Chapter eleven

Mary...

The Ball...

As we arrived our names were checked in. Before we entered the hall, I began to wonder how my name was in the list, but I figured John had something to do with it.

"Mary L?" I asked John, not wanting the 'L' to be what I was thinking.

"Well, I- I didn't know what your last name was so the L is....uh I probably shouldn't have- it was a last minute thing so-"

"it's okay John. My last name is Jarius or Jay, I like to go with Jay. "

"Okay Mary Jay" He said with a smile. I smiled back. Obviously.

Walking into the magnificent building, I couldn't help but admire the people walking in, dressed in an expensive elegance. Everyone looked amazing.

The ceiling was lit with beautiful chandeliers that gave the room it's golden illumination. Awe stricken, I tried to act like I belonged, because everyone else seemed to act like it wasn't something new. But who am I kidding, I've never been close enough to this! I'll just not make it noticeable, because I'll probably over do it, so ama just do me.

"Son where have you been?" a man who looked in his late fifties walked to us. He sure doesn't have John's eyes, well more like John doesn't have his, maybe its from their Mom, but the hair, Yup.

"Dad it's just a few minutes to 7pm, and it's a Ball not a meeting"

"It's a Gala son. Hi, is this one of your mistresses?" I tried my best to hide my annoyance at his remark.

"Really Dad? " John said to his father annoyed.

"I'm sorry, but it's pretty obvious you're not over Stella don't you think ."

"I'm over her Dad, it's been almost a month now, and this is my friend, Mary."

"Well I am really sorry....forgive my manners Mary, you look lovely"

"Thank you sir... " I said still a bit pinched at his remark but he apologized, I decided to

let it go.

"Hey Daddy" Alice greeted her father and hugged him.

"I've seen you've met Mary"

She continued.

"Yes I have, I'm not sure I gave a good first impression but-"

"you didn't." John cut in.

"John, no please it's fine, it was nice meeting you Mr Patterson." I said obviously not stopping the tension between John and his father.

"I already apologised son, and with the looks of it...she's a keeper. Nice to meet you Mary. " I smiled nervously and nodded.

"Your Mother is here....Certainly your mother, Alice and Mary are the only people who seem excited to see me. Well, have fun kids." With that he left.

I felt sorry for him with how his son treated him. He was rude to me at first but, it's not as hurtful when your own son seems to despise you.

"You know you didn't have to try to make him feel good" John said to me sternly.

"Ugh get a grip John, what happened to forgiving, clearly you've forgotten about that." Alice said.

The first time I heard her talk in a serious tone.

"I'll start forgiving when he starts changing."

"Can't you see he's trying. Change is a process, you should know that better than anyone."

"Trying? he just insulted Mary"

"really, it's fine John. Please." I said again.

"Give him a chance. How can you see change, when you don't believe there will be."  Alice scoffed, walking away.

After an awkward silence, I said to John,

"you should listen to her"

"you have no Idea." John let out a sigh and continued.

"Sorry about what my Dad-"

"it's okay, he apologized."

"Mom's this way, come on. " Alice said as she walked back to us.

We followed Alice, and butterflies began to grow in my stomach. Why am I So nervous to meet his Mom.

"Johnny, oh my baby, how have you been" she said as she hugged John.

I thought to myself, there are those hazel eyes...and also a blonde hair? Well an even distribution among the kids.

"I've missed you too Mom."

"So how's work?"

"I -It's good"

"I hope things have been good. Between you and your father? "

"Yeah.. A bit rough, but it's okay"

She frowned, then said,

"don't be too hard on him, he....he's trying."

"Okay Mom" John said as he hugged his mother.

"Forgive my manners, you must be... "

"Mary, she's my friend" John said.

"Well let the young lady speak for herself"

"I'm Mary, nice to meet you ma'am" I said.

"Nice to meet you too Mary. Maybe I'll get to know how you two met, but for the mean time, let's have fun." I smiled, thankful she didn't insist on knowing how we met.

"See you later kids, I have to meet some old friends."

"Later Mom." John said waving to his Mother.

"Where's Alice? "I asked.

"Uh... Maybe she's with her friends or Josh. Yeah but Josh can't even stand her so, he's probably avoiding her."

