54. Boys Night (Pt. Two)

I wake up as I hear rustling beside me. Then I feel someone's hands all over my upper body.

"What the hell are you doing?" I groan.

"Shh.. just be quiet." Jimmy says.

I open my eyes and watch him as his hands go under my shirt and I feel weirdly disoriented. I have no clue what he's doing. But whatever it is. It's clear to see he's wasted.

"Lay off! I'm trying to sleep!" I push his hand away.

"Just go back to sleep, then." He whispers, his hands go under my shirt again.

I close my eyes because I do feel crazy tired. But I can't quite sleep cause my blood's racing as his hands caress my body. I breathe heavier.

I can feel he's leaning over me now. I open my eyes.

"Your skin is so soft.." He whispers.

I chuckle. "It's chicken fat."

"Seriously?"

"No!" I laugh.

He smirks, then he continues tracing my stomach to a place much lower.

"You're so fucking hot, Sky." He breathes into my ear.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on... but I like it. And with all the weeks I've been inactive I'd love to do.. whatever we're about to do. But I think of Aron. And I think of Loren. And I think of Rose.

So I push him away.

"Stop." I say, going straight against my first instinct.

"Why?"

"Because I say so."

Jimmy freezes for a moment. Then he pulls away and lays down next to me.

I sigh of relief. I curse myself in my head as I look down at my hard-on.

"Dammit." I mutter.

"Yeah." Jimmy agrees.

We look at each other simultaneously and I know we're thinking the same thing.

"Stay on your side." I whisper.

"Fine."

We both pull our pants down and start to jerk off. Somehow it's nice to do this with someone else. It's kind of like we're making out without touching. It's fun.

When we're done and relieved we both fall asleep again.

***

I wake up the next morning even before the sun is completely risen. The room is only half light when I crawl out of bed. Jimmy's still asleep. When I stand up my head bangs like crazy.

"Fuck!" I whisper, holding my hand to my head. Not drinking definitely had it's perks.

What the hell happened last night? Jimmy 'Gayhater' Valks tried to.. to what? What would have happened had I complied? I can't even think about it. I have to get out of here. It's the next day so Shawn must have unlocked the doors by now.

I sit on the bed and put on my shoes.

"You leaving?" Jimmy says suddenly.

I flinch. "Jesus!" I scream.

Jimmy's sitting up now. He chuckles lowly.

"Scared ya, huh?"

I throw a pillow at his face.

"Asshole." I laugh.

I tie my other shoelace.

"Last night didn't happen, okay?" He says quietly.

Does that mean he's going back to being a jerk?

"Uh.. sure." I say.

I finish my shoelace and get up.

Then I hear some sniffling from behind me. I turn around.

I'm shocked to find Jimmy with his hand over his eyes, crying.

"Are you crying?" I ask stupidly. I walk to his side and sit down next to him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask.

He sobs louder.

I reluctantly wrap my arms around him.

"It's okay. Whatever's going on, it's fine." I try to comfort him.

He holds onto me tightly.

"It's not! It's not fair!" He screams.

"I can't be.. Why can't I be..?" A new stream of tears fall over his cheeks.

"Why can't you be what?" I ask.

"I'm so.. lonely. I wish I could just be free. Like you."

I pull away. I have no idea what he's talking about.

"You! You're so free! You do whatever the fuck you want. You don't care what people think. You don't care what people think about you being gay, or straight or having a fucking kid at seventeen! Why can't I be like that? I'm never gonna be like you. I can't! I can't be gay!" He says this more to himself than to me. And I need a moment to recover. He's gay? I thought last night was just experimenting. I thought it meant nothing. But I guess it did.

"I wanna be free. I feel like I'm constantly suffocating.." He looks so sad and alone.

I take his hand. He looks into my eyes.

"The downside to really not caring what people think is that you don't care about much else either. Or at least.. I used to. You don't want that. You want to be confident in who you are.. and that just takes time, Jimmy."

He shakes his head. "My parents will disown me."

"Fuck 'em." I say. "If they disown you over who you are they're not worth it." I caress his arm.

He smiles a little.

"I'm sorry that I've been such a dick to you.. I was just salty.. you know? I forgot how cool you were."

"It's okay. I can take it." I smile.

Jimmy blushes a little.

"This is so unfair." He says with a smile as he looks at the floor.

"What?" I ask.

"It's boys night and we didn't even kiss." He chuckles.

"..Do you want to?" I ask, highly confused.

He nods.

I mean.. technically Aron and I aren't official yet.. And it would mean a lot to Jimmy. Maybe it would help his confidence or whatever. Wait.. but last time I did this..

"You're not into me, are you?"

"Dude, gross! I'm just.. curious." He looks away, blush coloring his cheeks.

I laugh a little.

"Don't tell anyone." I sigh.

"You don't tell anyone." He fires back.

I chuckle and lean in.

I keep my hands on the bed as my lips lock with his. I slip my tongue inside and he quickly responds to the sensation. He runs his hands through my hair as our mouths explore each other. I decide to pull away before I get another hard on.

"Damn." He says.

Now I really need to leave. I must still be drunk.

I get up.

"Guess I finally know what the guys are talking about." He says.

"What?" I ask.

"You don't know?" He asks.

"Know what?"

He starts to laugh. "Oh my God!"

"What?"

"Every year the guys fight over you. Everyone always hopes to spend the night with you."

I frown. "What? Why?"

"Why? Well, firstly, everyone knows you get around. You have to be good in bed, and secondly, have you ever looked in the mirror? No offense but, you look most like a girl out of all of us. You even turn on straight guys." He shrugs casually.

I'm completely taken aback by this. How long has this been going on?!

"Wow." I frown. "Gross."

I turn around to leave, grab the door handle.

"Sky?"

I turn to Jimmy.

"About Aron? Stop being a pussy."

"Harsh, but thanks for the unsolicited advice." I say sarcastically.

"You're using the whole 'protecting Aron' thing as an excuse. You're ready. And so is he. You're just punishing yourself. You don't need to. You deserve Aron, you're a good guy."

I look down. I can't believe I'm hearing this, and from Jimmy of all people.

"Go get him." Jimmy gives me the kindest smile I've ever seen from him.

I think about Aron. About how bad he feels right now. How I could cheer him up. Jimmy's right. I am punishing myself. I am being a pussy.

But not anymore.

I'm ready.

"Thank you." I say to Jimmy before rushing out the door.

***

I run through the sunlit streets. I run but it doesn't feel like running. It feels like I'm being pulled to Aron by the air. I need to see him. I need to hold him, to kiss him.