Spotlight: Chapter 32

I wake up to an empty bed. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep. The long, restless nights have caught up with me. And I think my body relaxes more when I’m with Olivia. She feels like home.

I listen for her as I get up and pull on my jeans. The apartment is quiet, but small enough that it isn’t hard to find her.

Olivia sits on the couch with a book in her lap. It’s closed and she stares out the dark window like she’s deep in thought.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

Her attention snaps to me and she blinks several times. She tosses the book onto the coffee table. “I couldn’t sleep.”

I cross the room and sit beside her, then pull her onto my lap. She wraps her arms around my neck and buries her head in my shoulder.

This whole thing sucks. New York was great. They said all the things I wanted them to say—that they were wrong, that I’ve come a long way, that they think I’d be an asset to their team.

I always thought this moment would be full of joy and excitement, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s requiring me to sacrifice a lot. I’ll have to leave Olivia, Greer, my brothers, my team.

My hands rub slow circles on her back as I breathe her in. I shift so that I can look into her eyes. I push her hair back away from her face.

“Did you give any more thought to coming with me?” I know it’s a lot to ask of her, but it all feels so much more exciting with her at my side. “They’ll put me up in housing for three months until I find a place. They said there are lots of great schools nearby for Greer. We can go check them out together and I can ask the other guys on the team. I want to make this work.”

“So do I,” she says in a sad voice. “If it were just me, I’d follow you in an instant. There is nothing I want more than to see you achieve everything you want. You’re such a good man and so freaking talented.”

She doesn’t even have to say it. I know what’s holding her back. I know and I respect it, but it still guts me knowing she isn’t coming with me.

“It’s a big ask and I get it. You’re a great mom. It’s one of the many reasons I love you. Greer is lucky to have you always looking out for her.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. It doesn’t escape me that she’s doing the thing I wish my dad had done for me—putting her daughter’s happiness over her own.

“We could do long-distance, at least for a while. Greer and I can come up for a weekend sometime and you can show us around.” She smiles, but it feels like goodbye.

“Of course. I would love that.”

“I do love you,” she says, like she wants to reassure me. Her hands come up and frame my face. “I love you more than I have ever loved anyone.”

I blow out a breath that feels like it steals the life from me and press my forehead against hers.

“When will you leave?” she asks quietly.

“Sunday.”

“As in forty-eight hours from now?

Sunday?” There’s a slight look of panic in her eyes as the realization washes over her.

“Yeah. We play New York at home on Saturday. It’ll be my last game with the Mustangs.”

“You have to play your new team with your old team?”

“Yeah.” It doesn’t feel weird yet, but maybe it’s because it hasn’t really sunk in that I’m leaving.

Olivia nods and she gets that stubborn look on her face that I fell in love with. “Then we better make the most of the time we have left.”

“So you’re going, then?” Knox asks.

“Yeah.” I nod and fix my gaze to the bar.

Knox and Hendrick drove up today. They were already planning to make the trip to watch the game tomorrow, but they decided to come up early to hang out. It might be our last time for a while.

“So that’s it? It’s done? There’s no changing your mind.” Brogan tosses the next one out there. It’s been nonstop, one question after another.

“I told them I’d let them know tomorrow, but there isn’t a lot to think about.”

Archer blows out a breath. “Hell of a decision.”

“Is it?” Brogan lifts a brow. “Seems simple enough.”

All of us look to him.

“Stay here,” he says with a shrug like the answer is obvious. “We’re here, your girl is here, what else do you need?”

“A team that’s won in the last fifty years,” Hendrick says with a light chuckle. “And he said Olivia and Greer might go with him eventually.”

“Yeah, but I’m not.” Brogan jabs a thumb toward himself.

Archer gives me a sympathetic smile and pats his best friend on the shoulder.

“I thought you’d be happy for me. Flynn the Flaaaaame,” I mock in his big, booming voice. He’s been my loudest, if not biggest, supporter.

“I am. I am. But fuck, I’m going to miss you, Baby Holland. I liked us all being in the same state again. It’s nice.”

“I’ll still come back to visit,” I promise.

Brogan’s lips are in a tight line as he nods.

