Chapter 24.

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I stood in front of the mirror and lifted my finger to the scar on my arm. Why wasn't it going away? Why was my body taking so long to fix itself? What if it couldn't?

My strength had improved in the past week; I knew that because I healed faster when I hurt myself. I worked out every day, twice as much as I had ever before. If I was healing faster, shouldn't the scars be disappearing as well? The fact that they weren't fading meant that every cut or scrape I got while training added to my collection.

I looked at my arm and gasped suddenly feeling my arms go numb. I shook them as I grit my teeth before leaning my head back against the wall while feeling anger and fear flare through me as my mind replayed the knife twisting in my arm, the smile on Nicholas's face and his constant taunting and chuckling.

I couldn't get away from it. I felt everything and saw everything and even some new images whether my eyes were open or closed. It was like constant nightmares.

I jumped as sudden 'thud's sounded through the room before I sighed and looked towards the bathroom door. The shock had made my head instantly begin to pound, I couldn't stop reacting that way and it was exhausting.

"Eli? You alright in there?" Karabo's voice came from the other side of the door. He had not left for home yet. Perhaps because my family was urging him to stay?

Everyone loved him.

"Fine," I replied.

I didn't hear his footsteps retreat. Instead, there was a softer knock.

"Eli, you're –" Just the tone of his voice annoyed me and I could already tell what he was going to say. Couldn't he take a hint? I didn't need him to act like I was a fucking child. I didn't need him to pry into what he thought I felt.

"I said I'm fine, Karabo." My voice edged with finality.

It took a few seconds, but I heard his soft steps back away from the door before they retreated and disappeared somewhere down the hall. I lifted my hands running them over my face and into my hair before I fisted my hands in my hair. Did I hurt him? Why was I annoyed at him? No, I was annoyed at myself and just taking it out on him and everyone else. I was annoyed by my own weakness. My inability to fight them. To fucking heal properly. I shook my head.

Stop moping and get stronger, Eli.

Obviously, all of the work I was doing wasn't enough.

------

I sat with my chin on my interlaced fists as I thought. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, just couldn't seem to focus on where I was or what I was supposed to be doing so was letting my mind drift aimlessly. I could focus somewhat when I was training, but I didn't want anyone else asking me if I was alright so I had taken a break and come home to do nothing but sit on the couch and wonder about what I was doing.

I shut my eyes feeling tired but they snapped back open and my hand shot out to grab whoever I had just heard move. I looked at the hand that had reached to touch my shoulder, my hand tightly gripped around the thin wrist it was attached to making the woman wince painfully. I immediately let go.

"B-Bonnie, I'm sorry," I said quickly as I intertwined my fingers again and placed my hands between my knees trying to stop myself from doing any more random reactions like that. I don't know why I was so on edge, I knew I was not alone in the house; I had heard my Dad and Bonnie as soon as I walked in earlier.

"It's okay." She smiled, "Uhm, we're all going to watch a movie, you should come with."

"No," I replied. "I'm tired," I added trying to sound less rude.

"He has to help me with dinner." I looked by Bonnie at my dad as he walked over to us. Dinner? We never made dinner together. Mostly because I knew he would let me do all the work. Dad couldn't cook.

"Fine, just call if you want to join us. I'm taking your mate with." she said. I chuckled nodding and she left.

Dad sighed as he patted my head.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his hand moving to my forehead as though he thought I might have a fever. The movement made me furrow my brows in confusion because werewolves rarely got those. I guess it made sense, I probably had one when they found me.

"Good," I replied.

"If good feels like this, explain to me what bad would feel like," he said, his face not hiding his concern.

I gave a weak half-smile. "I feel like a walk," I said getting up.

"Fine, I guess I'll just make dinner by myself."

"Okay," I replied. He frowned and I knew I had messed up, he expected me to make fun of the possibility of him cooking or protest; usually, I would have. At the moment though, I really did just want to take a walk to be on my own so I was not going to try to fix my reaction.

"Have you eaten?" he called as I made my way to the door.

"Yeah."

"Eli –"

"See you later, Dad." I grinned while quickly heading out.

I took a walk between the houses, greeting every pack member I met and playing around with the pups a little bit. I was in the middle of a wrestling match with Emile, an eight-year-old, when his mother spoke up.

"Emile, I told you you need to – Alpha!"

"Hello, Mrs Saunders." I greeted, standing up and effortlessly lifting Emile along as I did. He kicked as I held him in the air until I laughed and let put him down. He tried to tackle me again but I caught his shoulders turning his back to me before hugging him against me.

