Lust: Chapter 17

The modern chandelier is relentlessly bright, and all the servers seem especially cheerful and talkative. I’m not in the mood for a place like this. I want to stay quietly in my head while I prepare myself for how I’ll react when Mariana finally shows up for her date.

Thankfully, Sofia has been quieter than usual as well. One hand is set primly in her lap while she uses the other to scroll on her phone.

“Where is she?” I ask, hating how impatient I sound.

I inhale deeply and slowly. This is so stupid. Here I am itching with anxiety when I could have avoided this all together by just saying I couldn’t make it.

But would my anxiety be worse if I were waiting alone at home, thinking about her out with another man?

No matter how bad my anxiety is, I’ll have to get over it eventually. Mariana will be in my life forever. I might even officiate her wedding someday.

The thought is like a blow to the chest.

Why didn’t I consider what all of this would mean before now? I knew I’d never be able to touch her again, and yet it didn’t occur to me that I’d have to watch someone else do it.

“There she is,” Sofia says, and when my head jerks up, heat engulfs my whole body like a flame.

She’s wearing a tight black dress that reveals every inch of her beautiful skin. I would give anything to be able to touch her again.

And the motherfucker behind her is staring at her ass.

Zac.

Of course it’s him. Zac who brought her lunch. Zac who touched the tip of her nose.

He might even fuck her tonight.

My chest seizes with an unbearable tightness. I set my water glass down, and a bit of it splashes onto the table.

I need to calm the fuck down. I never should have touched her to begin with. Zac is much better for her, if only because he’s her age. He understands her in a way that I never could.

The thought isn’t comforting.

Sofia follows my gaze to Mariana’s tall escort. Her eyes widen. “Do you know Zac?”

I shake my head. “He stopped by once to bring her lunch, but we weren’t introduced.”

“Of course he brought her lunch.” Sofia lowers her voice as Mariana and Zac approach our table. “He’s always had a crush on her.”

Heat washes over my skin.

“Look at you two all dressed up.” Sofia smiles. “Mari, I don’t know how you’re going to play mini golf in that.”

Mariana grins as she sits down, and now that she’s in full view, I see that her cleavage is out of control, and Zac’s gaze once again falls to her beautiful skin.

Little prick.

“Hey, Pastor,” Mariana says, her voice sultry and low. “Now that I’m here, I can say that you’re both sitting way too close. You got to leave room for the Holy Spirit.”

I can’t even bring myself to respond to her little tease. I’m consumed by every inch of her bare flesh in that skimpy dress, every movement of her lips. Just a week ago, I had that woman with her legs open for me as I brought her to ecstasy.

Now I’m forced to watch her from afar.

“I thought I might try a cocktail, Mariana.” Sofia lifts the menu. “Looks like they have a bunch of different daiquiris. Do you want to split one with me?”

Mariana pouts. “My lightweight sister. No, I shouldn’t even split one. We just came from happy hour with the whole crew.” Mariana shoots Zac an intimate smile that makes my skin crawl. “I already had a few too many.”

Zac reaches his hand around her shoulder and gives it a squeeze, and my jaw clenches of its own will. “You didn’t introduce us,” I mutter.

Mariana frowns at me, and I wonder if the words came out more biting than I’d intended.

“You met Zac.” She smiles slowly. “He was the guy I was…fraternizing with.”

I shoot her a warning look, and those beautiful dark eyes of hers grow hooded. Oh God, it’s that sultry look of hers.

She’s being defiant tonight.

Because she’s tipsy.

Naughty girl. I wish I could drag her into that bathroom and turn her over my lap.

With effort, I smile at Zac. “I don’t think we officially met. I’m Brandon.”

“Pastor Brandon, right?” Zac asks. “Mari has great things to say about you. And you know she’s a heathen, so—”

Mariana punches Zac in the shoulder, and they both start laughing.

I shut my eyes for a moment, letting self-recrimination wash over me in a flood. They’re both so young, flirting the way they are. I’m an old man over here wishing I could be in the place of a twenty-something kid.

It has to stop.

Thankfully, our food comes, and I’m able to pull my attention away from Mariana and Zac. It isn’t difficult since they spend the next half hour talking mostly to themselves about people and circumstances unfamiliar to me. I use the opportunity to converse with Sofia, and it’s a balm to my shitty mood. She truly feels like family—the little sister I never had.

Somehow, Mariana escaped those brotherly feelings.

By the time we leave the restaurant, the late afternoon sun is reflecting off the downtown buildings. The air smells like a combination of hot asphalt and ocean.

“Ugh,” Mariana says. “It’s too hot for mini golf.”

Zac lowers his sunglasses as he looks at her. “It’s my turn to pick. We did your little boat thing last week, and I was ready to puke the whole time.”

She giggles. “Your sea legs are pretty weak.”

Since Sofia and I are walking behind them, I take the opportunity to ask the question that’s been burning in my gut since the moment I got the text from her yesterday. “Are Zac and Mariana dating?”

Sofia smiles. “No. Technically they’re just good friends. But Zac has been trying for years.”

