Chapter 7

Tomorrow is my first day of classes. Anxiety gnawed at my stomach. The prestigious aura of Yale weighed heavily on my shoulders, and I couldn't shake the feeling of being out of place. I considered myself confident in my intellectual abilities, yet everyone at Yale is so smart, likely smarter than me.

I tried to brush off these feelings of insecurity; it's not worth my energy.

When signing up for classes, I decided to do only afternoon classes on Mondays, Tuesdays, and unfortunately Friday. It made my schedule more feasible, and I strategically placed classes I thought I would struggle with the same day with classes I would find easy.

I applied to what felt like ten million jobs last night. One of them being a small coffee shop by the dining hall. I really wanted that one. Luckily, they emailed me back and I am interviewing at 11 a.m today. It was already 9 a.m.

Before I could get up from my desk, I heard a knock on my door. I could only guess who that was. I sighed and slightly raised my voice to say, "Come in."

The door creaked open, and as expected, Catherine stepped into the room. She looked polished and poised, her presence filling the small space. "Good morning, Erika," she greeted warmly. "I thought I'd check in on you. How are you feeling about your first day being tomorrow?"

"Morning, Catherine," I replied, attempting to mask my anxiety. "I'm excited." I lied.

She walked over to my desk, her eyes scanning the room before settling on me. "Really?" She asked with a doubtful tone coding her voice. "Well honey just so you know, starting at a new school, especially one like Yale, can be intimidating. But remember, you're here because you deserve to be. You've earned it."

I appreciated her words, even if they did little to quell the unease swirling in my stomach. I pondered how she knew I was intimidated. "Thanks, Catherine"

Catherine smiled sympathetically. "Just remember, comparison is the thief of joy, sweetheart. Focus on your journey, your goals. You have a unique perspective and a lot to offer. Just take it one step at a time."

I nodded, taking a deep breath and smiling to avoid any further conversation. "Thanks."

She glanced at the clock on my wall. "I won't keep you long. I just wanted to see if you needed anything before your interview."

"I think I'm all set. I'm just going over my resume one last time," I said, holding up the neatly typed document.

"Good idea," she said approvingly. "Do you want me to look over it?" She asked so sincerely.

"No it's okay I don't have much time to change it." I replied, "But thank you so much, that's so nice" I reassured, not wanting to be rude.

"Okay love bug, remember, confidence is key. Believe in yourself, and others will too." Catherine said as she stopped leaning on the door.

I nodded, feeling a bit more bolstered by her encouragement. "Thank you, Catherine. I appreciate it."

"Anytime, sweetie. I'll let you get back to your preparations. Good luck with your interview, and I'm sure you'll do great."

With that, she left the room, closing the door softly behind her. I sat back down at my desk, staring at my resume but not really seeing it. Instead, I focused on Catherine's words, letting them sink in.

After a few more minutes of reviewing my resume and practicing responses to potential interview questions, I still felt unprepared. I grabbed my bag, double-checked that I had everything I needed, and headed out the door.

The walk to the coffee shop was a blur. My mind raced with thoughts of the upcoming interview and the first day of classes. As I approached the quaint little shop, I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. I could do this.

Inside, the shop was warm and inviting, the scent of coffee beans enveloping me. A young woman behind the counter greeted me with a friendly smile. "Hi there! You must be Erika. Linda is expecting you. She's just in the back. I'll go get her."

"Thank you," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

I took a seat at one of the small tables, my heart pounding in my chest. After a few moments, Linda appeared, her face lighting up when she saw me. "Erika, it's so nice to meet you," she said, extending her hand.

"It's nice to meet you too, Linda," I replied, shaking her hand firmly.

"Why don't we sit over here?" she suggested, leading me to a quieter corner of the shop.

The interview began, and to my relief, Linda's demeanor was relaxed and approachable. She asked about my previous work experience, my availability, and why I wanted to work at the coffee shop. I answered each question with the utmost confidence, drawing on the preparation I'd done.

