Chapter. 24- The Failures Of Men Amuse Me.

Twenty-Four: The Failures of Men Amuse Me.

You can't see me!

Cue the theme song!

Alright, John Cena. What were you going to do subsequently? Fetch a stool and whack it over his skull?

It was never my intent to put on a spontaneous re-enactment of WWE tonight. The sole thought running through my head was shouting out a 'you can't see me' and just vanishing into thin air.

"I'm sorry!" I promptly apologised. My eyes went to Caleb's face, where a little puddle of crimson began to form on his cheek.

The sight of blood on his fingertip made him shake his head in disbelief, saying, "You were not messing about."

"I'm so sorry, Caleb, I didn't mean to do that." Unease gripped my gut; I'd lost my composure.

Well, he did ask you to fight and go the hard way, my subconscious defended.

He retreated to the floor, crouching so that I could reach him I examined his face, running my thumb over the red patch on his cheek that lay directly beneath the scar he had received when we were children.

A flashback of Caleb running away in terror and me chasing him whilst holding something horrifying in my hand flashed through my mind's eye. It happened so fast that he stumbled, fell arse over tits, and started to cry out.

Unconsciously, I traced my finger across the scar. It had faded away over time, leaving just a feather-like mark.

"Stay right here, I'll get some first aid," I instructed him.

"Oh darn! There goes my getaway plan," he mumbled.

Should've punched the posh little wanker extra harder!

The first aid-equipped area was akin to a medical room, and I came back with an ice pack and medication package. I held up the ice pack but he shook his head, already picking up a swab of cotton and disinfectant, attempting to clean the wound.

"I'll do it," he grumbled.

"Oh, alright." I let him finish it by himself since I couldn't be arsed.

If I were being honest, I felt a bit relieved that I didn't have to do it. I'd watched countless shows and read several books where a girl would try to clean up the wound and the bloke would stare at her, after some more staring there would be this charged moment they'd experience that would lead to some snogging.

I understood that it wouldn't lead to that, but being this close to Caleb was awkward for me as an adult, dunno why it made my stomach turn with unease.

Twiddling my thumbs, I watched him struggle for some time. He seemed to be aggravated whilst putting on a plaster.

"Allow me?" I ultimately lent him a hand.

Huffing in frustration, he leaned back on his arms as he offered me the plaster; there was a little of cotton caught on his face; I attempted peeling it away, but my nails brushed the cut accidentally; he growled, and his hand shot to mine, and our gazes locked.

Eye contact can be either mad attractive or mad awkward.

It was always the latter.

As soon as his palm touched my knuckles, I experienced little tingles in my nerve endings. As our eyes locked, my heart was pounding. I felt my ears getting hot.

It caught me off guard. "Does it hurt a lot?"

Mindless question, I know!

"Well, not really! It's quite pleasurable, you see, the blood oozing from the cut and the sting is delightful." He let out a grunt.

The absolute cheek of this boy!

"You posh little wanker!" I swatted his hand away and flexed my fingers, trying to get rid of the strange feeling in them.

Then, trying to put the plaster on, I was conscious of his stare, which made me feel awkward and caused my breathing to become erratic. I was tempted to look, but I had good resistance.

I made an effort to make the situation less gauche.

"Knock knock."

He let out a big sigh. "Who's there?"

"Sensei."

Without reticence, he responded, "I sensei bad joke coming."

As I shut the medication pack, we sat across from one another.

"What do you call a martial arts practitioner who gets hurt?"

He squinted his eyes and answered with indecisiveness, "I dunno... Bruised Lee... ?"

"False. Ninjury!"

It took some time for him to comprehend. Then he chuckled.

"That was a terrible joke."

"And yet, you chuckled." I wiggled my brows.

He questioned without hesitation, "How did you learn Jiu-Jitsu?"

"I attended MMA classes, but I stopped because I didn't enjoy submissions. BJJ is soft. Something about it does not quite fit well with my spirit; I enjoy hitting rather than yielding," I groaned as I gazed at him.

"I am able to detect." He sneered. "Nevertheless, you're a good sparring partner."

"Thank you! And so are you." He was, and I felt really fantastic after letting out some steam.

"Superb! Now that we've established that, I'm feeling a bit peckish."

"So am I. Let's get something to eat." I got up gathering the kit.

"You're paying," he declared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We'd changed out of our uniforms and left the Academy. There was an odour in the air, it had rained, and the temperature was low and wet. Puddles sparkled in the bright streetlight as we strolled side by side on the pavement. Just like the stars, its reflection wavered.

"So where do you want to go? We could go to Roti Chai or for some fish and chips if you're unsure," I proposed.

