Chapter nine

Mary....

A day before....

I woke up to my phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"hey, Mary it's Eddy"

"Eddy? Why are you calling when it's....oh 9:30am?" I said looking at the wall clock, wow, I must have been really tired.

"yeah I'm just checking on you, you okay? "

"yeah I'm fine thanks, I didn't realise the time"

"it's okay Mary, so....you wanna hang out?"

"Hang, out? With Kelly right? "

"No, not, you know what, just forget i-"

"no no no I'm sorry, I just..yeah we can hang out its fine"

"I'm sorry, For reacting that way... we're hanging out as friends okay, Kelly's going to be fine with it."

"Oh okay, so... I'll come to the bar? "

"Yeah twelve thirty? "

"Yeah it's cool"

"bye "

"yeah...bye"

"well that was an awkward phone call" I said to my self . Wait its Thursday right... Wow, I've had more rest than I needed, but it feels good.... Maybe hanging out won't be bad after all.

•~•~•

"Hey, I'm sorry for the way I-"

"it's okay Ed, I just didn't want, kelly-"

"If it makes you feel better, I told her we were hanging out, she said its fine, she's busy with school work." I did not feel better.

"yeah okay, that's cool so... Where are we headed? "

"well.....out back?"

"really? I was hoping a movie "

"we'll I just wanted to talk that's all"

"okay... So, to the back then."

We sat on the trunk of his car, like before.

"So who's this mystery guy? "

"Mystery guy? "

"yeah the one, who you weren't sure left a message....?"

"O Uh... Yeah, his name, his name is John, we're just friends I guess." I said as I looked at the ground then at Ed.

"Where did you meet? "

"At....a... Ugh... It's complicated really"

"complicated good?" He asked curiously.

"yeah" I said with a smile.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright." He said.

"Thanks Ed really"

He nodded his head and we sat there quietly, feeling awkward, I decided I'd get us a drink.

"let me get us some-"

Ed grabbed my arm as I was about to jump down.

"No it's fine"

"okay...." I said.

"I, Mary? Uh" he laughed a laugh that wasn't really a laugh, kind of like... I don't know if I should say what I want to say kind of laugh. He let my arm go then I asked concerned,

"Are you okay, Ed?"

" Yeah, I'm fine"

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked concerned.

He let out a sigh that made my heart pound.

"I think I have feelings for you Mary" his words coming out like sighs.

"what? ....y-you" I stuttered completely speechless. Kelly is going to hate me.

"You think? what about Kelly-"

"I broke up with her"

"You what! Why! " At that moment I jumped off the trunk and he followed.

"Because! I don't know! Maybe I realised that I was falling for you when the thought of you with another guy-"

"That gave you.... No right! Edward no right! How could you?!"

"How could I! You stand here acting like you didn't have feelings for me"

" have feelings, well yeah, maybe I did but I never told you! And you were with someone else and I moved on! "

"Did you really-"

"I did Ed, I did. You said you've changed, you want to live a better life,"

"I did change, Kelly isn't the one for me, you are!"

"you don't know that! You don't get to decide! You don't." A tear escaped my eye at the thought of a broken hearted Kelly who probably hates me.

"She did nothing wrong why!...you still love her don't you?" I asked wiping off the tear.

"I don't know Mary! I'm confused!"

"What happened to asking God for guidance. Did you pray about it? "

"No I didn't..."

"well you should"

"I just...we had a huge fight and I broke up with her, I felt a little jealous that you probably had another guy so-"

"So I was the back up plan? "

"No, no, you're not" He stepped closer to me, I should have moved back but, I stood there like my legs didn't obey my command to move.

"Then what, Edward"

"I...just-"

"since when did you start having feelings" I asked clearing my throat I folded my arms.

"since... Since We kissed last time".

My heart dropped. The reason Kelly doesn't trust me. The day I lost her trust. That was the biggest mistake, in my life. And I haven't forgiven myself since.

I had come to the bar when Ed was closing.

I remember that night I was tired of life, and I told him how I wanted to die. He helped me through that night, told me that my life was worth way more than I could imagine and that things would turn around, if I just hold on a bit longer and trust God. I also told him how I haven't had a real first kiss, me and my big mouth, I never should have brought that up. I went for the kiss, but he didn't stop me, I was drunk, that night. Guilt ate me up and I had to tell Kelly myself, I told her that Ed didn't stop me because, he pitied me.. At least I thought that, but that was part of it right?

"That was about three months ago Ed, it was a mistake and you know that".

"I didn't stop you"

"it was a mistake she hated me and now when things seemed to be going great, you break up with her? You felt sorry for me,"

"maybe I did feel sorry for you, things happen, feelings grow-"

"You sound like a jerk right now do you know that? Why is it now that you're telling me?"

"Because, I kept it in, in a long time, and I had to let it out, even if you'd move on."

