CH 3

Shen QingShu was brushing his teeth when something suddenly flashed through his mind.

He couldn’t help but slow his tooth-brushing action as he carefully felt the memory fragments that just appeared.

The more he concentrated, the more he felt astonished. When he finally finished sorting through the new memories, he was completely stunned.

He looked at the face in the mirror which was almost identical to his, slowly moved closer, and inspected himself again and again.

After thoroughly examining his face, Shen QingShu wasn’t sure if he should feel happy or sad, and the tooth-brushing movements stopped.

Because he hadn’t actually received an extra day of life.

He had died and transmigrated into a book.

This wasn’t his body at all!

Sighing, Shen QingShu looked at a small mole on the side of his face. He knew his previous face didn’t have that mole. Sure enough, this wasn’t his own body—it was someone else’s. And this wasn’t the world he knew, it was a world the original owner of this body had lived in and remembered.

Shen QingShu couldn’t help but sigh again.

But he calmed down quickly. Being dead was one thing, but he was still alive—and that meant really, truly alive.

A new world and a new, living body. Good enough! Why ask for a bicycle too?

Besides, this body was so similar to his previous one it was like he hit the jackpot. He couldn’t complain. Shen QingShu cheered up again and resumed happily brushing his teeth.

He brushed his teeth, took a shower, then strolled out of the bathroom.

Han Cheng watched him come out of the shower—fresh, tender, and delicious—and suddenly felt restless and ready for action again.

He had to admit that Shen QingShu was really good-looking. White skin, red lips, and a small face, but his eyes were large and luminous. The corners of his eyes were slightly raised, which gave him a light and playful look. Combined with the little hook on the ends of his full eyelashes, it was incredibly enticing.

Han Cheng remembered the way Shen QingShu had gazed at him last night with those eyes. By the end of the evening his eyes seemed to be misted over, wet as rippling water, teasing and seductive. For a moment, Han Cheng felt something catch at his heart like a tickle. He couldn’t help but ask, “How did I do last night?”

“It was great.” Shen QingShu felt completely satisfied. “Five star praise.”

“Then do you think that we…” Han Cheng got halfway through the sentence before he stopped himself.

Wrong way. He clearly meant to meet this person once and never again. It was just a one-night stand. Why treat this car like it was special?

Han Cheng immediately sounded an internal alarm. He swallowed back the words he hadn’t said.

“We what?” Shen QingShu was puzzled. “What were you going to say?”

Han Cheng thought for a moment, then said, “Let’s exchange contact information. Maybe we can use it again sometime.”

He nodded, thinking this was a good approach. Advance or retreat, defend or attack, they could either reconnect or never see each other again.

“After all, it’s more convenient to contact each other on the phone than on the app,” he added.

Shen QingShu thought that was true. By now he’d figured out that his life was probably to continue for a while, so for the sake of future sex and satisfaction, they might as well exchange license plate numbers.

Shen QingShu took out his phone, unlocked it with his fingerprint, asked for Han Cheng’s phone number, and broadcast his info back.

After the contact name was saved, he looked at the two characters Han Cheng had entered, and suddenly felt a jolt!

Han Cheng! ! !

Shen QingShu! ! !

Wait, weren’t both of those names from the novel his assistant was reading?!

When he was in the bathroom, he wasn’t thinking about Han Cheng. He was focused on remembering the plot of the book he’d just transmigrated into. He didn’t even notice his driver had the same name as the protagonist gong from the book his assistant complained about that day!

But Shen QingShu wasn’t the protagonist shou!

He was a cannon fodder, a character who specialized in late repeated horizontal jumps, a tool man who only existed to promote the protagonist’s romance!

Shen QingShu: …

Shen QingShu silently turned his head to look at the person next to him. So it’s you! Later in the story you’ll crush me to death! You just can’t wait to kneel down and sing praises to your little sweetheart!

For a moment he was so furious he jabbed at Han Cheng’s waist!

But he carefully adjusted for the strength of his hand, because it might impact the protagonist’s hardware later in the story, as well as firmly planting Shen QingShu on the road to becoming a cannon fodder. Otherwise he wouldn’t have aimed at Han Cheng’s waist, he would have punched his pride and joy!

Han Cheng was caught off guard by the pinch and pushed Shen QingShu’s hand away. “What are you doing?”

“Does it hurt? That’s right, it hurts!” Shen QingShu felt no guilt at all. “Your skills are so bad—negative stars, bad review! So much pain.”

Han Cheng looked incredulous. “You just gave me five stars, high praise.”

“That was a lie. I was afraid of damaging your low self-esteem.”

“My low self-esteem?” At this point Han Cheng pointed to his big pride and joy. “Why would I feel inferior? If I’m inferior, your little bird has clinical depression.”

Shen QingShu was so angry he tried to pinch him. “Who the fck’s a little bird? You’re a timid little bird! Laozi is a pengornis spreading its wings!”

