Bound by Honor: Chapter 18

Taking a shower was a struggle. I had to cover my bandages with a waterproof cap, which was a major hassle, but the feel of the warm water washing away the blood and sweat was worth it. Gianna, Lily and Fabi had left less than one hour ago. Father had insisted they leave. Not that they were much safer in Chicago. The Bratva was closing in on the Outfit as well. At least, I’d had them with me a day longer than planned. They’d kept me entertained as I lay in bed while Luca had to take care of everything. As Capo he couldn’t abandon his soldiers. He needed to show them he had a plan of action.

I was already feeling so much better. Maybe that was the lingering effect of the painkillers I’d taken two hours ago. I stepped out of the shower and awkwardly put on my panties. I could move both of my arms, but the Doc had said I should use my left arm as little as possible. Putting on the nightgown proved more difficult. I’d managed to slip one strap over my injured shoulder when I stepped back into the bedroom where I found Luca sitting on the bed. He got up immediately.

“Done with business?” I asked.

He nodded. He came toward me and slid the second strap into place, then he led me toward the bed and made me sit down. We hadn’t been able to talk alone since our first conversation and then I’d been high on morphine.

“I’m fine,” I said again because he looked like he needed to hear it. He didn’t say anything for a long time before he suddenly knelt before me and pressed his face against my stomach. “I could have lost you two days ago.”

I shivered. “But you didn’t.”

He peered up at me. “Why did you do this? Why did you take a bullet for me?”

“Do you really not know why?” I whispered.

He became very still, but didn’t say anything.

“I love you, Luca.” I knew saying out loud was a risk, but I’d thought I’d die a couple days ago, so this was nothing.

Luca brought his face up to mine and cupped my cheeks. “You love me.” He said it as if I’d told him the skies were green, or that the sun revolved around the earth, or that fire was cold to the touch. As if what I’d said didn’t make sense, as if it didn’t fit into his view of the world. “You shouldn’t love me, Aria. I’m not someone who should be loved. People fear me, they hate me, they respect me, they admire me, but they don’t love me. I’m a killer. I’m good at killing. Better probably than at anything else, and I don’t regret it. Fuck, sometimes I even enjoy it. That’s a man you want to love?”

“It’s not a matter of want, Luca. It’s not like I could choose to stop loving you.”

He nodded, as if that explained a lot. “And you hate that you love me. I remember you saying it before.”

“No. Not anymore. I know you aren’t a good man. I’ve always known it, and I don’t care. I know I should. I know I should lie awake at night hating myself for being okay with my husband being the boss of one of the most brutal and deadliest crime organizations in the States. But I don’t. What does that make me?” I paused, staring down at my hands, the hands that had cradled a gun two days ago, at the finger that had pulled the trigger without hesitation, without a twitch or tremor. “And I killed a man and I don’t feel sorry. Not one bit. I would do it again.” I glanced up at Luca. “What does that make me, Luca? I’m a killer like you.”

“You did what you had to. He deserved to die.”

“There’s not one of us who doesn’t deserve death. We probably deserve it more than most.”

“You are good, Aria. You are innocent. I forced you into this.”

“You didn’t Luca. I was born into this world. I chose to stay in this world.” The words of my wedding day popped into my mind. “Being born into our world means being born with blood on your hands. With every breath we take sin is engraved deeper into our skin.”

“You don’t have a choice. There’s no way to escape our world. You didn’t have a choice in marrying me either. If you’d let that bullet kill me, you would have at least escaped our marriage.”

“There are few good things in our world, Luca, and if you find one you cling to it with all your might. You are one of those good things in my life.”

“I’m not good,” Luca said almost desperately.

“You’re not a good man, no. But you are good for me. I feel safe in your arms. I don’t know why, don’t even know why I love you, but I do, and that won’t change.”

Luca closed his eyes, looking almost resigned. “Love is a risk in our world, and a weakness a Capo can’t afford.”

“I know,” I said even as my throat corded up.

Luca’s eyes shot open, fierce and blazing with emotion. “But I don’t care because loving you is the only pure thing in my life.”

Tears brimmed in my eyes. “You love me?”

