Bound by Honor: Chapter 11

When I woke the next morning, I was alone in bed. I sat up, disappointed that Luca hadn’t woken me. I slipped out of bed when he came into the bedroom from the hallway, already dressed in black, with a chest holster that held two knives and two guns, and who knew how many more holsters on the rest of his body with more weapons. “Are you leaving already?”

He grimaced. “The Bratva got one of ours. They left him in tiny pieces around one of our clubs.”

“Somebody I know?” I asked with dread. Luca shook his head. “Will the police get involved?”

“Not if I can help it.” Luca cupped my face. “I’ll try to be home early, okay?”

I nodded. He lowered his head, watching me the entire time to see if I would pull back. His lips brushed over mine. I opened my mouth for him and sank into the kiss, but it was over too quick. I watched his back as he left. Then I picked up the phone and called Gianna.

“I thought you’d never call,” was the first thing out of her mouth.

I smiled. “I haven’t even showered yet, and it’s only eight in Chicago. You can’t have been awake for long.”

“You didn’t call yesterday. I was sick with worry. I couldn’t sleep because of you. I hate that we are so far apart and I can’t see for myself if you’re okay. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am.” I told her about my conversation with Luca and how we’d spent yesterday together.

“How noble of him to agree to not cheat on you again and actually try to make the marriage work. Give that man flowers.”

“He isn’t a good man, Gianna. There are no good men in our world. But I think he really wants to try. And I want it too.”

“Why don’t you ask him if I can come visit for a few days? I don’t have school for another two weeks and I’m bored out of my mind without you. We could spend a couple of days at the beach in the Hamptons and go shopping in Manhattan.”

“What about Father? Did you ask him?”

“He told me to ask you and Luca.”

“I will ask him. I don’t think he’ll mind. It’s not like he’s home very often at the moment. Most days I’m alone with Romero.”

“Why don’t you ask Luca if you can go to college? You’ve got perfect grades. You would have no trouble getting into Columbia.”

“What for? I won’t ever be allowed to work. It’s too dangerous.”

“You could help Luca with his clubs. You could be his secretary or whatever. You’ll go crazy if you stay in that penthouse all the time.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” I said, even though I really wasn’t sure. Gianna had a point. “I will talk to Luca about your visit. Now I really need to take a shower and grab something to eat.”

“Call me as soon as possible. I need to book a flight.”

I smiled. “I will. Stay out of trouble.”

“You too.”

I hung up. Then I got ready and dressed in a breezy summer dress. It was sunny outside and I wanted to walk through Central Park. When I stepped into the living room, Romero was sitting at the dining table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

“Was Luca very angry with you?” I asked as I walked past him toward the huge open kitchen. Homemade carrot cake set on the counter and I could hear Marianna humming somewhere. She was probably cleaning. Romero got up, took his cup and leaned against the kitchen island. “He wasn’t happy. You could have been killed. I’m supposed to protect you.”

“What’s Luca doing today?”

Romero shook his head.

“What is he doing? I want to know details. Why is he taking so many guns with him?”

“He, Matteo and a few others are going to find the guys who killed our man and then they’re going to get revenge.”

“That sounds dangerous.” A hint of worry filled me. Revenge was never the end of things. The Bratva would take revenge in turn for Luca’s revenge. It was a never ending story.

“Luca and Matteo have been doing this for a long time, they are the best, and so are the men with them.”

“And instead of being in on the fun, you have to babysit me.”

Romero gave a shrug, then he smiled. “It’s an honor.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’d like to go jogging in Central park.”

“Will you try to run away again?”

“Why would I? There’s nowhere I can run. And I doubt you’ll let me escape again. You look fit enough.”

Romero straightened. “Okay.” I could tell that he was still suspicious of my motives.

I put on my shorts, a tanktop and my running shoes, then went back out. Romero had changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt. He kept a stash of clothes in one of our guest bedrooms, but he lived in an apartment about ten minutes from here. “Where have you hidden your guns?”

“That’s my secret,” he said with a rare grin, then he caught himself and put on his professional face.

Romero was fit and could easily keep up with me as we jogged through the many pathways in Central Park for the next hour. It felt wonderful to actually run outside for once instead of always being limited to the treadmill. I felt free and almost as if I belonged among all the people doing ordinary things like walking their dogs or playing baseball. Maybe Luca would run with me one day when the Russians weren’t giving him so much trouble anymore. When would that ever be?

***

Later that day I sat on the roof terrace, watching the sunset, my legs pulled up against my body. Romero was checking his phone. “Luca will have more time for you soon.”

I looked at him. Had I appeared lonely to him? “Did he tell you when he’d be home today?”

“He hasn’t written yet,” he said slowly.

“That’s a bad sign, right?”

Romero didn’t say anything, only frowned down at his phone.

I went inside when it became too cold outside, put on my nightgown and curled up on the couch, turning on the TV. I couldn’t help but get more worried as the clock edged closer to midnight, but eventually I drifted off.

***

I woke when I was lifted off the couch. My eyes fluttered open and I peered up into Luca’s face. It was too dark to make out much. Romero must have extinguished the lights at some point. “Luca?” I murmured.

He didn’t say anything. I put a hand against his chest. His shirt was slick with something – water? Blood?

His breathing was even, steps measured. His heartbeat was calm under my palm. But I couldn’t read his mood. It was strange. He carried me up the stairs as if I weighed nothing. We reached our bedroom and he put me down on the bed. I could only see his tall shape looming above me. Why wasn’t he saying anything?

I stretched and fumbled for the main switch beside the bed. I brushed it with my fingertips and the lights came on, and I gasped. Luca’s shirt was covered in blood. Soaked in it. There was a small cut at Luca’s throat and if the rips in his shirt were any indication he probably had more wounds. Then my eyes found his face and I became very still, like a fawn trying to blend in as not to attract the attention of the wolf. I’d thought I’d seen Luca’s darkness on a few occasions, had thought I’d glimpsed the monster beneath the civil mask before. Now I realized I hadn’t. His expression was void of emotion but his eyes made the hairs on my neck rise.

I licked my lips. “Luca?”

He started unbuttoning his shirt, revealing small cuts and a longer wound below his ribs. His skin was covered with blood. But it couldn’t all have come from him, especially not all the blood on the shirt. It worried me that he still hadn’t spoke. He shed his shirt and dropped it on the ground. Then he unbuckled his belt.

“Luca,” I said. “You are scaring me. What happened?”