“A newborn, hairless pengornis ah.”

Shen QingShu didn’t say a word. He spoke with action and both hands, fully conveying to Han Cheng that the pengornis might be newborn and hairless, but it already had long, sharp claws.

When he’d made enough trouble, he called it quits and was ready to change his clothes and go.

Han Cheng was confused by Shen QingShu’s unforgiving attitude. He began to wonder if his technique really was that bad?

Of course, he was confident his pengornis was powerful, but after all, this was the first test flight. He’d never flown before, and he wasn’t sure if he flew too hard and fierce.

Based on how Shen QingShu was last night, he didn’t think it was a problem.

But Shen QingShu just said he’d been lying, which made it a little tricky.

Han Cheng thought his little car was too unpredictable. It was a good car, but too capricious.

In the midst of these thoughts he looked over at Shen QingShu, who was almost fully dressed at this point, and asked, “Leaving?”

“Or else what?” Shen QingShu asked him. “Is there something else?”

“Aren’t you having breakfast?”

Shen QingShu stopped buttoning his shirt for a moment. He didn’t want to agree, but when he opened his mouth he realized he actually was a little hungry.

“Then let’s eat.” He finished and sat down on the bed again.

Han Cheng ordered a meal and handed him the menu. “Take your time and order. I’ll go shower.”

“Okay.”

“So last night, was I…”

“Terrible!” Shen QingShu was merciless.

“But you still exchanged contact information with me.”

“It’s everyone’s responsibility to care for the old, the weak, the sick, and the disabled.”

Han Cheng: …

“Aren’t you curious which one you are?” Shen QingShu asked him.

“All I know is if you say anything else, you’ll probably be the one disabled—chrysanthemum ruined, earth wounded, your smile turned yellow.”

Shen QingShu: …

Han Cheng saw him fall silent, gave him a happy smile, and squeezed his cheek. Then he went to pinch Shen QingShu’s mouth, puckering up his lips like a pouty duckling. “Such a hard mouth.”

He almost forgot they did it twice last night. If his technique was so terrible, why did Shen QingShu want to do it with him twice?

He wasn’t a Bodhisattva, giving all of himself to others!

Confidence restored, Han Cheng went into the bathroom with a cheerful mood.

Shen QingShu curled his lips, propped his chin in his hand, and fell into thought. At this point, the protagonist shou hadn’t shown up yet, which meant the story hadn’t really started. All he needed to do was wait until the story began, avoid seeking death in front of the protagonist, and everything should be fine.

Anyway, he was just a tool man who existed to promote the development of the plot. He just should fulfill his early mission and do his best to move the story forward. By the time Han Cheng and the protagonist shou met face to face and went off into the sunset, he’d give them a warm blessing and exit the scene gracefully. That should be okay, right?

That’s what a tool man was for, wasn’t it?

So he didn’t need to worry too much.

With that figured out, he looked carefully at the menu and ordered a few things he wanted to eat.

When Han Cheng came out of the shower, breakfast was ready.

He wiped his hair and sat down to eat with Shen QingShu.

They didn’t know each other very well, so they didn’t bother with awkward small talk. After eating, they left the hotel together.

“Do you want me to give you a ride?” Han Cheng asked politely.

Shen QingShu recalled that the original owner arrived by taxi. He was too lazy to bother, so he agreed. “All right.”

Han Cheng’s car was in the underground lot. It was a cool off-road SUV. Shen QingShu’s eyes lit up when he saw it, thinking it was pretty nice.

“Is it okay if I drive?” he asked. “I haven’t driven in a long time.”

“Bullshit, we just drove together last night.”

Shen QingShu was speechless. “I’m talking about an actual car! A four-wheeled, free-running, gasoline-powered car!”

“That describes you, too. You don’t have four wheels but you run pretty well, and I fill you full of fuel.”

Shen QingShu: …

“Which do you think is better, you or the car?” Han Cheng touched his shoulder and said deliberately.

Shen QingShu thought he was being shameless and turned around to pinch him. “You tell me which is better! Aren’t you the driver? Shouldn’t you be the one to decide? Why ask me!”

Han Cheng laughed and held Shen QingShu’s hands while he was fooling around, thinking his temper was like a little sports car. “Then you’re good, you’re excellent, how could this car be better than you?”

Shen QingShu stomped on his foot. “Keys.”

Han Cheng had no choice but to hand them over. “You really want to drive? Do you even have a license?”

“Don’t look down on other people.” Shen QingShu gave him a sidelong glance.

“Then drive carefully. I’ll evaluate your skills.”

“And then I can be the driver?” Shen QingShu looked excited.

Han Cheng turned his head towards the vehicle. “You said, a four-wheel, free-running, gasoline-powered car.”

“I can fill you with fuel, too.” Shen QingShu protested.

“That won’t be necessary. You’d better keep it for yourself.”