I smiled remembering Josh and Alice's argument.

"So do you want to-"

"John?" We both turned to a gorgeous brunette in a silver laced gown.

"Stella? " oh...hehe she's Stella. Great.

"Wow you've moved on fast" she said staring at me.

"Come on Stella we both know you moved on before-"

"whatever John, just wanted to say hi and check on you. " Something about her smile was mischievous.

"Well thanks Stella."

"So are you gonna introduce me to the new lady or what"

"This is Mary, and we're just friends"

"nice to meet you Stella. " I decided not to reach for a handshake and waited for her to make the first move. She didn't though.

"Yeah nice to meet you Mary."

"Hey babe, sorry I just wanted to get a drink." A handsome blonde young man who's hair was gelled back said as he kissed Stella on her cheek.

"This is my boyfriend, Aaron"

"Hi nice to meet you...John right?" Aaron asked as he shook John's hand. "And the lady? "

"Mary" I said.

"Well nice to meet you Mary" he stretched out his hand for a hand shake, I reciprocated.

"Well umm.. It was great seeing you Stella, Aaron, we should go" John said.

"Yeah bye" Stella said to us.

"Where are we going?" I asked John, as he pulled me away holding my waist.

"Uh...away from them"

"what?"

"She's trying to make me jealous, but it's not working"

"why would she-"

"I don't know...she seems over me so, it doesn't matter really"

"okay."

"So...do you, do you want to, can we dance? " John asked, his voice laced with nervousness.

"That was some yous Huh?"

He laughed at my teasing.

"But.. I've never really, Ball danced or anything." I said shyly.

"I'll lead, come on."

I took his hand as he lead us to the music.

"Sorry!" I said as I stepped on his foot.

"Its fine" he said pulling me closer.

"Careful" John winced.

"Sorry, you know what maybe we shouldn't dance, I'm terrible-"

"you're not, you're nervous, why? "

"I'm not really.... I just-"

"let's say we get out of here"

"what? "

"Not like that! I mean, if you're not okay being here-"

"yes let's get some fresh air."

A time alone with Prince Charming...Hell ya. Too soon Mary... Too soon! I mentally face palmed myself.

"Come on" he held my hand as I followed him to an elevator.

Still holding my hand, my heart started racing as we stood in an awkward silence waiting to reach which ever floor John was taking me to.

I sighed trying to calm myself down. Why am I feeling this way? The butterflies soaring in my heart. Just because our hands are touching doesn't mean I should feel this way. I tried to control my thoughts and push down the foreign feelings that kept brewing.

"Are you okay?" John asked.

"Yeah" I said quicker than I should have.

A few minutes later, we were on the roof top.

"The roof?" I said to John.

"Yeah, not bad right? "

"Yeah not bad" I said admiring roses in a vase.

"So I'm guessing....you've never been to a roof top? "

"Well yeah actually"

"oh, that was supposed to be a joke I-"

"it's fine." I assured him.

"So....Your Dad..." I started off, not sure if I should pry in the relationship between him and his Dad. But I did nonetheless.

"You and your Dad-"

"are not in good terms. " John said finishing my sentence as he sat on a bench. Not how I would have finished it though.

"Okay, why?" I asked sitting beside him.

"It's .....complicated"

"okay. If you don't wanna talk about it, it's fine"

"no it's not that, it's just....growing up was hard with him. He treated my Mom in a way that made me hate him. And now I have to work with him."

"Oh. Wow I'm Sorry "

"it's fine. It's like when she became a Christian, he stopped loving her. So sharing her faith with him was really hard. She wasn't necessarily trying to force him to change or anything. He just...shut her out. And when she'd also share her faith with us, he wouldn't let her. "

"Wow, that's-"

"Terrible? Yeah. He'd come home drunk, his friends would drop him off. And whatever frustration he had, he'd pour it on my Mom. If he tried to on us, she'd give him a reason not to, instead of us, her. "

"Wow....she's a really good Mother"

"you bet she is." John said as he smiled at the thought of his mother.

"He filed the divorce, she begged. I remembered her crying, pleading" John squeezed his eyes shut, his fist began to clench. I put my hand on his shoulder. I watched his fist unclench as he opened his eyes.

