Spotlight: Chapter 17

“To Baby Holland!” Brogan lifts his beer into the air.

“I’m going to be thirty and still be called Holland,” I say with a shake of my head, but a smile slips free anyway.

My brothers came to my game again this afternoon and the five of us are having a rare night out. I’ve missed them, but it’s inevitable when we’re together that we fall back into our old roles. Which means, I’m the little kid they all want to tease and poke at playfully.

Maybe I’m just sensitive to it after everything with baseball. My age and my experience always seem to come back to bite me. To be fair, we all do it to each other, so I can’t really complain.

“Better than being the old man of the group,” Hendrick says to me.

“That’s true. Tell me, have you started drinking Ensure yet? Taking a multivitamin? How about anti-aging moisturizer?” If I’m going to take it, you better believe I’m going to dish it right back.

“And don’t forget the sunscreen,” Archer pipes up.

“Fuck all of you.” Hendrick hides his grin behind his glass as he takes a long drink of his soda.

“Anybody want to throw some darts?” Archer asks as he stands.

“I’m in.” Hendrick gets to his feet.

So does Brogan. “Me too.”

The three of them head across the bar to the dart boards and billiards. Knox waits until they’re gone to turn to me.

“Nice game today,” he says.

“Thanks.” We didn’t win, but I threw better than I have in practice all week, so I’m not totally dissatisfied with my performance.

I check my phone, more out of habit than anything. And maybe a little hopefulness. I haven’t heard from Olivia since last week. I’m doing my best to give her space, but it is not easy.

“I didn’t see Dad today,” Knox says as he takes another drink.

“He’s still out of town.”

“Still?” There’s a challenge in Knox’s voice any time the conversation revolves around our dad.

“It hasn’t been that long.” I let out a short laugh and shake my head. “I don’t get you. You’re pissed if he’s hanging around and you’re pissed if he’s not.”

“How I feel doesn’t matter. How are you? I know you’ve gotten close to him, and I remember what it’s like when he flakes out.”

“I’m fine.” I take a drink, not loving the line of questions and not understanding exactly why. “He took a trip with Terri and some friends. It’s not a big deal.”

“Okay,” Knox says in a way that means he’s dropping it…for now.

The back of my neck flushes with heat. I know our dad wasn’t perfect, but he’s different now. He’s trying and that’s good enough for me.

“I hear you’re dating Sabrina’s friend. What’s her name? Olivia?”

My brows lift, but it doesn’t take a lot of guesses to figure out where he heard that.

“Archer has a big mouth,” I say under my breath.

“It was Brogan, actually.” Knox smirks at me.

“We went on a date.”

“And?”

“I’m not sure there’s going to be another. She’s worried about getting involved when I’m not going to be around that long.”

“Because she has a kid and doesn’t really date casually?”

“Jesus, Brogan,” I grumble and shoot daggers at his back across the bar. There’s no privacy to be had with these guys.

“Partly, yeah. I also think she’s just been burned in the past. Getting her to go out with me in the first place was not easy. I had to throw a no-hitter.”

Knox erupts into deep laughter. “Wait, wait, wait. That was because of her?”

“She said she’d go out with me if I did.”

He barks out another amused laugh. “I should have fucking known.”

He reaches over and musses my hair. I shove at his shoulder in response.

Despite him treating me like I’m still a kid, I’m glad to see the more easygoing version of my brother has returned. He’s had a chip on his shoulder about our dad for years. And I get it. Knox took the brunt of the parenting when Dad left. He quit high school, got a job so he could pay the bills, and put his life on hold. I’ll always be grateful for that. Who the fuck knows where I would have ended up without him.

But since I graduated high school and he’s been able to regain some of his independence, our relationship has shifted. He doesn’t have to be my parent and can just be my brother.

“A kid is a big responsibility,” Knox says, voice returning to that serious, paternal tone.

“Definitely. You should see this kid though. So fucking cute and sass for days. Reminds me a little of Avery.”

“Oh yeah?” That peaks Knox’s interest. He loves few things more than his wife, Avery. Scratch that, I’m not sure he loves anything more. I might have a slight edge but only because I’d never make him choose. Avery is cool as hell. She’s an Olympic gymnast and gives Knox so much sass it’s a fucking blast to watch them together.

“Yeah.” I nod. “And Olivia’s a good mom. It has me remembering back to little things Mom would do. Remember how she would put music on in the kitchen while she was cooking and any time someone would gripe or complain about whatever she was listening to, she’d turn the volume up another notch?”

Knox smiles. “Yeah. On an old radio that had to have been from the eighties. It was all staticky, and the songs would go in and out.”

“I don’t remember that,” I say. “I thought she had that iPod that sat in the dock with speakers.”

“No, she had this white cassette player with a big antenna.” He gets a faraway look on his face as if he’s picturing it. “Hendrick bought her that for Christmas one year after the radio finally died.”

I nod like I remember, but I don’t. It guts me to admit that I don’t remember a lot about her, and the things I do, I often think are just stories my brothers have told me so often my brain has convinced me that it’s my memory.

“Anyway, back to Olivia. I’m sure she’s awesome but dating a single mom is a complication you don’t want. Not now when you’re just getting started. Be young and stupid and selfish.”

I hear him, but Olivia isn’t just a single mom. She’s this absolutely fire chick who is stunning and smart and keeps me on my toes. I like who I am with her. And I like that she’s such a good mom, too. Greer is lucky and so am I for getting to hang with them.

“You did it and you were still young and stupid. And look where you are now. Beautiful wife, badass career…” I trail off. “What am I missing?”

“You forgot about my good looks,” he chirps.

“Obviously your good looks.” I wave a hand toward his face. “And humility.”

He chuckles softly. “It was different for me. You were my brother. It wasn’t a choice.”

“It was a choice,” I insist. If it weren’t a choice to leave family, then dad wouldn’t have left us in the first place.

“All I’m saying is I don’t want to see you make things harder for yourself. Right now, you have no one to answer to but yourself and that’s a beautiful thing.”

I fall quiet, mulling over his words. After a moment, I shake my head.

“I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t see it. Maybe because I was that kid who had other people filling the role of parent, but I can’t picture Greer as an obligation. She’s a freaking blast. I’d be lucky to spend more time with her and Olivia.”

Knox studies me carefully, then his lips part with a smile. “You have it bad, little bro.”

I huff a laugh. He’s not wrong there.

He tips his glass to me. “I’m happy if you’re happy.”

Within the next hour, my brothers start losing interest in brotherly bonding time. Archer says he needs to help Sabrina with something at the studio and takes off; Brogan goes with him while practically foaming at the mouth to see London; Hendrick starts talking about heading back to Jane and the bar, and Knox thinks he’s being sly, but I see him texting Avery nonstop.

“Thank you, guys, for coming today,” I say when Hendrick pulls up in front of my apartment to drop me off.

“We’ll be back,” Knox promises as he gets out of the vehicle and hugs me. “First regular season game. I expect a no-hitter now that I know you’re holding them back for bets.”

“What now?” Hendrick asks as he comes around to hug me next.

“I’ll tell you about it later,” Knox says to him.

“Love you guys.” As Hendrick pulls back, I put my hand on the top of my head and move it out to show him I’m taller now. He hates it, and it makes me laugh every single time.

When they’re gone, I head into my apartment. I pick up Dick and carry the potted plant around with me as I heat up some leftover pizza and then sit in front of the TV.

I have some texts from friends that are going out tonight, and Freddie is having a few people over later, but the only thing I really want to do is see Olivia.

I lie back, sinking into the couch, and place Dick on my chest. “What do we do now?”