Sunder

Hello dear friends.

The world has seemingly fallen apart since I last updated.

I just hope you all are safe and well.

In times like these, it is easy to feel alone.

But I hope you know that you are not.

Sending a warm virtual hug to all of you.

✾     ✾     ✾

The sound of a chuckle from the doorway draws her attention from the book in her hands.

"I figured we might find you here. Our little bookworm." Dante grinned, approaching her curled position in the armchair.

He plucked the book from her hands, dogearing the page before setting it on the table.

"My first guess was the music room." Alexander quipped as he stepped behind her.

Running his hands over her shoulders, massaging the tension that had knotted there.

A smile stretched across her face as Theodore entered the room, taking measured steps toward her.

All three of them were here.

He stopped just before her, reaching down to grip her chin.

"Found you, darling." His minty breath brushes over her face.

Dante runs a hand through her curls, sitting on the arm of the chair.

His fingers tangle, tugging her head toward him.

Warm lips slant over her own, a soft sigh leaving her.

Soft touches dance down her arm, a second set of lips fluttering against her neck.

Alexander's hands trail lower, drawing swirls on her collarbone before dipping lower still.

Her chest rising and falling heavily under his ministrations.

Theodore's lips press more firmly, mapping across the expanse of her neck.

A hand tugs her up so she is standing, the three envelope her until she is at the center of them.

Dante's fingers slip beneath her shirt, gripping her hips and pulling her back against him.

He nips at her ear lobe as Alexander caresses her face.

Brushing lovingly against her cheekbones, he presses a searing kiss to her mouth.

Swallowing her soft gasp, he presses her further against Dante.

Another set of hands, Theodore's, drag along the waist of her shorts.

He slides beneath the cotton, tracing the lace edging of her panties.

A moan leaves her as he finds her core, his fingers expertly pressing against her.

She melts as they devour her, all heat and burning.

Skin and lust and love and devotion.

They are all that is holding her up, all that is keeping her on this planet.

There is no gravity.

No laws of nature.

Only them and the way they fold her against them.

She is clay, molded by their hands.

Born from the earth, forged by their fire.

It is evident in the way they set her ablaze.

She was made for this.

Made for them.

They worship her with their hands.

With their lips.

They draw life across her skin, paint her with love.

She is alight.

Alexander pulls back, his honey eyes dark as he watches her.

His lips like rubies from pressing against her own.

She wonders if they buzz like hers do.

"You're ours. Always ours." His lips find her own again.

She has never heard truer words.

They are everywhere, pressed against every inch of her body.

She is sinking.

Drowning in them.

Drowning and drowning and-

Something is wrong.

"Enid?" Theodore's voice sounds worried.

Her head twists to look at him, but her vision blurs.

The room seems to slip out of focus, the edges bleeding into nothing.

"Enid?" Her name comes again, but it is not Theodore.

She reaches her hand out toward him, searching.

Searching.

There is nothing.

She is drowning.

Not with them, but without them.

Panic alights in her veins as she feels them dissipate into the hazy air surrounding her.

She is dragged from the room, her eyes opening to fluorescent light streaming in through a car window.

Her mind is frantic.

Trying to find their faces in the haze.

The moment slips away from her, like sand in her hands.

Her heart sinks as the last coils of sleep slip from her.

The feeling of their hands and heat fading.

She tries to grip onto it, to hold onto the feeling of them pressed against her.

But she loses it.

It was something between a memory and a dream.

A cavern opens in her chest.

An unfathomable ache swells within her.

The feeling of missing them was unlike anything she had ever felt before.

Nothing had prepared her for this.

Heartbreak.

No number of books or songs or movies or poems could have described this.

This- this utter despair.

Like her soul has been burnt to ash.

Like she has shattered, the pieces of her piercing into her skin.

Sharp, biting.

Drawing blood.

She is fractions of fractions of fractions of a whole.

Nothing more than this pain.

Than this anguish.

It swallows her, rips the air from her lungs.

It is all she can do not to cry.

Emilia smiles at her, her head twisted around to look at her from the passenger seat.

"Hey, sleepy head. We're here." She turns back around, opening the car door.

Jake steps out of the car after her, says something that makes Emilia laugh.

Enid rubs at her eyes tiredly, grabbing the small backpack of belongings she had been able to slip to Emilia.

It is filled with a few changes of clothes and some toiletries.

Only a few sentimental things.

Every item her own, not something they had bought her.

Exiting the car, she stretches her wary bones.

