49. Chase

Sky.

- - -

Harry: So when are we going to meet your bf fr? It's been long enough.

Sky: for the millionth time hes not my bf. im not even sure he wants to be

Harry: Other than that he literally told you he does

Sky: He doesn't know what hes  getting himself into

Heather: I f  u  k e e p  t e l l i n g  y o u r s e l f  t h a t  u l l  n e v e r  k n o w

Harry: Exaclty. DATE HIM. DEVOUR HIM.

Sky: no.

Harry: If you don't date him, I will. He's fk hottt

Heather: H e  i s .

Sky: you guys are gross. bye-

I turn off my phone. It's really funny how I became so close with the people I judged do hard just a few months ago. When I decided to stop being a terrible person and help Loren as best as I can with our baby I realized I needed a job. Not for the baby, since Loren's parents insisted on covering all the costs that came with that. I needed money to pay off Steven and to feel a little less useless too. So I asked Harold if he could help me get a job and now I work at Long-Cupz and we're basically best friends. Heather's my other best friend. She's such a sweetheart. But she's kind of a human paradox. At first glance she looks kinda scary because of the whole goth thing, but then you hear her speak and she's this really innocent baby-like person and then you get to know her and realize she's also super chatty and REALLY opinionated and fierce about that. I don't know, it's funny how people can be made up of multiple personalities sometimes.

Loren's mom completely freaked out when Loren told her she was pregnant. Steven, not so much. He only got mad when he heard I was the father. He wasn't really mad.. he was more disappointed in... me. Which was much worse. Chase got really quiet and left. We haven't talked about it after that. He just acts normal so.. that's good, I guess.

Therapy's going really well. I feel so different. So much lighter than I did before. The EMDR really helped with that. Now I'm still going to therapy with Jennifer and we're focusing on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which is just to help me think less doom-ish, I guess.

I'm really happy almost all the time now, and that's because of the love of my life, my daughter, Rosalie. I never thought another person could make me so happy. It doesn't really matter what she's doing, as long she's happy, so am I. It's a really special feeling.

Then there is, of course, the other love of my life. Aron. My heart beats faster just from thinking about him. When I first saw him in Long-Cupz I almost had a heart attack. Then I remembered some exercises I learned from Jennifer and calmed down a bit.

We've been taking it slow. Kind of. I have some impulse control issues when it comes to him. Now that I'm able to have sex sans panic attack I may or may not have gone a little crazy. He's so fucking good in bed, it's maddening. Of course I can't stop. But still, for his sake I'm trying to keep it cool so we can be a functioning couple. I would love that.

I'm on my way out of school when Chase walks up to me.

"Hey Chase." I smile.

"Hey." He smiles sheepishly. He looks really nervous.

"What's up?" I ask.

"N-nothing. I just.." He takes a deep breath.

I wait for him to say whatever the big deal is.

I cock my head. "Do you wanna come to my place? Have some tea or something?"

I also.. kind of became a mom. So there's that.

"Uh, yeah." He smiles.

***

We're in the car and I notice how quiet Chase is. Normally he'd be rambling.

"You're so quiet. Is everything, okay?" I ask, putting my hand on his knee.

He stays quiet for a while.

"Chase?" I look at him.

"Yeah. Of course." He smiles.

"Okay." I laugh. I put my hand back on the wheel.

"How was school?" I ask, keeping my eyes on the road.

He sinks a little in his chair and sighs. "I really wish you wouldn't ask me that."

"Why not?" I ask confused.

"Because. You make it sound like I'm your brother or something." He whines.

I think about that. He's not wrong there.

"Well.. you kind of are. Is that wrong?"

"Ugh!"

"Chase?"

"I don't want you to see me that way! I'm not your brother, we're not related!"

"Okay.. But I have a kid with your sister so—"

"That's not my fault!" Chase whines.

I chuckle a little as we pull up at my apartment.

"You're really whiny today. Maybe it's the hormones."

"Stop saying stuff like that!" He blushes.

I can't help but laugh.

"Don't laugh! We're only two years apart!"

"Yeah.. but mentally.. you could be my son." I tease.

"Sky!"

I laugh harder.

***

I throw my keys on the table and head into the kitchen.

My mom rushes past me, heading for the door.

"Shit. I'm late for work. It took Sofia eternity to fall asleep!" She says this as she quickly brushes her hair.

If you're wondering why my mom calls Rose by her second name, it's because she's petty as fuck. She doesn't like 'Rosalie' cause it reminds her of someone she used to know. It's so dumb.