"I really appreciate your enthusiasm, Erika," Linda said after a while. "You seem like a great fit for our team. How about we start you off with some training shifts next week?"

I couldn't help but smile broadly. "That sounds perfect. Thank you so much!"

As I left the coffee shop, a sense of relief and accomplishment washed over me. I had my first job at Yale lined up, and it felt like a small victory in the face of all the uncertainties ahead.

The walk back to my house was bathed in the golden hues of late morning sunshine. The path was lined with ancient oaks, their leaves rustling softly in the breeze. The historic buildings of Yale stood majestically. Students biked along the cobblestone paths, their laughter and chatter creating a lively yet peaceful atmosphere.

I passed by the Sterling Memorial Library, its Gothic architecture towering and grand, making me feel both small and inspired. The intricate details of the stone carvings and the large stained-glass windows caught the light beautifully, casting colorful reflections on the ground.

Further along, I walked by the Old Campus, the heart of Yale's undergraduate life. The large, grassy quad was dotted with students reading, chatting, and playing frisbee. The towering Harkness Tower loomed in the background, its bells occasionally ringing out a melodious chime that echoed through the campus.

The air was filled with the scent of freshly mown grass and blooming flowers from the meticulously maintained gardens that seemed to be everywhere I looked. The gentle hum of conversation mixed with the distant sound of construction on a new wing of one of the academic buildings. It was a blend of history and progress, tradition and innovation.

As I turned onto the street where my house was, I noticed the small, charming houses that lined the road. Each one had its own character, with colorful doors, well-kept lawns, and a variety of flowers in bloom. The neighborhood felt safe and welcoming, a stark contrast to the bustling energy of the campus.

I was lost in thought, admiring a particularly vibrant patch of tulips, when I heard a voice behind me.

"Hey, I really like your Nana tote bag!"

I turned around to see a girl about my age, with curly brown hair and bright blue eyes, smiling at me. She had a friendly, open expression that immediately put me at ease.

"Thanks," I said, returning her smile. "I got it from a little shop back home in Okinawa. I'm Erika, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Erika! I'm Calliope. I'm a freshman here at Yale too," she said, extending her hand. I shook it, grateful for the friendly encounter.

"Really? That's great! How are you finding it so far?" I asked as we started walking together.

"It's been kinda of crazy," Calliope admitted with a laugh. "But it's also really exciting. There's so much to see and do. I just came from an orientation meeting and thought I'd explore a bit."

We chatted as we walked, sharing our experiences and impressions of Yale. Calliope was from a small town in Vermont and was majoring in environmental science. She was passionate about sustainability and was already planning to join several environmental clubs on campus.

"I've always loved nature," Calliope said, her eyes lighting up. "Vermont is beautiful, but there's something special about Yale's campus. It has this old-world charm that's so captivating."

"I know what you mean," I agreed. "It's inspiring and a bit intimidating at the same time."

As we reached the end of the campus, I felt a pang of regret that our conversation was coming to an end. I had enjoyed getting to know Calliope, and it felt good to connect with someone who was going through the same experiences.

"I better get back to my house," I said smiling at Calliope,  "It was really nice meeting you, Calliope."

"You too, Erika," Calliope said, smiling warmly. "Maybe we can grab coffee sometime? I could use a study buddy."

"Absolutely," I said, feeling a genuine sense of excitement. "I'd love that."

We exchanged numbers and promised to meet up soon. As I watched Calliope walk away, I felt a renewed sense of optimism.

When I arrived at the house, I found Catherine waiting for me with a hopeful look on her face. "Well? How did it go?" She asked as I took off my shoes before entering the house.

"I got the job!" I exclaimed, unable to contain my excitement.

Catherine's face lit up with pride. "I knew you would!" Her confidence in me was infectious. She leaned in to give me a hug, which I reluctantly stood there and awkwardly let my hands wrap around her, or more like hover around her.

The stiffness in my body was enough and Catherine quickly let go after a few seconds, "Let's start our time together now, I know it's only 1 and not 5, but I assume you'll want to relax and prepare before tomorrow."

