Chapter 67 Chapter 67
Finding Forgiveness
It had been two weeks since they since the nightmare that nearly led to
me overdosing. Four days of that time had been spent in hospital being
slowly and painfully withdrawn from the medication before the Doctor
stopped giving it to me altogether.
The rest of the time, I had spent wallowing at home in a whole lot of
misery. I'd moved on from the initial overwhelming flood of emotions
and now everything felt sort of...unreal. My mind was a fog of confusion
filled with hallucinations and fear, the world some strange reflection of
reality and my emotions anything from spiralling depression to nothing
at all.
The Doctor's said it was normal after withdrawal from benzos but that
didn't help my desperation to just feel normal again.
I was out in the forest, laying amongst the leaves on the forest floor,
staring up through the branches at the folds of charcoal cloud, rolling
across the sky in their thick fleets of grey. The air had turned to a bitter
chill and the once gentle breeze had whipped up to the early blows of a
gale. Even down on the sheltered ground, loose wisps of my hair
danced at the edges of my face.
The crows and ravens had left their roosting perches in the trees to
patrol the skies, painting endless feathery circles in the darkest of inks.
They croaked and screamed and cried and shrieked, usurping the final
signs of peace from the forest.
Soon enough, a single drop of rain fell onto my forehead and dripped
down the bridge of my nose. I felt the smoothness of its movement and
closed my eyes as another fell onto my cheek and then my hand and
then my foot.
"Ella," a voice said from a few metres away.
I reopened my eyes to see Leo stood, his hair blowing in the wind and a
soft expression on his lips. It'd been nearly all day since I left the house
for what was meant to be a short walk so I had no reason to be
surprised that he'd come to find me now.
"There's a storm coming," he told me.
"I know," I sighed.
"Let me take you home," he replied walking closer.
"No," I said. "Il want to feel the rain. I want to feel something real.â
I closed my eyes again and for a few moments, neither of us said a
thing.
When I heard his footsteps approach me, I opened my eyes expecting
him to coerce me to my feet. But then he simply sat down and then lay
next to me.
"Then let me feel it with you,â he said.
I smiled and my hand made my way to his as the droplets fell on us.
We must have laid there for half an hour. The rain slowly got heavier
until it was pelting down, at which point we decided to go in.
We raced towards the house, hand in hand, the rain lashing us. When
we got through the door into the warm house I let out a laugh at the
sight of Leo. He was totally drenched to the skin.
He smiled, "I don't know what your laughing at. You should see your
hair.â
He then headed living room, dripping as he went before returning with
a blanket.
He wrapped it around me and brushed the wet strands of hair out of
my eyes.
"Real enough for you?" he asked.
I nodded.
"How about a nice warm fire?"
"That would be lovely.â
Half an hour later, we had escaped our squelching clothes and
snuggled in warm blankets in front of a crackling fire.
"I think things are finally getting better,â I said as I lay with my head
rested on his chest as he gently played with my hair.
"Oh yeah?" he asked.
I nodded.
"Life is bearable again,â I replied.
"That's the best news I've ever heard."
I took his hand and squeezed, "I don't know what I'd do without you. I
know this has been hard for you too but you've been so understanding
and patient. And you always say the right things and know how to
comfort me."
"What else would I have done?" he asked. "I'm your mate. I was just
doing whatever I could to help you."
"I know. It's what you've always done so thank you," I said. "I love you."
"I love you too," he replied kissing my head.
I rested my head back onto his chest and watched the flickering flames
on the hearth. They were so warming and relaxing that I found myself
slipping into a soft sleep in a matter of minutes.