chapter seventeen

Oliver wasn't sure what to think. He rarely did anymore.

He was .... with Carson. With. Were they dating? Was he allowed to say that? Or ... were they in that weird stage where they were more than friends but not dating yet? Oliver didn't know, so he just went along with it.

On the other hand, Kale was here. Here--alive, breathing, intact--with his self-satisfied smirk and superiority complex. Oliver couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand him. And then he saw Ellie's bright smile and it made him feel better. She would always make him feel better.

So, he wasn't really sure how to feel. There were moments, though, pockets of time where he felt truly happy. All of which were around Carson.

Carson. Beautiful, golden, hazel-eyed Carson. The Carson whose grin made time stop and whose words caused a warm feeling to sink deeper into Oliver's stomach. None of this was new though, because Oliver had always felt this way. Now, however, it was real. It wasn't something in his head--a pretty dream that remained just a dream. It was surreal--to have something he's always wanted. Someone he's always wanted.

And so Oliver found himself frequently dwelling on this fact--letting it linger in the back of his head and in his heart and in his veins. He was dwelling on it in class then, and when the bell rang it took him a moment to return back to reality. He quickly started packing up, ignoring the worry that hit him when he realized that he was going to fail this class soon.

He could worry about that later.

He heard footsteps and looked up, a smile crossing his face unknowingly.

Carson smiled back. "Idea," he stated.

"Curiosity," Oliver replied.

"Homecoming. You and I?" proposed Carson.

Oliver halted his movements for a second, trying not to let the emotion reach his face.

Homecoming. He felt his nose wrinkle just thinking about it. School events were never his thing. They seemed lame, fueled by bad music and the people who enjoyed it. He had been once in freshman year--Celia had refused to come--and all he had done was sit down and scroll through his phone the entire time, occasionally gazing at the people dancing in annoyance. He had never gone back though, and truthfully, he didn't want to.

But now, maybe he had a reason to go. Carson was asking him, and Oliver couldn't help but look at the giddy look on the other boy's face. Carson had gone to these events all the time with his friends, and enjoyed them. Oliver didn't want to disappoint him like that, and besides, this was the first couple-y thing they had ever done. If they were a couple, that is.

At Oliver's silence, Carson's face fell a little. "I mean, we don't have to. I-it was just a suggestion. It was a stupid suggestion anyway. I kind of have to go since I'm on the swim team, but if you don't want to-" he rambled.

"No!" Oliver blurted out, "I'll go. Sounds fun." He gave him a tight smile.

Carson pursed his lips. "I've told you that you're a bad liar, right?"

"Yeah," Oliver answered, "but I'm not lying this time. I want to go with you."

Carson peered at him unsurely. "Okay," he said, unconvinced, "if you say so."

***

There was a part of Oliver that dreaded this night. There was another part of Oliver that didn't want to dread it, because it would ruin everyone's mood. He couldn't stop the doubt from passing through his head.

He tugged at his tie uncomfortably. This was weird. It wasn't him. He needed some sort of old ratty t-shirt and jeans to feel like himself, and the only thing his current outfit had with his usual one was its black color. His dark curls hung over his face like a mop, and a moody frown remained on his face.

From behind him, he heard a snicker. "Nice tux, douchebag."

Oliver turned around, his scowl deepening. He crossed his arms over his chest self consciously. He eyed Kale's disheveled and bed-ridden appearance."Nice hair, asshole."

Kale patted his messy hair down and shrugged. "At least my hair gets chicks."

You can have them, Oliver thought.

"Go fuck yourself," he snarled.

"Now, now, little brother-"

"Half-brother."

"-don't be jealous because I get all the girls," Kale said smugly.

Oliver tried to stop himself from laughing. He bit his lip.

"Yeah--you're right. I've always been jealous of the number of girlfriends you've had. I just..." He let out a small cough to disguise his laughter. "...I've always wanted that." Oliver leaned in conspiratorially. "Where are those girls now, by the way?" he asked innocently.

"You little-"

Kale was cut off when the doorbell rang. He sighed, irritated, and opened the door. His eyes widened. Oliver approached the door, a grin appearing on his face. Carson met his eyes and smiled back.

Oliver's eyes drifted to the suit that Caron was sporting, and his breath hitched. Tailored to the sides of his body perfectly, with tousled golden hair and hazel eyes that twinkled with glee. That was his Carson--always happy, always kind.

