twenty

Alice Jones

I tried to stop my tears as I made my way home but they wouldn't stop, they wouldn't stop at all...

And I thought he loved me. I thought his feelings were real but turns out they were a fucking bet.

I was a fucking bet.  He made a bet with Adam? Was his hate towards him all played? Are they actually friends? Do they meet up in private and talk normally?

I don't know. It all feels so weird. I just gave Tyler a speech about my feelings and then Adam comes telling me all of it was a lie? Tyler didn't even speak up to explain himself. He just stood there, saying nothing.

And I thought I know him. I thought the person I met would be the person I love. What is wrong with me? How could I be so naive?

I open the front door, talking off these heels which have been a pain in my ass for the whole night, I swear I'll have swollen feet tomorrow.

I suddenly spot a tall figure in the corner of my eye as I make my way into the living room.

I freeze. He can't be here. That's not him, right?

"Hello, Darling." His raspy and dark voice says. A crackly smile spreads across his lips.

My eyes fill with tears and I shake my head. "Leave." I say, vision getting blurry. Those dark eyes, his handsome but kind of old face, the stubbles on his chin and his dark brown almost grey hair.

I haven't seen him in almost a year and I've sworn myself I don't want to ever see him again. He left me alone, never was supportive.

I didn't do all this work for him. I did it for my mother. Me standing in my prom dress in front of him. For my mother...

"Where are Susen and Brian?" He shrugged. "Still at the party I guess. Congrats by the way." Right, I forgot I ran off and didn't tell anyone.

That stinging pain coming back after thinking about the situation earlier, him, everything.

"I don't need your congrats. Did this all without you."

I raised my head, finally looking into my father's eyes. "I know you did. I'm proud of you." That knife that's been stabbed into my heart by Tyler, pushed itself in further.

Maybe it was my father holding the handle and stabbing in further. Stop praising me. Stop, stop, stop!

"What do you want?" I studied his features, it's creepy because I almost didn't look like him at all.

I just got his hair color and his lips. That's it and I'm glad it is.

You could think he's not my father. Which I'm pretty grateful for nowadays. I don't want anyone to know that this bastard standing in front of me is my father.

"I want you to come with me. Me and my wife want you to live in New York with us." Wife. The knife definitely went even deeper right now. He moved on and I just know he did way before my mother died.

He fucked around with another woman while my mother was fighting for her life, dying, asking for him. God, it makes my heart hurt so much, makes me hate him so much.

I laugh, I actually laugh, loud and almost as if I'd start crying right after it. "And why would you think I'd want to move to New York with you?" He hold up a letter.

"New York's Hunter College wants you. I'd be a great opportunity, I could support you while you're going to college." I wrote to a few colleges a few weeks ago. I would've never thought Hunter College would take me in...

This is a great opportunity and I can't just decline. I'll have to move to New York and start going to college there... But knowing my dad lives in New York definitely doesn't make it better.

"I don't need you for that. I don't need your support, I don't need you in my life!" I scream the last sentence into his face, afraid my voice will crack.

"You moved on as if nothing happened! You weren't there for your wife as she slowly and painfully died, you-" Sobs escape my lips, tears rolling down my cheeks once again.

"You weren't there to show your kids support. You were gone all this time, I haven't seen you in so long and now you're standing here, telling me that you're here to support me? To see me?" My father sighs.

"You never let me explain, do you?" I suddenly freeze, looking at him confused. "I'm not your real father, Alice." My head is spinning and I feel like the strawberry daiquiri I've drunken earlier is on its way to come out again.

"What do you mean?" I breathe out. I shake my head. "I'm not your biological father." He sighs again, rubbing his temple as he sits down on the couch.

"But mom married you- he have your last name-" I choke out.

"My brothers... My brothers last name. Tom Jones. Your mother married my brother. Tom decided to leave after your mother told him that she's pregnant with you. He didn't like that she got pregnant with your sister and when she told him she's pregnant with a second baby... He left."

His words crash over me, I'm shaking my head. I want to scream into his face, telling him that he should stop lying but there's something in his eyes telling me that he's not lying.

"But- you were always-" I choke my words out. "I was there to support your mother after Tom decided to run away from being a father. I wasn't around all the time because I also had a wife and a son at home." Wife, son, not my father, support my mother.

This all to much. "I'm so sorry I never told you earlier, you always hated me so much and I didn't understand why but now I know, you thought I'm your father, you even called me dad when you were a little girl." I sit down opposite of him on a chair.

My eyes are almost burning the floor because I can't look up at him. "I wasn't there when your mother was in the hospital because my son got sick and... He died too." His voice cracks, I looked up, seeing tears forming in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know." I whisper, suddenly I feel so guilty for everything I threw at him.

"You were two or three when you started calling me your dad, I couldn't tell you back then... I couldn't tell you that your real dad didn't want to be your dad. It would've broken my heart. Your sister knew but you didn't... And I'm so sorry for not telling you, for making you feel like-"

I shake my head. "It's not your fault. You tried to be there for my mother, I understand, I really do. I didn't know, but now I do, I'm not mad at you." My eyes fill with tears too, suddenly it's hard for me to speak, knowing that while I suffered he did too and that my real father was really the one not wanting me.

The man I thought is my father for all these years is actually my uncle, I actually have another cousin and an aunt. "I left you with your aunt and asked her to watch over you because me and my wife had to recover." I nod, totally understanding, he lost someone he loves and so did I.

"I understand now. I'm so sorry for your loss. I just...I fell bad." He shakes his head. "You shouldn't, you didn't know." And then he suddenly opened his arms, offering me the comfort I always needed over these years. I cross the room and throw myself into his arms as I start crying again.

I can smell his familiar Cologne, his grip tight around me as I cry once again and I can hear some sniffles from his side too. "You look so beautiful, Alice. You've grown up so beautiful." He whispers and presses me closer to him.

"I'm so proud of everything you did without any kind of support, I wish I could've been there for you. I wanted to make up for the mistakes my brother did." He started explaining himself again and it all felt so strange, hugging my uncle which I thought was my father for all these years.

Not hating the man I hated all these years feels weird, feeling safe in his arms feels weird, suddenly wanting to learn more about him feels weird. But deep down it all felt so right at the same time.

"It's not your fault." I say, finally looking up. He smiles, he gives me a warm smile, his brown eyes roaming over my face. "How was prom?" He then suddenly ask and for the first time in such a long time I'll have a normal conversation with Matthew Jones.

"Good... I guess." I look away and he frowns. "Why were you crying when you came home then?" And I start telling him about the prom night, he listens, he listens and nods along everything I say.

"Pretty tough, huh?" Suddenly the door flies open, Brian and Susen standing in the door, chest heaving as they're looking at us. "Matthew." Susen breaths out.

"Susen, you look stunning once again tonight." He gets up, walking over to the two of them to greet them properly. She smiles, "Thank you." Her eyes wander to me, walking up to me and hugging me.

"Oh god, Alice, your fine. I was worried sick." I hug her back, letting her warmth encircle me. I'm absorbing every comfort I'm getting tonight. I need it.

"He told me, I understand now." I say quietly and my aunt just nods. Of course she knows. It seems like everyone lost someone important, Susen, Matthew and me. We all know the pain, the pain that will always linger deep in our hearts.