Chapter Twenty-Nine

~♤Masons PoV♤~

I tried my best to keep my cool the next few days after Ace came back from his little sleepover thing but it was beyond hard. Every time he left the room I'd just get all giddy and stupid. Well, not stupid. But yeah. Stupid. The conversation we had that day was so weird. It was like he wanted to say things but just didn't. It was like we both knew what he wanted to say. Or maybe I'm delusional. Jeez, I might be imagining things. But it really seemed like he wanted to say certain specific things. It was like hearing him say "Love you." How am I supposed to respond like it's nothing??

"Mason you're staring at nothing again," Ace grumbled. He'd made it clear that he hated when I stared off, even though it wasn't my fault in the slightest.

I smiled a little, "sorry." I knew he wouldn't like the alternative but I couldn't help myself so I resorted to looking at him. His fluffy hair and lips that were almost always chapped. He always looked like he was scowling. But the cute kind of scowl like he was annoyed he couldn't figure something out. He kind of reminded me of a cat. My thoughts started to drift into less favorable places so I decided to stop there. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough to look away.

"Now you're staring at me. Jesus, are you really that bored?" Ace glared at me. I muttered another 'sorry' but I couldn't help but smile again. I couldn't even tell why I was smiling. Just the way Ace talked and looked at me. Sure, it was bad but there was something about it that was affectionate. And I'm not being delusional, I've seen him act aggressively without being affectionate and it is way different. Or the alternative: I'm stupidly in love. As much as I wanted to ignore it and make sure Ace wasn't uncomfortable, it was getting hard. Every time I see him I just want to say that phrase.

"I love you..."

... I wish I could say it.

"Mason.. quit it." Ace's command had a lot less of a bite to it that time. He had looked away from me. I didn't know whether to panic or smile.

"You're really pretty. Or well.. handsome." I felt embarrassed that I said it out loud. I already knew how Ace was going to respond. He has a hard time accepting compliments seriously, if at all. As expected, he gave me an unconvinced look and raised an eyebrow. "I look like a rat." I couldn't help but smile. He wasn't entirely wrong but he wasn't really right. I could see the resemblance between the way his hair never seemed to work with him and his canines that seemed sharper than average.

"A very handsome one!" I grinned. Ace rolled his eyes but I could see the smile tugging at the corner of his lips. For once I'd call that a success. "Um... I was wondering if you wanted to just chill today. And maybe... talk?" I didn't want to scare him or anything. Though the tone might have put him on edge. Seeing Ace torn up about something that was absolutely not his fault really highlighted the issues he had. Not that it was his fault, of course.

As expected, Ace's smile disappeared. "Talk about what?"

"Anything you'd like. Maybe if something's bothering you? I'm here to listen. And I promise I won't judge. You can even complain about me!" I smiled gently. Ace raised an eyebrow. He looked like he was figuring out what to say.

"Well, that's good. I got lots to complain about with you."

I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not mainly because he was smiling but his eyes weren't. I hoped he was kidding because even though I said he could complain about me I never said it wouldn't crush me. Ace could be harsh and very blunt. He always made me overthink when he didn't say anything. Then again, he probably wouldn't hold back if I annoyed him. So... good news?

"I mean it though. You can tell me anything. Anything."

Ace looked shocked like he wasn't expecting me to be serious. He looked away and sighed. He shook his head like he was in disbelief.

"What do you want me to say, Mason? That I was horribly abused? Come on, like you couldn't tell that already." Ace rolled his eyes. "Why do you have to hear about my life? Don't you have better things to do?"

I didn't take any of it personally. It was more than clear that he was getting defensive, but it wasn't his fault. I nodded a little in response. "Not really. I want to hear it. But if you don't want to talk about it then that's okay. Besides, we don't have to talk about that. We can talk about whatever you want little spade." Ace looked surprised by the name and his body relaxed a little.

"I dunno..." Ace rubbed the back of his arm. I assumed that was a sensitive spot for him, especially if he was thinking about physical abuse from his past. "I got hit a lot. It just happened. I don't know. Doesn't matter." He seemed a lot more dejected than angry now. I'd seen this before. It hurts, but that doesn't mean I'm helpless.

I got up and walked over to Ace, holding my arms out a little. "Can I hug you?" I asked softly. The last thing I wanted was to put him on guard by touching him when he was in this state.

Ace looked weirded out and shrugged. "I guess...? If you want." He looked away from me. I pulled him into a gentle hug and rubbed his back. I couldn't stop the image of those scars from popping up in my head. I felt awful for what his parents did to him.

"It's okay. I'm so proud of you, Ace. You're fantastic. You definitely didn't deserve any of the treatment you got. You can talk about it, okay? At any time. I'll give you my full attention."

It felt like Ace's breath caught when I said that. I pulled back a little but was stopped when Ace gripped the back of my shirt. What else could I do but hug him tighter?

"I'm sorry. This is so stupid."

I pulled back again and cradled Ace's face. "You have no need to apologize. It's so far from stupid. Everything you feel is valid. Just let it out." I spoke softly, but I made it clear I was serious.

Ace looked up at me with wide eyes for a few seconds. Within a second he pulled me down into a kiss. I was frozen in shock. As much as I would've loved it in any other case it felt more heartbreaking than anything. It took a lot to move away. "Ace..." I breathed out. I looked him in the eyes trying to be gentle. Ace looked a little out of it, dazed. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself, looking down.

"Ace, I- I don't want you to do something you don't want to just because of how I feel. And... I'm not interested in a y'know, sexual relationship." I tried to put it as gently as I could, but it was hard.