He pushed his pants down and stepped out of them. He was barefoot and now only in his briefs as he knelt on the bed and brought one knee between my legs. I began to regret wearing only a nightgown. He slowly moved up until his head hovered over me. Terror gripped my throat, turned my heartbeat into a flutter.

His eyes made me want to bolt, to cry and scream, to escape. Instead I lifted my hand and cupped his cheek. His expression shifted, a chink in the monstrous mask. He leaned into the touch, then he lowered his face and pressed it into the crook of my neck. He breathed in deeply and didn’t move for a long time. I tried not to panic. My hand was shaking against his cheek.

“Luca?” I said softly.

He raised his head again. I could see a flicker of the Luca I knew. He slid off the bed and headed for the bathroom. When he was out of sight, I let out a deep breath. Whatever had gone down today must have been horrible. I sat up as I listened to the running shower. In what kind of mood would Luca return into the bedroom? The monster in check, or almost unleashed like a moment ago?

The water stopped and I quickly lay down on my side of the bed and pulled the covers up. A few minutes later, the door opened and Luca walked in with a towel around his waist. It was white, but a few droplets of blood had dripped from his wound and stained the fabric. He didn’t walk toward the cupboard to grab boxer shorts as he usually did, instead he came directly toward the bed. When he reached for the towel, I averted my eyes and turned on my other side, my back toward him. He lifted the blanket and the mattress shifted under his weight. He pressed up against me, his hand curled over my hip in an almost bruising grip before he turned me toward him.

My mind screamed at me to stop him. He was completely naked and in a scary mood. He’d spent the day picking up the pieces of one of his men and the remaining day killing his enemies. He grabbed the hem of my nightgown and began pulling it up. I put my hand over his.

“Luca,” I whispered.

His eyes met mine. I relaxed slightly. There was still darkness in them but it was more contained. “I want to feel your body against mine tonight. I want to hold you.”

I could almost hear the unspoken words: I need you. I swallowed. “Only hold me?”

“I swear,” his voice was gruff as if he’d spent hours screaming orders.

I lowered my hand and let him pull my nightgown off. He released a low breath as he gazed at my naked breasts. I had to fight the urge to cover myself. His fingertips brushed the hem of my panties but when I tensed they retreated and he rolled onto his back and lifted me on top of him. I straddled his stomach, my knees on either side of him, my breasts pressed against his chest. I tried to keep my weight off him because I didn’t want to hurt his wounds, but he wrapped one arm around my back and pressed me tightly against him. His other hand touched my butt, making me jump. He began moving his thumb across my lower back and butt, and I relaxed slowly. The entire time his eyes were boring into mine and with every passing moment a tiny bit more of the darkness dissipated.

“Doesn’t your cut need stitches?”

He bent forward and kissed me sweetly. “Tomorrow.” He kept stroking my butt and kissing me slowly as if he wanted to savor every moment. I was completely overwhelmed but it felt good. I loved that he was suddenly so gentle. If he was like that when we were intimate for the first time, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. My eyelids felt heavy but I couldn’t look away from Luca. I touched his throat, an inch below the cut. I wasn’t sure why but I leaned forward and pressed a feather-light kiss against the wound. It was small and wouldn’t need stitches, not like the one below his ribs. When I drew back, Luca looked almost surprised. His hand on my butt moved lower, cupping my ass cheek. His little finger was almost touching me there. He squeezed my cheek and for a moment his finger brushed my opening through the fabric.

I sucked in a breath, shocked by the jolt the small touch had sent through me. Heat gathered between my legs and I could feel myself getting wet. I squirmed in embarrassment, not wanting Luca to realize that a bare brush and his stroking of my butt had caused such a reaction. Maybe I wasn’t experienced but I’d been imagining certain things, had caressed myself on many nights. It wasn’t that I was frigid. Luca’s body turned me on. Maybe I wanted love, but my body wanted something else. The feeling of Luca’s strong chest and muscled stomach under me, his gentle kisses, his soft touch, they made me want something more, even if my mind told me it was a bad idea.

Luca’s eyes narrowed a fraction as he studied me, like I was a difficult equation he wanted to figure out. Then he lightly graced the crotch of my panties with his fingertips and I knew he could feel it. I could feel that the thin fabric was soaked. My cheeks flamed in mortification and I lowered my eyes but I couldn’t bring myself to slide off him or even close my legs. His fingertips against my core felt good even if they’d stopped moving.

“Look at me, Aria,” Luca said in a rough voice.

I peered into his eyes even as my face felt close to exploding from shame. “Are you embarrassed because of this?” He traced a finger over my wet panties. My butt arched and I exhaled harshly.

I couldn’t say anything. My lips were parted as small sounds that weren’t quite moans slid out. Luca’s moved his finger up and down, gently, teasingly, and small shivers of pleasures slithered through my body. I’d always thought that passion and orgasms came as a forceful wave leaving nothing in their wake, something almost intimidating but this was like a slow trickling; a deliciously sweet tension mounting to something bigger.

I quivered on top of Luca, my fingers clinging to his shoulders. He never sped up his stroking but the pleasure rose with every brush. His eyes bore into mine as he slid two fingers over my opening then between my folds and pressed down on my clit. How could this feel so intense? He wasn’t even touching my skin. I gasped and trembled as sparks of pleasure shot through my body. I buried my face against Luca’s neck as I clung to him. His finger rubbed my clit through my panties, slower and slower until he simply rested his hand possessively over my folds.

Luca pressed his face into my hair. “God, you’re so wet, Aria. If you knew how much I want you right now, you’d run away.” He laughed darkly. “I can almost feel your wetness on my cock.”

I didn’t say anything, only tried to calm my breathing. Luca’s heartbeat was strong and fast beneath my cheek. He shifted and his length briefly brushed my inner thigh. He felt hot and hard.

“Do you want me to touch you?” I said in the quietest whisper. I was half-scared and half-excited about seeing him naked and actually touching him. I wanted to lay my claim on him, wanted to make him forget about the women of his past. Luca’s hand on my back tightened and he drew in a deep breath, his chest expanding under me.

“No,” he growled, and I lifted my head in confusion and a little hurt. Some of it must have showed, because Luca smiled grimly. “I’m not quite myself yet, Aria. There’s too much darkness on the surface, too much blood and anger. Today was bad.” He shook his head. “When I came home today and found you lying on the sofa, so innocent and vulnerable and mine.” Something flickered in his eyes, some of the darkness he’d mentioned. “I’m glad you don’t know the thoughts that ran through my head then. You are my wife and I swore to protect you, if necessary even from myself.”

“You think you’d lose control?” I whispered.

“I know it.”

