona seemed content for the moment to end her line of questioning. Jane occasionally looked up trying to read Fiona's now very thoughtful eyes. As the meal wound down Jane asked, "Ms. Donovan, may I escort you home now?"

"Of course." Again Jane was surprised by the genuine tenor of Fiona's voice. "Thank you so much for having lunch with me, I enjoyed the company very much. I hope you'll consider letting me get to know you a little better." Fee stood and the two women walked out to the car. They rode home in silence and separated with polite goodbyes in the car.

"Ms. Donovan?"

"Yes?"

"Please call me if you need me. Remember that Reggie has tomorrow off and I will be transporting you if you need to run out." She paused,"Otherwise I will see you tomorrow evening at 7:00pm, you are scheduled to arrive at 7:30pm. I will be back for you."

Fiona nodded in acknowledgement and moved into the condo feeling lonely.