Duke: Chapter 21

Duke and I were up until well past midnight talking things through. I’ve never seen him like that before. It was like his heart had fallen right out of his chest. He’s fearful that Lennon is going to have trouble forgiving him. From her reaction, it could go either way, but I didn’t tell him that. Hopefully, she’ll realize that even though he had a shit way of showing it, she is Stella Bella. He struggled with the way she made him feel for so damn long … and strangely, thanks to his asshole dad moving her in with us, he’s finally figured it out: he her. Heart, body, and soul. According to him, he hasn’t said the L-word yet, but he made his feelings known. And then he’d fucked it all up by finally telling her about the nickname and how he’d had a thing for her that he’d been denying—most especially to himself—for years … all while he was being a shit stepbrother to her. Cue disaster.

I tug on a pair of jeans that probably should have been washed this week but fuck it. I’m just going to my studio art class, where I’ll no doubt accidentally get whatever medium we’re using today all over them, whether it’s my beloved charcoal or something else. It doesn’t matter. Art is fuckin’ messy. Kinda like me. At least the plain black T-shirt I pull on is clean. I shrug winking at my reflection in the mirror, then chuckle at myself.

I assume Lennon went to Bear’s room after she left mine, because I couldn’t find her any-fucking-where else. Didn’t respond to my texts either. She obviously hadn’t left the house because the alarm would have sounded. I purse my lips. It’ll be really awkward if she decided she’s not talking to me, because with Duke and Bear having already taken off for the appointment Duke scored with a specialist who’ll look at Bear’s shoulder, I’m all she’s got as an escort for the day.

At least the current mess with Duke and Lennon has taken my mind off the shit storm that’s beginning to pick up speed with my father’s apparent imminent departure from the prison system. Not that it’s been far from my mind. I scrub my hand through my hair. Hunter has sent me numerous texts about it, saying so much, yet nothing at all. No important details, just that they’re The text I got yesterday had been very cryptic.

Him fucking I swear to fuck, Hunter does this shit on purpose. Always taunting me with information he supposedly has that I’ve been kept in the dark about.

I don’t know how they’re going to fucking pull it off, never mind whatever Hunter was referring to, but it sure is ramping up my nightmares. I’d woken up sweating and shaking last night, caught in the grips of one. At this moment, I can’t decide whether I’m thankful Duke had gone back to his room to stew on his own or not. I’d asked him to stay with me, but he’d been so lost in his head with his own problems, he hadn’t seen my anxiety steadily rising. Then again, I hadn’t shared the texts from Hunter with him … and I’ve been the dark and damaged one for years and years, so I guess it’s easy to overlook when I’m slipping into chaos. Can’t really blame him. I’ve never been good about asking for help. Besides, he doesn’t need to see me like that. No one does.

But … I wouldn’t have minded rolling over to find him there in the bed to calm me down. It would have helped me. I work my jaw to the side. Whatever. It’s done now, so I’m not going to fucking sulk about it like a toddler that didn’t get his way. It’s not like I haven’t dealt with the same fucking nightmare since I was eight.

It’d begun like it always does. My mother’s swift intake of air as I pushed her over the railing of the balcony. The interminable seconds it’d taken for her to hit the pavement below. And the haunted look in her eyes staring up at me as the blood seeped from her body, painting the bottom patio red.

It’s why I refuse to touch red paint. Give me a canvas and tell me to paint a still life of an apple, and that fucker is going to end up green every time. I’d rather use charcoal anyway. It’s black like how I feel inside sometimes … though that’s less often now with Lennon around. She might not be able to fix my damage, but she makes everything a hell of a lot better.

But unfortunately, neither Lennon nor Duke had been with me last night. I let out a disturbed sigh. I’m not too proud to admit it—I needed them. I don’t know if it’s because of the strengthening emotional attachment I have to Duke and Lennon—and even Bear—but I’m beginning to see I need a healthier way to manage my shit. Lately, when wild things are running around in my messed-up head, I haven’t known how to express that I don’t want to be left alone. It’s my fault. I need to tell them.

Shutting down that path of thought, I let out a deep breath and pick up my bag. Gotta get myself and Lennon to class. The guys are counting on me to be there for her today since they can’t be. As I shut the door behind me, Bear’s door creaks open. Long, honey-blonde hair partially hides the face of the woman who exits. My mind takes a sharp dive and twists, seeking to protect me from what I’m seeing.