“Maybe you underestimate yourself.” I trailed my fingers over his shoulders. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince him or myself. He had scared me, there was no denying it. But he had snapped out of it.

“Maybe you trust me too much.” He ran a finger over my spine, sending a new wave of tingling toward my core. “When I lay you down on the bed like a sacrificial lamb, you should have run.”

“Someone once told me not to run from monsters because they give chase.”

The ghost of a smile crossed his face. “Next time, you run. Or if you can’t, you ram your knee into my balls.”

He wasn’t joking. “If I’d done that today, you would have lost control. The only reason why you didn’t was because I treated you like my husband, not a monster.”

He traced my lips with his thumb, then brushed my cheek. “You are far too beautiful and innocent to be married to someone like me, but I’m too much of a selfish bastard to ever let you go. You are mine. Forever.”

“I know,” I said, then lowered my cheek back to his chest. Luca extinguished the lights and I fell asleep listening to his heartbeat. I knew a normal person would have run from Luca, but I’d grown up among predators. Decent, normal guys with jobs that didn’t involve breaking laws were a foreign species to me. And deep down a primal part of me couldn’t imagine being with someone who wasn’t an alpha like Luca. It thrilled me to know that a man like him could be gentle with me. It thrilled me that he was mine and I was his.

***

The sky was only just turning gray over New York’s skyline when I woke the next morning. I was still lying on Luca’s chest, my naked breasts pressed against his hot skin, but I’d slid down his body over night and his stiff length was pressed against my leg. I shifted carefully and peered up into Luca’s face. His eyes were closed and he looked so peaceful in sleep, it was hard to belief that the same face had harbored so much violence and darkness last night.

Curiosity gripped me. I’d never seen an erection but I was worried about waking Luca. After what he’d said, I really didn’t want to risk him losing control. I tried to peek over my shoulder at Luca’s boner, but with the way we were positioned I’d have to break my neck to see it.

Suddenly a buzzing came from the nightstand and Luca sat up so fast I squeaked. He took me with him, one arm steadying me around the waist, the other reaching for his mobile. But the new position had made me slide down his body and now his erection was between my legs, its length pressed up against my core. I was practically riding it like a broom. I’d never been more grateful for my underwear.

I stiffened and so did Luca, the mobile already pressed against his ear. I tried to get into a less problematic position but that only made his cock rub against me. He groaned and I froze. Luca’s eyes dilated as his fingers on my waist tightened.

“I’m fine Matteo,” he rasped. “I’m fucking fine. No. I can handle this. I don’t need to see the Doc. Now let me sleep.” Luca hung up, put the phone back on the nightstand and stared at me. I was so stiff he could have used me as an ironing board.

He sank back slowly with all the control only lots of sit-ups could give you. I remained in a sitting position, straddling his hips, but quickly draped one arm in front of my breasts. Now that he was lying his erection was no longer touching me. Gathering my courage, I swung my leg over his hips, accidentally brushing Luca’s boner.

“Fuck,” Luca growled, jerking beneath me. I had to stifle a smile. I knelt beside him, my arm still covering my breasts and then I allowed myself to look. Wow. I had nothing to compare him to, but I couldn’t imagine he could be any bigger. He was long and thick, and circumcised. Gianna had won her stupid bet.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Aria,” Luca said in a low voice.

I turned, embarrassed. I’d been staring. There was hunger on Luca’s face when I met his eyes. One of his hands rested on his stomach, the other was thrown over his head. His abs were taut with tension, actually every inch of his body seemed that way. Suddenly I was overcome with shyness. Why had I thought it was a good idea to take a look at him? I risked another peek.

“If you keep looking at my cock with that stunned expression, I’m going to combust.”

“I’m sorry if my expression bothers you, but this is new for me. I’ve never seen a naked man. Every first I’ll experience will be with you, so.”

Luca sat up. His voice dropped an octave. “It doesn’t bother me. It’s fucking hot, and I’ll enjoy every first you’ll share with me.” He stroked my cheek. “You don’t even realize how much you turn me on.”

With him sitting, our faces were close and Luca pulled me in for a kiss. I pressed my palm against his shoulder, then slowly ran it down his chest to his stomach. Luca paused kissing me. “Last night you asked me if I wanted you to touch me.”

“Yeah,” I said, my breath catching. “Do you want me to touch you now?”

The fire in his eyes darkened. “Fuck yes. More than anything.” He reached out for my arm pressed against my breasts. “Let me see you.” He curled his fingers around my wrist but didn’t pull. I hesitated. He’d seen them yesterday, but now I felt more exposed. Slowly I eased my arm down. I sat very still as Luca’s eyes roamed over me. “I know they’re not big.”

“You’re fucking beautiful, Aria.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Do you want to touch me now?” he said in a low voice.

I nodded and licked my lips. I glanced down, then tentatively reached out and ran my finger over his length. He felt soft, hot and firm. Luca let out a harsh breath, the muscles in his arms straining from holding himself up. I brushed the tip, marveling at how soft he was. Luca gritted his teeth.

I felt a strange sense of power over him as I ran my fingertips up and down slowly, fascinated by his silkiness.

Luca quivered under my touch. “Take me in your hand,” he said in a low voice.

I wrapped my fingers around his shaft lightly, worried about hurting him. I moved my hand down, then up, surprised at how heavy he felt in my palm. Luca lay back. I knew he was watching me but I couldn’t meet his gaze, too mortified by my own courage.

“You can grip harder,” he said after a few more of my tentative strokes.

I tightened my fingers.

“Harder. It won’t fall off.”

I flushed and turned away, dropping my hand. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” God, this was embarrassing. I couldn’t even do this. Maybe Luca should really go back to his whore Grace. She knew what to do.

“Hey,” Luca said calmly, pulling me against him. “I was teasing you. It’s okay.” He kissed me. His mouth moved against mine, unyielding but gentle, and his hand snaked down my arm, my hip and over the curve of my butt until his finger slipped between my legs and grazed over my folds. He slid back and forth lightly before slipping the tip of his finger under my panties. I held my breath at the feel of him against my bare skin. He dipped between my folds, then slid up to my clit, coating it with my wetness. I moaned against his lips before slipping my tongue into his mouth to dance with his. Pleasure swept through me as he twirled his finger over my sensitive nub.

He tore his mouth away from mine, his eyes boring into me. “Want to try again?” he rasped with a nod toward his hard length.

His finger flicked over me again and I gasped, barely able to think straight, much less form a coherent sentence. My body ached with a need I’d never felt before. I slid my hand down his muscled torso, following the fine trail of dark hair to his erection. I curled my hand around it and it jumped under my touch.