He quickly shook his head. "Oh, definitely not Roti Chai, I've been-we've been legally prohibited from ever entering that area or be caught a glimpse of lurking anywhere near a two hundred meter radius of that eatery. However, I do know a fantastic spot where we can have a butty."

I stopped walking and looked at him, my jaw hanging wide. "What? Why?"

He exhaled through his teeth. "The lads on the team exhibited absolute criminal behaviour, I hadn't done anything destructive. I was the only individual sober."

"Being sober doesn't mean you can't get into trouble. What did you do?" I clashed.

"There was a brawl that broke out between one of the lads on the team and another bloke who was drinking with his pals, he got very lairy and was starting to give him aggro, then in the blink of an eye, glasses were being shattered, tables and chairs broken and strewn all over the place, they'd seized my vehicle and the police were called."

The gasp I gasped. "Christ! Did you get arrested?"

He gave me a side eye, twisting his lips, he answered, "No, I was the only individual on the team in their senses. After further investigations, they'd caught one of my teammates who'd driven off with my car. He was arrested but was later dismissed."

"Goodness me! That's awful. I can't imagine you being the culprit."

"Right. Of course, you can't," he got stroppy.

We paused in front of a quirky food truck named Cheeky Buns.

I snorted at the naughty name.

An adjacent park's corner served as the food truck's setup. It was comical since I observed a lot of people going for a run; it was like a small enticement for the weak-hearted who wanted to be healthy, but the scent of buttery goodness from butties and fried chips wafting through the air made them forget about their healthy eating choices.

Even though Caleb was still wearing his disguise, the guy inside the vehicle seemed to identify him and gave him a fist bump.

"Hi mate, nice to see you. I nearly didn't recognise you. Would you like the regular?" The bloke invited.

He was heavily tatted up and had several piercings. He looked quirky with green highlights in his platinum blonde hair.

"Josh, it's good to see you as well. Yes, please. And Harper, what would you like?" Caleb turned back for me to order whilst I grabbed a bottle of water from the stand to satiate my thirst.

"A chicken and bacon butty with chips on the side, please."

"You with a woman, I never would've imagined. Are you on a date?" The lad enquired as he looked on with interest.

"What?! Why would you say that? That's disgusting," Caleb expressed his disdain.

I silently coughed on my water. What upset me was not what he said, but rather how he expressed it.

Like him, I found it repulsive as well!

After some more banter with the funky bloke, we stood in the corner, waiting for our food to arrive. I looked at Caleb, who was tapping away on his phone. My mind dwelled on our last conversation, and I truly couldn't reckon him having rowdy companions.

But now, Nobby no mates did have mates after all.

When we were in school as children, despite his abhorrence towards me or the other kiddies whilst we had fun, Caleb was constantly with us. He was at our side, whether we were planning nefarious schemes or pulling out foolish feats. Of course, invariably with that expressionless countenance on his face-but we were always together.

One quiet, meek child and six loud children became mates that way, and he put up with us but with little protests. Despite my antics, he opted to stay with us. Certain things, I realised, never altered.

We received our food and sat on one of the benches after wiping it clean.

"So, did you enjoy our romantic evening?" Caleb posed a question.

I swerved my head to the side and replied honestly, "Yes, I did."

I had a great time and was grateful to Caleb for it even though I hadn't recognised I needed it. "All I had to do to get a thrill out of it was deck someone or anything."

Despite his narrowed gaze, he grinned and shook his head at my candid response.

I looked away as my phone tolled in with a sequel of text messages, I quickly leaned toward it, gathering it in my hands solely to be disappointed, it was from the class study group created on WhatsApp.

I inspected if I'd acquired any other texts from Kayden but nothing. He didn't even ask me if I'd arrived home safely. The last message was of him just saying sorry.

"How can he breathe but not text back? I just don't get it." I griped, not realising who I was with. My eyes widened with the knowledge, and I stared at Caleb.

"One of the best things about relationships, Harper," he paused as he took a sip of water. I watched as his neck constricted and expanded as he swallowed.

Focus, Rebecca!

He resumed, "Is that I am not in one. Were you stood up, or did he cancel on you?" His eyes shone with real curiosity.

To be honest, he seemed to have accomplished both. I couldn't even answer the question because I was too humiliated. "He didn't; he simply left early," I murmured, avoiding eye contact.

"Well, based on your expression, it seems like he does this all the time, doesn't he?"

It felt immoral confiding in Caleb about the demerits of my relationship with Kayden. "No, just this once." I fibbed.

"Then you shouldn't be concerned; maybe he's truly busy, or... he needs an excuse to get away from a cantankerous girl." He shrugged.

