Welcome to the Dark Side: Chapter 3

2009-2010 Zeus is 28. Louise is 9.

Dear Mr. Z, Merry Christmas! I don’t know if Santa comes to prison, so I got Betsy to send you a present. It’s not really big or anything because I don’t have a job yet. When I grow up and become a famous ballerina, I can buy you something even better. Betsy and I looked up what I was allowed to send you in jail and it’s not really a lot…Do you like it? I spent my whole entire allowance on it and Betsy took me IN DISGUISE to the biker shop to get it. It was super fun. I wore the toque you gave me but not inside out, so people could see Hephaestus Auto on it. Betsy gave me sunglasses too! I looked just like a biker girl. One of the ladies in the shop even asked me if my daddy was a biker just like you! Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her that you are my guardian monster, but I did lie and tell her yes. Lying is a sin so I had to go to the hospital chapel and pray for forgiveness, but it was worth it.

Anyways, did you know it’s my birthday in one week? The nurses are going to bring me a cake because I have to go in to get my medicine that day. I hope it’s chocolate! I CAN’T WAIT to be 9 years old! I asked Mummy and Daddy for tickets to the Nutcracker ballet in Vancouver but they say I might be too sick to go. I hope not. I tried to tell them that I’m feeling better and I am. I think the chemo thing is working!

I don’t want you to send me anything like last year. It was too big. I looked it up on the internet and when you work in prison you don’t make really any money so I don’t want you to waste it on me. Maybe you can buy King that dirt bike he wants! And then for my present you can send me a picture of him riding it. I think that would be really cool.

xoxo, Little Loulou Lafayette Lou, Don’t care if you’re mad. Betsy told me your feckin’ parents didn’t get you those tickets, so I did. You accept the present graciously, like the little lady-in-trainin’ that you are, and you get Nanny or Betsy to take you to the ballet, yeah?

I didn’t get presents from Santa but in my experience, Lou, Santa doesn’t have much to do with adults so enjoy ’em while it lasts. Did get a visit from my kids though. Their mum brought ’em in, dressed in dirty clothes with their hair all tangled. Feckin’ killed me to see ’em like that. Killed me more to hold my little girl in my arms and breathe in her scent. She smells like flowers. Don’t know how, given her mum probably washes her in cheap crap but she still smells like a meadow. Not gonna lie to you, Lou—not that I ever would—but I felt that shit in my chest. Miss the way my daughter smells and holdin’ her in my arms.

You don’t get much love and comfort in this hell on earth, Lou. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Grateful for the magazine subscription, don’t like you spendin’ your money on some old man in prison but gotta say I missed readin’ about bikes.

Z.