Chapter thirteen

Mary.....

The Charity event.....

I woke up to my phone buzzing, I ignored it the first time too sleepy to hope it's John.

I grabbed my phone. And I recognized it as John's number. Well I memorized it so.... Hehe, yeah. I smiled as I was about to press answer and I remembered the text messages and voice mails he kept sending asking if he could call. Well basically if the coast was clear.

I guess today he figured I'll be at the apartment.

"Hi"

"Hello, Happy Birthday Mary"

"Happy Birthday!!!!" I winced at Alice's high pitched voice.

"Thank you John. And thank you, Alice, it means so much."

"Nah it's all good."

"Would you excuse me, you've already said happy birthday." I laughed as John scolded his sister.

"So... You had a good night sleep?" He asked.

"Yeah.... It was great, thanks."

"How's the preparation for the event"

"Oh it's all good, I mean now they're confident that I wasn't some girl that wanted to just be nice and couldn't sing, so yeah it's okay."

John laughed.

"Alright, so same time?"

"yeah 6 o'clock prompt"

"yes ma'am, but do you mind if I come over? I mean, I just thought we'd meet before the event."

"I can't take any chances, I mean I already told Luke about the event but, he could show up so..."

"Well okay. See you at the event then? Oh and wait, I sent a text, so check it out "

"okay, I will"

"yeah, so see you soon "

"okay, bye"

"bye"

I checked the text message.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a better future and hope. Jeremiah 29:11. Happy Birthday Mary :)

I smiled as I read.

"hope...." I said pensively.

"I got to have hope."

A few minutes later my phone began buzzing again. "Hi Mary"

"O hi? " trying to recognize the voice.

"it's Kelly silly"

"Oh wow hey! H-how are you"

"I'm good, Happy Birthday!"

"Thank you so much Kelly"

"No it's fine really." she said. I tried my best not to ruin the moment by asking about Ed. So...

"Well see you later? you're coming for the event right? " I said trying to avoid talking about Ed but it probably didn't because she was supposed to come with him.

"well yeah of course, I'm coming with Ed, so"

"O that's good, that's great" I said relieved.

"well bye"

"bye Kelly, thanks again"

That's good it means they're cool. Phew.

Later that day I rehearsed on my own, picked out a simple white and red floral print flare dress and decided to meet Marilyn and see if they needed more help. Everything was pretty much set. Then we rehearsed one final time to make sure everything was great.

My phone began buzzing again as I was about to leave. Its probably Ed. I'm going to pretend I wasn't a little pissed he didn't call earlier. I thought to myself.

"Hello"

"well if it isn't the birthday girl, Happy Birthday Mary"

"Ed, Thanks so much"

"it's fine, I mean what are friends for? sorry I called late, I'm preparing for a job interview as an accountant , I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that, but I'll make sure I make it in time for the event"

"Hey it's okay, a job interview? that's really great, I hope you get it. "

"Thanks, I've prayed and I believe I'll be fine,"

"Amen you will, well see you soon and just be you okay"

"Thanks, Happy Birthday again"

"Thanks, bye."

Wow, I really hope he gets this job.

It feels good having this much people care about me. Well not so much but, as long as its real, it's feels really good.

I sighed, thinking to myself.

•~•~•~•

"Mary, Mary!"

"huh!"

" You'll be ready in five" one if the male organises said to me back stage. I was a nervous wreck. why did I sign up for this. Clearly I'd forgotten how terrifying it is, not just standing, but singing in Front of a crowd.

"I my my, I can't do this "

"what! You're going in five minutes, you can't bail!"

"Sorry I mean......haaaa" I tried literally shaking off the nervousness. Nope it didn't work.

"What's going on?" Marilyn asked.

"She's about to bail" the organiser said as he slapped and palmed his face.

"No I'm not I'm just-"

"Mary?" Marilyn began.

"You can do this okay, you sing amazingly. You have no idea how relieved I was when we confirmed you could actually sing. But hey, sing from your heart, you got this, just be you, okay?"

"Okay," I said still trying to calm down.

I looked through the curtain at the crowd and spotted John standing at the back. I smiled seeing him.

