Chapter 33

He rode faster, further away from the castle- to the shore. He had left her again but he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do and he couldn't hit her. He wouldn't hit her.

He was a bastard. But he would change, he could change. Besides he was still Dominic DeFleur, blond haired bombshell and sportsman of the masses. He was amazing. But now he didn't feel amazing, the horse continued to move yet he clenched his heart, hitting his chest. His breath quickened trying to catch the air around him, his chest felt tighter and his throat constricted.

This was uncomfortable. He needed to take a breather. He looked around for a clear area and calmed Storm down towards it. The horse trotted to the area, before Dominic deemed it safe with a quick look around.

He stopped Storm and got off the magnificent beast. Staring at the rocks he watched as the men worked for the day near the docks. His breathing was still painful but now it was less intense. He took deep breaths and looked at his shaking hands. He needed to think, get his mind off his tired body. He closed his eyes and counted to ten.

He thought of his wife. His life and his future as he stood there. What had he done? He had been a utter cad, he was just like his father. After the priest had gone he could only stare at her in smug content. He owned her and there was nothing she could do about it. Resorting to begging her brother, was a foolish thing to do.

But when he thought about it. How many times had he begged his servants to take him home. Get him away from his father. So many times. Just so he could get away from his father. He was like his father. Swallowing that bitter disappointment in himself he got back on Storm and returned back to the castle.

He left his horse in the stables and walked to William's room. As he walked her beautiful face flashed in his mind.

He knocked on the door hard and was shocked as he saw William open the door with tiredness. The previous day he had been full of charge and life. And now he stood before him almost drunk in his self pity.

"My lord," He bowed low and motioned him in. Shutting the door he offered him a seat whilst he called for a servant. The boy from a while ago entered the room and offered Dominic some wine before returning to the room he had came from.

"How may I service you?"

Dominic was silent. What was he doing here? How could this man help him?

But then, Dominic looked around the simply furnished room and he knew what he was here for."You may visit my wife." He looked at the wall. "A private dinner, without my chaperonage."

William looked at him with uncertainty but grabbed his cloak and followed Dominic."Guards will be placed around the wall. You will not be able to escape with her, or my men will shoot you both down. I will not hesitate to kill you myself."

He knew it would mean a lot to her. Maybe she would understand that he was trying to make amends. He waited for William's answer with baited breath. William was one of the only people that she had smiled with, and if he could make her happy, it would be in Dominic's favour.

"Yes, my lord."

Dominic looked around the room he was in. He saw the priest's mouth moving yet he could not respond, he tried to touch his clean shaved cheek yet he couldn't. My lord. It was his title yet he felt he wasn't being addressed, he wasn't being spoken to. The same way he wasn't being loved, he had never been loved.

"Good, hurry up. Let's go." Dominic got up in a hurry and clung onto the sofa as he felt a wave of dizziness come upon his person.

++++

Dermont waved the servants out the room. He looked affectionately as the young countess patted her husband's forehead.

Dominic had never looked so peaceful after his panic attack. Dermont had administered the drugs Dominic usually took after his attack. He slept gently and his light snores filled the room.

The attack had occurred over the stairs. He had slipped and begun panicking and shaking till Dermont had found him on the floor. He had ordered the guards to take him to the bedroom, when Jacqueline had heard this she had ran into the room and begun helping.

She was with another man. The man who had the innocence of the Countess, and who was now pacing angrily."Jacqueline!"

"Yes William?" She did not stop her task. She patted his forehead and brushed a hair out of his way.

"We stopped our dinner so you could play nurse." He breathed impatiently."I understand forgiveness sister, but this is wild. He has a servant!"

Jacqueline looked Dermont and then returned to her task."Please excuse me if I do not give a damn."

"Jacqueline, you act unladylike!"

Jacqueline scowled but brushed a hair from Dominic's face."You complain I speak like a tavern's wife yet you won't allow me to tend to my husband which is a ladylike action in itself."

William was quiet and gulped more of his drink, the large drink making him tipsy."I thought he mistreated you?"

"I did not renounce that fact." She touched his cheek, Dominic felt cool."Yet he is defenceless and I will not make it worse."

"He will wake up and abuse you all over again!"

Jacqueline sighed. Sometimes she wished she hadn't told William everything that had happened."I know he won't, I can feel it,"

"Feel," William shook his head. Dominic DeFleur was something."Who get's a panic attack anyway? A man who walks around so high and mighty and then starts shaking like a woman."

Jacqueline felt bad for him and angry and William. She looked away from his face and to the window. Taking deep breaths to calm herself.

