Book 4: Chapter 19: Patch 4.0: Ferrets and Dogs

“Finally,” Ryouta says, wiping the sweat off of his forehead. His body really hurts now.

“Sthoopid,” Serra says, giving the metal cage they just finished putting together a punch.

“Seriously. I’ve never put together anything that was as annoying as this,” Cassandra says.

Meanwhile, in the closed-off spare room, Alice is lying on the floor while the ferrets climb all over her and play with one another. She’s been giggling and smiling and playing the whole time while the others put together the ferrets’ cage.

“Can I have a massage after this? Please?” Ryouta groans.

Serra pushes Ryouta down onto his stomach, straddles his back, and starts to rub his shoulders and neck.

Ryouta melts underneath the touch of her fingers.

That’s when Mr. Chubs hops off of Alice, runs up to his face, bites his nose, then runs away while making dooking noises.

“The little bastard is lucky he’s adorable,” Ryouta says as he rubs his nose.

“Mr. Chubs is not a bastard! He is an adorable prince!” Alice sticks up for Mr. Chubs as he hops up onto her stomach, looks around, and then hops off of her to chase after Shark.

Serra watches the playful fight between Shark and Mr. Chubs with great interest.

That interest turns into disapproval when Shark loses and gets pinned underneath Mr. Chubs' superior mass.

She will train Shark to be the most ferocious carpet shark in all of history.

Then there is Cassandra trying her hardest not to squeal from how cute and happy all the ferrets look! Between their dooking, war dances, and wrestling, they are just far too cute for her to handle. They are causing her emotions to run wild on the inside.

Shark embraces his inner hunter, and digger, by diving into one of the extended tubes lying around on the floor. The other ferrets hear the crinkling sound from him sliding through it, come over to investigate, and get pounced on! Shark lunges out from one end of the tube and tackles Lily!

That’s when Damian sees what’s going on and jumps onto Shark to save Lily from him.

“I ship them,” Ryouta says.

“Who?” Cassandra asks.

“Damian and Lily.”

Lily looks at Damian once Shark has been scared off. She even pokes her nose against Damian’s nose! Then she pounces him before dooking away into one of the other tubes lying around on the floor.

“I could watch this all day,” Ryouta says.

“Hmm. Well, I shall not impose a limit on ferret watching hours. Only gaming hours!” Alice announces.

“You know… I’m curious about something. It’s technically possible for animals to use virtual reality, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s illegal and everybody says that it would be cruel,” Cassandra says.

“Right, but, what do you think ferrets would do in virtual reality? Like, could you imagine a ferret running around in the body of a human avatar? Hopping around, making those dook noises, pouncing on each other, and so on? It’d look like some sort of really kinky orgy.”

“You’re so weird.”

“Yeah, well, you’re a nerd. A beautiful nerd. Also, when do I get to fluff your hair?”

“I – I said,” Cassandra lowers her voice so that Alice won’t hear and makes sure that Serra can’t see her lips, “when we’re alone.”

Ryouta needs the fluff.

“Oh. I just remembered that I fluff myself in-game,” Ryouta says.

“You really are weird,” Cassandra says.

“It’s like masturbating but with cute fluffiness instead of sex.”

“You’re proving my point.”

“Reminds me of that time I tried rubbing my own belly in-game and it worked.”

“Wh-what?”

“Oh… yeah. I never told anybody about that. Aha. Uhh, right after I made Fenrir, I tried rubbing my own belly and it made my tail wag and leg shake.”

“I’m judging you.”

“I deserve it.”

Ryouta moans when Serra rubs one particularly tense spot. She may be small and weak, but she knows how to give a massage.

“Cass, ask Serra how she learned to be so good at this,” Ryouta says.

Cassandra gets in front of Serra, grabs her attention, and asks the question.

Serra signs her answer, but Cassandra doesn’t understand the signs, so Serra pulls out her phone and types her response into a text message.

“She says that she used to get out of being grounded by offering massages to her parents, and they pretty much gave her anything she wanted as long as she’d offer that. She says that her massages were her currency back home,” Cassandra explains.

