Chapter. 25- To Be Loved Is To Be Seen.

Twenty-Five: To Be Loved Is To Be Seen.

Last night, Caleb did things to me that no one else had ever done before.

Cue record scratch...

Yuck, that came out wrong!

I shook my head dismissively, like an etch-a-sketch, shuddering at that sacrilegious thought.

What I'd rather mean to say was he'd gotten away with a lot of things. My knee was scratched, my foot was twisted from the fall, and I still had the marker residue on my face and looked like a lobster. In addition, my valuable lipstick and makeup palette were lost.

I was lenient with him.

All of this could've been avoided if my date hadn't been cancelled.

Gosh, I sounded whiny to my own ears with the constant moaning about the cancelled date!

But this wasn't the first time he'd done it, so I couldn't help it!

Muttering to myself like a crazy person, I was sat in the library and contemplated if I had the right to be upset and whether Kayden had the right to cancel since something more important had come up than me.

Flipping through the pages, I muttered, "I'm upset about him cancelling on me and wonder if I'm nothing to him." With a last sigh, I acknowledged, "Mhmm, right, I'm probably nothing."

History books and notes were scattered around me at the study table. My laptop was opened, but I was stewing in distraction. I exhaled deeply and stared blankly at the screen, my brow furrowed in contemplation.

Frustrated, I muttered, "Why can't I focus?"

"Hey, have the exams made you go off your rockers? If you require assistance, blink twice." I was startled when I heard Charlotte's voice and felt her hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, Charlotte!" I cried out and gave her a hug.

"I thought you'd turned into one of these dusty books!" Charlotte plopped down across from me, her expressive face lighting up with concern. "What's the matter?"

I exhaled. "I don't really know where we stand anymore. He keeps cancelling on me." I then told her what had happened the night before.

"You must speak with him! This isn’t what a relationship should be like. You deserve better." She was stern but encouraging.

Irritated, I replied, "It's not that simple. He's busy with his modelling and university, but shouldn't he at least try?"

Charlotte looked incredulous. "If he keeps disappearing like this, he's practically an illusion!"

"Why'd he cancel? Am I not important? He arranged it, after all. He's been doing this frequently. Maybe I'm nobody," I said, completely dejected.

"Oh, darling! Maybe he's just not that into you anymore." She gave me a pitying and rather guilty gaze. "I'm sorry, it's all my fault. If only I hadn't - "

"Hey, you're not to blame. I'm the fool here," I reassured her.

She chuckled. "Perhaps you are, Billy Jigsaw."

"Hey!" I whacked her arm violently but laughed.

Laughed at my foolishness, feeling wretched as I usually did. "Men claim to want you but do nothing to make you feel wanted."

"I can't speak for everyone, but when Sebastian cancels, he always compensates. And to be fair, we got together even before Uni, so I'm not sure why Kayden's being dodgy. You ought to sit down and talk to him, in my opinion."

"I don't even know why we're even going out anymore. Is he bored? He hasn't even formally referred to me as his girlfriend. Am I a rebound who's readily available to him? Although we do converse over the phone, is it sufficient?"

"Have an honest chat with him. Tell him that's not acceptable, or you'll have to break up with him. It's meaningless, Rebecca, if this persists." She groaned and went on, "He's not in a long-distance relationship for you to converse on the phone. For goodness sakes, you both reside in the same city! I mean, even couples in long-distance put in more effort than you."

Gutted, I responded, "I know, but I really like him."

Charlotte began to speak but paused because her gaze was drawn elsewhere.

At that moment, Peter and Olivia strolled in, their laughter resonating softly around the peaceful library.

"Hey, what's up, ladies? Preparing for your next major debate? Or plotting to take over the world?" Peter had a sly smile.

I rolled my eyes as Charlotte and I looked at each other.

"We're just talking about Rebecca's love life, which could use a plot twist or two." Charlotte quipped.

"Are you having fun studying?" Both Peter and Olivia yanked out the chair, which grated noisily on the floor.

"It's fun to stare at the wall. It's fun to breathe in and out." I moaned and sneezed incessantly.

Three Bless Yous rang out to me at once.