"Will you require anything else, my lady?" Dermont asked."My lord is normally well by the sunrise, you can retire if you wish."

"No, goodnight gentlemen." Jacqueline dunked the towel away and reached for the lotion of his skin. The two men reluctantly left the room and gently shut the door.

Jacqueline began to undress him. His soft breathing and snores made her feel at peace. She opened the window and allowed the wind, as the the drugs had began to comfort him. She knew he wasn't awake, and that meant she could do whatever she wanted. Including one thing she hadn't tried properly with this man.

"We have not had a very good marriage. It's partially my fault because I allowed you to use me and hurt me. As you lay here defenceless, I could kill you but I won't. Maybe it's because I have some sort of understanding towards you. We have both been forced to marry, and I understand your hatred towards me. I promise I do not hate you, I have no life for that and I forgive everyone. And anyone. I hope you forgive me for my mistakes."

She touched his hair and played with it and let go. He groaned and his clear blue eyes settled on her.

She froze, her breath heavy and her palms suddenly began turning sweaty."I-I,"

"I heard what you said, the drugs aren't that good." He sat up, rubbing his forehead."Where is Dermont?"

"He has retired for the night, my lord." She quickly got up and he pulled her wrist, forcing her back down.

"Good," He breathed hotly in her ear. His body tensed for what he was about to do.

"What is the time?"

"After dinner, my lord." She glanced at the sky."Near nightfall, my lord."

"Soon the stars will be out," He continued watching her face as she looked at the limitless skies."Tomorrow it is William's wedding?" She nodded but still felt slightly childish, flushing at her husband's touch."We will go together then?"

A grin came upon her face. He could not of allowed her that and he did, yet she was still too close to him.

His breath was hot and warming on her neck, her ears, her face. She hadn't been so close to a man before. He pulled her down onto him and he spoke quickly."I wish with all my heart to please you, lady wife." He smelt her neck."I will try with this marriage."

Her heart fluttered but inside she was nervous as hell. She locked eyes with her husband and saw the sorrow in the bright blue eyes, they had dilated and darkened with desire. She searched his shaved face, ignoring the temptation to brush a her hand over it, and cup it. She wasn't ready to do this, and shook her head. He didn't let go.

He still wanted to control her. That's what she thought. And Dominic could see it in her green blue eyes. She was wavering and she was unsure."Trust me, please forgive me." His words almost soothed her yet she shook still.

She struggled out of his grip, and he let go. He wouldn't force her. If she didn't want him, he had other problems."Go to bed," He said and she left the room confused.

++++

The next day came quickly. Dominic watched the newest wedded couple as they sat happily together as husband and wife. They were as happy as two children who had been given candy, a treat in the orient. Or a present, each other.

"I adore you, Mistress DeWhite." Amelia placed a kiss on William's soft cheek and he returned it on her's.

The guests cheered and clapped wildly. Amelia blushing to match her wild hair and William copied her. Francis laughed beside them and ordered another mull of wine for the couple.

He felt so good for his friend. He enjoyed such happiness and he deserved it. Their wedding was quiet simple apart from the guests, food and the priest who had blessed their marriage."DeFleur,"

"Yes, your majesty?" Dominic got up and quickly walked to Francis' side.

He bowed to William and Amelia who smiled kindly at him. They aere pleased to see Jacqueline out ans happy."There has been talk of..."

"Sorted, your majesty. The castle is secure, the thieves in the dungeon. I will question them in the morning if they had any attentions closer to," He paused."Treason."

"Good. You are dismissed." Dominic bowed towards him and nodded his head at William and Amelia.

"I am your majesty's most loyal servant." He quickly said, for record. This was a dangerous time and he wouldn't do well to ire his king."I wish you a successful marriage DeWhite's. A marriage full of happiness and content."

William nodded whilst Amelia thanked him with a motherly kiss on the cheek. He smiled at her and then looked around the room, his heart felt warm at the affection.

But the security of Francis was most important. The guards Dominic had placed around the dining hall marched around extra viligant. Each court member had a guard to escort them to their room and the guards were armed with the latest technology.

The court jesters attempted to bring humor, before Francis clapped them off. Dominic looked at the sky, and then walked to Jacqueline. She sat proudly in a pretty low cut, but decent pink evening gown. In her jewelled hand, adorned with a bracelet and ring, was a glass of wine. She swirled the near empty glass and asked a servant to refill it. But she looked throughly bored.

He sat next to her, and motioned for a cup of ale. Then he sipped it slowly and looked around the room. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. The wedding of two near peasants, close friends of the king, was a simple affair. It also led to more peasant affairs and the jolly music was clearly evidence.

