Truly Madly Deeply: Chapter 19

McMonster: You said you work as a server.

oBITCHuary: Yup.

McMonster: How do you handle working with men?

oBITCHuary: I’m mostly scared of men in private settings. Like, when I’m alone with a man in an elevator (which is never, I always leave), or when I’m alone on the street. When it’s in a room full of people, I’m pretty certain no one is going to pounce on me. That’s why I said we should meet for coffee. If we meet at a Starbucks, I am less likely to run away.

McMonster: LESS likely? Meaning it could still happen?

oBITCHuary: Hey, everything’s on the table until you prove to be sane and not a cartel lord.

McMonster: Gotta love a woman with high standards.

McMonster: Are you an extrovert?

oBITCHuary: I think a lot of people would assume I am because I’m happy and upbeat. But…I’m just a people pleaser. There’s a difference.

McMonster: What’s the difference?

oBITCHuary: I act perky and happy because I want to make others feel better, not necessarily because I feel good. I just give them the oBITCHuary they want.

McMonster: A smart person would want the oBITCHuary you really are. There’s no better version of you than your real self.

oBITCHuary: Aww. Did you get that from a fortune cookie?

McMonster: Brat.

McMonster: So.

oBITCHuary: Sooooo?

McMonster: There’s something I need to tell you.

oBITCHuary: Oh?

oBITCHuary: Are you a serial killer? Because that’s going to be amazing for my podcast and disastrous for our friendship. Plus, you can forget about that coffee meeting I have planned for us when I come back to New York.

McMonster: I’m not a serial killer.

oBITCHuary: Is it going to make me like you less? Whatever it is you’re going to tell me?

McMonster: 100%.

oBITCHuary: Then don’t.

McMonster: ?

oBITCHuary: Seriously, don’t. I like you. I don’t like men. I want to continue liking you. Please don’t burst my bubble. I feel like you’re helping me make progress. I don’t want to lose it.

McMonster: I’m not a liar.

oBITCHuary: You’re not lying to me. You’re omitting information I am disinterested in. There’s a difference.

McMonster: No, there isn’t.

oBITCHuary: Well, *I’m* a liar. So, you know, meet me in the middle. Jeez.