Anxiety Level

26: Anxiety Level

Jane watched Fiona slip into an exhausted deep sleep. She quietly slipped off the bed, returned to the bathroom and wiped down every surface completely erasing the events of the night from the bathroom. She stripped down to her bra and panties and dressed in a pair of Fiona's sweats and a t-shirt. Jane then gathered all the clothing from the night and the towels and moved to the kitchen bagging the "trash" and walking it down to the garage. She moved the jewelry to the island in the kitchen.

Finally, exhausted herself, she laid down on top of the sheets and blankets letting her body fall around Fiona's providing a final layer of warmth and protection.

----

Fiona began to move slowly beneath the sheets, the sun was just breaking through the large windows in her room and the drapes weren't pulled tight enough to stop the invasion. Fee's mouth felt dry and swollen, her head was thick from last night's emotional breakdown, and she felt as if her body hadn't rested at all. She rolled over to see Jane sitting in a chair by her bed, her blue-grey eyes watching her intently.

Jane hesitated, unsure how to address Fiona, "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I feel ... I'm not really sure how I feel." Fiona rolled back over and looked at the covered windows. She did want Jane to see her this way.

With her back to her it was easier for Jane to redraw some lines, "Ms. Donovan," her voice was soft and filled with empathy, "you're suffering from post-traumatic stress. You need to speak with someone."

There was a long silence before Fiona responded. "No Jane."

"Ms. Donovan, I need to get back to the office and debrief and gather more information. Reggie will stay here with you. I'm going to ask one of our specialists, who is both a medical doctor and psychiatrist specializing in traumatic stress, to come see you."

"No Jane."

Jane moved around the bed and sat at the edge looking down on Fiona. She didn't look traumatized, her eyes weren't glazed over or confused. They were full of emotion, she looked sad. Jane gently brushed her hair back.

Fiona shifted her gaze to Jane. "You said you wouldn't." Tears threatened. Fiona sat up pulling the sheets with her and hugging her knees she leveled her eyes at Jane. "You said you wouldn't call me that."

Jane sighed, conflicted, terrified that she was going to lose control, feeling like she already had. "You're right, Fiona. I apologize, I made a promise." Jane studied the woman, watching her breathe, seeing her eyes fight to stay focused. "Fiona, I'm going to get you some water then I want you to try to go back to sleep."

Jane left to get a bottle of the water in the kitchen. She needed to create space again. Fiona was vulnerable, scared, and confused, and if she were to ask Jane anything in this state Jane would answer without hesitation and completely honestly. The operation was in jeopardy and the asset was hurt. Jane felt she was standing at the edge of her first "miserable failure."

Walking back into the room Jane returned to the bedside. "Fiona, I need to get into the office." She said handing her the water. She watched as Fiona emptied over half of the bottle in a single series of gulps.

"Can you please stay? Just a little longer." Fiona reached over, pulling at Jane's arm and shoulder and resting her head in the soft skin below her collarbone. The sheets laid loosely over Fiona's body reminding Jane that she was naked beneath the linens. Jane's breath caught and felt a very dangerous flash of arousal wash through her. "Please stay. I want you." Fiona reached up with her mouth kissing softly Jane's neck and jawline.

Jane winced in frustration and need, she took a breath trying desperately to find her resolve. "No Fiona. You are not yourself right now. If we do this now I would never know if it was about you or the circumstances. Please, you know I'm right."

Fiona fell back into the bed and rolled to her side again, breaking eye contact. She pulled the covers tightly up under her chin. "Okay," she signed deeply with resignation, "but I want to have this conversation again. Soon."

Jane stood her heart slowing, the smallest bit of separation easing her need, and smiled down on Fiona,"Thank you. I'm going into the office now. May I send over the specialist? She will help you get back to yourself again."

"Yes."

"I will be back for you."

----

Agent Foster occasionally looked up at Jane as he reviewed her report. She sat confident and unflinching but her thoughts drifted back to Fiona and their morning conversation.

"Agent Baker, it seems that you were able stop an undetected threat to an unknown target."

"Mr. Stout was simply fortunate enough to have been walking with Ms. Donovan."

"I agree. It seems that Mr. Stout will be the subject of an extensive investigation for fraud and embezzlement. Apparently he has an unsavory relationship with the Georgian Mafia. He likes to gamble and likes very young girls. When he ran out of money he allocated some from Micropath Charities, when the accountants started seeing discrepancies it was only a matter of time before he was caught. I guess the Georgians wanted their piece of the pie first and didn't get it. They tried to teach him a very personal lesson in a very public venue."

Jane nodded. She was disgusted, but she also felt sorrow for Fiona and how this news would impact her and her company. "Agent Foster, where do we stand with my current assignment?"