I look ahead, and Zac sets his hand on Mari’s lower back.

Oh fuck. The clawing jealousy in my gut is a physical pain.

Jesus, please help me to be civil.

After we make it to the course and start playing mini golf, Zac starts getting more touchy than he was in the restaurant. His hands are everywhere. On her arm, her back, her shoulder. The touches are gentle, not overtly intimate, but they’re enough. Enough to make me want to grind my teeth into chalk dust.

“Actually, why don’t we make this a bit more interesting?” I say after sinking a hole in one, feeling like a child for what I’m about to propose, but unable to help myself.

“What do you have in mind?” Zac’s tone is playful, but I can sense a hint of competitiveness in his eyes.

“Sofia never got her daiquiri. How about losers pay for a round afterward.” I keep my eyes locked with Zac’s.

He smiles, the corners of his mouth curling into a cocky grin. “You’re on.”

“Uh-oh.” Sofia winces. “I hope it’s only one round. Mari’s right about me being kind of a lightweight when it comes to alcohol.”

I smile at her and set my hand on her shoulder. “You can have as much or as little as you want. I’m driving you.”

“Wow, Pastor.” Mariana tosses her hair as she bends forward to putt. “Getting the young people drunk. Don’t worry—” she smiles slowly “—we won’t tell Dad.” Her tone has that usual playfulness, but I sense an underlying edge to her words.

If you’re going to act like a father figure, I’m going to treat you like one.

I swallow and lower my head to Sofia’s ear. “You know I would never try to get you or Mariana drunk, right? You can tell your dad whatever you want.”

“Of course. You don’t even have to say it.” Sofia frowns at Mariana as she lowers her voice. “She’s already drunk. Or buzzed, I guess. Dad would be happy you’re here to watch out for her.”

The thought isn’t the slightest bit comforting. Fuck me, I don’t want to act as Mariana’s elderly chaperone. Not after having my mouth all over her body just a week ago.

She’s mine.

But she’s not. She never will be, and I must come to terms with it, however much my body is battling my head.

These troubling thoughts drift away like smoke as the game continues. Zac seems to love the competition. And it’s cathartic for me to be able to score on him when he has his hands all over Mariana’s bare skin.

The holes become a battlefield. Every successful shot from one of us is met with a smirk, a raised eyebrow, a snarky comment. The girls look on, a mix of amusement and bafflement on their faces.

We’re both acting like children, and I started it—the pastor who’s over a decade older than him.

I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything stupid tonight. Yet here I am, acting like a fool and unable to stop myself.

“Damn, Pastor!” Zac shouts when I manage to score another hole in one. He wrinkles his nose. “Is it alright if I swear in front of you?”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not your mom.”

Zac smirks as he putts his ball. It ends up in a tricky position just at the edge of a small hill on the course. I watch as he aligns his shot, his brow furrowed in concentration. With a quick, fluid motion, he strikes the ball, and it rolls up the hill…only to roll right back down again. I look away to hide my smile.

“Maybe the Holy Spirit isn’t with you today, Zac.” I pat his shoulder.

Mariana’s eyes grow huge. She grabs my arm and pulls me in the direction of the next hole. “I need to talk to my boss for a minute.”

I ought to be dreading whatever she has to say. I’ve been acting like an ass for the last half hour. She’s probably going to give me a scolding, but holy fuck, she smells so good. It’s wonderful to have her to myself after what I’ve had to witness all evening.

“What is going on with you?” she asks as soon as we’re out of earshot.

I can’t tell her I’m raging with jealousy.

Even though she must know.

“Just trying to make the most out of the evening. It’s awkward being as old as I am and—”

“Oh no.” Mariana raises one finger in the air. “You don’t get to use the old man excuse. Not when I feel like I stepped into a time machine and have just met high school Brandon. The star point guard with the prom queen girlfriend. The guy who flushed nerds’ heads in the toilet for fun.”

I laugh, and the tension leaves my shoulders in an instant. “Do you think I went to high school in an eighties movie?”

She widens her eyes innocently. “That was when you went to high school, wasn’t it?”

I step forward. “Watch it, young lady.”

Her smile fades, and heat tingles over my skin.

Fuck.

“Sorry.” I step back, scratching the back of my head. “I really need to get out of the habit of saying that. Especially with our trip two days away.”

She places her hands on her hips. “I’m a grown woman, Brandon. I’m not offended by a little dirty talk.”

I frown at her and open my mouth to speak, but she raises her hand to halt me. That adorably playful smile tugs at her lips. “We don’t need to go over it again, though you do look like you’re about to scold me like the stern boss daddy you are.”

My gut clenches, and I let out a groan. “Mari, please. Don’t call me Daddy.”

She sighs. “I won’t. We need to get back to the game before Sofia starts getting suspicious. You don’t have anything to fear from me. I’ll be a saint at the pastor conference.”

As she walks slowly back to Sofia and Zac, the fight seems to have left her body, which leaves me dejected.

I’m two people at once. One who wants this pastor retreat to come and go without ever coming close to touching Mariana again.

The other is a devil.

He wants to fuck her raw all weekend long.