"I know, I should forgive him, I have but, it's like the pain and anger of the past keep digging it's way up. And now I realize that, I probably haven't forgiven him." He let out a heavy sigh.

"You should give a chance to change." I began.

"He's probably trying just like Alice and your Mom said" I continued.

"Yeah, I know they're right, but sometimes I feel like he's trying to shut me out you know,"

"well, maybe he's tired of having someone remind him of his old self?"

John looked at me, his eyes brows cringed, then his eyes grew wide in realisation.

"You're, you're right.... I never saw it that way. I've probably been making him feel guilty."

"I'm sure he'll understand" I said,

"I'm judging him without even knowing it, my God, who am I to judge?"

"Take it easy, it's not your fault-"

"no... I'm not supposed to judge, I mean it's there in the Bible. Because if I judge him, I'm making him feel like his effort is vain. I'm making him hate himself. I changed too so, I probably should give him a chance.

Thank you Mary, Thank you really"

"No, it's nothing." Well where did that wisdom come from girl.

"Well how about you, your parents?"

"Uh..." The hurt from the past rushed in. The pain I've desperately tried to hide. But yet I wanted to tell him. Yet I wasn't afraid to show a glimpse of hurt.

"I'm sorry you don't have to-"

"it's okay, my Mom died, Cancer. My Dad....He pretty much died of a broken heart, to be honest. Since my Mom died, it's like his joy and happiness were all gone. So he decided to....leave us too" I felt my body crumble from inside, but honestly I was always broken. Inside and out.

"I'm really sorry, Mary.....us? "

"oh did I say us? Uh" I'm saying too much.

"My brother..... I-I don't know where he is, we got separated so," I trailed off wiping a tear with the back of my hand.

"I can hire an investigator, maybe they can find him, just tell me his name and-"

"no, John" I cut in.

"Thank you but I don't want to fi-"

"he's your brother, why wouldn't you-"

"I don't okay! I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be found."

We sat in silence for a second.

I sighed cleaning more tears.

"Okay... " John said in whisper.

We stared at the space in front of us. I inhaled the fresh air prickling at my skin, drying my tears as I stared up at the stars.

"Can I ask you a question?" John asked , breaking our silence.

"Yeah" I said.

"Was that why you stopped believing in God? Because of everything that happened?"

I took a deep breath and said.

"Well Yeah, if God loved me, my Mom and Dad would still be Alive and everything would have been great"

"Don't say that, you can't blame God"

John said gently.

"He was supposed to have my back"

I shook my head.

"And he does, he does. You can't blame God for the bad things that happen in the world. We're in a lost world remember? That's why when we come to him and receive his son as our Lord and Savior, we take refuge in him and believe that God's got us. Bad things happen. But we shouldn't give up.

I'm really sorry you went through that Mary. No one should.

Start trusting God more. Hope for better days even in the darkest times. It's definitely going to be hard especially when things seem to be getting harder but you have to believe that God's got you. He wants the best for you. Trust me someday things will turn around. There will be a brighter day and you'll see that we can even start experiencing everlasting life even here on earth. All you have to do is believe and you shall receive. Mark 11:24."

"My parents were Christians, so God was supposed to protect them but-"

"And then you can believe fully well that they are in a better place. That they're okay."

At that moment, I stopped trying to control the tears. I stopped holding back and let them stream down my cheeks.

"But he shouldn't have let them die! And I wouldn't be here! Is he punishing me for something, I don't even know I did?!"

"God never wishes anything bad for us, and he's not punishing you and he doesn't hate you. He isn't holding anything against you. Grace is here abundantly and Jesus already paid the price. He suffered so that we may live. God still loves you don't forget that."

"But.....Why me?" I sobbed.

"Why you Mary? Why any of us... The devil sure has a way of making us blame God Huh. Life can be, really unfair. Things happen that we don't even understand. And why you? You have Greatness and Potential in you. But I'm telling you Mary if you trust in the plans God has for you even when you don't know where exactly you're headed, you will fulfill the great plans He has for you. Because He that is in you, is greater than he that is in the world.

Why me? That question made me realize some things actually. I'm here and I have a chance to stay strong and start again. And I know that the devil has no grip on me. And I will become everything he's afraid I'll become, even grater. That's something I had to learn. I'd always ask why I had a father like mine. " he took a deep breath.