Luca’s fingers slid faster against my wet flesh. His steady caresses made me pant, but I was far too gone to care. Luca covered my hand around his length with his, showing me how hard to grip him. Then he moved our hands up and down his shaft. I watched in fascination. We moved faster and harder than I would have dared. Luca’s fingers between my folds, rubbed me faster too, until I could barely breath and my pulse pounded in my veins. I was about to topple over the edge.

“Luca,” I gasped and he flicked my clit, sending me spiraling out of control. Spasms shot through my body as I moaned. My hand pumped Luca’s length even faster and with a guttural growl Luca’s release washed over him. I shivered against him as I watched him come over our hands and his stomach. My nipples were hard and rubbed against his chest, sending ripples of pleasure through me. His erection throbbing in my palm, it softened slowly. Luca pulled his fingers out from beneath my panties and rested them on my butt.

I closed my eyes, listening to the thundering of his heart. Luca kissed the top of my head, startling me with the loving gesture. My heart burst with new hope. Gradually our breathing slowed. Luca reached out for a tissue box on the nightstand and handed me a tissue, before wiping himself clean. I felt self-conscious as I cleaned his sperm from my hand. I couldn’t believe I’d touched him like that. I was still sensitive between my legs and yet I wanted to feel his fingers again. Was it wrong that I enjoyed Luca’s touch so much?

He was my husband, but still. My mother had always treated sex like something only men desired. Women simply did their duty. Luca rubbed my arm and I decided not to think about it too much. I’d do what felt right. I released a small breath, but then my eyes focused on the cut below Luca’s ribs. Blood was trickling from it.

I sat up. “You’re bleeding.” I’d forgotten all about it. “Does it hurt?”

Luca looked utterly relaxed. He cast his gaze down to his wound. “Not much. It’s nothing. I’m used to it.”

I touched the skin below the cut. “It needs stitches. What if it gets infected?”

“Maybe you’ll get lucky and become a young widow.”

I glared. “That’s not funny.” Not after what we’d just done. I felt closer to him than ever, and my father would only find me a new husband anyway.

“If it bothers you so much, why don’t you grab the first aid kit from the bathroom and bring it to me.”

I jumped out of bed and rushed into the bathroom. “Where is it?”

“In the drawer below the sink.”

There wasn’t only one first aid kit. There were about two dozens kits. I picked one and returned to the bedroom but before I joined Luca in bed, I grabbed my nightgown from the ground and put it on. Luca sat against the headboard, still gloriously naked. I concentrated on his torso, embarrassed by his unabashed nakedness.

Luca stroked my cheek when I settled next to him. “Still too shy to look at me after what happened.” He tugged at the hem of my nightgown. “I liked you better without it.”

I pursed my lips. “What do you want me to do?” I set the first aid kit between us and opened it.

“Many things,” Luca murmured.

I rolled my eyes. “With your cut.”

“There are disinfectant wipes. Clean my wound and I’ll prepare the needle.”

I ripped open one of the packets. The overpowering smell of disinfectant clogged my nose. I pulled the wipe out, unfolded it and dabbed it against the cut. Luca twitched but didn’t make a sound. “Does it burn?”

“I’m fine,” he said simply. “Wipe harder.”

I did, and though he jerked a few times, he never told me to stop. Eventually I threw the wipe into the trash and leaned back. Luca pierced his skin with the needle and began stitching himself up, his hands steady and sure. Watching him made me already feel queasy. I couldn’t imagine doing that to myself, but as my eyes wandered over Luca’s body and the many scars I realized that it probably wasn’t the first time he did this. When Luca was satisfied with his job, he chucked away the needle.

“We need to cover it,” I said. I rummaged in the kit for bandages, but Luca shook his head. “It’ll heal faster if it’s allowed to breathe.”

“Really? Are you sure? What if dirt gets in?”

Luca chuckled. “You don’t need to worry. This won’t be the last time I’ll come home injured.” Was I worried? Yes. And I didn’t like the thought of him taking his health so lightly.

Luca opened his arms. “Come.”

“Don’t you have to leave?” I glanced at the clock. It was only eight, but on most days Luca had been gone by then.

“Not today. The Bratva is dealt with for the moment. I’ll have to be in one of the Familia’s clubs in the afternoon.”

I smiled slightly. I couldn’t help it. I was glad I didn’t have to be alone all day again. I snuggled against Luca’s side and he wrapped his arm around me.

“I didn’t expect you to look so happy,” he said quietly.

“I’m lonely.” I hated how weak that made me sound, but it was the truth. Luca’s fingers on my arm tightened.

“I have a few cousins you could hang out with. I’m sure they’d enjoy going shopping with you.”

“Why does everyone think I want to go shopping?”

“Then do something else. Have a coffee, or go to a Spa, or I don’t know.”

“I still have a Spa certificate that I got at my bridal shower.”

“See? If you want I can ask a few of my cousins.”

I shook my head. “I’m not too keen on meeting with another one of your cousins after what Cosima did.”

“What did she do?” He grew rigid beneath me.

I drew back, looking at Luca. Then I realized I’d never told him how I’d found him in bed with Grace and after all the confusion of the last few days he’d never asked. He’d probably had more than enough on his plate with the Bratva.

“She gave me the letter that led me to you and Grace.” Saying her name made my stomach turn again, and unwanted memories resurfaced. I sat up, away from Luca’s warmth. I drew my legs up against my chest, overwhelmed by all that had happened.

Luca pushed himself into a sitting position and pressed a kiss against my shoulder. “Cosima gave you a letter that told you to go the apartment?” His voice was tight with barely controlled anger.

I nodded, then swallowed before I dared to speak. “And a key. It’s still in my bag.”

“That fucking bitch,” he growled.

“Who?”

“Both of them. Grace and Cosima. They’re friends. Grace must have put Cosima up to this. That cunt.”

I flinched away from the fury in his voice. He let out a harsh breath and sneaked an arm around my waist, pulling me against his chest and burying his face in my hair.

“Grace wanted to humiliate me. She looked really happy when I found you.”

“I bet,” he said. “She’s a fucking rat trying to humiliate a queen. She’s nothing.” Wow, he was furious. And I couldn’t help but feel schadenfreude toward Grace.

“How did she react when you told her that you couldn’t see her anymore?”

He was silent. I tensed. “You promised you wouldn’t see her or other women again.” My voice shook and I tried to pull away from him but he held me fast. Had he lied to me? I couldn’t believe I’d believed him, couldn’t believe I’d let him touch me there, and actually touched him in turn.