The conversation continues with them asking me more questions about the Renegades and Brogan looking sadder with each answer. Eventually, he heads off to the dartboard and Archer and Hendrick follow him.

“He’ll be all right,” Knox says, as if reading my concern.

I hate that our last night out is shrouded in sadness. I get it though. I’ll miss them too.

“Am I doing the right thing?” I ask Knox.

“I can’t answer that for you.”

I glare slightly. “Gee, thanks.”

He chuckles. “It doesn’t matter what I would do, or anyone else. What do you want?”

“I’ve dreamt of New York all my life, but I don’t hate playing with the Mustangs like I thought I would. They’re a good group of guys.”

Knox nods. “That counts for something.”

“And I have enjoyed seeing you guys more.”

“The group chat is less annoying when we don’t have to track you down.” His mouth pulls into a smirk.

“You know, I spent a lot of my life thinking I needed to get out on my own and prove I could take care of myself. I always had you four looking out for me. I was grateful, don’t get me wrong, but I also just wanted to know that I could stand on my own.”

“You stood on your own a long time. We may have been looking out for you, but you didn’t really need it. You’ve always been a good kid.”

“Kid,” I grumble with a small laugh.

“Good man,” he amends.

“I am the man I am because of all of you. Good or bad. You’re with me everywhere. That won’t change in New York.”

“I know. And whatever decision you make, I’m behind you. So are they.” A look that I can only describe as pride is etched into his features. That’s one thing I’ve never second-guessed. I know without a doubt that Knox has my back. Always. It’s why I’ve always been free to chase my dreams.

I take a drink of my beer. “I’m going to go to New York. This is my chance. And I promise I’ll visit and check in more on the group chat. Brogan is fucking chatty though.”

“You’re not wrong about that.” Knox tries a small smile. I can’t tell if he thinks it’s the right decision or not, but I know what he said is true—they’ll all support me no matter what.

“I should get going. I want to spend as much time with Olivia as I can before I leave.” I need to see her, need to make plans, need to figure out how to hang on to her amidst all this. And I need to figure out how to tell Greer. My stomach is in knots thinking about how hard that is going to be. “Any tips on how to tell a six-year-old that you’re following your dream across the country?”

I think of Dad popping in and out and how many times Knox had to break it to me that he was gone.

“You’re not Dad,” he says as if reading my thoughts. “Be honest and don’t promise anything you aren’t prepared to follow through on.”

Sounds easy enough, but it’s going to break my heart to leave her. I blow out a breath and stand. “See you at the game tomorrow?”

“Yep. I wouldn’t miss it.”

I punch him on the shoulder and start to go, then pause and turn back.

“Hey, Knox.”

“Yeah?” He turns to face me, brows lifted.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Keeping us all together, raising me, protecting me as best you could, putting your dreams on hold…pick your poison.”

He stands, giving me a look of bewilderment. “It wasn’t poison. I love you. You’re my baby bro. I’d do anything for you. Even visit you in New York if I have to.”

“It wasn’t anything. It was everything.”

He grabs me by the neck and then ruffles my hair. Neither of us says anything, but my throat is tight as he pulls me into a hug.

“Go see your girls. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

As soon as I walk in the door at Olivia’s apartment, Greer races up to me. There’s nothing else quite like the excitement and adoration in her face when she sees me. So pure and uninhibited.

“Guess what?!” She doesn’t wait for me to answer. “I’m going to play baseball for the Mustangs this summer.”

She bounces in front of me. Her curls are covered by a blue Mustangs hat. It’s too big and falls down onto her forehead, nearly covering her eyes.

I glance at Olivia, standing next to her, then back to Greer. “Is that right?”

“Yeah. Isn’t that great? I’m going to be just like you, Hotshot. Will you come watch me play?”

My chest feels like it’s been cracked open.

Another quick peek at Olivia confirms she’s feeling the same misery.

“Grandpa signed her up for the youth camp at the stadium this summer,” Olivia explains with a hitch in her voice that makes it sound like she’s as close to tears as I feel.

“Right,” I say, then squat down so I’m eye-level with Greer. “That’s awesome. You’re going to kill it out there. Let me see your wind up?”