My lungs seem to have folded inward and crumpled like paper because I can’t fucking breathe. I give myself an internal shake and then an actual one before I dare look again.

She must somehow catch sight of me through the curtain of hair and startles, gasping as she places a hand over her heart.

Because, sure enough, I’m staring at her like some deranged psycho. I blink hard, frozen in place. And then, finally, she flips all that honey blonde hair out of her face, revealing herself to me. “Oh, hey.” She smiles.

smiles at me.

One by one, every cell in my body releases the tension that’d been building. I let out a relieved breath. Well, that’s two steps in the right direction. One, I’m aware that’s not my mom. And two, I earned a smile. I’ll fuckin’ take it. Trying not to give any outward sign that she’d almost given me a heart attack, I throw a smirk her way. “I think you’re stuck with me today, baby. You ready to roll out of here?”

She dips her hand into a hidden pocket in her dress and pulls out a hair tie—one of the ones I made sure were picked up for her. Gathering her hair on top of her head, she secures it. “Thanks again for getting these for me. I don’t always have a pencil handy.” She shoots me a wink, but the longer she looks at me, her nose scrunches a bit, and her head cocks to the side. After a beat, her brow darts together. With her teeth scraping over her lower lip, she closes the distance between us, her gaze searching my face. Can she tell I almost just had a fucking meltdown right here in the hallway?

Taking both of my hands in hers, she rises onto tiptoe, boring those blue eyes into my dark ones. They draw me in. Every damn time. She comes in close, her words a whisper against my lips. “Stuck with you is a great place to be, Mase.”

My breath hitches as my heart throbs one, two, three times, and then my mouth is on hers, hot and unyielding. One bold swipe of my tongue, and she opens for me on a subtle moan. Does it matter to me that Duke mentioned they’d had marathon sex yesterday before he fucked it all up? Nope. Challenge accepted. Right now, it’s her and me, and who knows what the day will bring.

Our lips rub and our tongues tangle. She smells sweet like candy, and I want to eat her up. Heat barrels into me. I let go of her hands so I can run mine down her back and cup her ass. Hauling her close to me, I continue to explore every bit of her mouth, demanding every last lick and moan she’ll give me.

I can’t help myself when my hands gather the fabric of the sundress she’d opted to wear today and pull it up to expose her lower half. Easy fucking access. My palms meet the bare skin of her ass, and my greedy fingertips slide to the crease, finding the lacy material of her thong between her cheeks. I groan aloud. “Fuuuck, baby. I did not need to know that’s what you had on under this dress.”

As I brush my fingers down the length of the fabric, she whimpers, gripping my shoulders tightly, but then she looks up and smirks. “I’m not the one who put your hands up my dress.”

“My hands have a mind of their own.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t blame your dick.” She rolls her eyes playfully, and I swoop down and noisily kiss her cheek.

“I’ll have you know, my dick was trying to be a gentleman.”

Lennon’s eyes twinkle with mirth as she laughs, the sound light and carefree. I could listen to her like this all day … and I’m the one responsible for it. That idea has me puffing out my chest.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket, interrupting the pat on the back I’d been giving myself, but I ignore it in favor of sampling the side of Lennon’s neck. I suck on her soft skin before licking a stripe up toward her ear. “I think we’d better get out the door before we miss class because I can’t keep my tongue from tasting every inch of you or my hands from exploring what’s mine.” Lennon’s lips brush over my jaw, and that alone sends a jolt straight to my cock. We’ve gotta get out of here before I really do make us late.

As we walk down the hall together, I pull the phone out of my back pocket. Eyeing the text, I clear my throat, hoping this doesn’t put a damper on her good mood. “It’s Duke. They made it and are waiting for the office to open. He’s got the first appointment at nine.”

She draws in a breath. “They must have left early.” There’s a funny look on her face, like she’s debating whether she should say anything.

“Lay it on me. I can relay a message for you.” I have no clue whether this has to do with Duke or Bear or what.

Her head bobs. “You should tell Duke that if Bear will allow it, he should go back to the exam room with him.”

My brow furrows. I wasn’t expecting that, but it’s not a horrible suggestion.

“We want to make sure Bear tells the doctor everything, right? I love the guy, but he’s good at hiding stuff, including how much pain he’s in, you know? Duke should make sure since they traveled all the way to see this doctor that he gets a very clear picture of what’s been going on.”

I work my jaw to the side. Funny how the littlest thing catches my attention.