“I did, and I won’t. But I didn’t talk to Grace. Why should I? I don’t owe her an explanation, just like I don’t owe a fucking explanation to the other sluts I fucked.” His body might have been made from stone he was so tense. I wanted to believe him. He grabbed my chin between his thumb and index finger and tilted my face around until I was looking at him. “You are the only one I want. I’ll keep my promise, Aria.”

“So you won’t see her again.”

“Oh, I will see her again to tell her what I think about her little stunt.”

“Don’t.”

He frowned.

“I don’t want you to talk to her again. Let’s just forget her.” I could see that he didn’t want to forget. “Please.”

He exhaled, then nodded. “I don’t like it, but if that’s what you want…”

“It is,” I said decidedly. “Let’s not even talk about her anymore. Pretend she doesn’t exist.”

Luca lifted his hand and rubbed his thumb over my lower lip. “Your lips are too fucking kissable.” I ducked my head to hide my pleased smile.

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” I said.

“More bad news?”

“Well, I guess that depends on your viewpoint. I want Gianna to visit me. School doesn’t begin for another two weeks and I miss her.”

“It’s been only a few days since you saw her.”

“I know.”

“Where would she stay?”

“I don’t know. Maybe in our guestroom?” We had three of them on the lower floor of the penthouse.

“Your sister is a major pain in the ass.”

I gave him a pleading look.

“How about a deal?” he said in a husky voice.

Nerves fluttered in my stomach. “A deal?”

“Don’t look so nervous.” Luca smiled sardonically. “I’m not going to ask you to sleep with me so you can see your sister. I’m not that big of an asshole.”

“No?” I teased and he slammed his lips against me in a kiss that sent lightning sensations all the way down to my toes.

“No,” he said against my lips. “But I’d like to explore your body.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Like how?”

“Tonight, I’ll try to be home early from the meeting at the club and I want us to soak in the Jacuzzi for a bit and then I want you to lie back and let me touch you and kiss you wherever I want.” He licked my ear. “You’ll love it.”

I parted my lips in surprise. This was moving way faster than I’d thought it would, than I thought it should.

Luca must have seen the uncertainty in my expression because he slipped his hand between my legs and pressed the heel of his palm against my clit over the fabric of my panties. I bucked and let a moan slip out before I could stop myself. God, this was ridiculous. This was what happened when you were forced to live abstinent for so long.

“You like this, Aria. I know you do. Admit it.”

He pressed harder and I jerked against him. “Yes,” I gasped out. He moved his palm slowly over me, sending spikes of pleasure through my body. “Don’t stop.”

“I won’t,” he said, nibbling my throat. “So do you let me have my way with you tonight? I won’t do anything you don’t want.”

I wasn’t even sure what I wanted right now. Except for Luca not to stop what he was doing with his hand. I would have promised him anything in that moment. “Yes.”

He increased the pressure on my clit and suckled at my throat, then flicked his tongue over my collarbone, and I exploded.

Luca kissed me below my chin before pulling back with a smirk. Once I came down from my high I needed to figure out a way to balance the power between us. He wanted me more than I wanted him. I was sure about it. I needed to take advantage of it.

I rested my forehead against his shoulder. “So can I call Gianna and tell her to buy plane tickets?”

Luca chuckled. “Sure, but remember our deal.” His phone buzzed on the nightstand. He picked it up. “For fuck’s sake, Matteo, what now?”

I pulled back. Luca got up and began pacing the bedroom, completely naked. “We’ve got his back. I won’t let another fucking restaurant go to the Russians. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll be ready in thirty minutes.” He flung his phone on the nightstand.

“I’ll have to talk to the owner of a restaurant chain.”

“Okay,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

“Call your sister and tell her she can come. And I’ll be back in time for dinner, okay? I have a few take-out menus in the kitchen. Order whatever you want.” He leaned down and kissed me. “Let Romero take you to a museum or something like that.”

Fifteen minutes later, he was gone, and I was left with my doubts. How could I have agreed to his deal? Because I loved the pleasure he gave me. Why not enjoy it? Maybe I would have to live without love, but that didn’t mean I would have to be miserable.

Gianna was ecstatic when I called her to tell her she could visit. I didn’t tell her about the deal. I couldn’t talk about something like that on the phone, or ever. I knew she wouldn’t approve of me giving in to Luca so quickly.

***

As promised, Luca was home early. I was incredibly nervous. I’d chosen a beautiful yellow dress and set the table on the roof terrace. Surprise flashed across Luca’s face when he found me outside.

“I thought we could eat here?”

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for lingering kiss. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “I ordered Indian food.”

“I’m hungry for only one thing.”

I shivered. “Let’s eat.” What would Luca do if I told him the deal was off? I took a seat. Luca watched me with intensity. Eventually he sank down on the chair across from me. There was a gentle breeze that caressed my skin and tugged at my hair.

“You look fucking sexy.”

I started eating. “Romero took me to the Metropolitan today. It was amazing.”

“Good,” Luca said with a hint of amusement. Could he see how nervous I was?

“What about the restaurant owner? Did you convince him that the Familia will protect him from the Russians?”

“Of course. He’s been under our protection for more than a decade. There’s no reason to change that now.”

“Sure,” I said distractedly, taking a gulp of the white wine.

Luca put down his fork. “Aria?”

“Hm?” I nudged a piece of cauliflower on my plate, not meeting Luca’s gaze.

“Aria.” His voice sent a chill down my back and I peered up at him. He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his strong chest. “You are scared.”

“I’m not.” He narrowed his eyes. “Maybe a bit, but mostly I’m nervous.”

He got up from the chair and came around the table. “Come on.” He held out his hand. After a brief moment of hesitation, I took it and let me pull him to my feet. “Let’s get into the Jacuzzi, okay? That’ll relax you.”

I doubted being in a hot tub with him in only swimwear would make me less nervous. I didn’t know what to expect and that terrified me.

“Why don’t you grab your bikini and I’ll set up the Jacuzzi?”

I nodded and went back inside. I picked my favorite white box bikini with pink dots. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, then stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. I wasn’t sure why this made me so nervous. This morning Luca’s touch had set my skin aflame. He’d promised not to do anything I didn’t want.

I took a deep breath and walked into the bedroom. Luca was waiting for me in black shorts; they did nothing to hide his strong body. All muscles and strength. His eyes traveled over me, then he slipped a hand over my hip. “You are perfect,” he said in a low voice. With a gentle nudge, he led me out of the bedroom, down the stairs and onto the roof terrace.

