51. Damn.

I walk into the school, very aware that Aron could come up to me at any moment. I don't think it's healthy how much sex we have. Or how much I want to have— as in, I don't want to stop. But I don't think it's a good idea. He needs to do his therapy and I need space to.. to trust myself again. I feel like I could fuck things up between him and me at any moment. I don't wanna hurt him. So I need space. Which means no fucking.

I sigh, already depressed at the idea.

"Sky," I hear Chase from behind me.

Oh, God, no.

I keep walking, pretend I don't hear him.

"Hey, Sky!" Chase grabs my arm.

I turn around reluctantly.

"H-hey." I say awkwardly.

"I just wanted to apologize about yesterday. I shouldn't have started that fight with Aron."

"It's cool." I say curtly. I really don't wanna have this conversation.

"Good." He smiles.

I move to walk away, he grabs my arm again.

"Have you thought about what I said?" Chase asks, seeming hopeful.

God, I feel so bad. But I'll only make it worse by not being honest.

I take a deep breath.

"Look, Chase. I—"

"Morning." Aron puts his arm around my shoulder and kisses my temple.

I sigh.

"Morning, Chase." Aron says calmly.

Chase looks angry again. In fact, he looks angry enough to punch Aron.

I shrug Aron's arm off.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize about yesterday. Fighting you was really immature. I didn't hurt you, did I?" He touches Chase's shoulder.

He backs away.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Chase screams.

He seems really upset now. His eyes are tearing up.

"Chase—" I try to grab his arm but he slaps my hand away.

"Forget it!" He yells before running off, right out of school.

"Fuck."

Maybe I should go after him. What if he hurts himself or something?

I go to the door.

"Where are you going? Class is starting in five minutes." Aron says.

"Cover for me." I say before racing out the door.

Outside, I see Chase running to the parking lot.

I run after him.

"Chase!" I scream.

He doesn't stop.

He runs even faster and then he reaches his car.

I speed up and grab his arm just before he opens the door.

"Chase, we need to talk." I say, softly.

"I don't want to!" He cries. "I already know what you're gonna say." He sobs.

"It's always him! Always, always, always!" Chase kicks his car.

I grab his arm. "Stop! You need to calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Chase pushes me away.

I feel terrible seeing him this upset.

"Chase, I never meant to hurt you—"

"But that's what you did! When you took my virginity, when you knocked up my sister! You keep hurting me again and again!" He screams with anger and sadness.

My eyes fill with tears.

"I know.." I sniff.

"I never got mad at you! I never screamed, not even when you knocked her up but I can't take it anymore! Do you know how fucked up I was when Loren told me? But I never let it show. Because I was always thinking about how bad you must feel or how you're doing but I'm sick and tired of it! I'm tired of always getting screwed over!"

"I'm sorry—"

"What is sorry gonna give me?! I'll still be here, broken up over you while you live happily with Aron and Loren and your fucking baby!" He cries.

"I'm all alone!" Chase weeps.

"You're not! You can't say that!"

Chase just keeps crying and I want nothing more than to hold him in my arms and make him feel better. Take away all the pain I caused. Stop this anxious feeling that he might turn around and do something terrible to himself.

"Why don't you want me?" Chase asks quietly. His eyes are the saddest eyes I've ever seen. It breaks my heart.

"You know why." I whisper.

"I need you to say it. Straight to my face. Just say it." He looks deep into my eyes.

I don't want to. I don't want to make him feel worse. But what can I do? I can't keep pretending or beating around the bush..

I take a shaky breath.

"I love Aron." I say looking into his eyes.

A tear streams down Chase's cheek. He takes a deep breath holding onto his heart.

"Okay." He says.

I move closer, to hold him, do something.. but he backs away.

"Please," He holds up his hand. "Please, I just need to be alone for a while, okay?"

I nod and take a step back.

I watch Chase as he steps into his car and drives away. And I'm overwhelmed by this anxious feeling that he's not okay and that he's gonna do something stupid.

I grab my phone and call Steven.

"Yello-"

"Steven, it's Sky. Chase just left school and he was really upset. I'm scared. I think he might..." I can't get it out of my throat.

"Okay, I'm on it." With that he hangs up. It's so strange hearing Steven's usually jovial voice go so low and serious.

I hope everything will be okay.

***

I'm in history class, staring out the window when I finally get a text.

Steven: Chase just got home. He's okay.

I sigh of relief.

"Sky," Aron whispers so the teacher won't hear.

I turn to him.

"And?" He asks.

"He's okay."

"Good." Aron caresses my back.

"Do you care?"

"I don't want you to blame yourself."

I sigh.

"Why did you say all that stuff in the first place? I was about to let him down easy." I say.

"Rip it like a band-aid. That guy deserves to know he has no chance with you."

I give Aron a glare.

"Let's not talk about this." Aron says

"Good plan."

The bell rings and class is finally over.

As I get up to leave the room I get a text.

Chase: You called my dad?! Haven't you done enough?

Shit. Shit, shit, shit! I shouldn't have done that. But I couldn't just let him go. I was worried about him.

Sky: i'm sorry! i was worried abt you

Chase is typing . . .

Chase: I don't want to see you ever again.

My shoulders slump and I'm typing a new message when Chase goes offline.

I stop.

Why do I always fuck everything up? I know I'm not supposed to think this way but I can't help it.

"Hey, are you okay?" Aron asks.

I look up at him.

His face turns to worry.

"What's wrong?"

"Chase is mad at me. He says he never wants to talk to me again."

Aron pulls me close to him.

"You know he's just saying that, right? Of course he'll talk to you again." Aron caresses my back.

"I just feel so bad."

"You did the right thing." Aron says.

I sigh. I feel much better now that he's holding me.

But what happened with Chase could've been avoided and I don't want anything similar happening with Aron.

"Aron?"

"Yeah?"

I pull away.

"You know, while I figure things out and stuff.." I look down at the table.

"I think we shouldn't have sex. You know, so it's not, like, confusing.." Even as I'm saying this, I'm confused.

I comb my fingers through my hair.

Then I look up at Aron.

He's smiling a little, trying to hold in his laugh.

"Wait, why—"

He bursts out laughing.

"What?!" I ask.

"You? You wan't to stop having sex? Have you heard yourself?" He laughs.

"Well, I've done it before—"

"That was out of necessity, not out of free will!" He laughs some more.

I give him a push. "Stop laughing!"

"I can't! This is hilarious! I mean, you're a total nympho."

"I'm not!"

"You are! What's your body count?" Aron leans on a table.

"My what?"

"Body count, how many people you've slept with."

"People keep track of that?" I ask, confused.

"Just answer the question. How many?" Aron has an amused smirk on his face.

I search my memory. I mean, before Loren there were a few, and then during Loren and then... Do people really count this? Isn't it normal to go out drinking a few times a week and meet people to fuck? Is that weird?

"Oh my God!" Aron laughs.

I roll my eyes.

"You're such a slut." He shakes his head.

"Whatever." I pout.

"Come here, is kissing still okay?" Aron says as he holds my cheek.

I nod.

He kisses me and I melt into him.

I don't want to stop! Ugh!

Aron pulls away a little.

"I guess that's it then." He smirks.

I grunt.

He pulls away and heads for the door.

I want to stop him and scream 'forget what I said' but I don't.

"Damn." I say when he's gone.