“Yes, even if I shouldn’t. If my enemies knew how much you meant to me, they’d do anything to get their hands on you, to hurt me through you, to control me by threatening you. The Bratva will try again, and others will too. When I became a made man, I swore to put the Familia first, and I reinforced that same oath when I became a Capo dei Capi even though I knew I was lying. My first choice should always be the Familia.”

I held my breath, unable to utter a word. The look he gave me almost broke me into pieces.

“But you are my first choice, Aria. I’ll burn down the world if I have to. I’ll kill and maim and blackmail. I’ll do anything for you. Maybe love is a risk, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take and as you said, it’s not a choice. I never thought I would, never thought I could love someone like that but I fell in love with you. I fought it. It’s the first battle I didn’t mind losing.”

I slung my arms around him, crying, then whimpered from the twinge in my shoulder. Luca pulled back. “You need to rest. Your body needs to heal.” He made me lie down but I held onto his arms. “I don’t want to rest. I want to make love to you.”

Luca looked pained. “I’m going to hurt you. Your stitches could rip open.”

I trailed my hands down over his chest, his taut stomach until I brushed the bulge in his boxers. “He agrees with me.”

“He always does, but he’s not the voice of reason, believe me.”

I giggled, then winced as pain shot down my arm.

Luca still hovered over me but he shook his head. “That’s what I mean.”

“Please,” I whispered. “I want to make love to you. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“I’ve always made love to you, Aria.”

I swallowed, and began stroking Luca’s erection through the thin fabric. He didn’t draw back. “Don’t you want this?”

“Of course I want it. We almost lost each other. I want nothing more than to be as close to you as possible.”

“Then make love to me. Slow and gentle.”

“Slow and gentle,” Luca said in a low voice and I knew I had him. He moved down to the edge of the bed and began massaging my feet and calves. I opened my legs wide. My nightgown rode up, baring my thin white panties to Luca. His eyes traveled up and I knew he could see how much I wanted and needed this. Luca groaned against my ankle, then trailed his fingers up my leg, only dusting the skin until he brushed my center with his fingertips. My panties stuck to my slick heat. “You make slow and gentle really hard on me. If you weren’t hurt, I’d bury myself in you and make you scream my name.”

“If I wasn’t hurt, I’d want you to do it.”

Luca flicked his tongue across my ankle, then gently sucked the skin into his mouth. “Mine.”

Then he covered my calves and thighs with kisses, saying the word ‘mine’ over and over again as he made his way up toward my center. He slid my panties down, then settled between my legs and kissed my outer lips. “Mine,” he whispered against my heated flesh. I arched and immediately jerked in pain.

“I want you to relax completely. No tensing your muscles, or your shoulder will hurt,” he said, his lips brushing against me as he spoke and making me wet with arousal.

“I always tense up when I come,” I said teasingly. “And I really really want to come.”

“You will, but no tensing.”

I didn’t say that I thought it was impossible. Luca could probably see it on my face and his expression said that he accepted the challenge.

I should challenge him more often. As he began to pleasure me with ghost touches and kisses and licks that made my toes curl with need, I felt my muscles loosen and my mind drift into a cocoon of bliss. My quiet moans and the soft sound of Luca’s mouth working my folds mingled with the silence of the room. A knot slowly formed deep in my core, and every brush of Luca’s tongue tightened it, and then deliciously slowly the knot unraveled and my orgasm flowed through my body like honey, and I released a long breath as Luca kept my orgasm going for what seemed like forever with feathery touches. I watched him get up through a haze that had nothing to do with painkillers. He slipped out of his boxers as I lay like a boneless heap on the bed. My body was humming as if every cell had been infused with sweet pleasure. He stretched above me, his tip at my entrance. Then he slid into me ever so slowly, stretching me. I let out a long moan when he filled me completely.

“Mine,” he said quietly.

I stared into his eyes as he withdrew inch by inch until only his tip was in me before sliding back in. “Yours,” I whispered.

The path stretching before us was one of darkness, a life of blood and death and danger, a future of always watching my back, of knowing every day could be Luca’s last, of fearing that one day I might have to watch him receive a lethal injection. But this was my world and Luca was my man, and I would go this path with him until the bitter end.

As he made love to me, I touched my hand to the tattoo over his heart, felt his heart beating against my palm. I smiled. “Mine.”

“Always,” Luca said.