I gave her an awkward smile. It's a slight custom of mine that I shower after every time I go out. In my mind it keeps the house as clean as possible. Yesterday I felt disgusting because I only showered way after I arrived at the house.

"Okay that sounds good with me, but can I shower first?" I asked politely.

Catherine had a big smile on her face, making me quite anxious. Sure she always looked happy, but this had to be something more.

"I actually had an idea," Catherine piqued my interest, and spiked my anxiety, "so I minored in psychology, just as you are going to, and one of the best, quickest ways to bond is skin to skin contact." I already knew where this conversation was going and I didn't like it in the slightest.

Though the blush on my cheeks didn't prevent Catherine from continuing, "Interestingly enough a study done with mothers of adopted children showed that they instantly bonded when they bathed together. This is because this form of touch causes a release of oxytocin"

I internally panicked. I didn't want to bathe with Catherine! This is insanely outside my comfort zone more so than anything she's suggested so far.

The anxiety took over me as I pictured the immense unconsolable amount of discomfort I would feel. I would be so vulnerable around Catherine, a woman I just met yesterday.  "No! What? You're a freak!" I yelled before she could even suggest what I knew she was about to say.

I could see Catherine's look of shock. I quickly slipped on my shoes without even tying them and opened the door. She tried to grab my hand, but I was too quick. I slammed the door behind me, all I could hear is Catherin's muffled yells for me to come back.

I ran a little before I realized I probably looked a little stupid running with shoelaces untied. I tied them as soon as I realized they were still just as I left them.

I called the only person I was close to, my cousin. I can't believe it came to this. Growing up we were always head to head. Our parents, being siblings, constantly compared us. They considered our accomplishments their tokens of good parenting. This caused a rift between us, as one of us always had to be better.

Luckily when we entered what Americans call 'high school' he moved to Tokyo, the city. This didn't completely diffuse our competitive spark, but watered it down a bit. Yet we both ended up in the same place at the end.

I found his number in my phone and placed it near my ear.

"Hello?" He answered as soon as the phone touched my ear. He sounded a bit confused, which makes sense since we hadn't spoken since telling each other we're both going to Yale.

"Hello? Eiki, I need a favor, can I come to your dor-" I responded. I attempted to explain  my situation with little detail.

"Yes of course," He immediately said before I could even say anything else, "let me send the address." One thing about Eiki is he truly had a big heart. Sure he was my biggest competition but from birth till I was 15 he was my best friend.

"Thank you so much Oniichan" I said while immediately walking to the location he sent.

"No problem, Oneesan," Eiki responded before ending the conversation.

It was only a short ten minute walk. The dorm rooms looked rather nice. As I entered the building I saw a bunch of students, likely freshmen just like me walking in and out. I firmly knocked on the door that Eiki said was his.

"I can't believe you're actually here," he said, closing the door behind me. "What's going on?"

I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "Eiki, I... I had to leave my current house. My roommate she's... well, she's a bit intense. I didn't know she owned the home. She's kinda old and really weird!"

Eiki's concerned expression lingered, "I didn't know what to do," I admitted. "I just ran. And now I don't know where to go."

"You should dorm instead," Eiki said firmly. "There's no way you should stay with her if you don't like her"

I nodded, feeling a wave of relief that he agreed with me.

I hesitantly asked if I could stay with him for the day, and Eiki readily agreed, adding, "But just so you know, I'm heading to a party later tonight. You're more than welcome to come along if you want."

Despite the tumultuous day I had experienced, the prospect of a distraction sounded appealing. I nodded once more, "Sure, I'd love to go. Thanks."

"Great! It'll be fun. You can meet some of my friends and unwind a bit," Eiki said with a reassuring smile.

As the hours passed, we caught up on their experiences and plans for Yale. When it was time to get ready for the party, I borrowed an outfit from Eiki's roommate's girlfriend, who happened to stop by. The outfit was wayyy out of my comfort zone. My mother would undoubtedly call me a slut.

It was a very open shirt, accentuating my boobs, or rather lack there of. The skirt was so short you can see the edge of my ass.