"I thought you were in a meeting, was it really short?"

"Meeting?" I asked.

"Yes, I bumped into Ashton and Jackson earlier, they said... Wait, you don't know about it?" she asked. Ashton and one of our old Deltas? Jackson was also one of my Pap's best friends.

"Oh, no. Yes, I know. It's not important though." I brushed it off, "Just some work I gave them." I added.

"Right." She smiled, "Sorry to interrupt, but Emile hasn't finished his homework." she said giving the kid a frown. He grinned and I laughed.

"Play later?" He asked as I let him go.

"Yeah, listen to you mom." I patted his head and watched him run into his house with his mother heading inside after him.

Meeting? I wasn't told about any meeting...

I walked down the sidewalk and began making my way towards the recreational centre, it had a basement level area that was divided into offices we usually worked or had meetings in. I entered the silent recreational hall and then made my way down the stairs that led to my office because I figured the other entrance would have people near or around it and I did not want to run into anyone. They would undoubtedly try to hide what was going on from me given that this was clearly a meeting I wasn't supposed to know about. I walked out of my office and down the hall before pausing as I heard talking. My eyes ran over the doors and I walked into the closest room to the talking that I could hear was not occupied before I shut the door softly once inside.

I leaned against the wall listening to the conversation in the next room.

"He's just... so different right now." I heard a voice. Jackson. So this was the meeting Mrs Saunders had mentioned. Jackson wasn't that old, but we still considered him an elder. Elders – retired Deltas, Betas and Alphas – still had a big impact on pack decisions.

"He's still Alpha." I heard Paps.

"Yes, Corey. By name and birth, he is." I heard one of our current Delta's reply.

"Just for a second, focus on Eli as Alpha, not as your son." Emily, another of our current Delta's, said sounding slightly frustrated and hurt.

"That is not Eli, though. That's not our Alpha. He's some type of zombie and that cannot lead a pack." another of the elders spoke.

I bit my lip holding my breath to focus on what they were saying.

"If he's not Alpha, I'm not Beta." I heard Ashton.

"You can't do that, Beta. If you're honest, you know he's not suitable right now."

"With Eli acting this way you're all we have."

"I know. I know, but it doesn't mean we replace him. Is he not allowed to be like this sometimes?" Ashton asked.

No. I knew I wasn't and as much as I had tried to act strong, I had done the complete opposite and even everyone that I had just heard speak sounded uneasy. I shut my eyes. I really couldn't keep anything together at the moment. They were right; I was in no position to lead the pack. What was I if I wasn't an Alpha? Who was I?

I grit my teeth running my hands over my face in worried frustration.

What do I do? How do I stop acting like this? How do I fix myself?

"What about his mate?" It felt like someone had punched the air from my lungs, though it was a blow I had been expecting.

I shook my head walking out of the room as I decided not to listen any further. Maybe, there was a simple solution to all of this. Maybe I would stop freaking out if I could just feel Nicholas's heart stop beating in my hand, along with Craig's. Was I even strong enough to take Nicholas on? Well, I was fast even without my strength...

*Karabo*

"Have you seen Eli?" Ashton asked me as he walked into my room. Tamia and their friends were downstairs, sleeping over because Jayden insisted. I had the feeling he missed having his daughter live with him.

"He's not back yet? When I went to your house this morning, he was working out." I said. We had not been back for long, but I figured Eli would be in his office, when he wasn't in his office he was in his room or the gym.

"Really? Could he still be...? Nah." It was almost eleven at night.

"Still be what? Working out? No way. I'll help you look for him." I climbed off the bed.

Ashton and I left the house to head over to their pack's gym and were shocked actually find Eli there. The place was a mess. What was more concerning was how much blood Eli had on his clothes and hands.

"Eli!" I sprinted over to him and tried to touch him but he flinched back from me. I felt my heart pinch hurt by his reaction.

"Just leave it," he said. I couldn't. He was hurt.

"No, you're bleeding –" I tried to touch him again but he shoved my hand away from him.

"Don't – Don't touch me. Jesus, just let me be! I don't need you, Alpha!" he spat the word "Alpha" with so much venom it made me flinch.

I stood still shocked by his sudden outburst, my heart pounding in my chest painfully.

"Eli –" Ashton started as he walked up beside me.

"I said leave me alone, I'm fine!"