Ironically, my mom works at a diner now.

"I'm sorry, I'll try to be on time next time." I say.

"It's okay, baby." She kisses my lips.

"Bye Sweetie, bye Chase." She waves and rushes out the door.

I turn back to the kitchen.

"Tea?" I ask.

"I don't want a drink, I wanna talk to you."

"Okay, talk." I say as I grab two cups anyway.

"No, I need you to really pay attention." He sounds so serious.

I look up. He looks it too.

"What is it?" I ask.

He stands still for a moment deliberating something. Then he grabs my hand and pulls me to my bedroom.

"Chase?!"

He closes the door.

"This is important. Promise to listen carefully." He says.

I pull up an eyebrow and sit on the bed. I try not to laugh. He's so cute when he tries to be serious.

"Okay. Spill." I smile amused.

He sits next to me. Then he grabs my hands.

I'm kind of confused here.. but still amused.

"I like you."

Not amused anymore.

"Like, really."

Jesus.

I sigh. "Chase.." I pull away a little.

"No, listen. You said you would listen."

"Fine." I sigh.

"I know last year we couldn't really be together because you were dating.." He looks kind of annoyed for a second. "But now, we're both single. You're not with Loren. This is the perfect time. I think.. we'd make a really good couple.." He squeezes my hands.

"But Chase—"

"And you keep saying you don't like me but I don't believe you. I see the way you look at me sometimes. You like me too."

"I do like you! But not in that way!"

"How can you say that when you haven't tried. All I ask is that you stop seeing me as Loren's kid brother." He sits up straight. "See me as an equal."

I snort. "Chase.. " I rest my head on my hand.

"And you say my name way too often for someone who doesn't like me. It's a sign. I looked it up."

I chuckle.

"See? I make you laugh. I make you happy."

"You do." I agree.

"So. Like, let's date."

I laugh again. How does he make everything sound like a joke?  Maybe it's because I wish it was a joke. This guy's been into me for years now. I need to take his feelings seriously. But how many times do I have to say the same thing before he believes me?

"Listen—"

"No. You listen."

Very assertive. Kinda weird. Kinda hot..

Wait, what?

"Kiss me."

I close my eyes. "Chase..." I whine. I wish he'd just stop talking. I thought it was over, we've been friends for months now. Especially after I got his fucking sister pregnant I'd hoped he'd quit but no, he's back at it again.

I open my eyes and he's leaning toward me. This is the time. Now I have to tell him I don't want any of this. It's so hard. I can't stop the thoughts from spiraling down back to guilt. It's my fault. It's my fault. My head keeps accusing. I feel like I have to. I don't have the right to object.

His lips touch mine gently and instead of pulling away I just sit there wishing it was over.

I flinch as the bell rings and Chase pulls away.

I shoot up from the bed and dart out the door. I thank whoever it is for saving my ass.

I open the door.

I'm happy to see it's Aron.

He hugs me tight and walks right in. "Hi." He smiles.

"Hey." I smile back.

"Of course it's you." Chase says angrily.

"And of course it's you." Aron says, just as annoyed.

"We were busy so maybe you should leave." Chase says angrily.

"Uh, yeah, I don't care. I came here for Sky. Not for you, so.." Aron doesn't even take him seriously.

"Why do you always do that! Act like I don't matter, I'm so sick of it!" To my surprise Chase pushes Aron, quite hard. He loses balance but doesn't hit the floor.

"Well, maybe it's the truth? I think you would know, isn't that why you—" Aron stops himself from talking. He was about to take things too far.

"You asshole!" Chase pushes him again.

"Chase, stop!" I say.

"You need to learn to take a hint, he doesn't fucking want you, okay!" This time Aron pushes Chase back, much harder. Chase slams into a wall.

Suddenly Rose starts crying.

"Shit," I rush out of the room, to my daughter.

She's crying really hard.

I pick her up. It breaks my heart seeing her so upset.

"Shh, it's okay, baby. It's okay.." I try to calm her.

I'm furious at Chase and Aron, and I walk back into the living room.

They're standing across from each other, both looking at me guiltily.

"You guys need to leave." I try to keep myself from screaming.

"But—"

"Leave." I say, my voice low.

I go back into the baby room and try to calm down.

Soon enough I hear the front door close.

What the hell is wrong with those guys? Why can't they just fucking control themselves?

I caress Rose's hair. She isn't crying anymore. I hold her tight and hum her a lullaby.