I felt a mixture of nerves and excitement as I made my way to the fraternity house where the party was in full swing.

The scene at the party was vibrant and lively, filled with students socializing, dancing, and enjoying themselves. Eiki introduced me to a few of his friends before he got caught up in the crowd, leaving me to navigate the party on my own. I scanned the room, feeling slightly out of place until I spotted a familiar face.

"Calliope!" I called out over the music, making my way through the throng of people.

Calliope turned, her face lighting up with surprise and warmth. "Erika! I didn't expect to see you here. How are you?"

"I'm... better now," I admitted with a smile. "It's been a weird day."

"Come on, let's grab a drink and catch up," Calliope suggested, leading me towards the kitchen where there was a makeshift bar.

We poured ourselves some special punch and found a quieter corner to chat. I shared that I was staying with Eiki for the night.

As we talked, I saw out of the corner of my eye a boisterous guy with tousled blond hair and a confident demeanor approached us. He wore a backward baseball cap, a tank top with a fraternity logo, and cargo shorts—typical attire for a fraternity party.

"Hey, Calliope! Who's your friend?" he greeted with a grin, his voice slightly raised over the music.

"Hey, Josh! This is Erika. She's a freshman too," Calliope introduced them.

"Nice to meet you, Erika," Josh said, offering his hand in greeting.

"Nice to meet you too, Josh," I replied, shaking his hand. He has to be nothing but trouble.

Josh was charismatic and animated, regaling them with stories of fraternity antics and campus adventures. His enthusiasm was infectious, and soon I found myself laughing and enjoying the lively atmosphere of the party.

Maybe it was him, or maybe it was the five cups of "fun punch" I had drank.

"So, Erika, what's your major?" Josh asked, leaning in closer to hear her response.

"Neuroscience and psychology," I replied, feeling more at ease in Josh's friendly presence. Again it was probably because I was so drunk I couldn't feel my feet. Growing up I watched American movies of high school students getting drunk and having crazy parties.

My mother wouldn't even allow me to study in the library at times, so to say our experiences are drastically different is an understatement. That was one of the many things that drew me to go to school in the U.S.

"Interesting! I'm in business," Josh said with a grin. "Gotta make that money, right?" He took a sip from his red Solo cup, chuckling.

As the night went on, I felt myself relaxing in the company of new friends. I danced with Calliope and joined in on some of the party games. But as the night wore on and the alcohol flowed freely, I started to feel a bit lightheaded. I had never drank, and the unfamiliar sensation unsettled me.

At some point, Josh suggested we step outside for some fresh air. I eventually agreed, wanting a break from the noise and the crowd. I found a quiet spot by the side of the house, away from the main throng of partygoers.

Under the dim glow of a string of fairy lights, Josh leaned in closer, his hand brushing against mine. "You're pretty cool, Erika," he murmured, his voice low and intimate.

My heart raced with a mix of excitement and nervousness. I wasn't sure how to respond as Josh moved closer, his lips brushing against mine before I even had time to process. Suddenly he kissed me intensely, catching me off guard. I tried to go with it, hoping to feel what everyone always talked about but I soon began to experience a bad headache.

As Josh continued to kiss me, I had an intense desire to reciprocate, but instead of excitement, a wave of discomfort washed over me. It wasn't what I expected—it felt forced, awkward, and entirely unfamiliar. Panic set in as I realized I wasn't enjoying this at all.

Abruptly pulling away, I stumbled back, my head spinning from the alcohol and the overwhelming rush of emotions. "I-I'm sorry," I stammered, my voice shaky.

Josh frowned, looking confused. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I... I need to go," I managed to say, my heart pounding in my chest.

Before Josh could say anything else, I turned and practically ran back towards the house, ignoring the calls of my name behind me. Tears threatened to fall, but I shoved my feelings down. Crying is so embarrassing, Through my blurred vision I navigated through the crowd, desperate to find the door. All I wanted was to escape, to be alone.