"You're fine?! Clearly not. Look at you!" Ashton shouted. "You're so focused on getting strong, you don't care that you're only hurting yourself –"

"What I do is none of your business. Just leave me alone and run your pack, alright?" Eli said.

"My... my pack? What are you saying?" Ashton asked surprised.

"What all of you have been thinking and saying behind my back!" Eli shouted. We were all silent. I knew Ashton was shocked. Eli, angry? I wasn't sure what I was feeling. It was a mixture of shock, pain and some anger.

Eli suddenly swung at the punching bag forcefully and I cringed hearing something crack when his fist made contact, the bag breaking off its hinge to slam into the wall a few feet away from us. I watched Eli as he twisted his wrist trying to get it to heal faster, having almost broken it with that punch; he didn't even look like he found it painful at all. His face was neutral as he stared down at his twisting hand.

Ashton gulped. "Eli..." he mumbled. Eli did not respond as he moved to lay down on a bench before reaching for the weight bar above him. I grabbed Ashton's arm when he opened his mouth to speak again and gave a nod towards the door when he looked at me. He seemed uncertain as he glanced back at Eli before giving me a nod and heading outside.

I was curious about something. In the past week, Eli and I had not spoken much – he had not spoken to anyone much. Just basic "yes" and "no" conversations and all his "I'm good" and "I'm fine"s. In the couple of times I did manage to touch him without him shoving me away – those times were usually by mistake – he felt different than he had when he'd visited my home.

I walked up to Eli as he began lifting the weight and grabbed the bar as he raised it. He frowned up at me.

"I don't need a spotter," he said. I hated that. I hated how bland and angry he sounded when he spoke to me.

"I can't feel your wolf," I stated.

"Oh?" he replied simply as he lowered the bar before pushing it back up, this time I held it there as I looked down at him confused. I tried to brush off the glare he gave me.

"You know I can't... Did-did you reject me?" I asked, alarmed. I was pretty sure I would immediately know it if he did, feel it if it had, but why else would I not be able to feel his Wolf? He gave a dry chuckle letting the bar go and slipping out from under it. I set it down on the rack. "No, you're not leaving until you explain this to me." I grabbed his shirt as he attempted to leave after grabbing his towel.

"Excuse me?" he glanced down at my hand.

"You heard me." I hissed.

"I owe you no explanation," he said grabbing my wrist to make me let his shirt go but I held tighter. I looked at his hand on mine, still no wolf.

"You can't shift." I was just throwing it out there but I saw the split second of fear in his eyes, I felt it before he hid it and my jaw dropped slightly while my grip loosened in the moment of shock and he immediately pushed my hand away letting me go as he did. "You can't shift?" I whispered.

"Don't act so surprised, you know how it works," he said. Right, pups could only shift at a certain human age because only then were they strong enough to handle their wolves. He wasn't strong enough to shift anymore because his wolf was so much stronger than him.

"Why... didn't you tell me? Eli, I'm - I'm sorry –"

"Thank you. I need to shower, so."

"Why won't you talk to me?!" I suddenly yelled in frustration, "I just - I just want to help you." I knew I probably had no idea what he was going through, and so no way to help him, but it was impossible to do either when he wouldn't help me, or anyone, understand.

"How many fucking times do I have to say I don't need your goddamn help, Karabo?!" I stepped back slightly shaken by his outburst again, "I'm great. I don't need you. I never asked you to come here!"

"Yeah, I came because I thought you needed me as much as I need you!" I snapped back. Didn't he understand? Why were we speaking to each other like this? It felt wrong.

He stared at me before he gave a dry chuckle that left me confused and with my chest feeling tight.

"Need me? For what? To make yourself look better?" What...? "I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I'm strong enough to take care of myself." he said glaring at me.

"I-I never said you aren't."

"You never had to. Is there another reason you two came in here?" he asked. "Cause I was..." he motioned to the bench.

I didn't know what to say anymore. I knew telling him we were checking up on him would piss him off so I just shook my head: No. I felt a knot in my throat and tried to swallow it down but only succeeded in choking on it and making my eyes throb as he glanced towards the exit.

I walked by him making my way to the door but paused as I heard him pick up the weight again. I bit the inside of my cheek at the fact that he was just going to casually continue working out and held my breath as stepped out of his view before using my sleeve to wipe my eyes even though I knew he had seen what I felt before I had left. I wish I could hide everything I felt like he did.

Everything immediate, that is. He obviously wasn't okay. As his mate, I should have known what was wrong with him; I should have been able to help him. I felt like a failure as a mate. I hated myself for not knowing how to help him.

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