But he came late. Does it matter really! He's here and that's okay.

I didn't bother to look for Ed and Kelly.

"They should be there somewhere" I said to my self.

"Deep breaths okay? " the organiser said.

I actually needed that.

"Okay you can do this, you can do this" I said encouraging myself.

As I was called to perform, I walked on the stage as the crowd applauded. The stage lights hovering and illuminating. My heart began racing as I looked at John, who smiled at me. Did he have to? That can throw me Off!

But that was fine. Obviously.

The music began to play and I began singing, from the heart.

Expressing the pain of the past, and wanting to be free from all of it. Trying to be strong and hoping for better days.

I close my eyes

and I can see

a world that's waiting up for me

that I call my own,

through the dark

through the door

through where no ones been before

but it feels like home.

They can say they say it all sounds crazy, they can say they can say I've lost my mind, I don't I don't care so call me crazy,

we can live in a world that we design....

Every night I lie in bed,

the brightest colours fill my head a million dreams are keeping me awake,

I think of what the world could be

a vision of one I see

a million dreams is all its gonna take

a million dreams

of the world we're gonna make.

A million dreams for the world were gonna make..........

The crowd began applauding, almost in slow motion. Then everything came back as my mind regained it's speed.

I realized why I picked that song. Growing up, there was so much hope, I wanted to be a lot of things, I remembered when my parents would tell me that I could be anything I wanted, but I should always put God first. They were right of course.

It's just really hard to keep that hope now.

"You were amazing Mary" Marilyn said as she hugged me.

"Thank you"

"you did good" the organiser said to me.

"Thank you so much"

"we should be thanking you." Marilyn said.

"So you could wait to hear how much we've made that is if your not in a hurry to leave." she continued.

"I'll wait a bit" I said.

"Okay, it looks like we're having some windfall! If you know what mean, too much? okay to the point" The host began.

We all went silent as we listened and watched from back stage.

"okay, we've made.....o My! $65,000?!"

"Oh my gosh!" I shouted and I hugged Marilyn as I heard her cry.

"Wait is this right?!" the host said shocked.

"Well it is, it's confirmed $65,000!"

For a moment I began thinking if John had something to do with it, but I decided not to conclude. But I couldn't help but think he did.

"Thank you, we couldn't have done this without you, Mary"

"No Marilyn, you don't know that"

"Thank you, I don't know how to repay you."

"It's nothing, you don't have to" I said to her and hugged her again.

I ran out to look for John then someone called me.

"Mary! " I turned to Kelly who immediately engulfed me in her arms.

"You were amazing." she said as she let go.

"Thanks Kelly"

"she said it all, you were great." Ed said hugging me.

"Thank you guys, so much. "

"It's okay, we got you something." Kelly said as she handed me a little pink bag with a box in it.

"Okay um..." I began as I pulled out the box and opened it.

"Wow, earrings? Their beautiful, thank you guys so much. " I said as I admired the diamond shaped earrings with diamond like studs.

"we wanted to get more, we just weren't really sure.... "

"It's okay Ed, I love them, thank you guys so much. "

I said gratefully and hugged them again.

"wait, sorry to ruin the moment, but are you guys okay?" I just had to.

"yeah, we're friends,still figuring out some stuffs, but we'll get there, but we're fine. "

I nodded and smiled at them.

"And the job? " I asked Ed.

"Oh I almost forgot, I got it!"

"I'm so happy for you, you deserved it. "

"yeah, it was a long day, but it was worth it. It's all God's grace. " Ed said.

"He's grace has indeed kept us. And you too Mary. You know that right? " Kelly said to me smiling.

"yeah.... " I replied trying not to break down. I've tried to be strong for so long, and I obviously can't be strong without God. At least that's something my Mom told me.

"Hope I'm not interrupting..." a familiar voice came from behind Kelly and Ed.

"Nope it's all good." I said to John.

I introduced him to Kelly and Ed.

"nice to finally meet the mysterious two"

Kelly and Ed looked at John a bit confused.

"I mean her good friends..... so yeah" he said to them as he noticed their confusion.

"so John" Ed began. "Take good care of her will you" he continued.