"Next time that punch to the face won't be an accident."

"I knew it! Not only have you hit me in the face, but you've also severely twisted my arm, making it immobile." He flinched when he rotated his arm.

"To be fair, you did state that you wanted it the hard way. Therefore, it's not my fault that you wanted me to spar with you."

"You're a head case, do you know that? I pity Camden, who has to deal with a thug like you."

"Relationship me is exceedingly soft. Single me is a thug. Two very different people, Caleb."

He mumbled about how I've designed numerous personalities for various people and how exhausting it must be for me to deal with it, we ended up disputing throughout the meal.

††††††††††††††††††††

As Caleb walked behind me and kicked a rock, I snapped a picture of him and our surroundings on Snapchat whilst we were ambling around the pavement and chatting about odd topics.

Before I knew it, I was abruptly on my knees, rolling over spectacularly. My legs fell out from under me, like those fainting Victorian women on those couches.

"Caleb-eeyuhhhh!"

It took me a moment to realise that I was knee knocked from behind by the posh little wanker whilst he was kicking pebbles.

"Ah, shit! Harper!" Instantly he was by my side. He didn't appear apologetic or ashamed; instead, he tucked his lips together to suppress his laughter.

"You filthy punk!" I screamed as a pang of agony and sting appeared in my knee.

"I'm sorry, my meddling thoughts triumphed." His gaze shifted to something behind me, and his pupils got bigger. Then his terrified glance met mine: "Harper, watch out!" He cautioned half heartedly, dropping his head and ducking behind me as a human shield.

It all ensued so quickly that I couldn't figure out what he was conveying.

"What are-?" I was interrupted in midsentence by the sensation of chilly water splashing upon me. I was too horrified to articulate, and the realisation hit me; I was spattered with muddy water by a speeding car.

"Oh my goodness!" I heaved, appalled. "Oh no, no! My phone! Where's my phone?" Fortunately, my phone was undamaged when I started to worry while searching for it.

My bag fell a short distance from me, scattering its contents, shattering my makeup palette, and causing my favourite lipstick to fall into the sewer. "No, that's my favourite shade!" I clutched my chest in agony.

"Phew! Well, that was close." Caleb exclaimed, relieved.

I paused and glared at him. He seemed rather relieved that it wasn't him.

"YOU STUPID TROUT!" I screeched. "You'll pay with your life for this!"

"I'm sorry. But I warned you." He was defensive.

He gradually withdrew, obviously sensing my anger. "I'm about to murder you!" It took me a few seconds to get up and retrieve my belongings.

"Why're you mad at me? It's not my fault that you have bad reflexes and weren't paying attention when you were walking."

The absolute cheek of this boy!

"My fault?! You're the reason I fell because you allowed your invasive idea of bumping my knee from behind triumph, you dopey donkey."

"When you were filming the video, your walking pace was excessively sluggish."

"Come here, Caleb," I said calmly.

"No, I don't want to," he refused cheerfully.

"Don't be shy now, come here," I said, beckoning him over.

"I don't want to." He declined with gusto once more.

"Right, then. You leave me no choice but to break your legs and create a video of you crawling on the ground helplessly for your life." I grinned.

"Nuh-uh. Not today, Harley Quinn." He took off towards the park.

We went around the park, and as always, he was quite fast. I chased after him for two minutes until I was unable to move. I merely paused to recover my breath before turning around to go, enraged and disappointed.

My knee was beginning to hurt, I wasn't sure if it was bleeding. Even if I did at the moment, the tight skirt absorbed it. However, it hurt to walk any further. This was the first time I had wounded myself since my injury, and I prayed it wouldn't cause any flare-ups.

I looked like a poster child for the homeless. My hair was drenched in several spots as well. My outfit was water-soaked and soiled with muck. I reached into my purse for some tissues to try to dab at the dirty water smear, but the stain only became darker and wider.

Subsequently, I began walking, giving up on the idea of cleaning. A few seconds later, I heard footsteps and turned around to find Caleb following me.

"Stop coming after me, or would you like a matching bruise?"

"Christ! Is using violence the solution to all of your problems?"

"It's proved to be highly effective. So yes!"

I overheard him sigh. "Look, I'm sorry," he said, finally catching up to me.

I tried my best to ignore him, but he followed me nonetheless, so I gave him my harshest stare.

"Do you want me to carry you? Shall I get some ice? Hold onto me if you need support walking." He extended me his hand.

"Listen here knob head, stop hovering around me and bugger off!" I griped infuriated and finally shoved him aside. He staggered and landed sideways in a neighbouring fountain. I felt instant gratification and continued walking.