I quickly grabbed the tissue and sniffed into it as the snot streamed down my nose. My head felt heavy, eyes fatigued, my nose red, and my heart was in agony.

"Everything's fun except for studying and exams and a runny nose," Charlotte concluded as she squeezed my hand with a sympathetic smile.

"I detest this sensation. I despise being ill during the exam period." I lamented.

"Gosh, I do as well! I'm not even being dramatic. I think I've had a cold since freshers at Uni in 2018." Olivia tutted as she scrolled on her phone.

"Your immune system is never quite the same after Uni," Peter summed up with a smile.

Well, in my case, it wasn't the Uni's fault. It was an individual.

Olivia perked up. "Anyway, what's up?"

"Rebecca's trying to untangle the mysteries of her love life– also known as Kayden, the magician–but he disappears instead of extracting rabbits from hats!" Charlotte sighed.

"Hold on, was that the model bloke who chatted you up at the party?" Olivia leaned closer.

I nodded glumly. "The one and only!"

Peter reclined. "You need to take that bloke's phone and chuck it into the nearest lake!"

"Or worse, give him a reality check!" Picking up her phone, Olivia finished.

Olivia's expression changed to one of surprise as she looked at her phone. "Whoa! Rebecca, you've been photographed with Caleb Knightley!"

Curious, I raised my head swiftly. "Huh? What exactly do you mean? I was just hanging out with him last night."

Peter seemed smug, and the weight of Charlotte's gaze burned the side of my face.

Olivia directed the phone towards me, displaying the news stories about me being seen with the elusive footballer Caleb. Peter also leaned in to observe.

Charlotte read the headline aloud. "'Is football sensation Caleb Knightley dating Rebecca Docherty?' This is intriguing!"

Someone had taken a photograph of Caleb and me dining at the park. Many people speculated that I was two-timing Kayden or that it was a publicity hoax.

Olivia kept scrolling, a grin spreading over her lips as Peter arched an eyebrow. "You were spotted with Caleb, and the press is going crazy! You’re being referred to as his new girlfriend! What's going on?"

I gazed at them incredulously, with a tinge of concern. Sensational stories always made the press happy, and I was at a loss as to what to do.

Peter scoffed. "Are we certain that's a good idea? He's a football star– and you've already got a boyfriend!"

"It's simply friendship! I have no control over who takes a photograph of me!" I took a glimpse at Olivia's phone. "I look fantastic here." It was an impressive angle.

"Did anyone request a pep talk? Because I brought the good vibes!" With a confident demeanour, Rachel came in with Hannah.

"Forget good vibes. She's currently trending." Charlotte conveyed the entire conversation to Rachel and Hannah.

"Wait, who exactly is Caleb?"

"It's that football player who's quite private."

"Oh, I've heard he is extremely mysterious. You naughty vixen!" Hannah cast a wink my way.

"And you're the daughter of fashion mogul Vivienne Docherty! They think you’ll be the next power couple."

"So, are you and Kayden officially broken up?"

I refuted the rumours and held out my hands defensively. "No! Last night, Caleb and I spent time together as friends. Kayden and I are still together."

They all gave me a sidelong glance.

"However, news is news! They're saying you're linked to him, and people are speculating that you're some big secret girlfriend!"

I crossed my arms and said, "But Kayden and I are still dating! I didn't break up with him. Must I give an explanation?"

Peter placed a hand on my shoulder. "Rebecca, this is simply noise."

Charlotte emphatically added, "But the noise might distract you from what you're truly feeling! You must determine which is more important, your happiness or the opinion of others."

"Let's prioritise you. What is it that you truly desire?" Rachel rubbed my back.

"I desire lucidity. With Kayden, and with me."

"Good," Charlotte remarked. "But you have to be specific. No more ambiguity. And while you're at it, maybe point out that if he keeps ghosting in your relationship, he could simply disappear entirely."

Whilst the other students' discussions faded into the background, the six of us enjoyed a profound silence. There was the tangible, unresolved weight of my thoughts hanging in the air.

Peter tentatively smiled. "Why not reach out first and then see how it goes? You've got your final exams coming up; don't let this weigh you down."

