Chapter 138

138- Passion and personal space “So what I am supposed to take from this is basically, I’m not the boss of you and if I want your help in the future I have to remember to ask before doing things. Also that I definitely shouldn’t bring up any objection I have about seeing you outside of the house earlier because that will one hundred percent backfire on me.” he sums up and I let out a small smile.

“Yeah that would be wise. But yes that just about covers it.” I hold out a hand and when he takes it I give him a tug prompting him to stand up. He stands in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest. You would think that having resolved our argument he would be happy, and he definitely looks less anxious, but he still seems a little put out, his brow furrowed like he’s thinking about something irritating.

“What is it?” I ask and he groans.

“You’re going to think I’m crazy.” He complains. I roll my eyes.

“Bellamy, I already know you’re crazy. Just tell me.” I lean back with my hands on the bed.

behind me so that I can see his face better.

“It’s just… I find it a little disheartening that you aren’t at least a little jealous. Because I definitely would be. I was jealous seeing you walk with Aaron and I KNOW that I have nothing to worry about there. I just wish you were walking around everywhere with met instead.” He finishes quietly. I sigh, great I feel guilty for keeping this a secret again. I know that wasn’t his intention, but I know how much Bellamy wants to be able to… well essentially flaunt our relationship.

“I can be jealous.” I object. He raises an eyebrow.

“Really?” he says doubtfully I shrug.

“Sure. What about when that hostess, waitress chick gave you her number when we were at dinner. I was jealous enough to walk out with you arm in arm. We weren’t even dating AND I was mad at you.

But it bothered me.” I remind him. Bellamy grins in delight.

“That’s right, you were jealous. But that was definitely a date.” He adds. I shake my head adamantly.

“No it wasn’t. It doesn’t count as a date if I don’t know it’s meant to be one!” I object.

“Come on, the thought had to have crossed your mind Plus, as nosy as I’m discovering Darrien to be, there’s no way he didn’t say something to you.” He tilts his head in question, but it’s more of a statement.

“Okay, maybe he said something. But I completely denied it so it doesn’t count.” I point out. Bellamy shrugs.

“Aaaah, so as we discussed previously, the denial makes it a non–date right?” he smirks at me and I sigh.

“I’m not going to win this, am I?” I ask. He shakes his head.

“Definitely not, but it’s amusing watching you try. Do me a favour? Tell me when you get. jealous.

Partially so I can do something about it and partially for the ego boost.” he winks at me and I glare.

“Fine, just remember to make it very clear to other women in the future that you are NOT available. Preferably before they make fools of themselves falling all over you. One accident I can ignore, but if it keeps happening.” I shake my head threateningly and he grins again.

“Also, in cases like that, it is okay to be a little blunt, the chick was definitely encroaching on your personal space, you don’t have to put up with that.” I remind him. Suddenly the mood in the room changes, I don’t know exactly how, but Bellamy no longer looks amused and instead he’s looking me over from head to toe and drinking in every inch of me.

“Wh–what?” I stammer out awkwardly. Bellamy leans down towards me, placing his hands.

either side of me on the bed.

“I’m just wondering.” he leans in further and I find myself leaning backwards on my elbows so that I can see his face clearly.

“What exactly counts as encroaching on someone’s personal space. I wouldn’t want to make that mistake again. Is this too close?” He pauses, leaning over me as I am awkwardly lying back on my elbows staring helplessly up at him. I bet my eyes are wide as saucers.

“I… well… I guess technically… and…” I trail off. What was he asking me again? He pulls one knee up onto the bed beside me and leans in even closer. I’m forced to lie completely on my back now. Bellamy is still very carefully supporting his own weight and holding it off of me, but he’s close enough that I can feel how warm he is. My heart is racing, but unlike last time we ended up like this on a bed, I don’t feel panicked. Awkward, definitely. But not afraid. I stay still beneath him, not really sure what I am meant to be doing. Bellamy looms over me, leaning in closer and closer. My eyes fall closed as he descends and I feel the slightest brushing of his lips on mine, then… nothing.

I feel the bed moving around me and when I open my eyes I find Bellamy is sitting up and moving away. What the hell? Did I do something to discourage him somehow? I know I freaked out in my bed last time, but we agreed I would tell him if there was an issue and I thought I was being fairly cooperative. Maybe I need to… participate a little more actively? But I was about at the end of my wits just lying there waiting. The thought of trying to initiate anything further… yeah no. Maybe one day, but definitely not now. But seriously, why did he stop? I tilt my head and stare at him questioningly, but Bellamy just gives me a smile. and collapses onto the bed beside me. Does he not want to go further?

Maybe I’ve shut him down too many times and now he’s just not bothering with me anymore. Maybe he doesn’t actually want me that much. I want to say something, but what would I even say? ‘Hey Bellamy, why didn’t you attempt to ravish me while I was lying here?’ ‘Hey Bellamy, do I just look bad in this outfit or something?” Yeah no, I don’t think I’ll be asking anything. It’s probably nothing.

Okay, so I might be telling myself that Bellamy pulling back earlier didn’t mean anything, but for such a touchy feely person, he is acting really withdrawn all afternoon. Pretty much completely keeping his hands to himself except for maybe a graze of his arm here and there. Later in the evening when we are getting ready for bed, I decide to test the waters a little bit. Trying not to act weird, I steal one of his shirts to sleep in. I know he likes that, right? I don’t necessarily want him to jump me or anything, but I wouldn’t be opposed to a k*ss or two.

Mostly I just want a reaction. Something to soothe my anxious mind and reassure me that he is in fact still attracted to me and hasn’t completely written me off as too much work. That’s not really that much to ask, right?