"Fucking hell, Harper! Why must you constantly be so cruel?" He growled.

"Don't chat to me, bruv!"

I remained silent, taking a long breath to centre myself before sitting down on a bench close by. My gaze strayed to Caleb. He gritted his teeth and scowled at me. Whilst he wasn't completely immersed, the left part of his torso was wet. It appeared as though he was unable to accept what I'd done.

"If I catch a cold, I'll make sure you don't live it down." As he wrung his jacket and shirt, water dripped onto the ground. Peering down, I saw his toned, muscular frame, and I averted my gaze.

"You wrecked my favourite gingham outfit, assaulted me; my knee is most likely bleeding, and I'll be hobbling for two days due to an ankle strain. Then you utilised me as a human shield from that awful fast car to keep yourself from getting pelted with filthy water. I'd say we're about even, bruv! I have my examinations. Therefore, if I get ill, I'm going to wring your neck." I wrapped my coat tightly about me as I shivered.

I should have him done for harassment after this.

"Let's not forget my lovely cosmetics that you wrecked," I continued.

"Missing training and the game this week is not an option for me." He was scrutinising his phone to ensure it was dry. "Oh, thank God!" When his phone rang, he exhaled with relief.

He replied while pacing around, irritated. "I'm right knackered. Mate, I couldn't arsed!" He grew enraged.

"Fucking hell, I'm not going." He then hung up.

"What's wrong?" I enquired, slightly intrigued and worried.

Breathing out, he took a seat next me. "There's a new player on the team who enjoys partying. Every day, he throws outrageous parties. He's now decided to organise a party at this new posh location. Because it's really hard to get in, he was somehow able to get the space booked by telling them that I'm celebrating my birthday today. And it's a last-minute celebration for me."

"Is your birthday today?"

Pulling a grimace, his eyebrows knotted together. "No, they simply lied to get entry."

"Wow! You've got some crazy friends." I chuckled.

"Yes, indeed, I do. You are one of many." He grinned.

I paused and gave him a long look. "You think we're friends?"

"Aren't we?" He displayed confusion.

"You're moving way too fast here, mate. I have certain criteria and you don't make the cut."

"Right, the criteria being bullying and harassment, as well as making sure they complete all of your chores. Stealing jelly babies..." He gave a sneer.

I gave him a hard stare. My nostrils tingled, and a sinister thought entered my mind.

Caleb's eyes widened with confusion as I leaned forward slowly. I maintained his gaze and remained a few inches away from his face. He held his breath until, unexpectedly, I sneezed on his face.

"Yuck! Harper, that's disgusting!" He leapt to his feet and wiped his face. "You're repulsive!"

I sneezed three more times, my nose was a little runny, and I wiped it with a tissue from my purse. "Ah, bless me!" I sniffed.

A flash of lightning lit up the sky, followed by a roar of thunder.

"Looks like Zeus and Poseidon will be having a party. Come on, let's go." I scoffed as I looked at the sky; so much for stargazing.

"What makes history appealing to you?" Caleb ceased scrubbing his face with water from the fountain.

"Because the failures of men amuse me, Caleb." A large drop of rain fell on my cheek.

He burst out laughing. "You truly are something, Harper."

"Could the day get any worse?" It started pouring.

"Crickey Moses!" Caleb sputtered.

We hurried to a nearby bookshop and sought refuge. The shop owner raised her head to look at us. She was an elderly woman with grey hair and glasses balanced on her nasal bridge.

"Oh, dear! You poor children. Please come in and dry yourself. You're welcome to enjoy a warm cuppa inside the café." She led us inside and turned on the heater.

"Thank you so much! We're sorry to bother you," I said, trailing her inside.

"Not to worry darling, please help yourselves." Despite her smile, she let out a gasp. "Oh my goodness! You're Caleb Knightley; could you kindly give me an autograph, my grandson-"

Without listening to the remainder of their chat, I excused myself and hurried to the loo. Caleb was still chatting to the elderly woman when I emerged from the loo.

The book shop, despite its small size, was enormous once you stepped inside. It had a small café on the inside. There was a coffee machine and kettle for making tea, as well as a glass case filled with tea cakes, biscuits, and croissants.

"Where did you park?" I inquired as Caleb handed me a hot cup of tea. "Thank you." I gratefully accepted it from him, noting that he had gotten himself a cup of coffee.

He sat down; our knees touched, and neither of us moved. "I'd parked near the outlet store carpark. It's only a ten-minute walk away." He talked over the rim of the mug.

Whilst we waited for the rain to stop, we perused some of the books on the wooden shelf.