Olivia concurred. "Yes! You've got this, Rebecca! You always find a way. Speak with Kayden."

I nodded resolutely. "Alright, I'll talk to him. It's time to stop being comfortable in the chaos and find my peace."

Hannah chimed in, "You've got to set the record straight before people start thinking you're a cheat!"

Rachel playfully poked my shoulder. "Yeah! Cos you're dating a supermodel, right?"

Despite the jab, I rolled my eyes without grinning. "What if I'm the one making a song and dance about it?"

Olivia interjected. "How about this– you text Kayden right now?"

I paused, staring at my phone with a frown on my face as my fingers hovered over the screen.

"Yeah! No one benefits from dragging things out; you either walk or talk."

I inhaled deeply and began composing a text slowly. "However, where do I even begin?" I pondered.

"Perhaps simply say, 'Hey! Can we speak? Also, I didn't know I was a gossip column star!'" Peter recommended.

Rachel shook her head. "Or simply phase him out! Let's observe how he handles the rumour."

"Remember that you deserve a relationship that doesn't cause you more stress than happiness!" Charlotte remarked.

With a mixture of doubt and amusement, Rachel raised her eyebrow. "Are you certain? This seems like the ideal time to reconsider who makes your heart race."

Charlotte gave Rachel a cautionary slap on the arm.

"Wow, thanks for the pep talk, team! Who would've thought that friendships would be so helpful in overcoming relationship obstacles?"

"You have our support! Even if it means extra caffeine and nosh." Peter smiled.

"And, if you're going to pull a Kayden on us, I suggest you take us out for ice cream beforehand!"

"Oooh, I want choccy ice!"

I couldn't help but chuckle, which muted my worries. "Alright, I'll text Kayden. However, ice cream first?"

They all agreed, and a strategy was established to indulge in sweetness as we negotiated the tangled knot of romance and friendship. If there's one thing I knew, it's that I could always rely on my friends, whether it was heartbreak or joy.

Additionally, ice cream was always beneficial, too!

Before long, the entire gang had assembled at the library to discuss our university troubles as well as a summary of my recent popularity over some ice cream.

Eventually, the rumours subsided. The power of social media to make or ruin things was both astonishing and frightening.

Strangers on the Internet quickly made the connection between Caleb and me since we'd unavoidably belonged to the same social circle as my cousin Lucas. Furthermore, there were still allegations that I was two-timing Kayden.

Our focus then shifted to Audrey, who entered the library with a dishy bloke. She listened intently to everything he said and appeared enthralled. As they neared our table, he bid goodbye and left.

"Who was that?" Enquired Anna.

"Just a lad from my class who was kind enough to answer my query at 4 a.m." She let out a squeal. "AT 4 AM!"

University culture was messaging anyone at 4 a.m. and still receiving a response. No surprises there!

She told us about his intelligence and compassion and how he shocked her by talking to her as soon as he saw her in class.

"I understand revision is meant to just refresh your memory but for me, it's teaching myself the whole fucking syllabus because I don't know it," Emma cried out in frustration.

Hannah felt sympathy for Emma. "I'm incapable of studying unless I'm on the verge of panic, like one day before finals, and I'm just waiting until fear for life sets in."

"Am I finishing this degree, or is this degree finishing me?" Rachel slammed her books onto the table, clearly agitated.

"You know what? Nobody except God has the authority to test me." Closing her book, Nicole walked away.

"I quite agree with her. Smart girl," Jessica acknowledged as she closed her books. She took out a hardcover book instead, and decided to read one of her dark romance novels with characters who were morally grey.

After a few minutes, Audrey gave up. "No, no, no." She shook her head and collected her belongings.

"What's the problem? Do you not intend to study?" Her explosion almost stunned me, so I enquired.

"Yes, I will! Following a round of Counter-Strike."

She was an avid gamer. She enjoyed spending time in the gaming hub playing video games. Then she gave Anna a pat.

"Right now?" Anna raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"You don't want to?" Audrey gave her a defiant look.

"Sure! Come on!" Being more than willing to comply, Anna packed and departed.