I shivered in my bikini. The breeze had picked up and it was definitely too cold to stand outside in nothing but a bikini. Luca lifted me into his arms. I gasped in surprise, my hand coming up against the tattoo over his heart.

My own heart was galloping in my chest. I buried my face in the crook of Luca’s neck, trying to relax. Luca’s grip on me tightened as he stepped into the Jacuzzi and slowly lowered us into the hot bubbling water. I sat on his lap, my face still hidden against his skin. Luca rubbed his hand up and down my spine. “There’s no reason for you to be scared.”

“Says the man who crushed a man’s throat with his bare hands,” I meant to say it teasingly but my voice came out shaky.

“That’s got nothing to do with us, Aria. That’s business.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“What’s really the problem?”

“I’m nervous because I feel vulnerable, like I’m at your mercy because of the deal.”

“Aria, forget about the deal. Why don’t you try to relax and enjoy this?” He nudged my chin up until our lips were almost touching and our eyes were locked.

“Promise you won’t force me to do something I don’t want to do.” I lowered my gaze to his chest. “Promise me that you won’t hurt me.”

“Why would I hurt you?” Luca asked. “I told you I won’t sleep with you unless you want me to.”

“So you will hurt me when we sleep together?”

Luca’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “Not on purpose, no, but I don’t think there’s a way around it.” He kissed the spot below my ear. “But tonight I want to make you writhe in pleasure. Trust me.”

I wanted to, but trust was a dangerous thing in our world. Part of me wanted to hold onto the flicker of hate I’d felt when I’d caught him with Grace. But another bigger part wanted to pretend we hadn’t been forced into this union, wanted to pretend that we could love each other.

Luca’s tongue trailed over my throat. He stopped over my pounding pulse and sucked my skin into his mouth. I shivered from the sensation. His body was hot and hard against mine and I loved sitting in his lap; though it wasn’t exactly comfortable. There wasn’t much softness about Luca’s body, only firm muscle. He shifted, pressing his erection against my butt as his lips claimed my mouth. The kiss sent small lightning bolts through my body but I needed this to be more than physical. I wanted to know more about the man I’d spend the rest of my life with.

I pulled back, getting a growl from Luca in response. His fingers on my waist tightened, his gray eyes questioning as they settled on my face. I kissed his cheek and slung my arms around his neck. “Can we talk for a bit?”

It was obvious from Luca’s expression that talking was the last thing on his mind, but he leaned against the wall of the Jacuzzi. “What do you want to talk about?”

One of his hands slid lower and began caressing my butt. I didn’t allow it to distract me from my goal, even if it was very distracting. The hungry look in Luca’s eyes didn’t help either.

“What happened to your mother?” I knew she’d died when Luca had been a young boy but Umberto hadn’t said much more, either because he didn’t know or because he thought I shouldn’t know.

Luca’s body turned rigid, eyes hard. “She died.” He turned his face away, jaw flexing. “That’s not the kind of thing I want to talk about tonight.”

His rebuke stung. I wanted to get closer to him, wanted to get to know more sides of him, but it was clear he wouldn’t let me. I nodded.

Luca removed his hand from my butt and slowly trailed it over my hip, then lower until he reached my inner thigh. He slipped under my bikini bottoms, rubbing his finger along my folds. I should have pushed him away, but instead I opened my legs a bit wider. Luca nuzzled my neck, then drew back. He hooked the fingers of his other hand under my bikini top and pulled it down. My breast sprang free, gooseflesh covering my skin and my nipple erect from the contact with the cold breeze.

Luca made a sound low in his throat as he stared at my chest. Then he bowed low and sucked my nipple into his mouth and at the same time rubbed his thumb over my clit. I cried out from the sensation. He growled against my skin and released my nipple with an audible pop. His gaze snapped up to me as his tongue lavished my nub. I tried to look away, but he snarled. “No. Look at me.”

And I did. I watched my nipple disappear in his mouth once more, watched him as he teased it with his tongue, his hungry gray eyes on me. He bit down gently and my hips bucked against his hand still teasing my folds. Release shuddered through my body. Luca pulled back lightning fast, gripped my hips and lifted me onto the edge of the Jacuzzi.

“Luca, what—” Luca tore my bikini bottoms off me, pretty much ripping them in half. I gasped and tried to close my legs, but Luca positioned himself between them, shoved my legs as far apart as possible and lowered his head.

I gasped again, horrified and stunned and…oh God. Luca ran his tongue all the way from my opening up to my clit.

“Fuck, yes,” he growled.

My eyes darted around. What if people saw? Only part of the Jacuzzi was encompassed by a screen, but Luca sucked my outer lips into his mouth and I didn’t care anymore.

“Look at me,” he ordered against my folds, the feel of his breath against my heated flesh making me shudder. I peered down, my skin burning with embarrassment and arousal as I met his gaze. His eyes locked on mine, he slowly slid his tongue between my folds. I moaned.

“You are mine,” he said harshly. He licked me again more firmly but even slower. “Say it.”

“I’m yours,” I said breathlessly. His thumbs parted me even further, revealing my small pink nub. He released a low breath, a smirk curling his lips. I wanted him to touch me there, wanted nothing more. He leaned forward, eyes on me, and circled his tongue around my nub. I whimpered, my hand shooting out and grabbing Luca’s hair. I came violently, shuddering and crying out, writhing against Luca’s lips.

He didn’t stop. He was relentless. I threw my head back, staring up at the night sky. Luca didn’t tell me to look at him this time. But I could hear everything he was doing. How he sucked and licked, how he hummed with approval, how he blew against my heated flesh, then licked again. My entire body was aflame, shaking. I couldn’t take much more, but Luca pushed his tongue into me and I came, my muscle clenching around him. I squeezed my eyes shut, my back arching off the cold marble. I was so wet. How could anyone be so wet? The sounds of Luca lapping at me were wrong but they aroused me like nothing ever had.

Luca pulled his tongue out as the last spikes of my orgasm wrecked me. Before I knew what was happening, I felt his finger against my opening and he slid it almost all the way in. The intrusion was foreign and unexpected. I jerked and gasped from the pain. My body became rigid as I tried to catch my breath. I’d never even used tampons because they were too uncomfortable and because my mother worried I might accidentally rupture my hymen.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight, Aria.”

I flattened my palms against the Jacuzzi rim, trying to relax. Water sloshed as Luca moved out of the water to lean over me, his finger still in me. I bit my lip but didn’t look at him.

