Chapter 13

Mother's sitting room was in disarray. Maps and loose pages of parchment were scattered across the room. Half-written letters, battle plans marked up with thick lines of ink. The papers were draped over the backs of chairs and hung over the edge of the mantle. Trays of half-eaten food sat forgotten on tabletops. Flies buzzed idly through the scraps. The typically feminine haven of mild and airy pastels and low-voiced women was cramped, dark, and wrecked. My father and brothers looked like giants perched upon Mother's delicate and ornamental furniture.

"Eilean, finally, there you are," Mother said, placing a hand on her bosom as I entered the room. As if she had feared something tragic had befallen me.

"I've been around," I said, scanning the room, uncomfortable with her pantomimed concern. "Have you been looking for me?"

"Your father and I need to tell you something. It's quite serious," She sidestepped my question, as was her general practice.

"About the letter? The Mainland invasion? I know all about it. I read it," I pulled the message from my pocket and tossed it onto the lacquered writing table where Mother and Father sat. "Who do you think found the boys?" I asked, nodding to Rupert and Ian who stood behind my parents. They looked at me with something like respect.

Mother opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. "All the guests have left to make their own preparations. The castle has turned itself inside out — there isn't a single strip of salt pork left in the larder. Or an unrolled scrap of fabric." I took no care to temper the flippancy and annoyance in my tone. I was tired and furious. Irate at having been forgotten. The old wound opened up with bitter repugnancy.

"I don't like your tone, Eilean," Father warned, looking up from a detailed map of the Mainland."

"And I don't like being treated as if I don't exist. As if I don't have a stake in this war." I crossed my arms and stared him down, hot with newly gained defiance. Where it had come from was a mystery, though Father's desire to manipulate Alex was a considerable factor.

My brothers looked up, halting whatever tasks on which they were working. John frowned with slight annoyance, but the rest of them smiled, their eyes glinting in anticipation of what I might do. I was no longer a stranger to my brothers. They had helped me find my voice over the past few months. But Mother and Father? They still thought I was the soft girl in frills, not a MacLeod in her own right. A long moment passed, the air thick. Mother's enormous grandfather clock ticked noisily.

"Now, now, it has been a long day. We're all on edge, are we not?" Mother's voice was as sweet as honey, but her expression was sharp and full of warning. "We owe you our gratitude, Eilean, for seeing our guests on their way and managing the house so splendidly today."

"I'm not interested in gratitude. I'm interested in knowing what the plan is." Picking up a crumpled piece of parchment, I studied it. It was a list of every Island Lord and the number of men they could supply. The total was in the hundreds of thousands. It made my stomach hollow out. I let the page slip from my fingers in shock.

"We leave in a week. Your brothers and all the eligible men from Ellesmure will make up our forces." Father said, turning back to his work as if that was all there was to know.

"Yes," Mother answered, smoothing her skirts. "And I am traveling with your father."

"What?" I blinked. I looked around the room and met each of my brother's stare. They looked away guiltily. "You're all going?"

"Yes," John said with a tight nod.

"Even Ian?" I asked. Maybe it was a cruel assumption that he would not be counted amongst the fighting men. His extensive knowledge on all subjects and level-headed demeanor made him seem the most likely to run the Island in my father's absence.

"So I'm going to?" I asked, trying to understand. What would I do on a battlefield? I didn't have a wardrobe suited for war. Rupert had been teaching me the basics of shooting, but I still struggled to pack the ammunition correctly. My mind raced with the things I would have to do to get ready to leave. A thrill thrummed low in my stomach and I almost smiled. It was strange to feel the conflict of dread and excitement battling for dominance in my body.

"No, Eilean, good god, no. Why the devil would you think you were coming?" Father said sharply, fixing me with an incredulous stare.