See, everything's fun except for studying.

On the other hand, there were students from various other departments who were going through varying levels of mental breakdowns at the library, I could hear one of the blokes from STEM phone his mum and cry about how difficult it was to memorise the syllabus and that he was sorry in advance for failing.

I could've sworn we all heard and witnessed one lad repeatedly smack a textbook against his forehead and chuck it against the wall to get rid of the frustration. One of them cradled themselves into a foetal position and just laid there.

Chaos reigned! It was agony, urging us all to surrender and go back to our own houses.

Deep in contemplation, I stared at my phone, wondering why Kayden had not responded to my text after seeing it. Two hours had passed since I texted him to check on him and see how his exam preparation was going.

It's alright, no need to text back or respond, I was just exercising my fingers.

Even I came out as needy and irritable. I was self-aware!

But you couldn't reproach me. I also realised that if he wanted to, then he'd at least have the decency to answer back, I really shouldn't be worrying when he wasn't.

I sent him a text message, and he left me on seen. But then I remembered that to be loved is to be seen.

I'm just a girl so let me just be delusional.

"Oi, Billy! You neglected to bring your unicycle." I felt a smack on my arm. "So, how was your day?"

Already upset, I glanced at Caleb, who caught up with me. Despite his slightly pale appearance, he was grinning.

The only consolation was that he was suffering as well. Caleb and I were both ill.

"You want to hear how my day went?" He bobbed his head in response to my query.

I took a big breath and motioned for him to come nearer. He got closer, bending closely to my level, and I took a time to give him the Glasgow kiss. He let out a painful curse.

"Bugger off! What do you mean by how my day was? My day has got absolutely nothing to do with you."

"Bloody hell! What was that for?" He clutched his forehead.

"For referring to me as Billy Jigsaw and making me appear like one. Additionally, for making me ill." I enumerated.

"And what about you? You'll also have to accept responsibility for my cold as well." He sounded a little raspy.

"Shut up! I'm experiencing a headache. It's entirely your fault; I'm simply returning the favour. My germs are quite potent. I hope your cold worsens and you're benched throughout the game!" I snapped.

His face tensed, and his jaw tightened. "Oh, get you! The tongue of an adder! Why do you have to be cruel all the time?"

"I'm being cruel? Did I stab you?" Without waiting for a reply, I stomped off.

"You're incredibly arrogant! How can you yell at me after giving me your cold?" I heard his irritated snarl as he coughed and sneezed.

*******************

After a week had gone by, Kayden finally sent me three text messages. He'd sent me the first one over the weekend, offering to hang out, but I'd immediately ignored it. He wished me luck in the second one, to which I'd replied clumsily, you too.

The third, I'd read it through the notification bar today whilst making my way to the university's canteen.

Kayden❣: Hi, Rebecca! Since it's exam season, I wanted to know whether you'd be interested in studying with me tonight. Then perhaps we could have supper later? Let me know. x

Oh hey! I heard you liked ignoring me, so I'm ignoring you whilst you're ignoring me so we can ignore the ignoring that is being ignored.

I shut my eyes, inhaled deeply, and then switched off my phone. I entered the canteen, heading directly towards the girls.

"Khalyava, come!" Anna was waving her grade book and study materials around through the window whilst reciting the same phrase.

No one, including myself, was disturbed. We'd become accustomed to it. She kind of practised it as a routine right before her examinations.

It was a Russian speciality to perform, something you'd acquire without much effort, like an excellent exam mark or anything similar to a freebie or free pass.

One had to be extremely careful to check for rain or snow before executing this strange routine so as not to stain the  prior academic accomplishment,

The Russian students at university had a variety of additional rituals to bring good luck around the exam period! Whether they believed in them or not, many students followed these customs with zeal.

They devised a set of rules that they'd observe, such as sleeping on their exam materials. Additionally, tossing a five ruble coin into the fountain.

The Asian student population had a unique set of rituals as well, like eating cashew nuts, pork and chicken, and apples, which they felt would bring them luck.

Regardless of cultural differences, every student had their own rituals and superstitions, such as wearing lucky pants, even playing lucky music. Every one of us had a routine that we adhered to during the exam time.