“Hey,” he said in a rough voice. I met his gaze. “I should have entered more slowly, but you were so wet.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything. I couldn’t get over the feeling of his finger in me. It didn’t move, but it was there, filling me. Luca kissed my lips. His eyes were darker than I’d ever seen them and filled with so much want and hunger that it scared and aroused me at the same time.

“Does it still hurt?” he rasped.

I shifted my hip slightly, trying to find words for the sensation. “It’s uncomfortable and it burns a bit.” I flushed.

Luca licked my lips, then sucked the lower part into his mouth. “I know I’m an asshole for saying it, but the thought of my cock inside your tight pussy makes me so hard.”

My eyes widened but he shook his head. “Don’t look so terrified. I told you I wouldn’t try it tonight.”

“You also told me you wouldn’t hurt me.” It was more to provoke him than because I was really mad at him. I was slowly getting used to his finger in me, and what he’d done before that had been paradise. I already wanted his lips and tongue back on me.

Something in Luca’s expression shifted, but I couldn’t read the emotion. “I didn’t think it would, Aria,” he said softly. “You were so wet and willing. I thought my finger would go in without trouble. I wanted to finger you for your fourth orgasm.”

I shivered and a small spike of pleasure built in my core again. I almost wanted Luca to move his finger now. “Did it hurt because you took my you know…” Heat rushed into my cheeks and something flashed in Luca’s eyes. “Your virginity? No, principessa. I’m not that deep in and I want to claim that part of you with my cock, not my finger.”

Principessa? Warmth settled in my chest. Slowly he pulled his finger out, my muscles clenching around him and sending a strange prickling through my core. He traced the same finger over my lip and dipped it into my mouth. I circled it with my tongue without even knowing why.

Luca groaned. He jerked his finger out and shoved his tongue between my lips. I pressed myself against his chest, my tongue battling with his. “Let’s go inside. I want to lick you again.”

I exhaled.

“Will you let me put my finger into you again? This time I’ll go really slow.”

“Yes,” I said. He leaped out of the Jacuzzi and helped me to my feet. Then he lifted me into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist as he carried me inside.

He lowered me to my feet in front of our bed and disappeared in the bathroom only to return with a towel. He helped me out of my bikini top, wrapped the towel around me and started to rub me dry gently. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of it. I couldn’t believe I’d let Luca do what he’d done. I couldn’t believe I wanted him to do it again. Everything was overwhelming. I knew it was too fast, but as Luca had said what was I waiting for? He was my husband.

“Are you cold?”

My eyes peeled open. Luca dropped the towel, leaving me naked. His hands slid up and down my arms. My entire body was covered in goose bumps. “A bit.”

Luca made me lie down on the bed before he straightened and slid down his shorts. His erection sprang free, hard and long, and suddenly anxiety gripped me. He’d put his finger into me, maybe now he wanted to do the next step. Maybe I was confused about a few things at the moment, but I knew one thing: I wasn’t ready for that.

I still barely knew the man in front of me, and sleeping with him, letting him into me like that was too much, too intimate. Maybe this evening had been his way of manipulating me. Nobody got that far in the mafia without being a master in manipulation. I pressed my legs together and scrambled back. Luca paused, one knee already on the bed.

“Aria?” His fingers curled around my calf and I jerked back and pulled my legs against my chest. He sighed. “What now?”

He sat beside me, his length almost brushing my leg. “Say something.”

“This is too fast,” I said quietly.

“Because I got naked? You’ve seen my cock before. You even jerked me off.”

My face burned. “I think you’re trying to manipulate me. If I gave you the chance, you’d go all the way today.”

“You bet I would, but I can’t see what manipulation has to do with it,” he said with a hint of anger in his voice. “I want you. I never lied to you about that. I’m going to take whatever you are willing to give, and you were willing in the Jacuzzi.”

“Not about the finger,” I snapped, suddenly getting angry too. “Maybe you’ll try the same with sex.” I knew it sounded ridiculous.

Luca actually laughed. He leaned very close. “That won’t work. My cock won’t slide in that easily, believe me, and it will hurt a lot more.”

I flinched, remembering what Grace had said at our wedding. He’ll fuck you bloody. Luca released a harsh breath. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I watched him over my legs. He ran his knuckles down my side lightly. The hard set of his lips loosened. “Tell me that you enjoyed what I did to you on the roof,” Luca murmured, there was a hint of need in his voice, maybe even vulnerability.

“Yes,” I said breathlessly. He leaned closer, his lips on my ear. “What did you enjoy the most? My tongue fucking you? Or when I ran my tongue all the way over your pussy? Or when I sucked your clit?”

Oh god. I was getting wet again. Luca’s deep voice vibrated through my body. “I don’t know.”

“Maybe I need to show you again?” Luca pushed against my ankles, which were pressed against me until there was enough room for his hand to slip between them and my upper thighs. He cupped me with his palm. I was about to lie down to make it easier for him, but he shook his head. “No,” he rasped. “Stay like that.” His fingers began to move against my folds, four of them teasing, circling, rubbing.

I rested my chin on my knees, breathing heavily. Luca kissed my ear and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me against his side. It was strange, sitting up with my legs pressed against my chest as he touched me, but it felt incredibly good. Luca’s erection rubbed against my outer thigh, his breathing hot against my ear.

“Relax,” he said in a low voice. There was a gentle pressure against my opening. I peered down between my legs. Luca teased me with his small finger. He dipped the tip in, then circled my opening again before entering me again, sliding a bit deeper every time he did.

“Look at me.”

I did, caught up in the intensity of his gray eyes. “You are so wet and soft and tight. You can’t imagine how fucking good this feels.” His length slid along my outer thigh again. His lips pressed against mine, his tongue demanding entrance. His finger slid into me, this time all the way. It was only his small finger but I was thrilled. He began moving it inside me and I gasped into his mouth, jerking my hips, needing more. He pumped in and out slowly, his thumb rubbing my clit. I could feel pleasure building again and I moved my pelvis in sync with his finger. He pulled away his hand, eliciting a sound of protest from me.

Luca laughed, a deep rumbling in his chest. He knelt in front of me and pushed my legs apart, then he looked up at me. He traced his index finger over my folds, then rubbed my opening with it. Never looking away from my face, he pushed the tip in, my muscles clenched and I released a low breath. It didn’t hurt and I relaxed. Slowly he started sliding in and out, moving a bit deeper every time like he’d done with his small finger. His mouth closed over my clit.

