Chapter 62

62- Nightmares and numbness Darrien looks so lost. I start laughing. Megan and Bellamy give near identical smirks.

make a “My brother stole it to nest for Ry in his office. Apparently he needs supervision while he works now.

Although I’m not sure why he bothered because she wasn’t sitting on the recliner when I found them.”

Her tone is suggestive and makes the whole thing sound a lot worse than it was. Still, I can’t help the blush that burns across my face. Seriously, I need to find a way to stop that.

“I can go grab it.” Bellamy moves to stand but Darrien waves him back.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine here.” He drops to the floor and settles in place resting his back against the edge of Megan’s recliner. Not touching her, but definitely more of a casual placement than he would normally choose. Megan’s gaze darts to mine and I try to arrange my face in a way that appears encouraging. Bellamy settles back in beside me. He checks his phone.

“Food should arrive in about twenty minutes.” He informs us cheerfully. He subtly slides a little closer to me on the couch. Or maybe he’s not so subtle. Megan gives him a look of absolute disgust.

“Who are you and what have you done with my moody, grouchy brother? Ry, whatever drug you’re giving him you might want to reduce the dose. People are going to think he’s been body snatched.”

She jokes.

“More like they’ll assume he’s getting some.” Darrien remarked quietly. I’m not even sure he even intended to say the words aloud because he actually looks a little alarmed at his own. comment. I glare at him while Megan nudges him with her knee and gives him a high–five. I turn to Bellamy intending to complain or suggest he retaliates in some way. Instead he gives. a bland expression and in a deadpan tone responds to the room.

“I should be so lucky.” Then he turns and winks at me. I slap his arm lightly and cover my face to hide my embarrassment as Megan and Darrien laugh.

“Bellamy!” He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me against him. I turn and hide my face in his chest. Seriously, how much embarrassment can one person live through?

“Alright, I’ll stop.” He runs a hand through my hair. His tone is sincere. I risk a peek up at his face and he’s smiling at me. I suppose it is nice that he’s enjoying himself. Particularly since I want to keep things private. He’s just relaxed around the few people he can be completely honest with.

Dinner eventually arrives and by the time we finish eating I actually think I’m starting to feel sick from all the greasy fried chicken and carbs: But it was soo worth it. Megan is yawning again. She definitely didn’t sleep enough. I’m about to ask if someone can drive me home when Megan flashes a look of desperation. I only see it for a moment before she covers it up with a fake smile. Her next question comes out casually but I suspect it is anything but.

“Hey Ry, do you wanna sleep over tonight? There’s no need for you to go all the way home. My bed has plenty of space for the two of us and you don’t have work until tomorrow afternoon.” I immediately agree. She jumps to her feet and offers to walk Darrien out. He goes along good naturedly and calls out that he will see us in the morning at his usual time, whenever that is.

Beside me, Bellamy lets out a deep sigh and drops his head to my shoulder.

“You wanted me to go home?” I ask, a little confused. He sits up and shakes his head.

“If it was up to me you would stay here every night. I was just thinking that with you in my sister’s room I’m going to have to sleep alone tonight. I was planning to drive you home and see if I could convince you to let me stay again.” He sighs again.

“At least I know you’re safe here, even if you are in the wrong bed.” I freeze up. Did he just say he wants me here every night? He has got to be exaggerating right? This is still all new. Doesn’t he want time to himself? Although I have to admit it was nice waking up with him, even if I did make it all awkward.

Megan walks back in and stops in the doorway.

“This is really going to take some getting used to. Bels I’ve never seen you so… clingy. I’ll be upstairs waiting for you Ry. I might pick a movie for us to fall asleep to.” With that she stomps up the stairs.

Bellamy smiles at me.

62- Nightmares and numbness “She’s not exactly wrong.” He remarks. I stand up to follow Megan upstairs but he grabs me by the hand to prevent me walking away and stands up with me.

“I’ll walk you. Just give me a minute.” He starts gathering the takeout containers and I help him. We dump it all in the kitchen bin then he grabs my hand and we both head up the stairs. We stop in the hallway between Bellamy and Megan’s bedroom doors. Instead of letting go of my hand, Bellamy tugs me closer. He presses his lips against mine lightly, then releases me entirely with another deep sigh.

“Go, I’ll see you in the morning.” I smile at him and nod before stepping into Megan’s room. He’s still standing there watching me as I close the door behind me.

As promised, Megan has picked out a generic chick–flick type movie and puts it on then turns. out the lights. The volume is low and we both curl up in her big bed under the warm blankets. I am just on the edge of sleep when I hear Megan whimper quietly. I turn to face her. In the dim light of the television I can see that she is asleep but her eyebrows are furrowed and she has a frown on her face. She whimpers again and kicks the blankets away from herself, narrowly missing kicking me in the process. I reach out and shake her awake.

“Megan? Darling you’re dreaming. Wake up.” She startles awake and then bursts into tears. Alarmed, I sit up and pull her into a hug. She collapses into my lap and buries her face against my stomach wrapping her arms around herself. I stroke her hair as she cries. This is more like what I expected to find when I first got here today.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I thought I could hold it together and when I’m awake I can hide it, shove it all into the back of my mind and focus on the moment, but I can’t control my dreams.” Megan half chokes the words between sobs.

“I can’t stop replaying it. I killed him, I loved him and I killed him. I know that he betrayed me and that he never really cared, but that just makes it worse. Why didn’t he care about me? I know I was going to leave him but I did love him, just not enough to marry him. Now I can’t stop seeing the look on his face, I can feel his blood running through my fingers. I, I had to scrub my nails to get the blood out from underneath them, you know? It dried under them. It know I shouldn’t feel bad, he was going to kill me.

But I didn’t want to kill him, and for a few minutes I can convince myself that I don’t feel bad and that he deserved it, but then I feel even worse because what kind of monster kills someone and doesn’t feel bad about it? I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel anymore.” By the end of her speech Megan has stopped crying. except for a few tears running down her cheeks. She just sounds broken and my heart aches.

62–Nightmares and numbness for her.

“I… I don’t think there’s anything you’re supposed to feel. You cared about him, it’s okay for you to be sad that he’s gone, angry that he betrayed you, even guilty that he died. You’re not a bad person, if you were then you wouldn’t be so worried and upset about it. The whole situation is awful. I feel terrible that I let you go in there alone, that I didn’t say something sooner and avoid this whole thing. I even feel guilty that I left you alone to deal with the aftermath while I spoke with your brother. But I’m also happy that he’s gone, happy that you’re safe, happy that I made up with Bellamy. One feeling doesn’t make any of the others less valid.” As I speak I continue stroking her hair and I adjust the blankets over us a little so that Megan is covered again. Megan is silent for a couple minutes. I can hear her taking shallow breaths, then after a while they get deeper and she lets out a sigh.

“You’re right. I think it’s going to take me some time to work through all this. But please don’t feel bad about leaving me to talk to Bellamy. You guys getting together is the only good part about this. And you didn’t leave me alone. Darrien stayed with me.” she points out. I shrug.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad about it.” Megan eventually sits up and moves back onto. her original side of the bed. I stretch out my now very numb legs and wait for feeling to return before lying down next to her.