Chapter Twenty-Eight

~♤Aces PoV♤~

Not long after I finished doing the basic coloring sheet I found, I faded out of little space. It took me a minute to adjust but when I did I immediately regretted it. I was flooded with embarrassment at the entire interaction I had with Mason. The crying, the apologizing, the love- all of it. I felt gross. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. Apparently, Mason had been paying attention and sat up. "Are you alright Ace? Tired still?"

I felt awful. There were too many emotions flooding into my head and it all just made me mad. "I'm fine. Don't-.." I sighed harshly. I knew it wasn't right to be a dick to Mason. He had just spent almost 30 minutes, more or less, just sitting there with me. After comforting me as I sobbed like a crybaby over hurting his feelings. "There's just.. a lot. I don't want to talk about it." I mumbled and stared at the page in front of me.

"Okay. Just tell me if I can do anything to help." I half expected some sort of annoyed comment about how I was being a jerk. There was no reason for that. I knew Mason wouldn't do that. It just made me more upset. It's probably stupid to want someone to be upset with you. I should've been grateful. I huffed and turned around to look up at him.

I tried to glare at him but it was clearly not effective. "You can't just say that. It's not fair." I know it didn't make any sense. Fuck off don't judge me.

As expected, Mason gave me a confused look. "Not fair..? What do you mean Ace?" I knew it wasn't fair to be a dick, even if it wasn't the usual way I was a dick. I picked up Bean and put my face into him, groaning way too dramatically.

"You're being too.. nice! Too fucking lenient!! You know I was being snappy with you and all you have to say is just, 'mneh mneh tell me if I can do anything.' For fucks sake." I wasn't trying to be aggressive. It just sort of slipped out. It was clear Mason was not only still confused, but also upset. He sighed and gave me a look that seemed in between stern and sympathetic.

He thought for a moment before speaking. "You're upset because I'm not upset with you.. for being snappy?" I nodded in response. I was annoyed so figured it would be better if I kept quiet. "Ace.. you corrected yourself. I could tell you thought about going back and insulting or yelling at me. But you didn't. Why would I be upset at that?"

"Be-because-.. well.." I glared at Mason. I hated that he was always right about every stupid thing. "Because you should be!! Idiot.." I was a lot less confident with the insult, seeing as I didn't believe it. I didn't even know why I wanted him to be upset with me. I was annoyed that he wasn't but I knew the second he was I'd feel awful and guilty. "I've been cursing. Why don't you say something about that?" There was definitely an unnecessarily bitchy tone to my voice.

Mason looked utterly confused and I didn't blame him. "Ace.. are you.. jealous of your little..?" The question shocked me. I was still annoyed that he wasn't mad but that question make me pause. Was I?? How can someone be jealous of themself? Why would I be jealous of myself when I'm in little space? There's nothing to be jealous of in the first place. We're the same person and we have the same things. Hell, I can do more than my little self.

Apparently, Mason caught onto the general idea of what I was thinking. "I know you might think that you're pretty much the same so there's no reason for you to be jealous, but it's actually common among new littles. Especially ones that have trauma like you." He spoke gently, maybe even cautiously. He still wasn't upset. This time it wasn't as annoying though. When I didn't say anything Mason continued. "If you didn't get the care you needed as a kid and then go on to get into being cared for as a little, you can feel like your little gets more care than you do. Even though you're technically the same, you feel different when you're in little space, right?"

I really wanted to tell Mason he was wrong. It was stupid to get upset over that. Not only was I apparently jealous of myself, but now it's clear that I actually want attention from Mason when I'm not regressed or whatever the fuck. I hate emotions. They're so stupid.

"So what? It doesn't matter. Just forget it." I avoided looking at him cuz I knew he'd probably have some dumb expression that would either be concerned or smiling.

"Ace, you can ask if you need attention out of little space. There's nothing wrong with needing care outside of it. Plus, it's just healthy getting attention and care in everyday life. I did say I would help you with little space but we're friends, aren't we? I'm here for you." It was weird to hear him call us friends. Especially after what happened the other day. It was like he was friend-zoning himself. Which would have been funny to think about if it wasn't so painful.

I didn't say anything as I stood up and flopped onto the couch, crossing my arms. I just looked away to the side. I felt Mason put his arm around me and pull me closer so I was laying my head on his shoulder. It felt weird. "I liked this better when I was stupid," I grumbled. He nudged me but didn't comment. I knew what he meant. "I liked it better when I was.. in little space. Happy?" There wasn't any bite anymore. I was literally the phrase "all bark, no bite." I hated it. For the most part.

