Chapter 151

151- Push and pull “This is definitely not working out how I planned. You weren’t supposed to be worried about it. Just the opposite. I was trying to make you more comfortable by backing off a bit.” Bellamy explains. I frown.

“I never told you to do that.” I comment quietly. He shrugs.

“You don’t have to tell me. If I think you want something I’m going to do my best to give it to you, even if in this case it means giving you… less.” He tries to explain.

“But… I don’t want you to… I mean. I never meant for you to… UGH I don’t know how to say this!” I complain. Bellamy lifts his eyes to meet mine.

“You don’t want me to back off? But you always seemed… uncomfortable.” He points out.

“I know that! But it doesn’t mean you needed to stop. I WAS uncomfortable, some of the time. at least.

But I’m awkward and anxious and terrible at dealing with new things. I was always going to be uncomfortable! We discussed this the day after Megan’s wedding. I can’t tell you what is okay. But I will always tell you if something isn’t okay. How am I meant to tell you how I feel about the things you do if you never do anything?!” I ask, completely frustrated.

Bellamy’s jaw drops open. He looks puzzled.

“So… you want me to… pressure you more?” He asks. Wrinkling up his nose in distaste.

“No, that’s not what I mean. Or maybe it is a little? But it’s not pressuring. It’s… opportunities. I might not know what I’m ready for, but.. I do enjoy being wanted. I like knowing that I could take you up on your offers at any time if I chose to. That all I would have to do is just accept. At this point in time there’s no way I would be confident enough to approach you myself. I need you to make the first move so that I can decide how far I want things to go. Does that make sense? I know it isn’t totally fair to you, but…” I trail off.

“I just… didn’t want to make you scared of me. Didn’t want to push you too far.” Bellamy says quietly.

“I need a push or I’ll never change. We both know that. It’s why you’re good for me. And I 151- Push and pull would never be scared of you. I trust you and I know you would never push me if I tried to stop you.” I promise. Bellamy’s face slowly transforms from one of discomfort to a pleased smirk. He grabs me and lifts me so that I’m sitting and straddling his lap. He brushes a loose piece of my hair behind my ear and when he answers, it’s with his lips against my ear.

“I think you’re braver than you think. Just remember that you can come to me, any time and any place and I will never turn you down. I always want you Ry. And in the meantime…” He presses a k*ss to my neck that makes me shiver.

“I’ll give you lots of opportunities to be brave.” He promises.

Bellamy pulls back to look in my eyes. Whatever he sees there must satisfy him because before I can even process what is happening, he pulls me tight against his chest and presses his lips into mine.

Bellamy k*sses me at a leisurely pace, like he has all the time in the world and nowhere else to be. I can tell that I have his full attention, which when you consider how many things he has to think about and how many people he has to worry about, is rather thrilling. His hand is stroking my back, keeping me close and is somehow exciting me and reassuring me at the same time. His other hand lands on my knee and after a few minutes I start to realise that it is steadily moving up my leg, stroking little shapes on the outside of my bare thigh. I’m suddenly very aware of the skirt that Megan picked out for me earlier and how far it’s riding up my legs with me sitting in this position. His fingers brush against the hem of my skirt and pause, playing with the fabric and running his fingers just along the edge, teasing the skin just barely. I’m nervous for a moment before I realise he isn’t planning on advancing it any further.

Bellamy’s lips leave mine as he k*sses his way down my neck and murmurs.

“This okay?” Which is about when I notice that the hand on my back at some point made it underneath my top and is gently massaging between my upper and lower back, his fingers pressing into my waist.

How did that happen without me noticing? I am completely overwhelmed. Not in a bad way necessarily, but this is starting to reach the point where I don’t quite know how I’m supposed to respond. Okay, that’s a lie, I do know how to respond, I just don’t know if I’m ready to respond that way. All I know right now is that Bellamy’s hands feel amazing and that talking things out was definitely a good idea.

“Ryann, sweetheart?” Bellamy pauses and pulls back a little. What was he asking?

“Hmm” I answer, oh so eloquently. He smiles, apparently pleased with how completely dazed I am, or maybe how relaxed? Bellamy hugs me close and buries his face in my hair. He stands 151- Push and pull up, still holding me at my back and thigh. Gravity tilts my hips closer to his and I can feel just how aroused he actually is. Now that gives me pause.I tense up a little but instead of pulling away, I wrap my arms around his neck to secure myself and hug him tight, bed.hiding my face against his shoulder, feeling shy. Bellamy chuckles before turning and lowering me onto the bed, my head against the pillows. He pulls back and gives me another deep k*ss before releasing me entirely. I stare up at him.

“I… I didn’t say you had to stop.” I comment awkwardly. Bellamy just gives a half shrug.

“I know that, but I know you’re not completely ready yet and the way I’m feeling right now… half of me, the lower half mostly, is telling me to escalate things while the rest of me knows I should slow down. I needed a little space to be sure I make the right choice. It’s… very hard to think when I’m holding you.”

he admits and that makes me smile. I’m glad I’m not the only one who loses my mind when he’s touching me. Bellamy takes several deep breaths and closes his eyes for a second. When he looks back at me, he groans and I can see his eyes are that molten gold colour that they seem to go whenever he’s particularly… eager.

“Right, well my brain isn’t coming back online anytime soon so i’m leaving this decision up to you. Do you want more or should I go take a cold shower?”

I hesitate and Bellamy begins to turn away and head towards the ensuite. He has just reached the doorway when I manage to find my tongue.

“Bellamy… wait.” He whirls to face me in one quick movement. If I tried to turn that fast I would definitely fall over. I blush tomato red as he just stands there and looks at me.

“Yes Ryann?” he asks, patiently waiting for me to tell him what I want. My mouth won’t seem to move.

Bellamy takes a step back towards me.

“What is it that you want?” he asks, taking another step towards me. I squirm in place. How am I supposed to speak when he looks at me like that? Bellamy takes another step towards me, and another. He practically prowls towards me, his catlike motions very obvious at this moment. He perches himself on the bed next to me.

“Did you want something from me sweetheart?” He practically purrs the words. I can’t do than nod my head.

mo 151- Push and pull “Say it.” Bellamy demands and I don’t know if I want to k*ss him or punch him in the gut. He knows exactly what he’s doing and I think he’s enjoying torturing me a little too much. He leans in even closer, I can feel his breath on my skin and can stare into his molten gold eyes.

“Tell me Ryann.” He says again. I heave in a deep breath, trying to steady myself. I had every intention of giving him a proper answer, but when I breathe out I barely manage to do more than squeak a single word.

“More.”