They had driven through the night and the following day.

Only stopping for gas and bathroom breaks.

The fluorescent sign for the motel flickers above her, casting the parking lot in bright colors.

Atlanta Ave Motel.

The air is strangely warm for a December night.

She can barely keep her hands steady as she pays for a room with cash, thanking the grouchy teenage girl at the counter with a small smile.

Their room is clean, though sparsely furnished.

There are two beds, a bedside table, and a desk.

It is enough.

"Do you want help with your hair?" Emilia's voice knocks her from her reverie.

Enid glances over at her, seeing the gentle, almost motherly, look on her face.

"I'm okay. I'm just going to cut it tonight. I'll need to get the dye tomorrow." She tries to paste on a convincing smile.

Emilia tilts her head, studies her for a moment.

"Okay, we'll go pick up some dinner then. I saw a Chinese place down the road that should do takeout." Emilia grabs her coat.

"What do you want, Enid?" Jake asks, his boyish smile stretching across his face as Emilia grabs his hand.

She cannot help the small twinge in her heart.

Jealous.

How badly she wanted to feel familiar fingers interlocked with her own.

"Um, something with noodles, please." Enid gives a halfhearted smile.

Entering the bathroom, she is awash in the white light.

Her reflection is startling, all knotted curls and swallow skin.

She looks terrified.

She looks lost.

Enid drags her hairbrush through her hair, the teeth snagging on knots.

Showering quickly, she washes her hair with the horrible complimentary bottles of shampoo and conditioner.

Fighting with her hair again once she is done, she finally combs it into submission.

The wet curls falling in spirals down to her lower back.

Dread fills her as she thinks of cutting it.

She was not vain, but her hair had always been her security blanket.

Something to fiddle with when nervous, something to hide behind.

It was a defining part of her and changing it felt like getting rid of an old friend.

But it was necessary.

If she was going to do this, if she was going to hide.

She needed to disguise herself.

For a moment, she thinks to reach for her phone in order to watch a tutorial on haircutting.

Forgetting she had left both of them behind.

She knew they would have tracked her down immediately if she brought them with.

Her hands tremor as she holds out a section of hair with one hand and the scissors with her other.

Steeling her nerves, she closes the shears in one smooth motion.

A small gasp leaves her as strands of rose gold curls flutter into the sink.

Refusing to look at the mirror, she gathers the next section.

Lining it up with the first, she cuts another clean line.

For a few minutes, there is nothing but the sound of the scissors and hair hitting the porcelain sink.

As she finishes, she is amazed at how light her head feels.

She grips the counter for strength and finally looks up.

Her hair barely reaches her shoulders, the ends tickling her collar bones.

She simultaneously looks a million years younger and a million years older.

Turning her head side to side, she feels the curls brush against her shoulder.

It is ticklish, but somehow comforting.

A small smile lights up her face.

"Enid! We're back! Let me see your new hair!" Emilia's voice comes from the other side of the door.

Tugging on her pajamas, Enid opens the door shyly.

"Oh my god! You look amazing!" Emilia gasps, dropping the napkins she was holding.

Jake chimes in with an agreement.

"Really?" Enid asks nervously, her hand coming up to tug one of the curls.

Emilia grabs her arm, spinning her around.

"Yes! I mean, I loved your long Rapunzel hair, but you look so much more mature now. And as soon as I tidy up a few spots in the back, it'll be perfect." She grins, dragging her back into the bathroom.

Once Emilia has finished fixing her hair, their food has lost any semblance of warmth.

Enid doesn't mind, though.

Too tired to do anything but eat a few bites and then curl up in bed.

She grabs her stuffed panda from her bag.

One of the few personal things she had allowed herself to bring.

She is distantly aware of Emilia climbing into the bed beside her and the lights turning off.

The soft hum of the air conditioning unit mixing with Jake's snores.

Enid floats in and out of sleep.

She dreams of them again.

Vignettes of Alexander's smile, Dante's tattoos.

Theodore's laugh, warm and low.

They are so real, so vivid.

She awakes with their names on her tongue.

✾     ✾     ✾

I moved all of my things out of my dorm today, as my college is closing the campus and switching all classes to online.

It was heartbreaking, but I'm trying to look at the positives.

One of which is that I will hopefully have more time for writing.

As always, I am so grateful to all of you for your patience and support.

Stay safe and make sure to wash your hands.

Comments fill my heart with joy.

All my love, Sappho ✾