Finally bursting through the front door, I hurriedly made my way through the crowd, my mind racing with confusion and regret. I needed to get out of there, to find solace somewhere safe.

As I stepped out onto the quiet street outside, the cool night air hit my face, grounding me slightly. But the turmoil inside me only grew. I felt foolish, reckless, and completely out of control. All I could think about was how wrong everything had gone, and how I had allowed myself to get caught up in a situation that made her feel so uncomfortable.

"I need to fix this," I muttered to myself, as I hurried back towards the house. I needed to make things right with Catherine, to apologize for my outburst and the hurtful words I had thrown at her.

Arriving at the house, I used my keys to open the door and found Catherine waiting anxiously by on the couch, her expression was a mix of concern and relief when she saw me enter.

"Erika, I've been calling you, where did you go?!" Catherine asked sternly, yet in a gentle tone while stepping forward as if to embrace me.

Guilt overcame me and as she kneeled to my eye level, I accepted her hug willingly for the first time in the short time of knowing her, "I... I'm sorry, Catherine," I said, my voice trembling with emotion. "I overreacted. I shouldn't have said those things. I just... I was scared and..."

Catherine's eyes filled with understanding, and she nodded gently. "It's okay, Erika. I understand. Change can be overwhelming."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," I continued, tears filling my eyes, but I once again pushed them down and held them in, "I've been so horrible today, and I... I just want to make things right."

Catherine held me tighter and I buried my face in Catherine's neck, feeling the warmth and reassurance I desperately needed.

"You don't have to apologize," Catherine murmured, rubbing my back soothingly. "I'm here for you, no matter what."

At that moment, I realized how unfair I'd been to Catherine. Despite the fact that her agreement is nothing in the ordinary, in our short time together, Catherine had shown me nothing but kindness and understanding. She had opened her home and her heart to me, and I had responded with nothing but rejection and judgment.

The least I could do was be kinder. "I'm sorry," I whispered again, feeling the weight of my words. "Thank you for being patient with me." Calling someone a freak is pretty bad. If someone called me that I'd probably just die.

Catherine pulled back slightly to look at me, her eyes soft and forgiving. "Oh you're not only at fault here honey." I tiled my head in response, "how about we come to an agreement, I won't do anything you're not ready for, but you must COMMUNICATE that to me. I'll never know what's wrong unless you use that little voice of yours" Catherine spun her finger towards me before booping my chest.

I simply nodded in response, too filled with embarrassment to respond with words.

"What was that I couldn't hear you." Catherine placed her hand by her ear as if she was pretending to hear something.

I sheepishly responded, "That sounds good."

Catherine gave me a pat on the butt before unwrapping her arms from my body, "It's really late, we should get you to bed hmm." She asked rhetorically before lifting me up and placing me on her hip, "I wouldn't want you running away again my little trackstar." She said as she poked my stomach.

I remained silent in response, looking down from her gaze, feeling remorse once more for my actions. I have to admit, Catherine would be a good mother, she's kind, she's a good cook, and she makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Maybe I mistaked her acts of love as weird only because my mother's actions were the exact opposite. She was only ever cold and distant, only speaking to me when necessary.

"Oh honey what's wrong?" Catherine said, interrupting my thoughts. "Nothing," I responded.

"Love, remember when I said you needed to communicate," Catherine reminded, "times like this you need to tell me what's going on in that little head of yours. I'm not a mind reader, just a mind poker."

I smiled at Catherine's joke, but hesitated to tell her that the comment of me running away made me feel guilty, so instead I just rubbed my eyes, "Nothing I just have a headache and I'm tired"

"Oh my poor baby, I'll get you some medicine." Catherine headed towards the kitchen as she swayed me back and forth so gently. That alone eased my queasy stomach and massive migraine. She opened a bottle of what appeared to be medicine for children.

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do you guys prefer long or short chapters? this ones also on the long side !

song of the day: motion sickness by phoebe bridgers

"i hate what you did , and i miss you like a little kid" like erika hates what catherine asked her to do but still has an innate desire to go back to her.