Shen QingShu felt a bit dissatisfied and slightly puffed out his cheeks. He walked over to the car and opened the door.

When sitting in the driver’s seat, Shen QingShu suddenly realized that he didn’t seem to know the route?

How would he get home from here?

Anyway, he didn’t panic. He entered the address into the navigation, fastened his seat belt, and asked Han Cheng, “Ready?”

Han Cheng nodded.

“Let’s get going.”

The instant Shen QingShu stepped on the accelerator, the car went into reverse.

It turned out that Shen QingShu had overestimated his driving skills. By the time he stopped the car, Han Cheng was slumped on the passenger side and almost threw up in his own car.

He’d never once been carsick since becoming an adult. Today, in his own car, he was so dizzy he wanted to vomit. What the fck was this!

“I think you’d better get rides from other people in the future. Whether you’re the car or you just ride in one, either way, you definitely cannot be the driver.” Han Cheng patted Shen QingShu on the shoulder.

Shen QingShu looked over at him, saw he was ready to vomit, and felt ashamed. Reluctant to believe it, he asked, “Am I really that bad at driving?”

“It’s not a problem for you. Other people drive for money, but you drive for death!”

“You’re still alive and well.”

“Some people live when they’re already dead. Some people die but they’re still alive,” Han Cheng pointed to himself. “Like me, for example. From now on, I’m afraid I’ll panic and vomit whenever I see this car. I won’t be able to get in this car for a long time.”

Shen QingShu: …

“It’s not that bad.”

“Listen to ge. When you sit in the car, enjoy the ride and think to yourself: Ah, what a good car this is! How can I get the same effect when I drive?”

Shen QingShu thought there was a double entendre somewhere, although he had no evidence.

“I guess it’s because I haven’t driven in a long time. Next time I definitely won’t be at this level.”

“There’s going to be a next time?” Han Cheng was surprised. “Next time I won’t be in the car!”

“Then I’ll find someone else. I’ll drive for free. Someone will always be willing to go for a test drive.”

Han Cheng heard him say that, thought of something, and said, “There’s something I need to tell you in advance.”

—

The author has something to say:

QingQing: ? ? ?

TL Notes:

I’m still figuring out a posting schedule and will let you know when I have a better handle on things. This author is very dense in terms of dialogue and wordplay. Whenever I feel  confused, I know the ML is quoting song lyrics again…  o(≧∇≦o)

Why ask for a bicycle too – 还要什么自行车 – What kind of bike do you want – Don’t be too greedy, don’t ask for this or that, be happy with what you have. Originates from a comedy sketch by Zhao Benshan (赵本山) called “Selling a Cane” (卖拐)

restless and ready for action – 蠢蠢欲动 – ready to start wriggling — ready to make trouble; be eager for action; be restless and about to make trouble; gird one’s loins

repeated horizontal jumps – 反复横跳 – jumping rapidly from left to right. Originated as a way for shounen heroes to exercise their reaction speed and power (and put out small fires). In online slang it now means someone who’s barely capable of walking

timid little bird – 小鸟依人 – as a little bird rests upon a man — a timid and lovable little woman – describing the petite and cute look of a girl or child

Laozi – 老子 – father / daddy / “I, your father” (in anger, or out of contempt) / I (used arrogantly or jocularly) – An extremely arrogant way to refer to oneself

pengornis spreading its wings – 大鹏展翅 – dà péng zhǎn chì – “A great peng spreads its wings”. Describes a very powerful posture or action. A peng is a giant bird from Chinese mythology, while a pengornis is a type of large fossil bird named after the mythical creature. “Pengornis” is frequently referenced in You’ve Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale, which is hilarious if you can find it. Alternatively: great peng, great roc, etc.

chrysanthemum broken, wounded ground, your smile turned yellow – 菊花残，满地伤，你的笑容要泛黄 – Lyrics from a song called “Chrysanthemum Terrace” (菊花台) by the massively popular Taiwanese singer Jay Chou (周杰伦 / Zhōu Jiélún) Wordplay alert: chrysanthemum is slang for anus, yellow also means pornographic

hard mouth – 嘴硬 – reluctant to admit a mistake, tough talk – There’s also a common saying, “dead ducks still have a hard mouth”, which means they’re extremely stubborn

I fill you full of fuel – 我给你加油 – wǒ gěi/jǐ nǐ jiāyóu – I give you fuel/oil/lubricant, I cheer for you, I fuel you up, I give you gas, etc.

Other people drive for money, but you drive for death – 别人开车要钱，你开车要命 – drive for death, drive like hell, etc. This seems to be an Internet meme for extremely dangerous driving maneuvers, but I couldn’t find a source

Some people live when they’re already dead… – 有些人活着，但他已经死了，有些人死了，但他还没有死透 – This time Han Cheng quotes the famous poem “Some People” (有的人) by Zang Kejia (臧克家), written in 1949. Translation is adapted from a version found on a Weibo blog posted by kmcgeary