"Working with my Dad was not what I exactly wanted. But I know God has great plans for me, one of which is making things right with my Dad and I'm ruining it. God gave me a chance to change but I have to start seeing that, for my Dad."

I sniffed wiping my tears. He is not supposed to see me like this. I thought. But some how it really helped. It feels a lot better to let it out than to lock it all in.

"Thanks John really, a little weight has been lifted... Thanks so much" a little.

"It's fine, I just want you to know that you'll be alright, okay... As long as you believe it. Believing, hoping is very important, even when you don't see what you hope for."

"Thank you " I said to John gratefully. He gave a reassuring smile.

"Come to think of it, if I were somewhere else I probably wouldn't have met you.... Well not in this way I imagined. I guess Stella breaking up with me was a good thing after all. And now I see that." He smiled to himself.

"You know what, lets dance" John said as he stood up.

"Dance? I stepped on-"

"come on its time to cheer up. May I have this dance? "

"but-"

"come on"

"okay, then, we shall? I said as I stood up, taking his hand.

"But no music?" I asked.

"Right here" he pulled out his smartphone.

"Let's have... Christiana Perri, a thousand years" he continued.

"Okay, I'm going to pretend that it's not weird, you have that song ."

"what? its a really good and emotional song. I listened to it when Stella and I broke up- Oh no I-I should probably change it-"

"it's okay, let's, dance the song away." I said smiling.

"Okay then" he said as he pressed play. He gently places to smartphone on the bench beside us.

He pulled me close to him, his hands on the small of my back. I placed my hands around his neck, as we swayed according to the rhythm of the song. We looked at each other in the eye, as if we were playing a staring contest, well a romantic staring contest. Which I lost, because I kept averting my eyes every now and then. I placed my head on his chest and his chin rested on mine.

As the song ended, non of us dared to let go. I raised my head and my heart began to race as we stood still staring into each other's eyes.

Then John began to lean in. My thoughts began somersaulting. He's about to kiss me. He's about to kiss me! This shouldn't be happening. Why is this happening?

I wanted to stop him. But at that moment, it felt right.

Our lips began to touch.

I looked away. I can't let this happen, not Now, not ever. Not while I'm still with Luke.

"I'm sorry, I can't." I said. Pulling away, he dropped his hands.

Suddenly missing the warmth of his touch, I began to feel a bit vulnerable.

"I-I'm sorry." He said and I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"I know it's too soon, I just, I'm sorry" he continued.

"No it's not that. This, this can't work, not while I'm still-"

"I don't care, Mary. I know I shouldn't have, I know it's just been a few days. But, since you left I couldn't stop thinking about you...And you don't have to keep working for Luke. I can help if would just let me-"

"you can't John" I said shaking my head.

"Why, why can't I?"

"You just can't....what about Stella? Clearly you still have feelings for her." I said.

"I'm over her, Why doesn't anyone get that?"

"Oh...Okay." I said a bit guilty I brought that up.

"Why don't you want me to help, I don't understand, is there something you're not telling me? "

"It's nothing, thank you but, I'm okay with where I am" I am so not! I obviously couldn't tell him the truth!

"John....There are a lot of things that you don't know about me-"

"I know and I know you're going through a hard time and I want to help"

"no, John please, I'm okay."

"Are you really?" He pressed.

"I am. It's fine. I'm fine" There it was, the lie I knew deep within. The lie that was so easy to say. But never easy to admit.

John sighed.

"Well how about we go on an actual date, please?" I should've probably say no. But I had another week.

It won't work. I tried to convince myself.

"I don't know John..."

"what do you mean you don't know"

"I, I'm a bit busy I wish we could but-"

"busy with what? I thought you had two weeks off."

"Well yeah, I. Okay? Uh, When?" Maybe it could work.

"Tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure I'm kinda caught with something but-"

"with what? "

"I, I'm singing at a charity event, well on Tuesday actually, I just thought I'd do something good for a change. And I should probably help out with the preparations too and well, rehearsal."

"Wow you sing? "

"Yeah, I do. Not that I'm great or anything. And wow it's, actually going to be my birthday" shoot shut up! The last part was meant for myself.