A boutonniere was tucked into his front pocket, and, seeing where his gaze was, Carson held up a matching one. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I wasn't sure whether to get you a corsage or something...but then Nico called me an idiot and told me to get you one of these." He fumbled with the flower.

Oliver's mood lightened. "Remind me to thank Nico then, because I would not have worn a corsage."

Carson's smile widened before his eyes drifted to Kale. Oliver, forgetting he was there, looked to him. Kale's lips were parted in shock. "I-wait." He turned to Oliver. "You-wait. But I thought-I mean, you said-" he sighed.

Oliver raised an eyebrow. "You have a problem with it, big bro?" His lips were flattened into an unimpressed line.

Kale still looked confused. "I need a nap." His footsteps padded heavily on the wood flooring as he went to the guest bedroom, where he was staying.

Oliver turned to Carson. "That didn't go how I expected it to go."

Carson shrugged. "Maybe that's a good thing."

"Definitely a good thing."

***

Oliver really didn't want to be there.

Oliver really didn't want to be there, but Carson did, so he sucked it up.

They walked into the building along with all of their friends. Nico went with his boyfriend, Nicky Samara. They were linked at the elbow and wore matching expressions of fondness when they looked at each other. Oliver wondered if that's what he looked like when he looked at Carson.

Surprisingly, Celia went with Holden. Not because they actually liked each other--they were cat and dog, in all honesty--but because Claire Nguyen had finally broken up with him after realizing what a player he was, and neither of them had dates. Just for the night, Celia had taken out her eyebrow piercing and gotten rid of her beanie. Refusing to dress too fancy, she had worn a floral skater dress and sneakers. Oliver had rolled his eyes when he saw her--frankly, he had never pictured her in a gown anyway, and he was sure the entire student body would agree.

A thought came to Oliver then, a thought that caused him to freeze up. This was the first time that he and Carson would be going somewhere together. As in, together, together.

What would people think? Star athlete and moody nobody. They made quite a pair. He found that foreign feeling creeping up on him again. That feeling that made him stop and worry over everybody else. What would they think? What would they say? What would they do?

Oliver stopped himself. This wasn't like him. He wasn't supposed to care about what they thought--he wasn't supposed to give a fuck about it. He never had, he never did. So what if he was gay?

But there were so many people, Oliver thought. There were hoards of kids he had never talked to.

The truth was, Oliver never had to care about what other people thought, because nobody had ever paid attention to him. The only reason why people knew his name now was because he had almost drowned in a pool--because he had been friends with Carson Katsaros. People had started greeting him in the halls, but he had never thought much of it. And now that people were starting to pay attention, he couldn't do anything else but care. All those opinions. All those people.

And what would happen to Carson? What would people say about him? Would they think he was crazy? Sick? It wasn't as if their high school was homophobic or anything--hell, Nicky and Nico were a couple they adored.

But the problem with that logic was that Nicky Samara and Nico Allard were both somebodies. They were both athletes. They were both loved. They made sense.

Oliver wasn't sure if he and Carson made sense.

Carson looped his arm around Oliver's and smiled at him. "You ready?"

Oliver clenched his jaw.

Carson studied him for a moment. "Olly, are you okay?" Carson asked worriedly.

Oliver took a deep breath, smiled back. "Never better. Let's go."

- - -

A/N: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry.

I haven't updated in over two weeks and I am so sorry about that. School's been kicking my ass and I don't have time for anything lately, tbh. I have a bunch of deadlines coming up so I've procrastinated it all so I can just have some 'me' time.

So I knew I had to update or I would be severely upset with myself. I know you guys depend on me to update, and I definitely haven't forgotten about this story. Honestly. I just have a lot of things on my mind. It feels like I've been apologizing for every update. But I think this is the longest I've gone without updating. So again, I'm sorry.

With that aside, how did you like the chapter? Was the pacing okay? Idk I feel like I've forgotten to write well, it's been so long. I know a lot didn't happen, but I tried to include some drama and humor and cutesy stuff. Next chapter will be the homecoming chapter!

What are your thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc? What do you want to see soon? What's up with Oliver?

Thank you all for reading this and thank you for sticking by me! I really hope you guys keep reading in between the lack of updates because I will finish the book. I promise. Hopefully, I update next week! Thank you again.

Xoxo,

A Shadowhunter Wannabe,

herondaledevices <3