"You're confused you know that right, kelly still loves yo-"

"you don't know that!..."

"I'm sorry Ed but, I can't do this, we can't do this, you're a great guy but-"

"but what?"

"We just can't.......Eddy, I still love you, as a friend. Kelly still loves you and I know you do to. Talk to her, work things out. I've moved on, and Kelly is a great person. She forgave us for hurting her. Don't do it again. She loves you and I know you love her, don't let some feelings you say you have for me stop that, clearly I know that your not in love with me. Your just.......confused. I don't know what has been going on between you two, but whatever it is you'll work it out. Her forgiving me, forgiving you last time, shows how she really loves you."

"I -"

"you can't have the both of us to yourself Ed, you know that. And I'm not going to keep coming back to you for a shoulder to cry on or advice forever....This can't work and you know that "

"I'm sorry, I know....what am I doing?" he said rubbing his forehead.

"I don't know Ed, but if you know that deep down you still care about Kelly, you better go back for her, do you understand?"

"I do.....I do" He takes a deep breath and leans on the car.

" you're just a really good person. I just thought you'd be a better girlfriend-"

"No, you don't know that." I cut him off

"To be honest if I found out that my boyfriend and my friend, made out... I'm not sure I'd forgive either of them." I continued.

"yeah, you're right, she has a big heart. We fought because I saw her with another guy who was clearly a friend....I should have trusted her, because she trusts me even after that night.... Well she brought it up and..... Yeah I told her that you'd probably be a better girlfriend...look I wasn't thinking straight...."

"Have you?" I stop not sure if I should ask.

"Have you been drinking Ed?"

He laughed shaking his head, pain crinkled on his eye kids as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Yeah" He said as he opened his eyes.

He let out a sigh.

"I thought I was better"

My heart got overwhelmed with fear, worry and hurt .

"I just, I just feel so ashamed to go back to God. I'm sure He is disappointed" He shakes his head.

I stare at him not sure what to say.

I thought for a moment.

"You taught me that, everyone deserves a chance for a better life, if anything I know that God isn't angry with you, he's not disappointed. If anything he really wants you to run back to him. You know....like the prodigal son" I nudged his shoulder reminding him the day he told me the story.

He laughs a little.

"Honestly, you should be the one giving me this advice" I said to him.

"I guess the student has become the master" He replied as he straightened up.

"Just go back to your Pastor, I'm sure he'll walk you through" Ed nodded.

"But, I just want you to know that you're not an addict anymore, I don't care when you started drinking again, you're not. Keep that thought with you"

"Wow" He sighed looking distant.

"That's the truth right there" he said smiling.

"Thanks, so much" he said turning his head to look at me.

"It's Okay...Just, fix things with Kelly, tell her the truth. Okay. Tell her exactly how you feel."

"Okay" he said in almost a whisper.

We stayed quiet for a while.

"I hope it works out for you and..... John right? " Ed said breaking the silence.

"Hehe yeah..... I doubt that....but friends is good."

"little by little" He said.

"Yeah" it probably won't happen, and it's too early to think that.

"I'll be praying for you Mary"

"Thanks, and I you"

" I went in for a hug, as he engulfed me in his arms.

"Talk to Kelly, Okay." I said to him.

"yeah I will"

•~•~•

"That was intense" I thought to myself as I laid on the couch. Then something hit me like a bucket of water poured on my face bringing back a memory. With a gasp "it's almost Friday! " I said that out loud, as I remembered, the date, I mean Ball, yeah Ball.

Why am I so excited? I began thinking to myself. Well it'll be nice to see John again.

That night I ordered pizza, too lazy to cook. I scrolled through the channels. Happy I saved some money to get a TV.

I should get a laptop too... But if Luke finds- Luke. Luke is literally controlling my life... Jerk head... I know I shouldn't call him names but it felt good.

I woke up in the middle of the night, turned the TV off and headed to my bedroom. I laid on my bed, and the thought of a prayer came to my mind. God... If your listening, we'll you probably are so.... Help Eddy, please. Amen.

It's Fri-yay! But..... It's just 6:45am, wow, way to crush my spirit time.

I laid back on my bed hopelessly when my phone began ringing.

"Hello? "

"Hi Mary, it's Marilyn."

"Oh, hi..."

"I'm just calling to ask about what song you're planning to sing"

"oh right Umm, A million dreams "

"From The Greatest Showman?"

"Yeah yes"

"it's a good pick, I'll let the band know, or maybe they could get the instrumentals"

"yes that's okay."

"Thank you very much Mary"

"it's okay Marilyn."

I guess I'll use to the time I have to rehearse, before the Ball, that's weird I'm actually going to a Ball, this is obviously part of my million dreams....see what I did there... okay on with the rehearsal.

There's something about that song, a million dreams. I've obviously had dreams outside this hell hole. And to be honest Luke gives me a reason to believe that there's a devil.