"Your Birthday, Okay" he said smiling.

"Please don't try to do anything stupid, the money you gave me, this night. It's all enough"

"I didn't say I was going to do anything..."

"Okay, okay,"

"And I'm sure you sing great, I hope. I'm not going to lie I don't know, so for the Charity's sake I do hope you come actually sing."

"Wow nice pep talk" I placed my hand on my chest feigning a heart ache.

John chuckled.

"So I can come then?" He asked.

What am I doing what if Luke shows up! I began to think. Then again...he probably won't.

"Yeah, okay."

A few minutes later my phone began to ring. The caller ID....Luke. my Heart dropped seeing the caller ID.

"What does he want" I said to myself.

"What does who want?" John asked. Either I needed to learn how to whisper, or John had great ears for eavesdropping.

"Oh it's nothing, just my Boss."

My hands began to shake.

"Are you going to answer it?"

"No I'll, I'll answer it later."

Maybe he went to my apartment. And now, he probably thinks I tried to run away. The thought of him thinking about me trying to run away began to steer up fear in me.

"I-I should go"

"wait, already? "John asked, concerned.

"Yeah I want to go back to your house and return everything-"

"no you can keep it"

"what? No I can't I really can't"

"The shoes then? "

I looked down at the  gorgeous red heels.

"Okay, wow Uh... Thank you. but I, I really have to go, please."

"Okay I'll come with Winston to drop you off at my house, then yours."

"No, no just, just yours, I'll call a cab home"

"really you don't want me to-"

"I'll call a cab. "

"Okay...then let's go"

I started running to the elevator and John followed. The Ball was lively as ever. Filled with laughter and the clatter of Glass cups and dishes.

"Wa, wa, wa, wait. Where are you going?" Alice asked. Her face grew with concern as she stopped me.

"I just, have to sort some things out. I really have to go, thank you for everything Alice. You're a great person." I said as I hugged her.

"Wait, but u didn't let me speak!"

I didn't stop to listen to what she wanted to say. I was already engulfed in fear. My heart kept racing and my mind kept swirling with 'Luke can't find out!'

"You okay?" John asked as we got into the car.

"Yeah I'm, I'm fine thanks." I said gratefully but also terrified.

We got to John's house and I quickly changed to my dress. I thanked Roland for giving me a bag to put the shoes in.

Collecting the cab driver's number actually came in handy.

I quickly dialed his number.

My emotions reeked of nothing but fear.

"The cab should be hear any minute. Come on." I paced around Alice's room, greatful I was left alone. My palms became sweaty as my hands shook. I took deep breaths in and out trying to calm myself.

I finally saw a call from the cab driver. I rushed down the stairs greatful for his arrival.

"Mary!" John called before I went into the cab.

I turned to him,

"just know, whatever you're going through, someday, it'll be okay... And, and I'll- if you need anything, I'll be here, okay?"

"Okay" I said, and I smiled at him.

"I should at least pay for the cab-"

"it's okay John, Really. You've done a lot." I said to him thankfully. He nodded. I smiled again and got into the cab.

"He seems like a gentleman."

"Indeed he is- wait what excuse me?"

I said realising where the voice came from.

"I know it non of my business" The cab driver began.

"But he seems nice and I know love in a man's eyes when I see one."

He continued as he chuckled.

"love." I scoffed.

"We barely know each other." I continued.

"Even though. I fell in love with my wife, just meeting for about two weeks, so yeah, that was love. It could be for anyone."

I looked at him through the rare view mirror.

"She must be lucky" I said to him.

"lucky? Her? nah, I'm the one who's lucky. There's a difference." I saw a little bit of hurt in his eyes, but I chose not to say anything.

"I wanted her to have more" He said looking distant.

"Sorry I shouldn't have." he continued.

"No no its fine" I said assuring him. He didn't say a word till we reached the apartment building.

"Hey" I called,

"just know....whatever it is your going through, someday it'll be okay. Just believe it." I said to him remembering I stole half of the line from John.

"Yeah. I will." He replied.

"Wait the change" he called back.

"No uh, just keep it"

"Thank you" he said with a smile.

"Plus" I began "You kinda sound like Morgan Freeman"

"Yeah, I get that alot" he chuckled and I smiled at him.