My own solution was to braid my hair and avoid wearing makeup since I felt like I could devote more time to studying.

For Rachel, that meant avoiding having a haircut and not washing her hair, which may wash away all of her wisdom.

In Charlotte's opinion, studying by herself was the most beneficial. She wouldn't be seen again till the examinations were finished.

During the examinations, Emma would be the most unrecognisable since she wore spectacles, tied her hair up in a bun, and did not apply makeup.

Olivia had a to-do list that included pulling her hair up and skipping cosmetics. She'd get her nails clipped without nail paint before selecting a lucky seat. She'd wear only shades of red and eat almonds and walnuts. She followed a long list of tasks that needed to be completed.

Observing it was tiring.

"In your vicious cycle of all-night revision, microwave food, and highlighter pens, you may have forgotten to wash your hair." Hannah teasingly gestured towards Rachel.

"Shove off! I used dry shampoo!" Rachel scowled before turning to face me. "Do I appear unpleasant? Is my oily hair noticeable?"

"Yes, it resembles an oil mill. I'm afraid the USA might invade your hair." I snickered.

"Oh shut up! I can't show up at the party tonight looking like this!"

"What party is this? And why aren't we invited?" Nicole slammed her books onto the table.

It was very rare for all of us to be together during the exams since we all studied different courses, and we rarely saw each other together.

"My cousin's having a birthday celebration. Since Rachel and my cousin are in love, we're travelling together." I elaborated.

"Oh. Aren't you a little overdressed?"

I scoffed. "Me overdressed? Oh darling, there's no such thing as overdressed. This is the most unpretentious dress I could stumble upon this afternoon."

It wasn't that ostentatious. I chose a classic Chanel collarless jacket dress and CL Jane patent leather heels. My hair was plaited, which I'd undo after the examinations were done.

"Right," Nicole shrugged and resumed her revision.

"Go ahead and quiz me." Hannah pestered me from the moment I sat down.

With a groan, I conceded. "What are the advances offered by Freudian psychoanalysis on Darwin's evolutionary theory?"

Hannah studied idealogy and ethics.

"Bloody hell! I don't know," she waved her arm around and knocked over the coffee cup. "Bugger! I'm so sorry!" As the drink soaked into Olivia's notes, Hannah's expression turned to horror.

"Oh no, no, no!" Olivia hurriedly grabbed her notes and dashed out, Peter following closely after her.

"Oh God! Is she going to be alright? I didn't intend to do that." Hannah became distraught and fled to find Olivia.

Poor girls.

I'd hoped that both girls would be alright since Olivia had a huge number of rituals that she followed. She'd lose her mind when something like this occurred. I knew she'd be wildly emotional to listen to anyone other than Peter.

We've tried it previously. Hopefully, Hannah wouldn't get the third degree from her.

"Are there eggs in this?" Whilst a package of sandwiches was being distributed, Ashley enquired.

"Uh, no? Oh, hold on, I believe the mayonnaise does." Rachel apologised.

"What's the issue? Are you a vegetarian now?" Emma asked.

"I'm not; I have a jinx and can't consume anything containing eggs throughout the exam time. Due to its form, I may fail or receive a zero."

When the bell sounded, we knew it was time to go to class. As was tradition, we shared a piece of KitKat amongst ourselves. One of our former Wrecking Belles, who was Japanese, initiated the custom because it represented distinction and luck.

I made a hasty stop by the fountain on my way to class, tossed a tenner, and prayed that the paper would be simple. Then, afterwards, I'd be snatching a few coins for a post-exam pick-me-up ice cream.

I felt invincible that no bad thing could deter me.

We started working on the papers as soon as we got them.

Some bloke in the middle of our exam just slammed his hands on the table and yelled, "Literally what the fuck?!"

Like I feel you bruv!

_________________

Currently coughing up a lung whilst posting this.

New Drama obssesion: When the Phone Rings!! BAEK SAON's hands, those veins, and that mf wedding ring he flaunts!! 🖐😤🧎🏻‍♀️Also, Fiery Priest Season 2💀💀

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