"uh we're not really dating we're just frien-"

"I will Edward" John cut me off.

"You can call me Ed. " he smiled at John as they shook hands.

"so I guess you wouldn't mind if I steal her for a moment? "

"It's fine" Ed said.

"Well you kids have fun okay! But not too much fun and don't get lost! "

"what? Okay Mom" I said laughing as I played along with Kelly's joke.

"You were amazing" John said as we began walking along the street.

"Thanks" I appreciated.

"Hey, did you come late I mean not that it matters but-"

"Well no actually, I didn't" he cut in.

"Okay" I said a bit embarrassed.

"I just wanted to get a better view, so I gave out my seat"

"a better view all the way back?"

"You saw me didn't you" he said with a smirk.

I laughed nervously.

"Well sometimes its nice to have a familiar and supportive face around you know."

"Well, well yeah, stop being full of your self" I said smiling.

"I'm not"

"so...did you by any chance have anything to do with the money.......? The fund" I asked fidgeting my fingers.

"Well yeah actually"

"how much? "

"Does it really matter really?"

"Yeah, I just want to know"

"hey, it's okay, I helped out and that's what matters"

" thank you John, thank you so much" I sighed.

"it's okay, I'd do anything to help." he said.

"So I'm guessing you had a million dreams as a kid....so what did you want to become?" he asked.

"well...actually I wanted to become a Bank manager and own an orphanage."

"Bank manager really? Not singer? "

"well I thought about singing.....but with everything that happened I kinda forgot about it and stopped writing songs"

"oh..... "

"and now that I think about it, being a Bank manager is a whole lot if work." I said with a laugh trying to ease tension from my past.

"Yeah it is" He replied with a smile too.

We kept walking not sure where we were going, then we stopped at a bridge.

"I got you something." John said as he pulled out a box from his pocket.

Is he going to propose! Too soon Mary, too soon, your not even dating! What's wrong with you!

"Oh for me, ah okay." I collected the box and opened it.

It was a beautiful heart shaped necklace.

"Wow, this is.....I hope it's not real diamond" I said a bit worried.

"Well, it kinda is... "

"You've done a lot John really, this is too much."

"Hey, your worth it."

"I don't know if I really I'm-"

"you are, Happy Birthday." he cut in.

"Thank you." I said again and hugged him.

After we separated, he began.

"Here put it on." He collected the necklace. Putting it around my neck as I lifted my hair.

"Perfect." he said with a smile.

"Thank you" Touching the necklace, I reached out for a hug.

"Listen...I know this is probably all too soon or too fast but, I-I can't stop thinking about you," he began nervously.

"I know I've said it before, but....you see me for me. And-and I know...uh"

"what are you trying to say?" I asked.

"Basically, I wanna have my million dreams with you, I know that sounds cheesy but I want you to be by my side, support each other. You made me realize a lot of things, I probably wouldn't have. I just want to see you Happy, by my side. And I'm really really glad that I met you..." he took hold of my hands.

"I'm glad I met you too, John." I said to him with a smile.

We started at each other for a moment. Then, he caressed his hand on my cheek and began leaning close. My mind was telling me to stop, but deep down, I knew I felt the same way. Our lips began to press against each other, but this time, I wasn't willing to stop. My hands ran through his hair as he placed his hands on the small of back, pulling me closer. None of us were ready to let go.

We finally separated but still staring at each other.

"I love you....Mary" hold up what!

"What? " I stepped back, thrown off.

"I said I-"

"I heard you John, y-you can't love me? "

"What do you mean I can't love you, I know I said it seems too soon but that's how I feel and I'm being honest."

"You can't, not while I'm with... "

"With what? Your job? You can leave Mary, I'm willing to help, why can't you just let me?"

I tried so hard not to cry because there was so much I was hiding and feelings for him I tried to deny but couldn't.

"I think I should go" I said walking away.

"your running off again? what are you not telling me, because clearly you feel the same way." He said as he ran after me.

"You don't know that.." I stopped.

"So you're saying you don't have feelings for me then?"

"No, that's not what I meant"

"Then what did you mean?" He asked desperately.

"I just, I just need some time to think...okay, it's nothing to be worried about." My voice began to break.