“I can believe that. You need to get one of these to experience how good she is,” Ryouta says.

“I’ll – I’ll pass.”

“Why? It’s a free massage from your girlfriend.”

“My body is sensitive. You know how I get when I’m even touched when not expecting it.”

“So... in other words, you’re the type who’d be squirming around and moaning the whole time?”

Cassandra blushes and looks away.

“Got you. Now we’re definitely giving you a massage. I’ll hold you down while she massages you,” Ryouta says. “Alice will help, too.”

“I shall sit on her legs while you hold her down by her arms!” Alice says. “A-ah! No! Not over there!”

Ryouta and Cassandra look over at what Alice is looking at.

Mr. Chubs is squatting in the corner with his butt to the wall.

Ryouta has Serra on his back, Alice would have to drag herself across the floor, and Serra just isn’t paying any attention.

That leaves Cassandra to rush over to Mr. Chubs, pick him up, and carry him over to the other corner of the room where they put the tray with litter in it.

A trail of poop leads from one corner to the other, and by the time that Cassandra sets Mr. Chubs down, he’s already done and goes back to running around without a care in the world.

“Can we take him back?” Cassandra asks.

“Certainly not!” Alice answers. “Mr. Chubs just needs to be reminded of proper bathroom etiquette!”

“I think I’m having regrets already.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ryouta says. “Look at it this way. If we can’t handle ferrets, we can’t handle kids.”

Ryouta’s logic pierces the hearts of both Cassandra and Alice. Even Serra feels like she just got challenged to something despite having no idea what’s going on as she massages Ryouta.

“These are going to be the most obedient, taken care of ferrets ever,” Cassandra declares.

“Yes! We shall make sure that our ferrets are the best ferrets in the entire world!” Alice announces.

“I have a feeling that you two are going to take this way too seriously now,” Ryouta says.

“They are living beings! Of course we are going to take our children seriously! Isn’t that right, Cassandra?”

“Yeah, what she said. Our kids are going to be the best,” Cassandra says.

“You’re calling them your kids instead of ferrets,” Ryouta says.

“Isn’t Rock like a daughter to you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“And she’s in a game. These ferrets are in real life.”

“Alright, alright. I understand,” Ryouta says. Then he sees something suspicious happening. “Hey,” he grabs Cassandra’s attention and points over at two ferrets in particular.

Damian is crawling on top of Lily, and it doesn’t look like they’re playing.

“H-hey!” Cassandra shouts at them, stomping over. “You’re siblings! You can’t do that!”

Cassandra’s words only make the situation that much funnier to Ryouta.

His ferret humping her ferret was hilarious enough before she had to imply incest as well.

Damian and Lily run away from Cassandra together. Every single time that Cassandra stops trying to break them up, thinking that they’ll start behaving, they go right back at it. Sometimes it’s Damian taking the lead, other times it’s Lily taking the lead. Either way, they all learn that those two ferrets in particular have a strong thirst for one another that they refuse to leave unquenched.

“I hope they’re neutered,” Ryouta says. “We don’t need even more ferrets running around. Four is enough.”

“The more the better! Like you said, Damian, we must be able to handle ferrets if we wish to handle children! How are we going to manage a household with as many children as we all want if we cannot handle a couple dozen ferrets or so?” Alice asks.

“A – a couple dozen? How many kids are you all wanting again?”

“Let us worry about that some other time, my hero.”

“H-hey now, I’m serious.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cassandra says.

There is no winning for Ryouta.

Fortunately, there is winning for Damian and Lily. Then there is Shark and Mr. Chubs. As much as Serra may wish for Shark to be the dominant ferret of the new ferret room, it is Mr. Chubs being treated like royalty as Shark continues bringing various toys and items to Mr. Chubs.

One of the items is Ryouta’s wallet.

“What – wait, how the hell did Shark get my wallet?” Ryouta asks, patting the back of his pants where his wallet should be.

Serra gives Shark a thumbs-up even if he’s serving another ferret.