I whimpered, my legs falling wider apart. My pleasure was mounting scarily fast as Luca worked me with his finger and lips. With a cry, I tumbled over, my legs shaking, hips bucking. My fingers clutched the blanket as I shattered into pieces. Luca removed his finger, kissed my bellybutton, then lay down beside me, his erection red and glistening. I reached out, spreading the droplet of liquid that had trickled out all over his tip.

Luca growled, his abs flexing. “I want your mouth on me,” he said in a low voice. I froze, my hand on him stilling. It seemed only fair after what he’d just done, but I had no clue how to actually go down on him. Blow job was a pretty confusing name, because I knew I wasn’t supposed to blow his erection, but sadly I wasn’t exactly sure what to do in detail. And what if I didn’t like it?

I remembered his words about Grace, that she knew how to suck a cock. Not that I wanted to be anything like Grace. I had no intention about becoming Luca’s whore, but I didn’t want to fail completely either. I was overthinking this.

“Is this because you don’t want to, or because you don’t know how?” Luca asked calmly, but I could tell he had trouble making his voice sound that way. He’d given me several orgasms. He was probably bursting. “You can jerk me off like last time,” he said when I stayed silent. His hand brushed a strand of blond hair away from my face, his gray eyes questioning.

“No, I mean, I think I want to do it.”

“You think?” Amusement tinged Luca’s voice. “But?”

“What if I don’t like it?”

Luca shrugged but it was obvious from his expression that he didn’t like the idea. “Then you don’t. I won’t force you.”

I nodded and brought my face a bit closer to his erection, which hadn’t softened at all during our conversation. Luca tensed in anticipation, his fingertips against my scalp twitching. Embarrassed, I admitted. “I don’t know what to do.”

His erection jerked in response. I couldn’t help but laugh, and Luca grinned his predator grin. “You like to torture me with your innocence, don’t you?”

I blew against his tip, making him groan. “I don’t think that’s why it’s called blow job, right?”

He actually laughed a real laugh, and the sound filled my stomach with butterflies. “You’re going to be the death of me, principessa.”

“Don’t laugh,” I said with a smile. “I don’t want to do something wrong.”

“Do you want me to tell you what to do?” Excitement blazed in his eyes.

I nodded.

“Okay,” he said hoarsely. “Close your lips around the tip and be careful with your teeth. I don’t mind it a bit rougher, but don’t chew on it.”

I snorted, then nerves made me go quiet. Luca’s fingers slipped through my hair until they came to rest on the back of my head. He didn’t push me, but from the way they tensed I could tell he wanted to. I took the tip into my mouth. He was thick and I had to be careful not to grace him with my teeth. His tip was slightly salty, but not in a bad way.

“Now swirl your tongue around it. Yes, just like that.” He watched me, his jaw clenched. “Take a bit more of me into your mouth and move your head up and down. Now suck as you move. Yes, fuck.” His hips bucked when I was as far as I could take him, driving his erection even further inside. I gagged and pulled back, coughing.

He stroked my hair. “Fuck, sorry.” He rubbed his thumb over my lips. “I’ll try to stay still.”

Instead of taking him back into my mouth, I licked him from his base to the tip. He groaned. “Is that okay?” I whispered before doing it again.

“Fuck yes.”

I took my time licking every inch of him, but especially his tip. I loved the feel of it against my tongue.

“This feels really fucking good, but I really want to come.” I glanced up uncertainly. I could come when he stroked and licked me gently. Did he need it more rough? Would he need it rough during sex too? Grace’s stupid words jumped into my head again, but I pushed them aside. I wouldn’t let that whore ruin this for me. “What do you need me to do?” I whispered.

“Suck me harder and keep looking at me with your fucking beautiful eyes.”

I fixed my gaze on him and took him into my mouth until he hit the back of my throat, then bobbed my head up and down fast and hard, my lips tight around him. Luca moaned, his hips rocking lightly. His eyes burnt into me, his teeth gritted. “If you don’t want to swallow, you need to get away…”

I jerked away, releasing him with a pop and a moment later he spilled his seed on his stomach and legs. Luca closed his eyes as his erection twitched. His hand was still in my hair, gently stroking my neck and scalp. Slowly he eased it down, but I gripped his hand and pressed my cheek into it, needing his closeness after what we’d done. His eyes flew open with an unreadable look in them. His thumb brushed my cheekbone gently. We stayed like that for a couple of heartbeats, then Luca sat up, taking in the mess on his upper thighs and abs. “I need a fucking shower.” Luca reached for a tissue and cleaned off the sperm before swinging his legs out and standing.

I nodded, strangely disappointed that he’d slip out of bed so quickly. I felt suddenly self-conscious about what I’d done.

Luca held out his hand. “Come on. I don’t want to shower alone.”

I scrambled off the bed, put my hand in his and followed him into the bathroom.

As the hot water poured down on us, Luca began lathering my body with soap and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his hands on me. He pressed up to my back, one arm coming around my stomach. “So was it okay for you?” he asked quietly.

He was probably worried I wouldn’t go down on him again, if it wasn’t. “Yeah.”

He kissed my throat. He did that a lot. It felt so gentle, loving and intimate, but I knew it wasn’t meant like that. “I’m glad, because I really enjoy being in your mouth.”

I flushed with embarrassment and a strange sense of accomplishment. Ridiculous. “Are you angry that I didn’t, you know, swallow? I bet the women you’ve been with so far always did.”

“No, I’m not angry. I won’t lie, I’d love to come in your mouth but if you don’t want that, it’s okay.”

We stepped out of the shower and dried off before we crawled back into bed. I rested my head on Luca’s chest. He turned off the lights, bathing us in darkness. “When your father told you to marry me, what was your reaction?” I murmured. I’d been wondering about it for a while.

Luca’s fingers on my hips paused. “I’d expected it. I knew I’d have to marry for tactical reasons. As future Capo, you can’t let emotions or desires rule any part of your life.”

I was glad for the darkness so Luca couldn’t see my face. He sounded so detached and emotionless. His touches and kisses made me want to believe that maybe he was starting to care for me, but now I wasn’t so sure anymore.

“And what about you?” he asked.

“I was terrified.”

“You were only fifteen. Of course, you were terrified.”

“I was still terrified on the day of our marriage. I’m still not entirely sure you don’t terrify me.”

Luca was silent. “I told you, you have no reason to fear me. I’ll protect and take care of you. I’ll give you anything you want and need.”

Except for one thing: love.

“But the Familia always comes first,” I said lightly. “If you had to kill me to protect the business, you would.”

Luca became rigid, but he didn’t deny it. My father always said there’s only room for one true love in the life of a made man and that’s the mafia.