chapter fifteen

Oliver was rarely embarrassed.

What did he have to be embarrassed about? Sure, he wasn't the handsomest looking guy and he wasn't the best guitar player in the world, but that had never bothered him enough to turn into embarrassment. He couldn't swim, as his whole high school probably knew by now, but before that one fateful day, he hadn't put much thought to that matter. In his opinion, there was no reason to be ashamed of his personality, either. It was brutally him, in the way that Oliver often was, and if people didn't like it, then he would gladly tell them to fuck off. Nothing to sweat, no rhyme or reason.

That being said, Oliver had discovered that the only thing--or person--that had ever caused him any sort of panic or embarrassment was Carson. Which seemed extremely fitting, due to the nature of the situation.

Carson's eyes darted around the room. "I-uh, I can leave..." he trailed off.

Through the phone, Celia yelled, "No!"

Oliver immediately hung up. Running a sweaty hand through his hair, he pressed his lips into a fine line. "Uh," he said dumbfoundedly.

Carson still wasn't looking at him.

What was he doing? He was fucking up. Again. What a fucking surprise.

He couldn't do this again. He couldn't keep running around in circles, skirting around the truth. He wasn't ever the type of person that would shy away from reality, so why had he been doing it for weeks on end? What was wrong with him? One guy--one lovely, perfect, amazing guy--and Oliver had turned into an idiot. Well, even more of an idiot. This wasn't him--not in the slightest.

Maybe it would be better if Carson left. He could leave and take all of Oliver's problems with him. He could drag Oliver's feelings right out of him and make them disappear. That wasn't a thing, but Oliver desperately wished it was.

"Uh.. yeah okay," Oliver whispered.

Carson took a step out of the doorway, then froze. He swiveled back around, a stubborn expression crossing his face. His nose was scrunched up adorably, like a child. "No," he stated.

"No?"

"No," he repeated.

"You're the one that asked me if you should leave, and when I said yes, you say no?" Oliver said in disbelief.

Losing a bit of confidence, Carson hesitated for a second. "Yes?" he asked unsurely.

"Then... then what do you want?" Oliver questioned tentatively.

Carson sighed, eyes never landing on one spot. He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. "I don't know."

Oliver opened his mouth, then shut it. "I-I'm sorry, I'm confused?"

Carson let himself lean against the frame of the door. "Me too."

Silence enveloped the room for a bit. Not the ordinary kind that usually ensued when you had nothing to say, but the kind where there was everything to say, and one didn't know where to start. It was desperate, searching.

Carson spoke up. "I don't know what's been going on with me lately," he confessed. "I don't know how to feel, and I need you to be okay with that."

Oliver's gaze softened. "Of course."

Carson blew out a breath of relief. "Good. Okay, good. Progress," he murmured.

The silence continued, softer this time. Calmer.

"I like you," Oliver blurted out, and for the first time, didn't regret it.

Carson blinked in shock. His mouth hung open a bit, like he didn't expect it. Oliver wasn't sure how he didn't expect it, because it was so fucking obvious. At this point, he was the last one to find out.

"You don't have to like me back," Oliver reassured hastily. He didn't have to, but Oliver desperately wished he did. He wanted it like a tug on his heart, like the blood in his veins was vital.

"I...." Carson's eyebrows scrunched together. "I.... don't know." He licked his lips. "Maybe? Maybe not? I'm figuring this stuff out." For the first time, he looked up at Oliver. Oliver's breath hitched. He hated it. "I don't want to give you false hope, Olly. The truth is that I don't know."

Oliver swallowed his emotion down. It wasn't a no. It wasn't a no, which meant that he had a chance, right? It wasn't impossible?

This was happening, wasn't it? This big, unimaginable thing was suddenly attainable. It was at the tip of his tongue, at the edge of his fingertips, a hairsbreadth away. It was right there. He was so close, but so far. But now, it wasn't him. Now it was all on Carson. Whichever way it went, he couldn't do anything about it. He was powerless. All it took was one choice. He could only sit back and watch it happen.

But, was that unfair? Was it unfair to pin this all on Carson? He's confused himself--a lot more than Oliver was. This changed his future. Oliver remembered going through it himself in the seventh grade. It was before Carson, which almost seemed like forever ago by now.

There was this boy. His name was Joey Verena. Admittedly, no one looked great in the seventh grade, but Joey was pretty high up on the attractiveness scale, back then. He had dark, ruffled hair and dark, cobalt eyes. Back then, Oliver had thought that he looked just like that--obscure and mischievous. A playful but wicked twinkle would linger in his eyes, and Oliver had fallen for it immediately. If Carson was light, then Joey was the complete opposite.

At first, Oliver had figured that he just wanted to be friends with this kid. Until the day one particular thought infiltrated his mind:

His freckles are like stars and I want to make a constellation, he had thought.

As soon as the last letter had passed through his head, Oliver had known right then and there that there was something off. His feelings were never platonic, no matter how much he tried to pass them off as so. No, there was something more.

Needless to say, it had taken Oliver that entire year to be able to firmly call himself gay, all while Joey Verena had never known he existed.

So he knew what it was like, and knew it wasn't easy.

Oliver gulped. "Okay," he said, "yeah--okay. I get it."

Hesitantly, Carson took a step closer to where Oliver was laying on the bed. "Maybe...." he pondered, biting his lip."Maybe... shit." He cursed, and Oliver was momentarily surprised, since Carson rarely ever cursed. "Maybe we can get to know each other a little more? I don't know... take it slow? This is sounding so cheesy..."

"Just a little," Oliver answered. His heart had started pounding in his chest at twice its usual rhythm. Happiness bloomed inside of him like fireworks, twining around his organs and grabbing onto them with a squeeze. His breaths were short and shallow and excited.

Oliver found himself smiling widely. Carson's expression matched his own. "Yeah. Yeah that's-"

The doorbell. It's loud, piercing noise bounced off of the walls of the house.

Oliver's nose scrunched up. Really? It had to be right now? Flashing an apologetic look at Carson, he walked past him and ran down the stairs. Sighing loudly and with a roll of his eyes, Oliver opened the door begrudgingly.

"What do you-" he froze, taking in the appearance of the man at his door. Anger flared up inside of him. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

The man looked a bit like Oliver himself, except a little older. His hair was black and wavy--not quite like Oliver's curls--and his eyes that resembled ink were a couple of shades darker than his skin. He grinned, about to say something.

Then a little girl came running up. Her hair could be considered chestnut, and was twined into two braids on either side of her head. She, too, had dark skin, though lighter, and her wide hazel eyes gave off innocence and childishness.

"Oliver!" she shouted, smiling. Oliver's gaze softened a bit when he saw her, but turned back to ice when he looked at the man.

"Well?" the man asked, "Don't be rude Dom, invite us in."

- - -

A/N: Okay so for some reason, Wattpad or maybe my phone is acting weird so this author's note will probably look different. I'm currently not at school because I'm sick (AGAIN!) so I decided to write a chapter. I need a major nap because I'm so drained.

My schedule has been crazy recently and school is really making me exhausted. I hope you enjoy this chapter though. This is the end of part one.

Please tell me all of your emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc, about this chapter. I would love to hear! Who do you think the man is? And the little girl? What do you think will happen next?

This author's note is shit I'm sorry, but my eyes are closing while I'm writing this. I need a major snooze fest.

Anyway, thank you guys for reading! It means a lot. I hope you've enjoyed this update!

Xoxo,

A Shadowhunter Wannabe,

herondaledevices <3