"There is still some live intel out there, but we think we have now narrowed the threat."

Jane shifted forward.

"In just over two weeks Micropath is hosting a large corporate gala at the Bank Ballroom in New York City. Both the Donovans will be in attendance. We believe at that time a cell will be looking to acquire access to a new pathogen that can be replicated and weaponized. We don't think there is imminent danger to either of the Donovans but we do want to identify the inside man as well as the cell. We want you to stay with Ms. Donovan and continue reconnaissance through the gala event and assist with onsite collection, recovery, detention, and termination of threat if necessary."

Jane nodded.

"I understand you put in a request to have Agent Couch visit Ms. Donovan?"

"Yes. I believe she's suffering from post-traumatic stress. I'm not sure how she will feel about attending another event."

Agent Foster nodded and in deep thought. "Maintain your 'skin' Agent Baker. Ms. Donovan needs to feel confident enough with your services that she is willing to move back into her role as fundraiser. We will send in Agent Poe as a possible big budget donor to Micropath Charities. He will request that she take him on a guided visit to the Maryland labs. Both of you will work reconnaissance during the tour. We need to identify the source of the sale, the pathogen, and the terrorist cell. See William if you need anything. Agent Baker, your operation ends after the Gala pending any unforeseen developments."Agent Foster stood up and left the room.

----

Fiona showered and changed into the same sweats and t-shirt Jane left folded on the chair. She felt the need to be close to her in any way possible. She sat now on the sofa looking at Dr. Couch as she referenced a file of last night's events.

"Ms. Donovan, you are slightly dehydrated and both physically and emotionally exhausted, but otherwise your health is good." She pursed her lips in a thin smile. "What can you tell me about last night?"

"I saw Jane knock a man to the ground. I saw a lot of blood, her blood, we were whisked away in a black van, Jane helped me wash off the blood, I cried myself to sleep."

"You call Ms. Baker 'Jane?'"

"Yes, I asked her if I could, originally I called her Ms. Baker."

"And how does she refer to you?"

"She called me 'Ms. Donovan.'"

"Called?"

"Until last night, I asked her to call me Fiona. I don't think she's entirely comfortable with that."

"Are you usually squeamish around blood, or surgeries, or watching gory movies?"

"No, but I've never seen something that 'up close' before.

"How did you sleep last night?"

"Not well. I don't remember dreaming or waking, but I felt like I got no sleep at all this morning. Jane stayed here last night. She didn't say anything about my sleep pattern."

"Has Ms. Baker stayed here before?"

"No."

"Did Ms. Baker stay in your room, in your bed?"

Fiona shifted uncomfortably. "Jane helped me shower and get cleaned up. She wasn't inappropriate in any way. If that's what you're asking. When I woke up she was sitting in a chair watching me."

"I see. Do you think the blood was more unsettling because it was Ms. Baker's?"

"Ummmm I guess so, I know her."

"How well do you know her?"

"I don't really know her, she won't answer personal questions. But I know that she's a good person. I know that she tries to make decisions that are best for me, not necessarily what I want."

"How do you mean?"

"I don't know." Fiona flushed. "It's complicated."

"When you think about last night in general, what is your anxiety level? 0-None, 10-Extreme?"

"6. I think."

"When you think about blood on your hands, what is your anxiety level? 0-None, 10-Extreme?"

"7."

"When you think about Ms. Baker getting injured, what is your anxiety level? 0-None, 10-Extreme?"

"8."

"When you think about sleeping alone tonight, what is your anxiety level? 0-None, 10-Extreme?"

"8."

"How do you feel about Ms. Baker's ability to continue with the contract?"

"I think she's much stronger than I am. She doesn't like to lose control or fail. So I think she'll be fine."

"How will you be? Will the possibility that her position puts her in danger cause you anxiety?"

"Yes. But not as much anxiety as not having her here." Fiona stared into the space between them. "That would be a 10."

"Ok Ms. Donovan. I think you'll be fine with time. You may want to have Ms. Baker stay over again, but I'm going to encourage you not to let that happen. You do not want to become dependent on her presence. The contract will end and you will need to function on your own."

Fiona winced quietly and it did not go unnoticed by Dr. Couch.

"If you feel like you need Ms. Baker in the next 3 days, have her sleep out here. No more than 3 days. Again, I strongly suggest you do not foster a dependence on Ms. Baker's presence. Perhaps you can have Ms. Baker take you on some smaller trips out and give you some time on your own to wander and explore.

Fiona nodded in understanding.

"You may experience anxiety when you leave your home and return to public life. This is absolutely normal. Take it slow, focus on something that is constant and comforting. There is no rush. I'd start with short trips out. You'll probably be back to your normal self within the month. If the anxiety paralyzes you in any way, have Ms. Baker contact me immediately."