Ace looked at me in the face with an offended look. "Do you think that's all I care about?? That I have no ability to feel anything but lust??" He bit back. I couldn't help but feel a little hurt that time.

"That's not what I said, Ace," I said gently. "I didn't think that you wanted to be in a relationship." I could feel my heart in my throat. This wasn't only awkward and painful, but it gave me hope I knew I shouldn't have. Ace crossed his arms and gave me an unimpressive look.

"Maybe I do."

I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth. I didn't even know what I wanted to say. "Really?" Was the most I could manage.

"Yeah."

We just looked at each other for a few seconds. I had to repeat what I said just to be sure I was understanding Ace.

"Yes, really! God, how many times do I have to say it before you understand!?" Ace huffed. I let out a small laugh. It was definitely an odd confession if you could call it that, but now I knew that he felt the same way. I pulled Ace into a hug and just squeezed him.

Ace sighed and gave an awkward pat on my back. "Okay, okay, it's not that big of a deal, just chill out." I laughed as I pulled back.

"Okay, you can kiss me now."

Ace rolled his eyes. "Now I don't want to."

I gave Ace a quick kiss on the cheek and smiled. "Don't worry, we can work up to it. And for the record, I haven't forgotten about our talk regarding your past. The more you open up the easier it'll be to get you feeling better." Ace groaned at the mention of him opening up, muttering something under his breath but not saying anything else.

"Thank you, Ace. My spade."

~♡~

We decided to watch a movie together as the sun was setting. I couldn't even get any work done from how thrilled I was that Ace wanted to be in a relationship with me. It was some romcom that was recommended on my homepage and we agreed on it. I think Ace's reasoning was to make fun of it, but I didn't mind the movie thus far. Ace had led against me at some point and had a sort of blank expression on his face. I turned down the volume and nudged him gently. "You okay, Ace?"

Ace hummed quietly, but he still seemed dazed and unfocused. I smiled a little as I realized he was slipping. "You sure, Spade? You wanna talk?" I softened my tone a little. Ace shook his head. With a hum from myself, I nodded and pulled him closer, giving him a kiss on the head and snuggling close. Ace pressed his cheek against my shoulder, clearly not paying attention to the movie anymore. I lowered the volume just to make sure it wasn't awkwardly silent. "Ace? Talk to me, love. You okay?"

It took a minute for Ace to respond, but when he did he shook his head. I turned to face him on the couch and held his face gently. He kept his eyes fixed anywhere but my face. Something was obviously bothering him. "Hey, it's okay sweetheart. You can tell me anything. We can do this together, okay? Let's start off with what emotions we feel. Can you do that for me?"

Ace nodded subtly. It took a bit of sorting out in his head, as far as I could tell. "I'm... I feel... bad." He said quietly. "I feel wrong."

"Do you know why?"

Ace looked like he was thinking for a second before his face shifted into panic. I stroked his cheeks with my thumbs. "Ace, look at me love. Look at me. I'm here, okay? You're safe." He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"I-I'm sorry..." Ace said in a small voice. It broke my heart. I could tell that he was going through a trauma trigger while regressed. It was always hard to get through.

I pulled Ace closer and kissed his head, smiling warmly. "You don't need to apologize, baby. You've done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing." Ace didn't seem to believe me, which I wasn't super surprised about.

"But I..." Ace didn't finish his sentence and I could tell he was struggling. It was already too late to try to sort through his emotions as his tears fell silently. Ace ducked his head down, embarrassed. I gently wiped away the tears, giving him another kiss on the head.

"It's okay, Ace. It's okay to cry and feel bad. You're so brave, my little spade. Let your emotions out." Ace buried his face against me, trying to be as subtle with his crying as possible. I kept whispering small words of praise and encouragement, making sure I was keeping him grounded and feeling safe. By the time Ace had calmed down a bit, he was pressed against me, eyelids drooping as the exhaustion hit him. "You wanna sleep, love?"

Ace nodded slowly and I smiled gently. "Alright, here we go." I stood up and scooped Ace into my arms bridal style before walking to his room. He hid his face against me. I was sure Ace felt guilty for both crying and whatever caused it. I laid Ace down on his bed where he promptly curled up, looking spaced out or just exhausted. It took me a moment to get the box out of his drawer and sit beside him on the bed. I looked back at Ace and grabbed his frog plushie from the end of the bed, offering it to him. He took it and held it to his chest. I smiled and offered the box to him.

"Do you want a pacifier, hon?" When I asked, Ace didn't give a response at first. "It's alright if you don't. I only want to make you feel better, my little spade." To that, he nodded. I gave him the purple pacifier and pulled up the blankets over him. I gave him one last kiss on the forehead before getting up to leave, but he stopped me without a word. I was confused for a second but realized quickly.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Another nod.

I couldn't help but smile. "Okay, Ace. I'll be right back to get ready for bed and I'll come back, yeah? Sound good, love?" He hesitated at first but nodded.

After I got ready for bed I came back to Ace's room. He seemed like he was asleep, so I tried to be careful as I slipped under the covers. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, so I just laid there staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Ace stirred slightly, sounding almost discomforted. As much as I wanted to respect his space, I couldn't stop the urge to hold him from taking over. I shifted on the bed, turned to my side, and put an arm around Ace. I never understood the phrase "spooning", but in this case, it felt appropriate. Feeling his body move as he breathed felt like another level of care and connection between us. I felt lucky. He may be a piece of work, but Ace was Ace. And I loved him for it.

"Goodnight, my spade."

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