The churning sensations of terror and excitement died. In their place, a deep pit opened up and threatened to swallow me whole. An icy grip squeezed my heart, knowing that the true terror of the day was yet to come. "Why wouldn't I go? If Mother — "

'We need someone to stay and make sure that everything is being managed," Mother said, twisting her hands. "It's not at all proper, but it's the only option." Her concern was more for the acceptability of a woman running Stormway. Not that I was nearly ignorant of everything required to do the job.

"I don't know the first thing about running an Island!" I shouted, shocked, hurt, blindsided. "Alone? You'd leave me here alone?"

"Oh, don't be dramatic Buggy," Thomas said, giving me an outrageous grin. It wasn't enough to cover how grey he looked. How scared he seemed.

"I'm not overreacting," I sputtered. "You just said you're taking all the men. How are we supposed to plant or harvest or chop wood with no men? Who is going to make sure the tenants are paying their taxes? What if there are crimes? Who is the judge?"

Father looked at me, frowning. He opened his mouth and winced in unease. As if he hadn't fully considered what he was leaving behind, and upon whose shoulders. A few months of lessons with Ian was nowhere near what I would need to run all of Ellesmure. For a brief moment, Father had the decency to look ashamed. He shook his head and sighed.

"We have the element of surprise and strength in numbers. We won't be away long enough for you to worry about... all of that. A few months at most. We'll be back before you lose too much progress in your dancing lessons — especially if we secure Lord Leslie's help."

My vision went black, and I snarled. At both implications, that I was just a silly girl and that Alex would support their cause. Father was missing the point. After today's rush, there was hardly a scrap of tinder to be found in the castle. Everything — absolutely everything — had been packed and prepared for a supply wagon. To march from Stormway was to leave us behind with nothing.

I turned to Ian, not too proud to beg, "Please, you have to stay. I can't do this."

My brother's face crumpled, he shook his head, "I don't have a choice."

I looked around the room, trying to meet their eyes. They all bowed their heads. Even my brothers were powerless in the face of my father's ambitions.

"And all of you decided this without me?" I ask hotly, hands on my hips. The betrayal of a family I thought had started to accept me ripped through my chest.

"Why would your opinion have been important? Do you have skills or expertise relative to warfare that we should've considered? Have you battle training we are unaware of, daughter?" Father asked.

At my limit with his condescension, I kicked over a basket of mending Mother had haphazardly placed in the middle of the room.

"Eilean! Enough!" Mother said, snapping her fingers and her voice at me. "I do not know what has come over you, young lady."

I rounded on her and screamed, "Then you are every bit as stupid as you think I am!"

Everyone in the room stilled. Nine heads turned and looked at me with bewilderment. Something deep in my chest fractured. The pain was unendurable. I started to cry.

"Why can't I go?" I asked, angrily wiping away a tear, enraged at the show of emotion. "Please, don't leave me here all alone."

Mother shook her head, her lips tight and her eyes cold, "A war camp is no place for a woman, Eilean."

"You're going."

"I am married. And old. I am not...," Mother looked around the room uneasily. "I am not a prize, Eilean. The men would be tempted to use you ill and we can't distract ourselves with protecting you."

I blinked and pulled back, my shoulders going rigid. A bright bubble of stunned laughter wheezed out of me as I thought about the night before. How I might no longer be considered "a prize". I had half a mind to mention it, but I couldn't find the words.

"Fine," I said, "then I will leave you to your machinations. Clearly, there is no room for me here." My voice was bitter and dripped with contempt. I sketched a bow to Mother and Father. They shook their heads, no doubt annoyed by my disrespect. Turning on my heel, I stalked toward the door, stopping when I was in the threshold to sneer at my Father over my shoulder.

"Oh," I said, tilting my head and putting on the guise of innocent surprise. "Since it is so obviously part of your plan, I wouldn't rest your hopes on The Fist bailing you out." Without further explanation, I pulled the door shut — slamming it.

In the hallway, I heard John ask "What does she mean by that?"

I stomped down the hall as they all started talking over each other.

