Chapter 51

51- Relief and rejection

“What are you going to do?” My voice is timid. Megan sighs, the sound is sad and… relieved?

“I’m done lying to myself. I need to tell Tristan I can’t get married today. It’s going to be hard. I’d be lying if I said I don’t care about him. Ten minutes ago I had every intention of marrying him. I guess I just needed… permission. Permission to change my mind. Or maybe just support to do what I want.” I nod.

“What can I do to help?” Megan stands up and looks herself over.

“Help me out of this dress? It definitely sends the wrong message. Then we need to get over to the wedding so I can apologise to Tristan. Could you maybe call Bellamy, let him know?” She stops when she realises what she’s asking.

“Never mind, I can do that 1-” I interrupt her.

“I can call him.” Anything to make this easier for her. I’m already working on the buttons on the back of her dress. I can hear a banging downstairs.

“That must be Bellamy, he must have forgotten something.” She looks stricken. I head for the door.

“I’ll talk to him.” Megan trusted me, so right now I’m feeling brave. I can face Bellamy. I hope.

“Don’t let him do anything yet. I need to talk to Tristan first.” I nod, swing open her door and step out into the hallway. Straight into Bellamy. Why do I always do this? I step back quickly but I trip over the hem of my long dress and fall backwards. Bellamy catches me once again and helps me right myself.

He drops his hands to his side immediately. He breaks the silence

this time.

“You’re late. I came to see if everything is… okay.” I can’t help it. Tears fill my eyes and begin to run down my cheeks. Concern crosses Bellamy’s face which only makes me cry more.

“She believed me. She’s calling off the wedding.” His concern is replaced with shock.

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“Really, that’s…” he pauses, unsure how to continue. Megan steps out her room, she’s wearing a simple jeans and t-shirt outfit. Her heels have been replaced with flats.

“There’s no need to pretend you aren’t pleased Bellamy. Ryann told me all about your scheming.”

Bellamy cra cks a smile and pulls Megan into a hug. She hugs him back and sighs.

“Bel, next time you hate my boyfriend. Just tell me, okay?” She comments. He nods, his relief is clear.

While they make up, I pull out my phone and text Darrien. It’s not fair to make him stress any longer than he needs to.

Ryann- I spoke to Megan. The wedding is off. We’re coming over now to break the news to Tristan and everyone else. I thought I should let you know.

His response is immediate.

Darrien- Thank you so much. For everything.

Ryann I’m rooting for you!

I slip the strap I have attached to my phone case around my wrist since I don’t have pockets and my bag is in Megan’s room. Then I’m ready to go. The three of us begin the short walk to the main hall where everyone is waiting. The street is deserted, everyone is already waiting inside. We pause at the doors. Megan takes a deep breath.

“Wait here? I think I need to do this myself.” She tells us. I nod, Bellamy looks hesitant. I shoot him a look that says not to fight her on this. He reluctantly nods.

“Well, here I go.” She cra cks the door open and slips inside, leaving the two of us outside.

“Darrien is in there already, he’ll make sure she’s okay.” I promise him. Bellamy gives another stiff nod.

He’s avoiding my eyes and looks immensely uncomfortable. I realise that we’re alone. I should say something, anything to him. But I don’t know what. I have a sudden epiphany. If I don’t know what to say, then that’s all I need to say. I need to tell him that I don’t know what to say. If that’s the truth then it’s the right thing. I take a calming breath before starting. I work to keep my voice steady.

“I don’t know what to say to you. I don’t know where to start or what to talk about. But I

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promised myself’ I would try. So I’m asking you, what should I say? What will fix this?” I hold my breath as I wait. Bellamy’s stiff expression changes to that same, angry look that he had the night he overheard me admit he’s my fate, I repress the desire to turn and hide away. again. I remind myself what Harrison told me about controlling the one thing I can control, myself. I remind myself what Aaron said, that Bellamy does want to talk to me and lastly I remind myself that I know our fate. He will be mine, so we need to figure this out. When Bellamy finally responds, his tone is harsh. He’s angry, more upset with me than he has been in any argument we’ve had before this.

“What should you say? Why don’t you explain to me why you completely rejected me. The night of the engagement party I put myself out there and you ran and hid from me. Literally. You rejected me and I forced myself to accept it. After all, you know if it’s meant to be. So 1 trusted that you were rejecting me for my own good, breaking my heart to save us both from more pain later.”. I stare at him in shock.

That’s what he thought? I had no idea. My mout drops open and I don’t know what to say, but it doesn’t matter because Bellamy isn’t finished

yet.

“And then, after working so hard to accept it, to face you calmly, I came up to make sure to offer you both dinner. To try and do the right thing and be a good friend to you and I hear the truth. We are fated to be together. The signs I thought I must have mistaken were true. after all. Which leads to what I really want to know. What did I do to make you hate me so much? So much that you would reject me knowing that fate says we’re meant for each other. I have been wracking my mind trying to figure it out.

Is it because of how we first met? I was rude to you. Or is it because you can’t deal with all the Shifter stuff after all. Or am I just not good enough for you?” Bellamy finally looks me in the eyes. His golden eyes are burning with anger and frustration. His chest is heaving, his breathing heavy after his speech.

“You’re the one who left when you found out. I thought you hated me. I… I don’t hate you. I don’t think I ever could.” I manage to get out. Bellamy laughs, but it isn’t a nice laugh.

“But you have to. Because if you don’t hate me then I don’t understand how you can be so selfish.

You’ve chosen to be alone, but I didn’t and you never gave me a choice.” His voice is angry and hurt and I want to cry. I try to hold it together. I take a deep breath.

“I didn’t mean to. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to trust people. I was scared to tell you the truth. I thought if I told you about our thread that you would reject me right away. You were pretty doubtful when I first told you about them. Then once you belleved me I was worried you would force yourself to be with me, even if you didn’t… feel anything. Just

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were

because you felt obligated to, or because everyone keeps pressuring you to find a mate. I didn’t want you to have to deal with that pressure. I ran from you because I don’t know what’s real and what’s in my head. If I imagine things because of the threads I see or if you

being influenced by those signs you all keep telling me about and got carried away. We barely know each other.” The more I talk, the more furious Bellamy seems. He abruptly turns. and starts to walk away from me. I stare after him, not sure what to do. I tried talking, it didn’t work. In fact I think it made things worse. He pauses and without turning, speaks.

“I won’t chase after you anymore Ryann. If we really are fated to be together as you say then I won’t chase after you. I trust your magic. We’re equals, I’m not going to beg.” With that he continues walking away from me,

back to his home. He is inside and out of my view before I

can bring myself to move.