I’d have thought it was just an off-hand comment, but she outright told him she loved him the other night, I hadn’t missed that. Not jealous at all. My brow pinches together.

The ease with which she expresses her feelings about Bear stings a little. Our relationship is unique to us, though no less intense. And I’m certain what she feels for Duke is also different. I’ll have to give it some more thought later. This thing we’re doing together—we never said it wouldn’t be complicated to share Lennon like this.

We make a stop in the kitchen for coffee, and after giving a brief nod that I understand what she’s getting at about Bear, I lean against the counter while I tap out a text with her suggestion to Duke.

Lennon thinks you should go in with him.

There’s a long pause, and I’m almost positive he hasn’t seen the message, but then the little dots jump and jump. Then, they stop. Start again. After another thirty seconds, his response finally comes through.

Like to see the actual doc?

Yep. Don’t leave room for error.

He’s not a baby.

But you should try.

He won’t hide anything if you’re there.

She’s worried about him.

Rightfully so.

Tell her she’s made a good point.

And that I’m thinking about her.

Bear says to say both of us are.

Be safe today. Take care of our girl.

I let out a breath and tap back a response.

You got it.

Setting the phone on the counter, I look around, surprised there’s not a single brother in sight. I don’t fucking know what everyone is up to but it’s preferable they stay out of my way. I kinda meant what I said about my desire to end Tristan, assuming he’s the asshole responsible for all the fuckery going on around here, and I won’t hesitate to take any motherfucker down if they so much as breathe in Lennon’s direction at this point.

Armed with our morning coffee, we grab granola bars and fruit and shove all that into our backpacks to eat when we get a chance. Come to think of it, the fact that Bear isn’t here to cook breakfast for everyone might explain the lack of activity in the kitchen this morning.

“Are you going to tell me what Duke thought of my suggestion?” Lennon asks as she climbs into the front seat of the SUV. Her eyes flick to mine, capturing my attention with their brilliant blue reflecting the sunlight.

I rest my hand on her leg, tracing patterns with my fingertip as I’m apt to do. “He said it was a good idea. Now, whether Bear will allow it or not is another question.”

“Okay. I still think it’s smart, and I don’t have a problem telling him he’s being a pain in the ass if he doesn’t allow it.” She looks away, swallowing.

“It’s okay to be worried. We all have been. But this is hopefully a step in the right direction.” I pat her leg, then shut the door, hurrying to the other side. I pull open the heavy door and climb in. “And Duke. Can we talk about that?”

She peers at me out of the corner of her eye as we take off down the driveway, her chin tipping up. “I’m not mad anymore. I’m—”

“Hurt.”

She looks away and nods. “Did you know?”

“That he felt that way about you years ago? I had an idea he did, but I also figured I had to be imagining it. His reaction to you showing up here, though, that was what solidified it for me. He was so angry and upset, especially when Bear and I were getting close to you. It was obviously not because he was feeling brotherly and protective toward you, you know? But no, he never breathed a word of it when you were still living at Tristan’s house. Never mentioned you all that often that I can remember. But we also weren’t exactly on speaking terms then, either …”

She draws in a breath, likely digesting what I’ve said. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

“That’s a good idea—because I don’t want to speak for him.” Even though I could, probably. I know him well enough, and he’d given me the unfiltered version of events last night. “He was in a bad state, though, I’ll tell you that much.”

“Good to know.” We ride along in silence until we make the turn onto campus. “How did the thing with your advisor go?”

At the unexpected question, my jaw twitches, and I grip the wheel just a little tighter. “It was fine.”

She peers at me. “You’re a senior, so … checking on whether you’ve got requirements met?”

“Something like that.” When I glance over at her a few seconds later, she’s busied herself studying her hands.

She exhales steadily, her jaw rigid. “’Kay.”

She totally knows I’m not being honest with her. I turn into the lot and park. We get out of the SUV without a single word exchanged between us. Shit, shit, shit. Slinging our backpacks over our shoulders, I decide the best thing to do is to make an attempt at normalcy. I put my arm around her, like I have a habit of doing. She doesn’t pull away, but she’s not relaxed either. Not at all.

Side by side, we make the short walk to Sydney Hall where Lennon has her biology class first thing. We pass a bulletin board halfway up the steps to the building, and Lennon jerks to a stop as a broken whimper passes between her lips. I turn my head to question her, unsure what she’s reacting so strongly to. Her wide eyes scan all around the immediate area, her composure quickly beginning to slip. What the fuck is happening?