Good & Perfect

40: Good & Perfect

Avery whispered into Fiona's hair, "I'd really love to show you something. I want to let you in. Please, Baby, can I show you?"

Fiona pulled away taking a long moment to consider the thoughts and emotions washing through Avery's eyes. "Okay." Avery took a deep breath, she had not realized that she stopped breathing.

Fiona watched Avery drive. Her heart and mind still struggling with the sudden re-entry of the woman back into her life. Everything was surreal and she was terrified that she might be imagining what was happening. As Avery drove them both back toward the city she could feel Fiona watching her trying to make her "fit" back into her reality. "Fee, would you like to ask me a question?" She smiled softly, "No question is out of bounds."

Fiona's eyes widened and she gasped silently at the familiar banter. "Avery, I have so many, I have no idea where to start."

"Maybe I could start? Tell me about Farm to City. Are you happy Fiona?"

A small smile played on Fiona's lips, "I love it. We're small but doing important work." Fee continued to stare at Avery, taking her in. "I think of you constantly. Sometimes when I see the kids and I look for you in their faces." Fiona could see Avery's eyes flood with emotion. "Happiness has been more elusive. Happy in finite moments. Dad has helped me from becoming paralyzingly lonely."

Avery grimaced guilt rippling through her. "I'm so sorry."

Fee nodded, reflecting,"I know what I want to ask you." Avery nodded. "Did you struggle? As a child? Were you poor?"

"I was in the foster system. So in a manner of speaking, yes. I grew up and lived with three different foster families before I graduated high school."

"So, no family." Fiona's voice was quiet and sad.

"No, Fee. No family. It's part of what made me a good field agent. No one would ... "

"Miss you?" Avery nodded, she was still focusing on the road and Fee could not read her eyes. "And you weren't lonely?"

"Not until you Fiona. You asked me once if I was lonely. Do you remember?" Fee nodded. "You told me that I didn't know loneliness because I didn't know love."

"I remember."

"Well, I've never felt so lonely. I've never been so totally lost or so desperately lonely as I am without you." Avery stopped the car, also bringing the conversation to a stop. When they got out they were standing in front of her home. She looked over, "I wanted to show you something I haven't shared with anyone, ever." Fiona nodded, looking up at the door. She followed Avery across the threshold.

The rowhouse was beautiful. Classic but updated and with a minimalist feel. Fiona moved slowly through the space taking in the detail. Avery stood between the kitchen and the sitting area and watched her in silence. Fee looked through Avery's books occasionally, smiling or touching them. She walked through the kitchen pulling her hands across the countertop and bar staring at the stools and imagining Avery sitting there. She looked into the small pantry and couldn't help but smile at a stash of gummy candy.

Avery couldn't believe how much she loved seeing Fiona navigate her home and take in the nuances that made it hers. The experience was incredible for her, a first. She was torn thinking she could watch Fee move in her space forever and also feeling a growing need to make physical contact. She needed Fiona's touch. When Fee stopped at the bottom of the stairs she looked over at Avery. "Go ahead," she smiled softly, "I'll wait here."

Fee climbed the stairs and found a guest room, a full bathroom, and a master suite. She swallowed thickly when she crossed into Avery's bedroom. The smell of her was everywhere, intense. Fee's eyes watered with emotion. Fiona looked over the clothes in the closet, she smiled at the sight of Naval Academy sweats and a uniform covered in plastic. She saw a stack of t-shirts on the shelves in the closet and her heart jumped at the sight of the Boston College T. Fee pulled the shirt and lifted it to her face, breathing in deeply.

She stepped into Avery's bathroom and she was overwhelmed with the smell of her again. She saw a familiar pair of glasses sitting on the counter top. Her heart was pounding in her ears and her hands were trembling. She reached out and touched them lightly. Fiona sat on the edge of her bed, looking around the room. She looked back over her shoulder at the bed and imagined what Avery looked like in the linens. She thought about their shared heartache and loneliness in past months.

