Lust: Chapter 16

I’ve hardly seen Brandon at all this week. At the very least, I can call him a man of his word. He said our relationship would be different from now on.

We’re as good as strangers now.

Today, I’ll have to change that, however little he might like it. I had a conversation with Harper this morning about a retreat he’s planning to go on next week. He’s leading most of the conference sessions and will hardly have a single moment of free time. He needs his PA with him.

But he told Harper he’s planning to go alone.

I can’t have it. If he really wants us to be strangers, he should have fired me.

He’d never do that, though. It would require too many lies. He certainly won’t tell my dad what happened between us, but he has too much integrity to invent a lie that would save my ass from looking like a fallen woman.

We’re stuck together for the next two weeks and for this retreat.

My heart pounds as I knock on his office door. When I walk inside, he’s sitting at his desk looking grim-faced,

“Can I talk to you about something?” I ask.

His posture grows rigid, like he’s bracing himself. I force a smile as I sit on the chair in front of his desk. I’ll do anything to lighten the tension between us, so I adopt a cheerful voice. “Harper told me you’re planning on going to the retreat alone.”

His eyes widen minutely. He takes a moment to answer. “I can handle everything on my own.”

I sigh. “I don’t think you can. I think you need your PA with you.”

“Mariana, you know it’s not right for us—”

“Not right for us to what?” His head jerks back at my raised voice. “Be alone together? What’s going to happen after Daisy’s maternity leave is over? Will we always have to avoid each other? People in my family will pick up on it.” I huff, shaking my head. “They’ll assume it’s my fault.”

His eyes flash. “I’d never let them think that. I won’t avoid you forever. I just… I need time.”

“You’ll have until next week.” I stand up from my chair, hoping I look like a boss babe who won’t take no for an answer. “You need me at that retreat.”

He frowns. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

I flip my hair as I turn toward the door. “Well, I want to go on that retreat. I love Big Sur. Would you really make me miss out on that because you want to bend me over your desk?”

His body grows utterly still, and I want to kick myself. I’ve ruined my chances of ever changing his mind with one little slip of the tongue.

“Mari,” he whispers, and my legs turn to jelly.

My nickname. It’s so rare that he says it that, when he does, I wish I could absorb his voice into my skin.

There’s so much heat between us. It’s not fair that it can never be realized. It’s not fair that my dad had to intervene and make him feel like the desire he feels for me is a betrayal. It’s not fair that there’s now a church congregation between me and Brandon because of my dad’s intervention.

I swallow. “I was just teasing. I promise I won’t talk that way ever again. It only slipped out because I was frustrated.”

An emotion flashes in his eyes… Something that looks like disappointment. He lowers his gaze to his desk. “You can go on the trip. I don’t want to deprive you of a nice little getaway if you were looking forward to it, especially after all you’ve done for me. But please…” He shuts his eyes.

“I know.”

“We have to be mindful.”

“I understand that. I’ll keep my distance. It’ll be like I’m not even there.”

His expression grows somehow grimmer.

Brandon

I promise I won’t talk that way ever again.

Why do those words make me feel like I’ve been sent to the guillotine?

She’s handling this with much more maturity than I expected, and I’m a bastard for being disappointed. Was I really hoping that she’d throw herself at me, making me feel less responsible for my betrayal to the Hernandez family?

Thank God, I’ve learned that it’s my actions that determine my integrity, or else I’d probably hate myself.

My phone chimes and I see I have a text from Sofia.

I let out a low groan. Mariana said something about mini golf to Harper the other day, and it sounded like a big group activity. I only overheard because I was straining my ears to listen like a lovesick teenage boy.

Sofia probably wants me to go so she can mention something to Hector. She wants to keep up appearances until the wedding, and I can’t blame her. Her dad is observant. If Sofi and I aren’t careful, he’ll pick up on our deception. Depending on the mood he’s in, he might even call us out in front of the rest of the family, which would be embarrassing for her.

I have to be careful.

But damn. I really don’t want to have to spend an evening with Mariana and all her twenty-something friends. I’d feel even more like an old lecher who couldn’t keep his hands off her.

I’ll ask if Sofia wants to go on a coffee date on another day instead. That will serve the same purpose. Just as I place my thumbs on the keyboard, another text appears.

I frown. Third wheel? I guess she’s not asking me to attend a group activity but a double date, which means…

Oh fuck.

Mariana has a date.

Something dark and primitive clenches my gut and makes heat prickle all over my skin. It’s completely irrational to be possessive. I know this. But somehow, I can’t stop my thumbs from typing out a response.

I won’t do anything stupid. It might even be good for me to watch Mariana out with a young guy. I’ll see in action how she’s living a different life, one I left behind many years ago.

But even if I want to kill the little prick—whoever he is—it won’t matter, because I’ll behave myself.

Please God, help me behave myself.