John took a deep breath then let it out.

"Okay...." he said almost in a whisper.

"Thanks again for the gift" I said.

"You're not okay, I can see that-"

"John please okay, just, just don't worry about it!" I yelled.

Tears started to stream down, I avert my gaze.

"Okay" he said in a whisper.

I wanted to tell him everything. But it was for his own good. Part of me wanted to pour out the pain and frustration. There was so much I kept to myself.

"It's fine," I replied.

"Well, good night John."

I didn't wait to hear him reply. I started walking away desperately, I couldn't let him keep seeing me cry.

I didn't understand myself. One moment I'm hopeful and the next, I lose it.

Love is a really strong word. Did he really mean it? Even if he did, we probably won't work. But I want us to work, I really do. But I don't want us to start something that'll end up hurting the both of us. My thoughts kept raging on.

But I do. I feel the same way, and I'm not just realising it. I'm just scared, scared of a lot if things, of Luke, of us, of John's reputation. I'm obviously not the kind of girl they'd imagine him to be with. But he doesn't care. He's done so much to show.

I got to my apartment. I stood still for a moment. Then I broke down in tears, leaning against the door with my hands on my face. It's all too good to be true. Here I am, a man says he loves me, even if I try to doubt it, I couldn't, I didn't want to. I'd consider myself lucky, but....Not while I'm still here, Not while I'm still in Luke's chains. But I have to break free. I don't know how.

•~•~•

John.....

I couldn't understand, everything seemed great, but now..... Maybe I said it too soon. Maybe I shouldn't have, but that's how I really feel. I like the fact we kissed but it doesn't feel as good it did for a moment.

God help me, what did I do wrong what can I do to make this right. This can't happen now that my feelings have grown, that I'm in love! Please God help me, help her. Let her know that I meant it.

I couldn't stop thinking about it, about her!

I really feel she's the one. But it's hard! What is she not telling me! Patience....

I'm really trying to God.

"Hey...." Alice said as she opened the door peeping then finally came in.

"You-you haven't eaten since you came back." She said worried.

"I don't want to talk about it. I'm not hungry." I deadpanned.

"Okay, well um...okay" she turned around to leave.

"I just don't get it" I said a bit frustrated.

"Don't get what? " Alice stopped.

"But if you don't want to talk about it its-"

"Mary," I cut in.

"What about her? It's her birthday right? But you weren't happy when you came home. "

"We kissed."

"Well tha-that's good right? O-or not?"

"I told her, I loved her and she freaked out and said she wanted to go and wanted to think about it an-and it was like she didn't want to believe me? Or she's hiding something? Or she thinks she isn't good enough? I don't know!"

"Calm down, John"

"I can't calm down Alice.... I, I just can't. I meant what I said to her, now I'm not sure if she feels that way."

"Maybe she's scared? About who you are, the family you're from....or, I don't know,"

"well I don't care about who she is, we're she's from or what flaws she has or whatever. I care about her. I don't just like her Ally, I Love her."

Alice walked to me and sat beside me on my bed.

"One thing you've thought me is to put things in God's hands. Cast your cares to him, let God handle it, as long as you trust him to."

I sighed rubbing my fore head.

"Your right.....I will. "

"It'll be okay. There could be a reason why you two met the way you did. Just trust God John.....it'll be fine."

"Thanks Ally."

"It's okay. Roland and Shannon are really worried about you so, maybe just come say hi, let them know you're okay. "

"Yeah. Okay."

•~•~•

I obviously wanted to see Mary again. I couldn't bare the silence between us, I was desperate to call, I sent voice mails and text messages but she didn't respond. I thought about the plan I had to be able to see her again.

Her time off is almost over and I need to get to her before some strange guy who clearly doesn't see her the way I do gets to her. I didn't have Luke's number and I didn't ask Mary for it either. And the only way I can probably meet him is at the Luke-aid lounge. Meeting him won't stair up any suspicion about Mary and I. I'll just tell him I wanted another night with her and I'll pay. Yeah I'll go. I just hope I meet him.

If this works, I really hope I get to know the truth, at least of how she feels too.

God help me, I know you will.