Chapter Twenty Two - Take My Things And Leave

Nepenthe:

(n.) Something that can make you forget grief or suffering.

Chapter Twenty Two – Take My Things And Leave

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It’s been four days and Charlotte still hasn’t answered any of my texts or calls. I have never seen Evan as quiet as over the past couple of days. Not only has it been hard to explain to him that it isn’t his fault, it’s also been impossible to show him that I still want to be with him.

Charlotte’s ring rests in its original box on my nightstand, but I don’t really sleep in my own bed. Evan told me the first night that he wouldn’t be able to handle sleeping at her side of the bed with the knowledge of him hurting her. And no matter how I tried to explain him it won’t change anything, he refuses to listen to me. So I had pushed my two couches against each other and covered it in pillows. I sleeps just as well and Evan seems to be able to get at least a few hours of sleep when he’s lying next to me.

I did have time to think when I was spending my days at the office. For instance; I have to make a decision about our house. If I put it up for sale everyone will be suspicious and they will start assuming things which will put Charlotte down. But I don’t know if I’ll have enough money to keep two houses if the news of our divorce will come out, or the whole reason behind it.

And even if I will be able to keep two houses, will I have to live alone or will Evan join me? I know he feels terrible about the fact that we betrayed Charlotte, but he doesn’t regret it.

‘Charlotte’s trying to reach you.’ Grace says from where she’s standing in the door opening. I look up to her with wide eyes, before quickly reaching for my phone on my desk.

There are indeed two missed calls from Charlotte and so I dismiss Grace as I put the phone to my ear. It rings no more than three times before Charlotte picks up and my heart starts beating faster as her voice reaches my ears.

‘Alexander.’ She whispers and I let a small smile settle on my face.

‘Hello there Charlotte, how have you been?’ My voice is soft and I am almost scared that I will make her hang up. But Charlotte has never been a person of giving up. She’s persistent.

‘OK.’ For a few seconds it’s completely silent. I simply don’t know what I should tell her, or what she wants to tell me and it’s making it impossible to converse.

‘Where will you two go?’ Charlotte asks me and I try to distract myself by looking down through the window at the people whom are walking on the street.

‘I will go somewhere else, preferably still within reach of the company. Evan I don’t know about, I wish he would stay with me, but I can’t force him to come with me.’ Charlotte lets out a non-committed hum and she’s probably picking her nails.

‘Why are you… gay?’ I keep still again, just to process what she’s asking me. She genuinely seems to think that it’s a choice to become gay.

‘Charlotte it hasn’t been as much as a choice for me. I wish I were straight simply for the fact I would be happy with you and the people here would accept me. I simply am.’ She runs over my words a few times and the only sounds that can be heard are the shallow breaths that leave us.

‘I will promise not to fight the divorce, or out you to the public. But I need you to promise me something.’ A breath I didn’t know I was holding escapes me in relieve. She will let me go without a fight and that makes everything just a little bit better for me.

‘What do you need me to do?’ I ask her carefully and she blows out a bit of air.

‘Out yourself.’ She says determinately.

‘Within a month.’ My hand runs over my face and I force myself to take deep breaths so I won’t lash out at her. How can she ask something like that from me? Why didn’t she ask for money, or furniture. Damn she could have asked for the whole house and I would have given it to her, but coming out to the world. That’s something way more complicated, but do I have a choice?

‘I will, as long as we can get together today to divide all of our belongings. And we will tell our parents about our divorce tonight, without the reason.’ I almost want to give myself a pat on my shoulder for sounding so sure of my business.

‘I’ll see you tonight then.’ Charlotte answers.

‘See you tonight, Charlotte.’ I say and just as I pull the phone away from my ear I can hear her speaking up again.

‘Oh yeah, don’t forget to bring Evan along to our meet-up he deserves to know what’s going on.’ Without waiting for me to reply she hangs up and I am left dumbfounded once again.

One thing I know for sure, I am not getting Evan more mixed in than he already is.

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‘Does it matter what furniture stays here? I can get some easily through the firm.’ I say frustrated as Charlotte points out that yet another piece of furniture that needs to be given to someone.

‘Well the only thing that needs to be sorted out is the money. I will be able to pay for the house with my income, but I don’t think I want to live here anymore.’

I look up at Evan trying to see if he’s OK, but he’s still staring at his hands that are folded together on the table. The only things he’s said was a simple hello when Charlotte came walking in, but he’s simply too scared to say more.

‘Then we’ll both have to find a new place.’ I say with a nod and my nerves begin to spike as I think about telling my parents about our divorce. They will not be mad, they will be disappointed and that’s so much worse. Charlotte seems to realize the exact same thing as I as she reaches for her phone and we both look at the phone in pure horror as it goes over, this won’t be easy.

‘Charlotte dear, how are you?’ My mother’s voice booms through the room and it’s only then that Evan’s head raises. Both interested and terrified as he listens along to our conversation.

‘Not so good actually, I’m actually calling to tell you something.’

And so the conversation goes on and somewhere near the end my mother swears that she’ll disown me and even though I don’t like her. She’s still my mother and knowing that she’ll never wants to see me again because of the divorce doesn’t make the coming out any easier.

‘Evan I’m back!’ I say as I walk through the door of the now almost empty house. I look around confusedly as I don’t hear anything back so I quietly walk up the stairs. As I walk into my old room I see the doors of the balcony standing open and I look sadly down at Evan who’s sitting on the ground. His head is resting against one of the bars and his hands are slowly fumbling with some fallen leaves.

Without saying anything I crouch down next to him and slowly wrap my arms around his smaller frame. He immediately leans into me hold and it’s only then that I notice the tears that are streaming down his cheeks.

‘What’s wrong, sweets?’ I ask as I carefully wipe away his tears.

‘Do you still want me after you’ll move out?’ His question genuinely catches me of guard and I slowly trail my fingers over his cheeks.

‘Of course I do Evan. Why would you think I wouldn’t want you after that?’ He turns his head and buries his face into my chest while mumbling softly.

‘Sorry it’s a stupid question.’ I then run my hands through his hair as I pull him closer against me.

‘Tell me what’s on your mind, I want to give you a proper answer. If you think that I wouldn’t want you anymore after I’ve admitted it to my wife, something has to be wrong.’

He shuffles around a bit until he’s completely seated in my lap and he lays his head on my shoulder.

‘I just thought that you would move away and leave me be.’ He says and I wrap my arms completely around him as his words process in my mind.

‘I want you to come with me Evan, I just didn’t want to pressure you into going along with me.’ I close my eyes as I feel his lips push a small kiss on the side of my neck.

‘Tomorrow we will go looking for a house, together.’ I tell him and he pushes me out of nowhere which results in me falling onto my back, with Evan resting on top of me.

‘I love you.’ He whispers as he kisses me.

I want him to move with me and I simply don’t care about what others will think of it.

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A/N:

SO MANY FEELINGS.

PLEASE COMMENT AND VOTE?

~Noortje