There was dancing and Dominic laughed at James dancing with a dark haired woman. He tripped several times, but he held a wide grin on his face. Dominic saluted him with his cup and continued to look around the room. He brushed his hand on Jacqueline's dress, the white sleeves, and she flinched.

Dominic sighed. He hasn't touched her, to cause pain, for a while. The previous day, after his panic attack, he thought of the words Jacqueline had used when speaking to him. She knew, as well as he did, that this marriage was going to the dogs. It was a shame, they couldn't even pretend in public.

And she was scared of him. Dominic demanded respect. As the male of the relationship, the master of his household and staff, the lord of Agen. He demanded respect, and utter loyalty. However, he didn't want fear. And he found he couldn't stand the fear in his wife's face.

He had tried to humble her, but all he had done was embrass her or make her cry. He was an ass. He finished the last remaing drops of his drink and looked to her face."Are you enjoying yourself?"

For some reason all Jacqueline could do was to tell the truth."No, I am not."

"Would you like to retire?"

She was startled that he had asked rather than ordered and she nodded. She was bored. Her leg was starting to hurt."I would like to show you something before we do though,"

She nodded again and took his arm."My lord, we will be retiring now."

Francis nodded and Jacqueline hugged her brother and Amelia before curtsying and leaving with Dominic."Amelia made a pretty bride,"

She nodded in agreement as they walked upstairs, he diverted from the route of their bedroom and headed to another door."You will stay here,"

"Yes, my lord." The shorter of the two guards answered and his companion bent his head.

Dominic found some keys and unlocked the door, allowing Jacqueline in first. He glared at the guards before slamming the door and looking at Jacqueline. She stood almost statue like, her face away from Dominic, her hands in a lady like position. "Is this the top of the castle?"

"Aye," That was the first time he had heard his practiced, cold voice say something remotely peasant.

It went quiet again. They stood side by side, the night wind blew gently and the night sky twinkled with stars. The noise, the singing of the court still continued and it made the moment a lot less tense. Dominic didn't know what to say. She was clearly thinking and he didn't want to interrupt her train of thought.

Jacqueline on the other hand, enjoyed this more than her brother's wedding. Here she could think, she didn't know why he had brought her here. She wasn't even sure why he hadn't beaten her yet. Or maybe it was so he could project her begging cries to the whole castle.

Bastard.

A shooting star flew across the sky, and Dominic closed his eyes. His lips parted in a smile and Jacqueline felt it was contagious and had to follow suit. He wished that life could feel good for him one day, even if it was only for a day, and he would accept years alone to do so.

She wished for happiness, she was so confused right now, she wouldn't be happy until she could think straight again. Maybe she needed some fresh air.

They opened their eyes and continued to stare forward, not looking at each other in the eye.

He was still smiling."Francis use to take me up here, it was a treat when I behaved."

"We use to sing into the night. Or learn fencing in the dark, I think it heightened my ability. My connection with the night."

She nodded. But felt something was amiss, why was he being so nice? She was barely healed and he had allowed her to William's wedding. Now it was over, she should of been in bed. Like a good little girl. Like a good little wife.

"So i'm here as a treat for being a good little wife," She said pertly.

Dominic cooled his reaction down. She was still sensitive. He expected that. But he wished she could understand, he was not perfect. He couldn't harm a hair on her head, he would make sure she was okay. Not everything is done for a reason, some is just done for love. Maybe for friendship.

"No, because you looked bored." He turned to face her. She was still not looking at him, looking straight ahead and her chin held high."Jacqueline?"

She continued to ignore him. Why was he being so nice? Why was he messing with her so? She bit her lip and continued to avoid his cool blue eyes.

"Jacqueline, I'm truly sorry for everything I have done to you. What I have turned you into, you are so bitter, and it's my fault."

She agreed."It's all your fault."

"No, that's not true. I'm not the only one at fault here." He said rejected.

Dominic paused before he continued. This could go terribly wrong, and he kept his mouth shut for her reaction to his feelings.

"Who else then, is to blame? The gardner? Or Alice maybe?" Jacqueline hissed.

Dominic shook his head."As much as you cannot admit it. You, lady wife." He looked down at the floor, he had at least tried. "I have given you a home, servants, food and a roof over your head. Have you once asked me of my well being or offered to massage me, or tried to befriend me?"

"Have you husband?" She scanned his body before returning to his face. "Have you tried to love me?"