Mason hummed and went back on his phone. If I wasn't so painfully aware of everything I might not have noticed how he was rubbing his thumb against my shoulder comfortingly. The shiver it sent through me was awful, but the way I couldn't stop smiling was worse. "Don't get used to it. I'm still the dick I've always been."

"Language." I could tell he was smiling from the tone of his voice. Fuck I hate sticky sweet stuff like this. I've always hated romcoms for this reason too. It felt all fake. That and 90% of romcoms are straight and I just don't support that lifestyle. This wasn't like that though. I mean obviously not. We're two guys. And not together. But I digress. It felt fake but in a way where it was like too good to be true. Or maybe it felt too good to be fake. I don't know.

As always though, I can't have a single minute of peace without my brain having to ruin it. This warm feeling didn't feel deserved. Mason liked me. He likes me. And I did the equivalent of slamming the door in his face. Wait fuck I literally did do that. What did I even say? God, I didn't even respond. Jeez, I'm a shit person.

I don't ever have trouble rejecting people. I never have. This was weird though. I wanted to say something. Maybe apologize? Maybe ask for forgiveness? Tell him how I feel.

Which is that he's a good guy. Obviously. Because he is. And he does some things that I like. Like.. uhm. Well.. he also does stuff I don't like. Like always gets on my case about my cursing or my past or my... bad habits.

Fuck.

Er..

Darn.

This is stupid. So, so stupid. What the fuck am I thinking?

"Ace, are you okay?" Mason snapped me out of my thoughts. I immediately felt so warm it was uncomfortable.

I sat up and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." He didn't say anything. The silence got so tense it made me want to yell. I wondered if Mason felt the same way. "Um.. can we talk about stuff? Like. Stuff about us.. and things." Well, I had just started talking and I'd already failed. Typical. On the bright side, it got a quiet laugh from Mason.

"Yeah? If you're going to keep saying stuff and things then I don't know how well it will go but go ahead." He chuckled warmly. I shot a glare at him but continued.

I thought about where to start. What could I possibly say to make this work? "Well. So you know how I've always had trouble with people? And I mean you can attest that I don't get along well with others. And that I can be a di-.. a not very nice person sometimes." I rolled my eyes, "And you know why." Mason looked shocked and almost afraid of what I was saying. He nodded slowly. I knew what he was thinking. I was thinking it too. But I just couldn't do anything about it. "Okay." I didn't mean to sound so matter-of-fact but I was tense. I looked away and tried to cook up something else so we didn't end up sitting in silence for ages. Thankfully it seemed like Mason didn't want that either.

"That- that's it??" He sounded somewhat offended like there was obviously something else I was supposed to say. I turned back to him and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?? What, you expect me to say something all emotional??" I wasn't going to say something emotional. Not in the slightest. Fuck, I wanted to though. Why was it so hard to get my feelings out? I groaned again, "I don't know. Eughh.. feelings and stupid things. You know what I mean." I suck lower into the couch. I wanted to bury my face in something. I just didn't want to face the world right then. Hehe, get it? Anyways. I looked over at Mason, instantly getting an idea. Sure, I could've just got one of the pillows from the end of the couch but instead, I repositioned and buried my face in his chest. Maybe this was going a little far considering the whole vibe that was in the air at the time, but I didn't really care. But maybe I was being a little mean. Out of pure curiosity, I pushed his pecs together hiding my face even more. I could feel his breathing fully pause for a few seconds.

"Um- A-Ace.. what.. what are you doing?" I grinned at the nervous quiver in Mason's voice. I lifted my head up and smiled innocently at his bright pink face.

"Nothing." Okay, now I really was being mean. It was worth it though. I am a fan of man tits. Probably better to keep that to myself for now at least. I took my hands off him but my face went right back to where it was before. It was kind of comforting. And making Mason embarrassed was just a bonus. Nothing like some good old sexual instigation to distract from any emotional conversation. I kind of hoped I'd be able to get something out of it like maybe a blow job or a handy. But I already knew that wasn't going to happen, sadly. "You and your dumb feelings.." I would've felt bad for saying that considering I rejected him, but I think we both knew it wasn't Mason I was talking about.

"Yeah," Mason sighed but I could hear the smile on his face, "I know."

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