Chapter - 1
His Symphony
Marvellous was the word to describe the view my eyes were greedily taking in. The ever changing sky colluding various hues of pink orange and red above me, comingling into a beautiful shade filling up the whole horizon above.
The clear water of ocean mirroring the sky rising in small waves which reach the shore and then they shy away as if playing a game. I can feel the coolness of water as one wave crashed ever so harmlessly with my toes. It send a tingling sensation through my body, my sight fell on the sun and I saw it disappearing in the huge sea. It feels as if after burning for a whole day the sea is providing it the coolness it yearns for and taking it in to crasses it with the cool water to free him from the fire that he have to endure the whole day. It looks like a child finally getting to his mother's lap resting his head their at last free from all perturbation and agony.
Standing here it feels like leaving new york was a good decision maybe this is the place that can provide me peace that I am desperate for maybe it will ease my guilt or may be I will accept that what happened was meant to be.
It won't earse the fact that what happened was because of your stupidity my subconscious reminds me and my heart fills with self condemnation, remorse, shame, affliction and what not. All these emotion overwhelming me making me feel more and more guilty but before I could go anymore negative I start humming the familiar tune and my whole body relaxes and the tension leaves my muscles. I do it for a few more mintues until I have fully relaxed.
The sky now has gotten a bit darker and no more can I see those distinguished colours it is turning more and more darker by each passing second. I look around only to see the beach is deserted it feels good.I don't like big crowds and many people around me especially if they are unfamiliar it irkes me and makes me superuncomfortable. I don't know why the hell are people against thanos that guy was doing some brilliant and intelligent work by wiping some useless assholes but whatever.
Seeing noone around I have this sudden urge to sing. I always wanted to come to beach all alone enjoy the sunset and sing. I have done all of it except the singing part but before that I have to make sure I am all alone cause I for the life of me just can't sing in front of a huge crowd. That's something I can't do no matter how I try. I sing for myself, I have always loved singing and am a trained singer but have never sung for any audiences. Singing for me is very intimate and there are very few people whom I have sung for, singing is my kind of thearpy for me it soothes me, makes me happy and fills me up with joy just like food does.
I came here at 5:30 pm at that time there were still some people around but they left pretty early and now that I realise I have been alone for over an hour. I don't think that someone will come here at this time but still I quickly look around to make sure noone is around. It's only me and this beautiful ocean I confirm.
Slowly I started to hum and once I gain the rhythm, I start to sing one of my favourite song
Manzilen ruswaa hain
Destinations are angry
Khoya hai raasta
For the path has been lost
Aaye le jaaye
Come and take me away
Itni si ilteja
This is all I wish for
Yeh meri zamanat hai
This is my path to freedom
Tu meri amaanat hai
You belong to me
Haan ...
Yes ...
Mujhko iraade de
Give me intentions
Kasme de vaade de
Give me promises
Meri duaon ke isharon ko
To my signs of my prayer
Sahare de
Give the support
Dil ko thikane de
Give shelter to my heart
Naye bahane de
Give me new excuses
Khawbon ki barishon ko
To the rains of dreams
Mausam ke paimane de
Give a measure of seasons
Apne karam ki kar adayen
Do your gracious deeds
Karde idhar bhi tu nigahen
Sometimes take a look here too
Sunn raha hai na tu
You're listening right?
Roh rahi hoon main
I'm crying here
Sunn raha hai na tu
You're listening right?
Kyun roh rahi hoon main
Why I'm crying here
Yaara
My friend
Waqt bhi tehra hai
Even time has stopped
Kaise kyun yeh hua
How and why has this happened
Kaash tu aaise aaye
Wish you came in a way
Jaise koi dua
Just like some blessing
Tu rooh ki rahat hai
You're comfort to my soul
Tu meri ibaadat hai
You're my prayer
Apne karam ki kar adayen
Do your gracious deeds
Karde idhar bhi tu nigahen
Sometimes take a look here too
Sunn raha hai na tu
You're listening right?
Roh rahi hoon main
I'm crying here
Sunn raha hai na tu
You're listening right?
Kyun roh rahi hoon main
Why I'm crying here
I am filled with a sense of serenity. I can feel the full blown smile that I have on lips making me smile even more. I knew singing would definitely help and it will make me feel closer to them for they were very few of the people I would sing for, it makes me feel full. I glance at my wrist watch and it's half past 7
The sky is completely dark by now and it is at this moment that my logical part of brain has decided to grace me with it's presence. Deciding that it's dangerous for me to be out this long alone in a new city I started spirnting my way back to my house.
Why am I so stupid?
Ugh.