There were no personal pictures, she wasn't surprised. On the nightstand there were several articles cut out from the Washington Post following the Micropath scandals, there was one Johns Hopkins press release touting their new hire in Dr. Donovan, and several small stories from the Fairfax County Times about "Farm to City." One article was an early interview with Fiona and her picture was prominent.

Avery sat in her "library chair" her heart raced while she waited. The longer Fiona warmed her house with her presence the more determined Avery became. She could not lose her again. She was anxious and watched the stairs carefully waiting for Fee to descend. Avery's eyes flickered at movement from the staircase. Fiona descended looking slightly dazed. She moved slowly watching Avery as she sat down on the sofa. For a long moment the two women sat across from each other locked in deep consideration.

Avery saw Fee's eyes clouded with thought. She stood slowly and moved to the sofa, never breaking eye contact. She sat down next to Fiona, "Is this okay?" Avery's body rippled with tension and want.

Fiona nodded, she felt if Avery touched her, just once she would fall spiraling back down into her. Her mind fought for rational balance. Looking steadily into her blue-grey eyes, Fiona spoke softly and slowly. "I love you, I think you know that. But I wouldn't be able to survive losing you again. I can't break again in that way."

Fiona hesitated, searching for words. Fiona's mind and body struggled with the joy knowing Avery was alive and the pain of her sitting there right in front of her. Fiona looked into Avery's eyes and searched her face. She saw the faintest jagged scar just inside the hairline on the left side of Avery's forehead. She reached up gently pushing Avey's hair back and gasping quietly. Tears burned in her eyes. "Avery what happened to you?"

Avery could not restrain herself. She felt a need so deep in her bones that she ached. She leaned in slowly, taking the space away. She stopped just before she reached Fee's lips. "I lost you Fiona. I lost your beautiful, loving 'shores' and I am never letting that happen again."

Fiona swallowed and whimpered with anticipation. And the sound of Fiona's subtle desire Avery crashed unapologetically into Fee. She kissed her passionately with an urgency and need that caused Fiona to gasp. Fee felt intensity and then surrendered. She gave herself over to the kiss completely. Fee's entire body shook at Avery's touch. Her mind was completely overwhelmed. She knew that she would have Avery back no matter what. She would be willing to break a thousand times over for just a few moments more with her. Her mouth trembled and she could taste her own tears.

Avery pulled back gazing into Fiona's calm green seas. "Please don't cry," Avery murmured, "I'll always come back for you, I'm not leaving you again. Please, please, Baby. Let me love you. Let me have you." Emotion rolled through Avery and she was vulnerable and exposed. "I know I don't deserve you. You're perfect. Please. I can't be without you anymore." Avery understood now the depths of both love and loneliness.

Fiona reached up with her mouth, she kissed her slowly, softly. She pushed Avery back deeper into the sofa straddling her, and the memories of Avery's love and devotion came flooding back. Between breaths she whispered, "Avery ... I'm yours ... since the 1st time I saw you walk up my stairs. I love you."

Within moments the two women were stripping themselves down. Both moving slowly in an attempt to hold on to every touch. Together they began to completely lose themselves in the moment. They were pressing into each other trying to maintain contact, gasping each woman lost in the other, speaking no words.

Avery's eyes rolled with tension and emotion as she moved her mouth and hands over Fiona with intensity and need. She tasted all of Fiona, pressing into her. Avery drove them both to the edge of release. The physical connection was matched only by the emotional deluge.

Fee's body thrashed and rocked with need and desire. Her body and mind strained in an effort to melt completely into Avery. She shattered the silence when she called out with release and ecstasy. Avery's heavy breathing slowly began to calm as she held Fiona in her arms softly kissing any all parts of her body that she could reach.

The night continued and the women found themselves in Avery's bed rolled up in passion and devotion. Again and again they reconnected with each other, comforted each other, murmured promises that they would never break. In the darkest hours of the night they laid together still awake and lost in shared bliss.

"Avery?"

"Yes, Baby?"

"You are a good person. You're good for me. You're my muse for doing good in this world that people can see and appreciate because your good goes unknown and unappreciated."

"Fiona, you are perfect. No more pain, I'm not lost anymore. Stay with me, I'll always be back for you."