"Hey Harper, you should look at this." Caleb called out to me.

I discovered him standing next to the section on historical romance. "Have you noticed these? The titles are becoming increasingly deranged as they go along." His face flushed from laughing.

I paused beside him, and I laughed as my gaze touched the volumes on the shelves, and I saw what he was discussing. "Blimey! These are exquisite! Congratulations on discovering the Harlequin section, Caleb!"

"Who's reading these? These are diabolical!"

"The Duke who Railed Me." The title caught my attention. The cover featured a lightning bolt in the night sky, a lovely, innocent girl with a modest bodice ripping, and the Duke's shirt that was torn apart.

"The Duke Who Railed Me is an absolute gem. It's incredibly spicy, as evidenced by the lightning bolt in the sky," Caleb explained.

I whipped my head towards him and said, "I beg your pardon."

"That's what Goodreads reviews state." Caleb justified displaying his phone to me.

There were a lot of novels, including a Scandalous Proposal, Getting Boned by the Baron, and The Marquess, who married me at 16. The last included a turbulent sea and a shirtless marquess who was half-naked in his breeches with a soggy smoulder.

"I once saw a novel called The Duke Goes Down, and Fancy Trewluv was the name of one of the major characters."

"You jest." Crossing his arms, he leaned against the bookcase.

"I'm not! Another cursed book known as Stuffed by the Were-Turkey exists." I shuddered as I recalled that. He was confused, so I showed him the book I'd Googled on my phone, and he stepped forward to look at it.

"Stuffed?" As we stood facing one another, he cocked his head to the side and gazed at me.

"Yes, precisely what you believe it does!" I took a step back after nodding at him.

Though he initially appeared perplexed, his expression gradually changed to one of dread as awareness set in.

"No! I miss the person I used to be." He was scandalised. "How?"

I recalled that awful book. There was gobbling, turkey heads, and loads of stuffing.

Logan forced me to read this book, and I despised him for it. To be honest, I felt rather uneasy about it because it had crossed a lot of boundaries.

"I am afraid I wouldn't suggest it!"

"Why on earth did you read that book?"

"My friend in Scotland made a joke out of it. Anyroad, let's forget about it."

"We should call the police on them." He muttered when I told about other cursed books.

Sitting close to the children's area, we started chatting and reminiscing about our favourite childhood books. The rain was getting heavier, and I was anxious about when I'd get home, so I started colouring some books, which was soothing.

I felt a wave of tiredness wash over me; sleepless nights cramming for examinations, combined with drinking earlier, made my eyes heavy; I hadn't realised that I'd fallen asleep until I was awakened up.

"Hey, Harper. We better get going, the rain's stopped," a voice spoke gently.

My eyes fluttered open, and my breath caught.

Blue eyes. Caleb. Too close.

I lifted my head off the table, and my neck ached. "Sorry, I dozed off."

The crumpled sheet caught my eye. Wet with a hint of drool, my eyes locked with Caleb's, who'd already noticed. He chuckled and shook his head as I instantly wrinkled it up in embarrassment.

After an hour, the rain had ceased, and we thanked the kind old lady for her hospitality and left. It took us fifteen minutes to reach the parking lot with my ankle strain. I could hardly remain awake the entire time we were driving, but I forced myself to keep falling asleep.

Caleb drove me home. "Didn't I tell you we'd go home tonight? Goodnight, Harper." He smiled smugly, revealing his dimples.

"Thanks for getting me home. Goodnight Caleb." I grinned despite rolling my eyes.

"Cheers!" He waved and drove off.

I stepped inside the house, it was quiet and dark, I ascended the stairs but behind me, I heard feet shuffling. Turning around, I saw Carter carrying some of his midnight's snacks, but as soon he'd seen me, he jumped.

"Christ! I assumed you were going out on a date with Kayden, but it seems like your Saw audition went well." Carter guffawed.

"What?!"

"You look like you just got back from an audition for Saw." Then he snapped a photo.

I dashed up to my room and looked at myself in the mirror. The gasp I gasped, I tell you. My jaw fell between my chest after looking at myself in the mirror.

"Ahhh!! Caleb, you knob head!" I screeched.

I resembled a Billy Jigsaw puppet. He used a crimson marker to doodle on my face. I snarled and grabbed my phone.

The next time I see you, I'm going to wring your neck. I texted him.

With laughing emojis, he forwarded me the photo that Carter had taken.

SF: Goodnight, Harper. I'll ensure that it's sent to Krayden. Speak soon! X

He fared far worse. He forwarded it to Lucas, who put it on his Instagram story and tagged me.

Men do disappoint, and each one in diverse ways.

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