Chapter 49

49- Decisions and determination I’m not really watching, and I know that he is only watching to give me time to think. Time to sort through the rush of emotions I’m feeling. Can I really tell Megan the truth about her ties? Should I?

From the very beginning that was my plan. I wrote her that note. It wasn’t until I met her and became her friend that I began to worry she would resent my interference. or choose Tristan over me. But didn’t I promise myself I was going to be the best friend she ever had? Would a good friend really let her go through with this marriage? As for Bellamy.. well, he does deserve the truth from me. The problem is I really don’t know how to give it. What truth is it that he needs to hear? If I start at the wrong place he will probably run and avoid me, or it will turn into a fight. I can feel my heart rate increase at the thought of having to face Bellamy properly. I don’t know if I’m ready yet. I take a deep breath to calm myself. I don’t need to do anything right this second, I can take some time to think. But Harry is right. I should try and be more honest. I’ve spent so long hiding, never sharing, never trusting. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but I need to change. If Megan and Bellamy are my prize at the immediately, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. A feeling of determination comes over me. I need to do this. I’ll talk to Megan tomorrow, before it’s too late.

end then I think I can do it. I probably won’t get it Sht My decision made, tension drains from me and the exhaustion that has been building inside me for months now hits me like a sledgehammer. Harrison notices the change in me.

“So you’ve made up your mind then?” I nod and he gives me a satisfied smile.

“Then my work here is done, you look half–dead. I should leave so you can get some sleep.

But call me if you need anything okay? And let me know how everything goes. I’m going to worry about you until I know you’ve sorted things out.” I nod tiredly and follow as Harrison. crawls out of the fort. I walk him the few steps it takes to reach the front door and open it to let him out. Aaron immediately turns and looks us both over suspiciously. Harrison notices the look and a devious glint flashes in his eyes. He pulls me into a hug which I return. He releases me and heads for the stairs, calling out as he leaves.

“Thank you so much for your company this evening Ryann darling. It’s been wonderful. We’ll have to do this again sometime.” Okay so that comment was clearly for Aaron’s benefit rather than mine. I roll my Aaron’s eyes look like they’re going to fall out his skull they’re so wide. He pulls out his phone again. I shake my head.

eves.

“If you have to be all creepy and report my actions, at least make sure you get the details right. My childhood friend came over, watched some cartoons, chatted for a while and went home.” My piece said, I head back inside and crawl into my blanket fort. Since all my bedding is basically here already, I think I’ll just sleep here tonight. I can hear Aaron enter the house and lock the door. He settles down on the floor outside my fort. I set my alarm and snuggle into my pillows. Sleep comes to me easier than it has in months. I’m still restless and wake several times throughout the night, but I manage to get back to sleep each time.

When my alarm goes off at 6am I jump up. I woke up about thirty minutes ago and didn’t really go back to sleep. I’m still exhausted, but my nervousness is cutting through the tiredness, keeping me awake. I crawl out of my fort. My back and neck are a little sore from sleeping on the ground. Sure, I had pillows but a few of them seem to have shifted as I slept which resulted in me being half on the floor. Oh well, that’s the price I pay for sleeping in a fort I suppose. Aaron is stirring from where he is sitting up against the wall. How odd, usually he is up and moving long before me. I dash to my room and make a beeline for the shower. I get myself cleaned up and throw on a pair of leggings and a tank top. Megan arranged for some professional to do hair and makeup for both of us today, so I’m not too worried about how I look. I just need to be clean. I still feel very nervous and kinda sick to my stomach because of it, but a trickle of excitement is sneaking through. Today I am going to talk to Megan.

Something will change. I don’t know if it will go well or if it will be terrible, but at least it will be different than the loop of work and sleepless nights I’ve locked myself into. My gut wrenches when I realise I am going to have to see Bellamy today, he’s going to be at Megan’s wedding after all. I haven’t seen him since I watched him walk out of Megan’s room that night. I was going to make myself some breakfast but the idea of food suddenly makes me feel dreadful. I think I’ll skip eating this morning, maybe I’ll snack once I reach Megan’s house. Again, I could run into Bellamy there. I haven’t been there since that night either. I decide that if I delay another twenty minutes so I arrive at seven I am just going to spend that twenty minutes making myself miserable. I may as well head off early. I doubt Megan is sleeping. I head out to the living area with my bag and phone and Aaron gets the idea. He grabs his keys and we head out. At the bottom of the stairs I notice a light is on in Maggie’s kitchen. It’s so like her to be awake before the sun is, although it’s getting bright out now, I’m sure she’s been up for a while. I change directions and head towards her front door. Aaron gives me yet another of his silent nods that somehow replace entire conversations. I knock and the door swings open after only a few seconds. Maggie looks surprised.

“You’re up early I-” I cut her off by throwing myself at her in a hug.

“I’m really sorry for how I’ve been acting.” I whisper. I know she is technically just my landlady, but more and more 1 begin to think of her as something of a mother figure, I’ve never had one before and I didn’t realise how much I’ve been missing her until I saw her kitchen light this morning. I’ve spent the last few months avoiding life and everything that makes me feel like I’m living it. Maggie wraps me in a warm hug.

“Are you okay now?” she asks. I shake my head against her.

“No, but I’m not going to sit around and wait for things to fix themselves anymore.” Maggie pulls back and assesses my face. She seems happy enough with what she sees there and nods.

“Good.” Reluctantly I step away.

“I have to go, but… maybe I could stop by for tea this week?” I ask tentatively. Maggie gives me a grin.

“Anytime sweetie.” I nod and turn back to Aaron who looks uncomfortable. I don’t think he likes emotional talks and discussions. See, I really almost did him a favour by not letting him listen to Harry and I talking last night. I really doubt he sees it that way. I’m really not sure what he thinks of me. I know Shaun is my friend, he talks to me, or at least has been attempting to while I’ve been all miserable. But Aaron is so reserved. I always feel like he knows more about what’s going on than almost everyone else. I suppose that happens when you listen without interrupting. In the car I pull out my phone. I plan to text Megan that. we’re on our way and maybe message Harry for some moral support. I nearly jump out of my seat when Aaron’s deep, quiet voice sounds from beside me.

“Finally done sulking?” He asks. I turn and raise an eyebrow. He is watching me from the corner of his eye. I’m a little confused. Is my behaviour this morning really that different?

“Are you going to talk to Alpha Kane?” He clarifies. My heart rate increases at his question. I am still absolutely terrified at the thought. I force myself to respond.

“I… I’ll start by talking to Megan. Properly talking to Megan. I need to talk to Bellamy too, I know, but…”

I trail off. Aaron nods.

“His pride might not let him admit it, but he wants to talk to you.” I give Aaron a small smile. Megan, Darrien and even Shaun have been telling me that same thing for months. But for the first time I think I might actually believe it. Aaron wouldn’t tell me anything just to make me 49–Decisions and determination feel better. He hasn’t before this, and I doubt he ever will. It bothered me up until now, but suddenly I appreciate it. He isn’t trying to comfort me, he is just telling me what he genuinely.

thinks.