Book 4: Chapter 29: Patch 5.0: Building a Town and a Harem

And so, after being judged by the shortest of them all, the group resumes their journey back to The Shoebill. The logs from the now-ruined third wagon have been loaded on top of the logs already filling the two remaining wagons. Due to the heavy load, they’ve redistributed the groups so that each wagon has equal strength behind pushing it, and they have to move slowly to make sure that the wagons don’t break down now from the added weight.

Fenrir, Tabitha, and Shogun are all sharing one wagon while everybody else works on the second wagon. Cassiel is the only one amongst the second group with any real strength, so they need the numbers. Shogun would be over there helping as well if the front and back of the wagon weren’t already fully occupied with people and Rock.

“So, dog boy, I’ve been thinkin’,” Tabitha says.

“I don’t want to hear it if it’s about the rocket,” Fenrir says.

Going by how Tabitha is grumbling and mocking him when he looks down at her, it must have been about the rocket.

“Alright, alright. Fine. What are you thinking?” he asks her. It wouldn’t hurt to at least let her fantasize about it. If he can deal with Nell’s erotic, delusional fantasies, he can listen to a loli talk about turning evil towers into rockets.

Tabitha brightens up and lets loose.

And oh boy, does she let loose.

It only takes thirty seconds of listening to her way-too-in-depth rambling about how to potentially turn a tower into a rocket for his eyes to start spinning and his head to start hurting.

“Are – are you sure you shouldn’t be like, a rocket scientist or something instead of playing games?” Fenrir asks her.

“Pfffttt. I ain’t that smart. But, just think about it. It’s the same principle. As long as the tower is aerodynamic and balanced, all we’ve got to do is generate enough lift and it should be able to get up there. Trust me, I’ve played Gerbil Space Program. I know how to get things into space,” Tabitha says.

“Isn’t that the game where you send little green people into space that usually results in them dying?”

“No, no. I’m talking about GerbilSpace Program. I’ll be honest, it’s kind of a knockoff, but it’s better because you send gerbils into space instead of green people. Ya ever seen a lil gerbil in a spacesuit being shot into space inside of a rocket traveling at hundreds of miles per hour? Let me tell ya, it’s a beautiful thing.”

“So… you believe that you could not only construct Azalabulia’s tower with Rao’s help, but turn it into a giant rocket to send into space because you have experience with video games where you’d send fluffy little gerbils into space and probably their deaths?”

“Yup!”

“And if it explodes or you accidentally send them into the sun and we all die?”

“You can respawn, can’t ya? Nothin’ would ever happen if you’re too afraid to take risks and prove the world wrong!”

“It’s not like the first flights went into space with actual humans onboard. We used animals and monkeys and all that.”

“Ah, poor Laika. Always brings a tear to my eye when I think about that poor gal’s sacrifice.” Tabitha looks up at Fenrir and sees him trying his best to hold back crying, but there are a few tears already rolling down his cheeks. “O-oi, you alright there?”

“I – I,” Fenrir sniffles, “it’s like you said. I can’t handle bad things happening to dogs, and that story makes me cry every time I remember it.”

“It’ll be alright, captain dog. At least there’s folk like us who still remember her. I’m sure she’d be happy.”

Fenrir sniffles and nods his head. “I should rename Rock to Laika.”

“As nice as that sentiment is, it ain’t right to go and rename somebody who’s already gotten used to their name and all that. Just find a new dog, or maybe she’ll pop out some pups thanks to the fox here,” Tabitha says, looking down at Shogun.

Fenrir looks down at Shogun as well and sees him suspiciously avoiding them. Whereas before, Shogun was tilting his head toward whomever was talking to listen in better, now he’s keeping a perfectly straight head and acting as if he did not hear anything.

“Let me tell ya, dog boy, between those two lovebirds over there,” Tabitha looks over at Corwin and Oleander, “and this fox and your dog, it’s like there ain’t a single place where I can go to rest in peace without some humpin’ going on.”

“Wait… you – you mean to tell me you’ve caught them doing that?” Fenrir asks her.

“Too many times. That girl of yours might be yours, but I think deer boy might be her real dad since she’s just as thirsty as he is.”

Fenrir glares over at Oleander for corrupting Rock’s innocence.

Oleander feels Fenrir’s glare, looks over to see it, and has no idea why he’s being glared at.

Fenrir sighs and says, “Shogun, just treat her right and use some protection. Well… protection might be difficult since you’re a fox and all that, but at least pull out.” He has no idea that he’s making Shogun feel as awkward as any human child would being told by his girlfriend’s dad to work on his pull-out game.

“I hope ya don’t plan on tellin’ all your kids to do it that way,” Tabitha tells Fenrir.

“Of course not. I don’t plan on having kids who walk on four legs. They’ll actually have flexible thumbs, so they’ll be able to use condoms and birth control and all that.”

“What if they’re born without flexible thumbs or are allergic to birth control?”

“Is – is… is that possible? Being born without flexible thumbs?”

“Oi, dog boy, if people can be born with two heads that have their own brains and personalities, why the heck couldn’t they be born without workin’ thumbs?”

“Wait… if somebody is born with two heads, how does dating work? What if they both date different people? Wouldn’t they basically be cucking each other while also cheating on their own partners every time they have sex?”

“How the heck did we go from rocket towers to philosophical questions about conjoined twins? Ya know what, how the heck are you dating three different gals when you’re this weird?”

“I still have no idea myself. I might actually be crazy and wrapped up in some sort of white suit and locked away in a mental hospital for all I know, because I can’t even remember how I started dating them or why they’d date me in the first place.”

“Ya know how many men out there would kill to be in your shoes?”

“Probably not too many. These shoes aren’t that comfortable.”

Fenrir looks down at Tabitha.

Tabitha looks up at Fenrir.

She’s not impressed despite how proud he is of that.

“Anyways,” Tabitha says, “I doubt any conjoined twins would date people who wouldn’t basically consent to datin’ both of them. It’d kind of be like a poly relationship, I figure.”

“Yeah, probably,” Fenrir agrees.

“And just for the record, since I feel a bit bad now even though I’m sure ya know I was just screwin’ with ya, I don’t think you’re that weird. I can kinda see how you got all those girls fallin’ for you.”

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry about that. I know you’re just messing around, and I agree with you anyways. But, now I’m curious. Why do you think they’re falling for me?”

“Well, you aren’t really all that bad. You stick up for ‘em when it matters, you’re not hard on the eyes, and you’re a good leader. Leaders attract people to ‘em. Also, you’re manly but not in the stupid way.”

“How does that work?”

“Well, what I mean is that you don’t parade yourself around as some alpha macho fool. You’re kind, supportive, ya do what needs to be done, we can all depend on ya, and you don’t have a problem punchin’ those people who try to be alphas in the face when they deserve it. You’re a real man, ya know? Other than that, it’s probably just a borderline miracle that ya’ve managed to find several girls who’re all fine with datin’ you and each other. Can’t put any logic behind that other than just bein’ lucky.”

Fenrir never expected to blush because of Tabitha but, here he is, blushing from her honest and kind words. “Th-thanks,” he says. “I’m not really sure how to respond, but I appreciate that you think of me like that.”

“Ya better appreciate it while it lasts. You’re never goin’ to hear me say somethin’ like that again,” Tabitha says, reaching over Shogun to give him a smack on his back. “Now, it’s your turn to give me some praise about how I’m the best engineer ever!”

“Eh, you’re alright.”

Tabitha smacks him again on his back, but this time with enough force to send him flipping forward over the handlebar.