Verse Eleven

I took a deep shuddering breath and prepared myself to see him again after all that I'd been through that day.  Did I really have it in me to lie to him to his face?  To tell him that I was alright when in reality I was anything but?

I had this strange feeling that I had to pretend like everything was alright in front of Sebastian, almost like I was scared that once he found out the depth of my scars and my past that he wouldn't ever want to speak to me again.

And that brought on a whole other onslaught of different emotions and thoughts.  What if he was just playing me, just trying to get me to put out like Dylan had, and once he got what he wanted or decided I wasn't worth the effort he would turn cold and distant and abusive just like what had happened to me before.

I didn't think I could live through another ordeal like the one I'd suffered that week, first it was the scene in the hallway at school, then I was kicking him in the balls and then the cafeteria and now this!

I could deal with the rejection and the breakup, that was just emotional pain that I could get over.  I thought I had loved him but looking back at how easy it was to get over him, I realized that it was nothing more than obligation.

I had felt like I was supposed to be dating someone like him, and so I did.  I was so glad that I didn't give him my virtue, especially after all the things he'd said and done to me.

But once the emotional abuse and the physicality of it all entered the picture, I was a total mess. I felt like I was hanging on a tether, watching him post pictures with Gwen after the fact, before he had ever hit me, and I felt so inadequate, like I had to dress a certain way and be a specific person in order to be happy, and because I was so ordinary and not girly at all and never tried that I didn't deserve that happiness that Gwen got with Dylan.

But now I realized how much of a farce it had all been.  I was sure that if I looked back on those pictures, her smile would be forced and his hand would probably be squeezing her a little too tight around the waist, his nails digging into her flesh as he held her still to take a picture to show the world how fake happy they were.

I used to be that girl.

And now I was the girl sitting in the back of Sebastian Jennings' personal vehicle, with his best friend and chauffeur taking me back to his place for a personal self defense class in his home gym.

What a one eighty.

"Are you okay?  You seem a little quiet..." Jason spoke to me from the front seat, brown eyed gaze searching for something wrong with me through the rear view mirror.

"Yep, totally fine." I lied through my teeth.

"You know, you don't have to lie.  I heard the phone call...he was using my phone remember?" he said to me and I totally forgot about that part.

Sebastian was fed up that I was ignoring him so he decided to call me on a number that I wouldn't recognize.  Of course he would.

I flung my long auburn colored tresses over my shoulder and pierced my odd, color changing hazel eyes at him as I cringed at what he'd said.

"What even happened anyway?  I didn't hear anything after the 'You bitch!' part..." I trailed off, hoping he wouldn't ask why I didn't know what happened afterwards.

He sighed and ran a hand through his stringy light brown hair.

"Well, we were on speaker so we heard something hit something.  I wasn't sure what it was but Sebastian was sure that he'd hit you.  Then Sebastian started cursing at him and a lot of drama happened, then the other guy said that you were his girlfriend and belonged to him and blah blah blah and then the other guy hung up.  Sebastian kept calling back for like fifteen minutes until you finally answered..."

I suppressed a sigh.  Well, at least they didn't know the extent of what had really happened.

"He didn't really hit me.  He just kind of pushed me down and his actual girlfriend Gwen grabbed me and pulled me into a closet to keep him away from us while we talked.  She was just as mad at him as I was but in the end she chose his side.  Again." I said and while it seemed like my story was realistic, I could tell that he wasn't so convinced.

"And you're sure that's everything?" he asked me, his light brown eyes crinkling around the corners in suspicion.

"Yes.  What reason would I have to lie?"

"You got a good point there.  Alright, we're here.  And this is where I leave you."

"Wait, what?  You're not coming in?" I asked him, suddenly terrified to be alone with Sebastian after all of the suggestive things that he had said in the phone call.

The things that I agreed that I wanted to happen, on accident of course...

"I do not want to be a part of...all that.  Unless you want a threesome..." he trailed off, insinuating something that had never crossed my mind before in all of my almost eighteen years of life.

I made a gagging noise and pretended to shove my pointer finger down my throat at his words.

He just laughed and got out of the car to open my door for me.  I thanked him and bid him goodbye as I grabbed my bag and stared at the massive mansion before me.

Here goes nothing...

I started up the steep steps to get to the front door, not using the garage like the last time I had been to his house, and I was surprised to see that the paparazzi weren't camped outside his home like I expected.

I supposed even the paparazzi needed to take a break every once in a while.

I knocked on the front door and was stunned to find a shirtless Sebastian Jennings on the other side of it when it was suddenly pulled open so quickly that I almost tumbled over my feet.

His skin was wet and some sand still clung to it as if he had just been out surfing.  I was made aware that I was right about that fact when I noticed the wetsuit dangling from his waist where he had unzipped it.  I could see a  V-Line trailing all the way down to somewhere that I never imagined I would be fantasizing about...

His dark black hair was just as mussed up as usual, and his arresting green eyes provoked my soul in a way that I had never noticed before.  They were probing, almost as if they were inviting me in.

"One look at me and you're already swooning?  How ever will we make it through an entire training session with our clothes still on?" he asked in an innocent tone, blatantly aware of the fact that his words were anything but pure.

I cleared my throat and pretended to put on a fake scowl that I didn't actually feel the need for, I just wanted to throw him off his own game.

"In your dreams.  The stench of your stank breath was the thing that made want to keel over and die though..."  I trailed off, laughing as I pushed past him into his home, still marveled at the sight of the marble columns separating the two grand staircases in the foyer.

The white tile accentuated the light grey and gold colors intricately weaved throughout the decorative floor plan and opulent chandeliers were placed strategically to make the home seem even more grand, if that was even possible.

"Ha ha, very funny.  Come on, let me show you to the gym.  I have a built in locker room and you can borrow some of my sister's workout clothes since I don't think you'll be wanting to fight in street clothes.  Actually, on second thought..." he trailed off, putting his finger to his chin in an arresting manner.

"What?" I asked him, falling directly into his little trap of sexual innuendos.

"Forget the clothes.  We can just skip right to the naked part if you want."

I coughed and sputtered a bit, caught off guard that he would insinuate that directly, but I covered it up with a shaky, nervous laugh and turned around to face him, only my strong and sarcastic facade fell when I noticed just how close he had really gotten.

He was inches away.  So close I could see the golden flecks swirling in his eyes and a ball of desire pooled in the pit of my stomach as his warm, minty breath fluttered across my cheeks.

I gulped audibly.

My cheeks flushed, my heart rate increased, and I was sure I was panting like a dog after a long run.  If he didn't know how much he affected me before, he sure did now.

He smiled, and I knew I was done for.