Dominic's reply came in smoothly."Yes I have actually Jacqueline. I know I hit you, and that was wrong. I will amend that in the future. Make it up to you, make you happy again. But I have allowed Emily to allow your lessons, I have not insulted your clothing since you picked it, I bought you flowers if you bothered to sleep in our room you would see. I tried to teach you to ride, I haven't raped you or had what has been my husband's rights. I allowed you to see William, I know he makes you happy. Some husbands don't even allow their wives to see their family again, because the man is suppose to be their family."

"Then have them, you think that makes up for everything?"

"No, but at least I tried." Dominic twirled around, allowing the night air to hit him."I brought you out here, I thought you would enjoy it. I know your likes, and I will avoid your dislikes. Tell me Jacqueline what do you know about me?"

Jacqueline's mind flew through the past couple of months, she knew nothing. She wouldn't shame herself by saying she knew his name, occupation, land and friends. A wife was suppose to know more than that.

"Maybe you know I'm an earl, a sick bastard who is now trying to make amends yet cannot do so without your help. Or maybe you know that I've been abused since I would walk and now I used my stupidity on someone else."

"I-I don't know that." She corrected herself. "Didn't know that."

"Do you know I leave a rose in your vase everyday to commemorate each day of our marriage. Then I go riding, thinking of how to change. But not having the help to do so. Maybe if you knew ever day when I ride I think of my mother whose grave was never buried."

"Why not?"

"My father said she didn't deserve one. Her body had been made for childbirth and she had failed, he thought she wasn't worth it."

Jacqueline was quiet, that was sad. She bent her head down and knew maybe she had upset Dominic than she had realised."I-"

"Save it wife, you don't know anything about me. Yet you are always ready to twist a knife in my stomach, watch my blood drip softly to the cold wooden floor. Criticism is an equal thing, I may not be perfect but tell me one nice thing you know about me."

"You have a strong arm," She stuck her chin up and touched the bruise on her face.

"And so have you, remember the first day you hit me. The first day of our marriage."

Jacqueline stepped away from him and he nodded."Maybe a good beating would set your mind straight, make you feel the hurt I have."

"A beating is not the answer to your problems Dominic,"

"But it's the only thing you'll talk to me about. We both love to ride but we never do it together. I bought you a new set of riding dresses for you but you never say thank you. We adore the intensity of the wind but you never have danced in the wind with me."

"Dance in the wind with you? We are not a play Dominic."

"But why can't we be? Why can't we be something else than what is has transpired? Why can't we try?"

"I hate you! You don't understand how I fear you." She screamed."But I don't understand how I've hurt you," She felt so guilty, no human was perfect, she had learnt from an early age. But she hadn't even thought of him as a human being. Only a monster. She hadn't given him a chance. But then he said things like that and she feared him, more than anything.

"Really?"

"Why did you bring me here? So you could torment me? Make me feel horrible."

"No. Again if you listened, you would notice I was thinking of you. You seemed bored, and confused and i know the best place for you to think is outdoors. This is one of my most favourite places in France and it has an amazing view. But it seems I can't even be polite without seeming like an ass." He unlocked the door.

"But this marriage, this arranged marriage was always set to be doomed." He cursed his father before looking at her.

He couldn't leave like that, he looked at her clenched fist and pink cheeks. He wished that he could amend his misdeeds to her, but he could see the distance between them was widening."I would never hit you, from now anyway. Yet you decide where our marriage goes and right now I will be overlord here. Do not expect me to submit to you."

She nodded, she knew her place, a woman would never rule a relationship. Yet she knew more about her husband and she didn't want to. It made her feel less guilty when she didn't know. Maybe if she did as he asked he would talk to her and come to know her. Then they could become at least friends, yet she ignored him as much as he did. Her way was more cold.

"Do you hate me ?"

"I-I don't know,"

He nodded and held the urge to scream out in frustration. He could understand but he knew how it felt to be the victim and he didn't want to be the bad guy anymore.

"Have the guards escort you back to the chambers. It grows late." He slammed the door and left Jacqueline on the balcony alone with her thoughts.

****

Author's note:

I'm a bit of a mess, so if you've messaged me and I haven't replied I will :D

I know people want romance (well it is a romance novel) but I want to it to be a bit realistic and I don't think they would fall into each others arms straight away. So please bear with me, the next couple of chapters will satisfy your romantic needs (and mine if I'm honest)

Thank you for all the support, and I'm sorry because the lack of romance is annoying. I hope it will be worth it in the end. This particular chapter needed them to air out their issues.

I've had a ton of new readers votes, comments in general have made me see that and I want to say hello and thanks for reading :)

Quick question: Does anyone feel bad for Dominic through this chapter? I think it is one of his most revealing but an author is always more bias than a reader :) Please feel free to tell me what you think.

Au revoir,