"Well goodnight Mr Johnston, it's Johnston right? "

"Yes it is, good night Miss Mary" he said, and he drove off.

I walked to my apartment.

I checked under the carpet in front of my apartment and the key wasn't there. Panic began flooding in as I lifted the carpet, and checked the flower vase beside my door.

"I'm sure I dropped it here"

I said to myself confused.

I grabbed the door nob and the door opened.

"Oh great I left it opened, was I that excited?"

I chuckled, shaking my head as I pushed the door open. I walked in, shutting the door, I turned the lights on.

"Where were you?"

I screamed, startled at the unknown yet familiar voice. I turned to a figure sitting on the couch....Luke.

"You scared me." I said holding my chest in relief. Not that I felt any better.

"You haven't answered my question" Luke continued not bothered by my fright.

"I just went out-"

"WHERE?" he cut in. Standing up, he walked to me.

Goosebumps began to grow at the tone of his voice.

"Shopping" I said

"Shopping at almost 9pm? "

"Yeah people shop-"

"what's in bag?" he asked grabbing the bag from my hand.

"Which mall did you go to? "he asked bringing out the shoes. At that point my heart started racing, as the fear of him finding out the truth crept in.

"It's just a few blocks from here, why are you-"

"how much did you get these"

".....sixy, sixty-five"

"that's a lie" he said, staring at me intensely. I felt tears form, I begged them not to fall. Why I am so scared of him?

"It's a discount"  I said, hoping I was convincing enough. Luke nodded. "Why were you even staying in the dark and you gave me time off so-"

"I called you and you didn't answer" He threw the shoes on the floor.

"I'm really sorry, I was going to call back-"

"you went out for one shoe?" he asked. My heart rate increased.

"I'm running out of nice shoes, plus you said I should get a few more."

He laughed sarcastically,

"I see you, you have another week right? Don't get any ideas."

With that he started to walk towards the door.

"Wait....." I said stopping him.

" I'm going to help out, at a charity event, I just thought I should let you know."

He turned to look at me.

"Are you getting paid?" He asked.

"No, I just thought I should do something nice."

He nodded pensively.

"When?"

"Well Tuesday, i-its my birthday, actually"

"Well happy birthday in advance." He said with a sarcastic smile.

He grabbed the door nob, opening the door, he stepped outside and slammed it shut.

I let out a sigh of relief and locked the door. Well....that went well, sort of.

I went to my bedroom, sprawled on my bed. I placed my hand on my chest relieved he didn't ask for my cellphone. I decided to delete my call history, just in case he came back.

He didn't which was good.

I wanted to take a shower, but I felt too happy to. Well until Luke came and ruined the moment.

He's basically ruining my whole life. Back to my happy thoughts. Wait why am I happy again? O yeah, Cinderella moment....How many times have I thought about that?

Thinking about my magical night, I imagined birds and rats running up to me as we sing the magical night away......

Sheesh what's wrong with me! I facepalm.

I decided to get into a blue pyjamas. I plopped on my bed letting out a loud sigh.

I thought about everything John said, and it made me feel  like I had hope. But circumstance, my circumstance is making me feel otherwise. I want to be strong, but again Luke is always there to drain my happiness. To squash any flicker of hope that would rise.

But something inside me was telling me to keep hoping and believing for a brighter day. Believing that I would get out of this bondage. Out of Luke's chains...

Some day I probably will.... Some day.

I decided to kill every thought about Luke. Well while I could.

Another thing that stuck, was when John said he couldn't stop thinking about me. Was that like in a romantic way or...Well he did try to kiss me. But, isn't it all too soon? And what about me? Sure I think he's really cute but, I don't know...

Should I have let him kiss me? No it's too soon, too soon, snap out of it.

But why did he try to though.

Does he really have feelings for me? I began to smile at the thought. But the smile started to fade immediately.

What am I thinking? It can't work. After these two weeks I'll be back where I started.

What ever feelings I have...I have to let go. I told myself.

"I'm tired of all this, Luke. I just, I just want to get out. I have to."

I said to myself, staring at the ceiling.

And you will, just trust me...

Uhh did I just unconsciously encourage myself? Or was it....

God?

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