~

When I arrived back in my rooms, Alex was waiting for me. He sat by the fire, his shoulders tense and his face tight.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, standing immediately and escorting me to a nearby chair.

The last quarter-hour had been an absolute nightmare. It did not have the feeling of reality. Nothing made sense. Still, I answered Alex as best as I could.

"They're all leaving. Even Ian. Even Mother," My voice was devoid of feeling. I wasn't sad, I was outraged. Scared, even. But not sad.

"Do you know when?"

I pulled the note from my pocket and handed it to Alex. "Here, read it. This is what arrived this morning. A Mainland lord, but I don't know the sigil. He said he secured the funds needed to ensure my Father's success."

Alex looked at the note, frowning at the seal. "I know him. Lord Snowden, his lands are near the capital," he said, his voice was brittle. "I'll try to figure out what is going on with some of my trusted contacts."

I nodded.

Squatting in front of me, Alex gripped my forearms. "Is there anything I can do? Your father is making a foolish mistake, I'm madder at him than I can say — but you and I need not become enemies." He fixed me with such an open and tender expression I nearly sobbed at the relief of being cared for.

I felt myself relax for the first time all day. Leaning forward, our foreheads met. "I'll be fine," I whispered. "Besides, they all seem to think they'll only be gone for a matter of months. They also think you'll be their savior."

"I thought of him as a father," Alex repeated his admission from earlier. His voice cracked. I thought he might cry. "The Islanders don't have that many people, you know. The Mainland population outnumbers them seven to one."

I thought again about the numbers on that list, multiplied it by seven. I swore.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked.

Alex ran his hands up and down my arms, "I wish I knew. Get as much information as you can... and then apply it."

I nodded. The clock chimed midnight. How had it become so late?

Alex looked at the clock as if also surprised by the time. "You should get some sleep."

I was drained. Bone weary. His suggestion of rest warmed me like a tonic. "Alright," I agreed.

Alex stood, gently pulling me up from the chair. Softly, he moved around to my back and undid the lacings on my dress, slipping the bodice off my arms and the skirts over my hips. He made quick work of my panniers, petticoats, and stays.

I should have been mortified, but the attentions of someone who dared to care for me overwhelmed my sense of modesty. And after last night, there were no longer any secrets between us.

Alex escorted me to the bed and pulled down the covers. "In you go," he commanded.

Laughing at his fussing, I burrowed down deep under the covers and allowed myself to relax. My eyes were heavy and my mind mercifully blank.

Alex tucked me in and then moved around the room, stoking the fire, blowing out the candles, picking up my clothes, and piling them on a chair. He came back to the side of the bed and bent over, kissing me on my brow. "Goodnight," he whispered.

He turned to walk away, but I reached out and caught his hand. "Stay." My request was pitiful, more like a beg.

Alex smiled and nodded, then shrugged out of his coat. He kicked off his boots and unwound his cravat. I rolled over to the other side of the bed as Alex lifted the covers and laid down. I let him cocoon me in his arms, astonished at the way he seemed to fit around me.

"Lie to me," I whispered as my fears roared inside me. A cold tear slid down my cheek. "Tell me everything will be fine."

Alex hummed, the sound buzzing close to my ear tickled. "I won't lie to you."

I twisted to see his face, ready to fight for this one untruth. Alex tightened his arms around my waist and shook his head.

"I won't lie, Eilean," he repeated. "But I promise I will do everything in my power to make sure no harm comes to you."

A lofty answer, but I was worried and cozy enough to accept it. I nestled into Alex's arms and listened to the steady sound of his heartbeat.

"It would have been easier to lie," I said.

He kissed the side of my temple, "I know."

All too easily, I fell into a dreamless sleep.

Near dawn, when the maid came in to relight the fire, I bolted awake. It was one thing to be caught sharing a bed with Alex on a festive night. But two nights in a row... and in my own rooms...

Relieved, and a little disappointed, I noticed the bed was empty beside me. He had left in the night.