Chapter 88

88- Naps and nerves I release my breath as I realise he’s decided to let me direct the topic away from my own issues.

“No, she basically ran up to her room as soon as we got back. She said she has homework but I suspect that she just wanted some time to process things. I bet she will want to talk about it tomorrow, or maybe even later tonight.” I explain. He nods.

“Right, right. That makes sense. What… What are you going to tell her?” He questions nervously.

“You mean am I going to tell her about your red thread? Well, honestly I’m not sure yet. It depends on what she asks me. If she wants to know she will ask and I won’t lie to her. But I doubt she will ask just yet. I will just be encouraging and when she’s ready I’m sure she will bring it up on her own.”

“Yeah, okay. That’s fair. Good plan, I think.” He pauses before continuing.

“Thanks for your help with this. And for being there today. I know it must have been awkward for you, particularly once Alpha Kane left. I didn’t anticipate that.” he says apologetically. I shrug.

“You couldn’t have planned for that. I am curious though, why did you choose to do that while we were there? You’re alone with Megan all the time. Why choose a group outing to declare your intentions.

Was it impulsive or planned?” I ask, mostly to keep him talking so that the topic won’t swap to Bellamy and I. But I do actually want to know the answer.

“I planned to do it with you both around. Partially in case it upset her and she needed you to comfort her, or if she wanted me to leave then Bellamy would be there to keep her safe. But also because you two are the only people whose opinions she would worry about. So this way she is reassured that you both approve. At least I know you approve of the relationship. I’m not so sure about Alpha Kane, but he didn’t say anything against it…” he trails off and I roll my eyes.

“He approves of you. I’m sure of it. He’s just protective of his sister. He wouldn’t stay quiet if THE 88- Naps and nerves.

he hated you. He learned that lesson the first time.” I consider his explanation for a minute in silence.

“You really put a lot of thought into all of this didn’t you? It’s very sweet of you.” I tell him. He blushes and keeps his eyes focused intently on the road.

“Thanks. And yes, I did. I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate it.” He points out as he pulls up at my home.

Darrien walks me up to my door and makes sure I’m safely inside before heading off. I use my phone to set my security system and realise I have a message from Bellamy. Scratch that, I have three messages from him.

Bellamy- Ryann is everything okay? You left in a rush.

Bellamy- Let me know when you get home, I’ll call you and we can talk.

Bellamy- If it’s nothing that’s good. I’m just worried. You seemed off…

I read the messages a few times then sigh. I can’t bring myself to lie to him so instead I just don’t answer. I kick my shoes off in the doorway messily, drop my phone on the table and head straight into my room. I collapse into my bed, fully clothed. It’s so quiet here. The more time I spend with Bellamy and Megan, the more I find that my home is disturbingly quiet. I guess I appreciate the background noises and signs of life that come with being around other people. The sound of Bellamy’s keyboard clicking, or Megan dragging her feet as she shuffles around in slippers. How they will randomly bring me a drink or snack every time they get up to get something for themselves, even the sounds of the two of them bickering. It just makes home seem empty somehow. I thought coming back here would help me feel better, but if anything, I feel worse. The guilt is still here, the only difference is that now I’m alone. Maybe I should have stayed and talked to Bellamy about it. But I already know what he’s going to say, that he doesn’t mind and not to feel rushed and blah blah. I know he means it too which honestly makes it feel worse. I find myself starting to doze off. I think a nap might help. I can deal with everything when I wake up. Right now, I just want to take a break.

my I peel open my eyes in confusion. What time is it? And what woke me up? A loud banging at my door answers the second question at least. I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes. What is it about a nap that makes time feel so unreal? I feel like it’s either been five minutes or five.

Emergency calls only.

88- Naps and nerves 075% 11:49 D hours and I’m not sure it makes a difference which. The knocking at my front door continues and pushes me into action. I climb out of bed, catching my foot in a blanket and tripping as I go. I glance out the little window by my door and see it’s Bellamy. I immediately answer the door. He bursts in and sweeps me up into his arms. I can feel his heart beating frantically and he is incredibly tense.

“Bellamy? What’s wrong?” I ask, alarmed. He releases me and steps back. I close the front door. He glares at me.

“What’s wrong?! I’ve been worried sick. You ran out on me earlier with no good explanation, then didn’t answer your phone. You missed your last check in and I have called you five times and you haven’t responded! I thought something might have happened to you!” He half yells the words and begins pacing my small kitchen. I stay where I am.

“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to miss the check in. I fell asleep and left my phone in here, and it must be on silent still. I didn’t even hear you calling.” I admit. Bellamy sighs but finally stops pacing.

“Okay, I suppose it’s understandable if you fell asleep. I know I’m overreacting. I just worked myself up. You were acting weird when you left and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.” He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for an explanation.

“It’s really nothing…” I start. Bellamy immediately shakes his head.

“You ran away again. You said you would try your best not to do that.” he points out and I cringe. He isn’t wrong. Now I feel even worse than I did before. It turns out that avoiding things and not talking about them might actually be more painful than talking it out. I sigh deeply.

“I know. You’re right and I’m sorry. I didn’t even realise that I was running away until I was already home. You’re right, I was upset.” I admit. Bellamy relaxes his posture a little and steps closer to me. He takes me by the hand and leads me to sit on the couch then kneels on the floor in front of me.

“Tell me what upset you.” He insists, a gentle but firm demand.