With glee, she lifts her left leg while holding both hands up at her chest like she’s cradling a ball, then steps and throws. When she’s done, she looks to me for my feedback.

I clear my throat in an attempt to dislodge the giant lump. “That was perfect.”

“Duh. I learned from the best.” She adjusts the hat so more of her big, green eyes are showing. “So will you come watch me?”

Goddamn this is going to hurt so much more than I ever imagined.

“Let’s go sit down on the couch,” Olivia says and takes a step in that direction.

She and Greer head that way. I’m slow to stand upright and slower to move toward them. Every step feels wooden.

Olivia sits on one side of the couch, Greer in the middle. I take a seat on the other side of my favorite little girl in the whole world. It isn’t an exaggeration. Sure, she’s the only one I really know, but it doesn’t make it any less true. She’s taught me so much about the man I want to be. The father I hope to be someday too.

“We have something to tell you,” Olivia starts.

Greer is too young for that sentence to inspire any type of fearful reaction. She rests one little palm on my knee as she kicks her feet against the couch.

Olivia meets my gaze above her daughter’s head. It feels like my cue.

“You know how sometimes baseball players get traded to different teams?” I ask Greer.

She nods, still unphased. “Like you last year. You played for Minnesota.”

“That’s right. Then I came here, and I met you.” I smile at her. A real, genuine smile despite the warring in my body. I wouldn’t change the past few months for anything.

She leans over and hugs me around the middle. My eyes burn and I swallow hard. When I look to Olivia for help, her eyes are watery, but she has a steely resolve in her expression like she’s forbidding the tears to fall.

“Flynn’s such a great pitcher that lots of teams want him to play for them, including the Renegades—the best team in the league. Isn’t that cool?” Olivia asks her.

Greer pulls back and her arms fall from my waist, but her body still rests against mine. Her brows furrow and her feet stop kicking. “I guess, but I like the Mustangs better. And Grandpa says this season we’re as good as any other team because of Hotshot.”

That unabashed smile filled with joy and simplicity is back on her face. I’ve had a lot of people believe in me: my brothers, my dad, friends, teammates, coaches, Everly, Olivia. But none feel quite as inspiring as Greer’s unwavering belief in me. If I told her I was going to throw a perfect game, she’d consider it as good as done. She thinks I can do anything. Full stop. And I want to for her.

I find my voice, speaking with gravel scraping up my throat. “What your mom is trying to say is that I’m not going to be playing for the Mustangs anymore. Tomorrow is my last game with them, and then I’ll be moving to New York to play for the Renegades.”

It’s the first time I’ve said the words, and it doesn’t feel the way I always thought it would. I’m going to be a Renegade. A lifetime dream achieved.

She inches away slowly, moving closer to her mom. “Does that mean we can’t go for ice cream anymore?”

I hear Knox’s advice—don’t make promises you can’t keep.

“I won’t be here, but I’ll bet your mom will still take you.”

Olivia nods. “And we can still watch Flynn play on TV.”

“But I’m your favorite kid in the whole world.” Big tears well in her eyes and she doesn’t do anything to stop them from falling down her face.

I reach out and wipe them away with my thumb. “Always.”

She turns away from me and buries her face in Olivia’s side, hugging her mom hard. The Mustang hat falls off her head and falls to the ground. Olivia wraps an arm around Greer and gives me a sad, understanding smile.

“Hey.” Olivia leans down to meet Greer’s gaze. “How about we all go get ice cream right now? I know it doesn’t feel good for us because we’ll miss him, but this is exciting for Flynn. And we should celebrate when good things happen to other people, right?”

She nods the tiniest bit.

“Okay.” Olivia manages to put on a smile and speak without sounding like she’s gutted, even though I can tell she’s still upset. “Get your shoes on and I’m going to make sure we have lots of quarters for the claw machine.”

Greer gets up slowly and walks to her room. I let out a long breath and let my head fall back to rest against the couch. Olivia finds my hand and laces her fingers through mine.

I glance at her.

“She’ll be okay,” she says quietly.

Yeah, but will I?