I'm not sure if I should blame the devil or my brother or the world.... I just feel like I've been attacked since I was a kid... And I really want to get out but it's like Luke has chains on me. When I want to go forward... He pullss me back. Even if I try to run away..... It's never possible. The only place I'm free, is in my mind. Hence the lyrics.

"Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colours fill my head, a Million dreams are keeping me awake......."

I just want to get out.....to be free. I don't want to be chained forever.

•~•~•~•

"Should I call? Or should I wait for him to call? Shouldn't he call first? I should wait right? Or maybe not."

I paced around my bedroom contemplating whether or not to call John before I'd leave.

"I don't want to seem desperate, he should call, since I did the last right, but he asked me to, though, so....ugh who am I kidding." Pissed at my ridiculous thoughts, I stopped to call John, then my phone rang.

I immediately recognized the number as John's.

"Hi! "

"Well that was a sudden answer."

"Ha, Ha, very funny."

" So, should I pick you up or you're still coming"

"I'll come, it should be about a thirty minutes drive."

"Okay when you're almost there, call me okay. "

"Sure"

"well..... Later? "

"Yes later"

After taking a shower, I got dressed in a red floral print long sleeved, flare dress that I bought. I should look decent at least. Well more like me.

It felt good not wearing a lingerie under a Trench coat to meet a guy.

A few minutes before the cab driver dropped me off, I called John letting him know that I would arrive soon.

I paid the cab driver and told him to keep the change, He offered to comeback and pick me up. I told him it was okay but I collected his number Just in case.

The security let me in and I met John standing in front of the door.

"Hi..." I said a bit shy.

"Hey.. you look,y-you look nice"

"Thanks, you look good yourself"

"This old thing? So you're saying I look good in a T-shirt and sweat pants? "

I smiled as I raised a brow "well... It's not bad"

"hmm so I look good in anything then? "

"ugh" he laughed as I gagged.

"Come on in. "

I followed him into the mansion.

"Oh my gosh! You must be Mary! "

A pretty girl with a brunette hair in pony tail, jumped in front of me in excitement. I immediately recognized her as Alice because of those beautiful hazel eyes.

Speaking of hazel eyes, a pair of them are staring wide eyed at me.

"yes... " she totally caught me off guard.

"And you must be Alice? "

"Aww... He told you about me, I guess he loves me more he thinks huh"

she turned to John and winking at him.

He laughed shaking his head.

"Leave her alone Ally"

"no, it's fine" I sad smiling at her. She smiled back. Her smile grew wider,

"it's time for make over!...not that you don't look good you look great but...let's get ready for the Ball, come on John has everything planned out for your dress and you'll love my stylist she's amazing, oh you're gonna love your dress I hope it isn't, gonna be too small or big, but whatever you'll be fine..... "

she's such a chatter box... I like that about her.

As she grabbed my hand dragging me upstairs, I turned back to John, he smiled at me and something about his smile made me feel like everything was going to be okay.....

We went to Alice's room and she introduced me to her stylist.

"So Anne, this is Mary, John's date"

"Hi Mary" Anne was a woman about her mid thirties, or so. Her hair was blonde tied in a bun. She had blue eyes and wore a black shirt with a Jean.

"Hi nice to meet you" I said.

"Nice to meet you too Mary. So this is Emily and Jessica the make up artists. Lanh, and David, the hair stylists"

"Hi.....nice to meet you."

" Okay, let's get started guys!" Alice clapped her hands in excitement.

"So Mary. Jessica, David and I will be in another room, so if you need anything, I'm a few doors away okay"

"Thank you so much Alice" I said gratefully.

"Nah don't mention it."

"You have good hair soft but dry" The hair stylist who I recalled was Lanh said in her Vietnamese accent. It was cute though.

"um thank you? " I said not sure if that was the right reply.

"You moist? "

"Umm yeah? "

"no, this is a hair in distress, you don't take good care of it"

"Hehe guilty? " I said nervously.

"This no funny, hair needs to be taken good care of"

"yeah, thanks I haven't really been having enough time-"

"create time, hair is very important"

I smiled at her concern for my hair.

"I will, thank you"

"I'll help you now, okay. That's why I'm here. "

"Thank you so much Lanh"

"You welcome."

A few hours later, Anne brought out a long red mermaid lace gown and I was in total Awe at the sight of it. Anne smiled at me.

"For you , you should try it"

"m-me? " I stuttered.

"yes you, get up go try it" lanh said smacking me on my shoulder.

"Uh.. Okay"

"Beautiful dress, try it" lanh continued.

I stood up and collected the gown from Anne and I heard Lanh say.

" I like her"

I smiled. If only she knew. But that doesn't matter now. I pushed the thought away.

I get to be where most girls dream of, so, I am really grateful for tonight.